The Awkward Adventures of Meghan Whimblesby
by FebruarySong
Summary: What happens when a girl who is afraid of blood, thinks Legolas is a complete fruitcake, and knows next to nothing about LotR gets dumped into Middle earth with the Fellowship? Crazy spin on a MarySue fic.
1. Of Fangirls, Pig Guts, and a Tacky Alias

Summary: What happens when a girl who is afraid of blood, thinks Legolas is a complete fruitcake, and knows next to nothing about LotR gets dumped into Middle earth with the Fellowship? Crazy spin on a Mary-Sue fic.

CHAPTER ONE - Of Feuding Fangirls, Pig Innards, and a Tacky Alias

Meghan was an ordinary girl of the sweet age of nineteen. She was not strikingly pretty; however, she managed to get by with her short, messy black curls and thick-rimmed glasses. She was one inch shorter than five feet, but she didn't mind being "vertically inept." Her philosophy was that it wasn't a hardship, but rather a challenge.

She was one of those people who looked eminently more comfortable behind a laptop or a sewing machine than in front of crowds, but in reality, Meghan was a feisty if somewhat weird individual. Her hobbies were a bit on the artsy side, including painting, sewing, cooking, crafting, and anything related to the theatre. She had indulged the tiny trace of rebel in her by dying a single streak of her shoulder-length hair to a bright, neon blue just behind her left ear.

Her two best friends were Andrea and Stefanie. The threesome always sat together during lunch at their local high school. One fine noon-meal, the topic of conversation was the varying degrees of "hottness" that the male roles of Lord of the Rings had. Actually, this was a frequent discussion.

"Legolas," Andrea announced firmly. "Legolas, Legolas, Legolas. He's definitely the hottest one."

"He's too girly," Stefanie countered with a glint in her eye. "I want my man to be, well, manly. Speaking of men…"

"Legolas is not _your_ man!" Andrea exclaimed.

"Ew! I never want him to be!" Stefanie said. "As I was _saying_, men are totally the way to go. Scruffy, unwashed warriors. Mmm. Like nothing could stop them from protecting you."

"You can't pick between what's-his-face and who's-it," Meghan interjected.

"Boromir and Aragorn!" Stefanie squeaked, affronted by Meghan's lack of knowledge.

Yes, readers, truth be told, Meghan did not like Lord of the Rings. She had never so much as cracked the cover open on the books, and she fell asleep during the first movie. She didn't even try to see the second or third.

"But Legolas surfed down the stairs on that shield," Andrea said. She ignored Meghan and her 'pitiful ignorance regarding the finer points of any hott Elf in Middle earth.'

"That's not even possible," Stefanie snorted. "It was so fake."

"Not possible for a _human_," Andrea clarified. "Possible for an Elf."

"That's ridiculous. That shield would have shot out from under his feet and he would have fallen on his bum." Stefanie looked smug.

"Whatev, Stef," Andrea said, losing interest. "Meghan, guess _what_!" This last word was squealed in a fangirly manner. "I started another fanfic!"

Meghan had read some of Andrea's fanfiction, and it was almost as boring as the movies themselves. Except Andrea's fiction tended to include angsty she-Elves running around with swords and typically falling in love with a certain son of Thranduil.

"Who is it this time, Andy?" Stefanie sighed. "Legolas, Legolas, or Legolas?"

"No," Andrea said, shooting a glare at her friend. "It's about a tortured Elf-maiden who can't remember her past. She wakes up near Rivendell and she has these _strange_ markings on her back. Anyway, Elrohir finds her and they…" (dramatic sigh) "fall in _love_! Then he helps her discover her hidden past with the help of Galadriel and Lúthien."

"Lúthien is dead," Stefanie said in her "duh" voice.

"I know," Andrea said, not to be deterred. "But I brought her back to life. I'm considering having Elladan fall in love with Lúthien, but she remains faithful to Beren and that breaks Elladan's heart. He'll have to sail to the Undying Lands."

"Sounds very tragic," Meghan said with a straight face.

"Oh, but Meg, I want to put you in this one." Andrea made a puppy-dog face.

"Oh no, not again," Meghan protested, putting her hands up in defense. "Last time I said you could put me in one of your stories, I ended up as Legolas' little sister. Thranduil abused me! And you married me off so some weirdo named Gloryfiddle or something."

"Glorfindel," Andrea corrected without missing a beat. "But I promise it'll be different this time. You get to be the Elf-maiden's best friend and help her out of all sorts of troubles. Please? _Pretty_ please? I'll give you lovely dresses!"

That was one thing that Meghan liked about Lord of the Rings: the costumes.

"Well…" Meghan considered. "I guess so. But who are you going to force me into marriage with?"

"That was an awkwardly phrased sentence," Stefanie piped in.

Andrea gave Meghan a very innocent look. "Figwit."

"Who is Figwit?" Meghan demanded as Stefanie dissolved into gales of laughter.

"He's a very respectable Elf!" Andrea jumped to Figwit's defense. "Did you get to the Council of Elrond, Meg?"

"No, that's just where I nodded off," Meghan said.

"Well, Figwit's at the Council. That proves that's he's smart and important! And he's really good looking. Sort of a boy-next-door type guy."

"Show me a picture and I'll think about it," Meghan said.

Andrea pouted. "Fine. I'll bring one tomorrow. But he really is a nice looking guy."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"Oh look, lunchtime is over," Stefanie declared, bored by a conversation that didn't concern her. She had long since forbidden Andrea from putting _her_ into any sort of fanfiction. The first and only time that Stefanie had been featured, Andrea had paired her up with one of Haldir's brothers and declined to allow Boromir to live. The horror was unspeakable, and Stefanie refused to be included again.

"And of course they send us to lunch right before lab class," Andrea whined. "What are we dissecting today? _Pigs_?"

"Oh, don't remind me," Meghan moaned. "You do the cutting; I'll do the note-taking."

"No way," Andrea protested.

"Aw come on," Meghan wheedled. "Please?"

Andrea shot her a calculating look. "Only if you let me put you in this new fanfic."

"Oh, low blow," Stefanie said. "You know that Meghan is afraid of blood."

"There's never blood in dissections like this," Andrea defended.

"It's a deal," Meghan said, sticking out a hand. She and Andrea shook.

A couple of minutes later found them in lab, trays with small, hairy piglets in them on the tables in front of them. Meghan was looking a little bit green.

The teacher briefed them quickly regarding their instructions and then the class gingerly dug in. Andrea brandished her scalpel and smote the piglet a long slice along its belly.

"Oh this is so gross," Meghan grimaced. She shielded herself behind her notebook.

Andrea didn't mind the process so much. She seized a pair of pliers and prepared to… well, you know, do whatever they do when they dissect pigs.

"Uh, Ms. Taylorson!" Andrea suddenly exclaimed in a bit of a panic.

"What? What is it?" Meghan asked, peeking over the top of her notebook.

"What seems to be the trouble, Andrea?" Ms. Taylorson also asked as she made her way over.

"Oh, oh, oh," was all Meghan managed to gasp out before she collapsed the floor, unconscious.

You see, apparently the pig was a special pig, and its intestines were arranged in an unusual manner, and there was blood pooling in the tray.

Meghan groaned and opened her eyes. The sun glared into them. That pig was nasty. Just the mental image resurfacing brought a strong bout of queasiness to Meghan's stomach. She closed her eyes again and fought to think about something other than blood and guts.

The nausea passed, and Meghan sat up, pressing a hand to her head. The ground underneath her was rocky and uncomfortable. She heard a noise very similar to a cough from behind her and she whipped around and to her feet all in one weirdly graceful movement.

Nine men stood there, all holding some sort of weapon in their hands. Well at least, _some_ of them were men. Five of them were only waist-tall to the others around them.

The two parties stared at each other for a few seconds, the men looking fierce with their swords, bows, axes, and staffs, and Meghan looking somewhat unfortunate with her…well, her nothing.

"I'm dreaming," Meghan suddenly announced, snapping her fingers and pointing at the men. "You guys aren't real. You know how I know that? Because _you're_ from a movie. I'm gonna wake up in about ten seconds. Please excuse me while I pinch myself awake."

She seized a patch of skin on her upper arm and squeezed really hard, squinting her eyes shut, too. When she blinked them open, the nine men were still standing there, except this time, they looked even more confused.

"A witch, perhaps?" one of the tallies asked. He had a scruffy beard and a big shield strapped to his back. He was one of Stefanie's favorites.

"I have been called many things in my day, Fuzz-face, but _witch_ ain't one of 'em," Meghan said. She was trying to put up a brave face, but the situation was starting to freak her out. This whole _Lord of the Rings_ thing was for her friends, not her.

"Where are you from?" the wizard asked. Meghan struggled to remember everyone's names. The blondie she knew well. Andrea's maxim came to mind: "Legolas. He's definitely the hottest one." Goodness knew that Andrea talked about him enough.

"Uh…" Meghan droned, stalling for time. _Gandalf! Got it! Wait I can't just tell them I'm from an alternate reality. That would be too weird. Remember! Remember! Remember!! What are the names of all the cities Andrea and Stefanie talked about?_

"Ravendill," she said confidently.

"Rivendell?" one of the shorties said.

"Yes! Yes, Rivendell. Good ole Rivendell! I just love the…uh. Architecture." Meghan put on an encouraging grin.

"What brings you so far from your home?" The other scruffy man questioned.

_What's with the Spanish Inquisition, here? Just keep stalling until you wake up. This will all be over once I wake up._ "I went hunting, and I got lost… and my horse died, and… I… I'm still lost." She didn't really want to tell them that they were dissecting a pig and she had passed out at the sight of blood.

"You went hunting in a fine dress?" Scruffy-Number-One said in a menacing voice. He looked like he could clobber her with that shield.

For the first time, Meghan looked down. Then she screamed.

Her hair had gone from just brushing her shoulders to falling well passed her waist. The curls had loosened and become more like waves. Her clothing was also different - way different. Instead of a t-shirt and bermuda shorts, she wore an ankle-length, cream colored gown with belled sleeves that swept all the way to the ground. The neckline was in a V and it had embroidery along it and the hems of the sleeves. A belt of deep golden cloth hung around her hips.

"Oh my _gosh_!" she exclaimed before quickly glancing up at the Fellowship and smiling awkwardly. "You have _no_ idea how bad I am at packing! I just…throw everything into a knapsack without looking! I must have been really tired this morning when I put this on, kinda caught me off-guard just now. Heh."

"If you were just going out for a simple hunting expedition, why did you pack extra clothing?" This time, it was Blondie that spoke up. He had a lightly flavored accent… of course they _all_ had accents, but his seemed the most exotic out of the four that she'd heard speak.

"Ew," Meghan said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You men might be able to handle riding around for days on end wearing the same smelly clothing, but _women_ actually have a sense of hygiene. Newsflash! I don't want to gut a deer and then wear the same outfit all the way back home. _Gross_." Images of the pig reincarnated themselves in her mind. She shuddered them back down.

"She does have a point," Scruffy-Number-Two conceded. She crawled deep into the bowels of her memory and pulled out his name: Aragorn.

"There you go," Meghan said with a smile. "Listen to the man."

"Very well, we will trust you," the wizard sighed.

"Great," Meghan chirped. "Now, uh…what do we do from here?"

"You must return to Rivendell, my lady," Blondie declared.

"I told you, I'm lost. I have no idea _how_ to get back. Even if you pointed me in the right direction, I would still ramble alone in the wilderness and I'd probably get eaten by… whatever I would get eaten by here." _Are they seriously considering just leaving me here?_

"We are many weeks out of Rivendell," Gandalf said, again with the sighing. "And the only ones who could guide you back are Aragorn, Legolas, or I. None of us can be spared from our company."

Meghan bit her lip and stared at the ground for inspiration. "I…could go with you."

"Impossible," Scruffy-Number-One growled. "A woman, journey with us? It is madness, Gandalf."

"And yet we cannot very well leave her here," one of the shorties countered. He had dark curls and bright blue eyes…what was his name… Frodo!

"The Halfling is right, Mithrandir. Perhaps she can travel in our company until we reach another city?" Legolas suggested.

The wizard seemed burdened down by many responsibilities as he stood and pondered. Meghan shifted my weight from either foot, and it was then that she realized she was wearing soft, knee-high leather boots. She kept this miraculous and somewhat thrilling discovery to herself, figuring another outburst would probably earn her a few weapons in her body.

"So be it," Gandalf said. "My lady, you must accompany us to our next destination, whatever it may be. From thence, you may return to your home. Now, tell us your name."

"Meghan," she said.

"Meghan?" Legolas repeated, stumbling over the unfamiliar sound. "That is unlike any Elvish name I have ever heard."

"Elvish?" she said. "I'm not-" she reached up for her ears, and found that they were pointed. Once again, she wisely bottled up her surprise. "Uh… I'm not a normal elf. My real name is…uh…" She strained to think up a convincing name. Arwen, Éowyn, Thranduil…no wait, Thranduil was a _man!_ Lúthien, Galadriel, oh, they were all taken! Andrea and Stefanie had given her an Elvish name once, what was it again?

"…Melethriel," she squawked the funny-sounding word. "But I don't like it, so everybody calls me Meghan."

"I see. Gather your things, Melethriel, so that we may continue," Gandalf said.

"Oh, well, I kinda lost my things awhile back. This morning, actually. You know, my bow and stuff. This is all I've got."

Boromir looked suspicious. "You lost your things." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yeah." Meghan nodded. "But look at the bright side, Boromir. It could be you that's in the dress."

Two of the shorties giggled at that and Boromir's face darkened a few shades of red. "I beg your-"

"Not now, Boromir," Gandalf said, holding up a hand for peace. "Very well then, Melethriel, you must travel without your gear, unless you wish to remain alone in this wilderness."

"No no, I'll stick with y'all." Meghan smiled. Gandalf nodded and wearily began to walk away. The rest of the Fellowship fell into line behind him.

Meghan trotted to catch up to them. The blondie was in the far back of the group, and she fell into step beside him.

It was distinctly quiet as they all marched along. Meghan alternately stared at the ground, stared at her dress, and tried not to stare at some of the members of the Fellowship. Now that she thought about it, Andrea _did_ have a point when it came to the… attractiveness of a certain blonde Elf. Except he totally was too pretty. Quite like a pansy, really. But Stefanie wasn't kidding either.

_If only Stef would choose between Aragorn and Boromir,_ Meghan sighed internally. _Such unfaithfulness. Tsk. Oh well…_

She refocused herself on the task at hand - ignoring everybody's hottness. And speaking of hot - the weather wasn't. In fact, it was kinda cool. As if her mind was being read like an open book, someone draped a cloak around her shoulders.

Meghan looked up in surprise to see Legolas smiling kindly at her.

"Th-thanks," she stammered. This was not her field of expertise at all. _Andrea_ was the one who always ended up with Legolas. In the fanfiction, at least. Although Meghan distinctly remembered Andrea announcing on several occasions that she'd had a dream that involved Legolas.

"It is my pleasure, Lady Melethriel," he replied.

"Oh gosh, don't call me that. It's the stupidest name ever," Meghan said with a dismissive flutter of her hand. "It means 'crowned with love' or something preposterous like that."

"It's 'daughter of love,' actually," Legolas corrected her.

"…Oh."

"Do you not speak Elvish?" he asked her.

This was getting ridiculous. An Elvish name, an Elvish dress, Elvish ears, and now she had to actually speak the language? The blond hottie was asking too much.

"I do," Meghan smiled. "But I learned how to speak…" _Not English, but rather…_ "This language recently. I promised myself that I would only speak in it for a year so that it would get really solid in my memory. I like to do the whole immersion thing in languages."

"That is very devoted for you to only speak Westron."

_Westron. Gotta remember that._

"I gotta fess up so something else," Meghan said tentatively.

"What is it?" Legolas said as she paused in an awkward silence.

"I don't actually know how to use a bow."

It had occurred to her that should the need arise for her to wield such a weapon, she would have a hard time explaining her incompetence. So she invented a new string of lies to cover it.

"When I said I was hunting, I was really learning how to hunt. I went out with my… brother. He lent me one his old bow, but I was really just learning how to track and everything. I have no idea how to even string a bow. And I don't know how to use a sword either."

Legolas looked like he was processing this information. "It does not matter, at any rate," he finally said. "You have no bow, so therefore you could not use it even if you knew how."

"Thanks," Meghan said. "You have no idea how much better I feel now."

" 'Tis no trouble, Lady Meghan."

_Lady Meghan. I could get used to that._


	2. About That Silly Ring of Ultimate Doom

**CHAPTER TWO** – _Yeah, About That Silly Ring of Ultimate Doom_

Meghan's feet, miraculously, did not hurt. Her soft, pale leather boots were contoured comfortably to the shape of her foot, supporting her arches and fitting so well that she didn't get any blisters. Whoever made those boots was Meghan's friend for life.

And it was good that her feet didn't hurt, because they seemed to walk for hours. Meghan guessed it had been early to mid-morning when she had "woken up" or "fallen asleep" (whichever way you wanted to look at it) and they didn't stop for lunch. As the sun rose higher and higher, Meghan got hungrier and hungrier.

"So," she said, attempting to make small talk so that she would be distracted from her growling stomach, "how long have you guys been… you know… wandering around in the wilderness?"

"Three weeks," one of the shorties said before receiving two very withering glowers from Greybeard and Shieldguy. "Oh, sorry," he wilted. His Scottish brogue was adorable in his utter crushedness. "I thought we were trusting her."

"Oh gosh you guys, I know all about it," Meghan said, then she realized that she didn't really know _all_ about it. She at least knew the basic plot. "About the Ring and everything—"

She suddenly discovered something sharp and shiny pointing at her throat, and her eyes traveled the length of the blade to see that Aragorn was attached to the hilt. Legolas had also pulled his nocked bowstring back to his ear, while both Boromir and Gandalf had drawn their swords. The Hobbits looked confused. Gimli looked really angry.

"Do not speak of such things so openly," Aragorn cautioned. Meghan was perfectly frozen, but when she saw Aragorn's eyes, she felt her fear draining away. His gaze was hard, but not unkind.

_Probably shouldn't be so cavalier about announcing that I know all about their most carefully kept secret,_ Meghan thought to herself.

"What do you know of this burden?" the wizard asked.

"Um…" Meghan tried hard not to stare at Aragorn's sword. Besides the fact that its sharpness was distracting, she was certain that it made her go cross-eyed to see it in focus. "Well, I know about…" She cast about, struggling to remember. It was all very disconcerting, having nine people sticking sharp objects in her face. "Oh gosh. This is really weird. Wake up! WAKE UP!" The last part came in a shout as she squinted her eyes shut, trying very hard to snap out of the pig-intestine-induced-nightmare. If only she hadn't fainted at the intestinal disorder of the pig, none of this would be happening!

"Mithrandir," Aragorn said. "Perhaps it is best if we set up camp here. The sunlight is already waning, and we must solve this mystery set upon us."

"You are right," Gandalf sighed. "We will prepare a campsite here and rest until morning light."

"Should we not tie her up?" Boromir said. "Until we know more about her. We cannot trust her yet."

"Has anyone any rope?" Gandalf asked. Meghan noticed that one of the shorties stirred at that, like he was berating himself internally for something.

"I have a short length of rope," Legolas said. He had lowered his bow and was already rifling through his pack. "Here it is."

"Bind her hands, then," Gandalf said.

Aragorn removed the tip of his sword from her throat, and Meghan relaxed. The Fellowship busied themselves with an apparently routine task of gathering wood, preparing a fire, and opening their bedrolls.

Legolas came up to her with an apologetic look on his face. "I am sorry to have to bind a woman, and one of my own kindred," he said. "But in these dark times, suspicion and fear drive us to new limits. Forgive me, if you are what you say."

She extended her hands to him willingly, but she felt her heart sinking. She _wasn't_ what she said. But this nonsense that she was a spy was ridiculous. Sauron or Saruman or whichever one was which would have to be a raving lunatic to send a completely outlandish person such as the figure she cut to spy on the Fellowship.

She'd just have to convince them to believe her string of lies.

Meghan felt the cool fibers of the rope coiling around her wrists, then tighten as Legolas tied the knot. It was a soft rope, but very strong. Legolas gave her another rueful look before joining the others in their simple preparations for the evening.

Already she could see signs of their camaraderie. All the little ones (with the exception of the stoic, bearded Dwarf) laughed and talked together like chattering birds. Not having anything better to do, Meghan sat down on the cold, rocky ground and hunched into Legolas' cloak.

She felt something slip down her throat: something warm and wet. She cautiously lifted her bound hands up to her neck and felt at the slick liquid. A familiar sensation of bile in her throat threatened to overwhelm her, but she choked it down. Her hands shook a little as she drew them back to look at them.

Sure enough, a crimson sparkle stood out on her fingertips, and she realized that the sword had pierced the skin enough to make it bleed.

Another drop of blood raced down her throat and again she swallowed the urge to vomit. "L-" The syllables refused to come out of her mouth. "L-Legolas?"

The blond Elf looked up, as did all of them. Apparently Legolas saw the thin line of red on her throat, but he didn't understand her anxiety.

"What is it?" he asked, coming over.

"I—I'm afraid of blood," Meghan confessed. "I think I might throw up… Oh, gosh!" The last two words were in a groan as a wave of pain and nausea swept over her. Blood absolutely froze her up – gave her a headache, chills, and queasiness.

"I'm sorry," Legolas replied, but he made no move to do anything. Meghan bit her lip and squinted her eyes, another droplet of blood rolling down her skin and pooling with the other two at the base of her neck.

"Well are we all just going to stand around like fools?" the little Hobbit that had told her how long they were journeying burst out. He bustled forward and used the corner of his cloak to wipe Meghan's throat. "There. Easy as a peach."

He smiled down her, probably glad that for once he was the taller half of the conversation.

"Thank you, ah…" Meghan grimaced at not knowing his name.

"Peregrin Took, at your service," the Hobbit bowed. "But you can call me Pippin."

"Meghan Whimblesby, at yours," Meghan smiled. "I'd shake your hand, but…"

"Don't worry about that," Pippin said, making a face. "I think it's all nonsense, anyway. I like you. You're a bit strange, but I don't think you're one of… them."

"That's enough, Pippin," Gandalf said, but not unkindly. "Come, let us all talk. We have finished setting our campsite up. We can move closer to the fire for warmth."

Pippin let Meghan steady herself on his shoulder as she stood up (it's hard to get off the ground when your hands are tied) and together they went over to the fire and sat in a circle around it. Sam, the chubbiest Hobbit, set about cooking the evening meal, although the sun was only just kissing the horizon.

Meghan felt vastly better now that the blood was gone from her throat. Sure, she'd probably have a scab, but that was different and at least she wouldn't have to look at it.

_Wait a minute._ She froze. _How can you bleed in a dream?_ She reached back up to her neck and sure enough, the blood was knotting together and forming a scab.

"I'm not dreaming," Meghan breathed softly, staring wide-eyed at the fire.

"No, you're not," Pippin agreed in his adorable brogue.

Meghan bit her lip, hard, and experienced the pain. "Oh my gosh, this is real! I'm really here! But how—why—what about—?"

The others were giving her confused looks, some laced with suspicion. She fought for mastery over herself.

"Sorry," she smiled weakly. "Temporary moment of insanity."

Boromir turned to Gimli and gave him a funny look. "Are all she-Elves this strange?"

"Don't ask me, laddie," the Dwarf rumbled. "I know nothing of the Elves and their peculiarities."

Legolas shot the Dwarf and the Gondorian a dark look.

"Now, Melethriel, tell us your story." Gandalf leveled two grey, stormy eyes at her. "From whence do you come from, and how did you get here?"

Meghan stared at them all for a few seconds. They would think she was crazy if she told them the truth.

"My name is Meghan," she plunged in. "I'm from South Carolina. No no," she shook her head to forestall their obvious question, "it's not in this world. _I'm_ not from this world. I'm not even an Elf! I was a human being before I got here. This morning I was in a biology lab, watching my best friend cut open a pig. Its intestines were a little out of place—" shudder "—and I passed out. The next thing I know, I'm here and all of you guys are staring at me."

"How then do you know of our troubles? And our names?" Legolas asked, ignoring all the other questions like, _What's a biology lab? Why were you slicing pigs open? What do you mean by "intestines out of place"?_

"It's all been recorded in history books," Meghan said. She remembered: that was Andrea's excuse when one of her fictional characters got dumped into Middle earth. Hmm. Maybe Andrea's example would be useful. Meghan opened that file in her memory and sifted through its contents. "I suppose you could say I'm from the future. Maybe the, uh…" _What did Andrea call them? Oh goodness, I know they had a name…_ "…Gods brought me here. To help you on your quest."

That was practically word for word from Andrea's fanfic. No joke.

Now the little matter of the Fellowship's reaction came up. In the fanfic, of course they all accepted the newcomer with gracious words of welcome. Except Gimli, needless to say; but he eventually came around and even gifted the lucky lady with a lovely throwing axe at the wedding.

The wedding with Legolas, of course.

"She is mad," Boromir announced calmly after a moment or two of silence.

"I believe her," Pippin said.

The redhead Hobbit, Pippin's good friend, voiced his agreement. "Me too. She seems fair enough."

Gandalf ignored all three of them and kept his attention on Meghan. "Why then did you tell us that you were hunting?"

"Well," Meghan scrambled, "I wasn't even sure where I was. To tell you the truth, I never read much of the history books where your story was documented. I'm not familiar with the particulars of this story at all. I know that—" She glanced at Boromir and bit her lip. "That Boromir is a renowned swordsman. And that Legolas is the Prince of Mirkwood. And that the Hobbits like to eat. And that Aragorn has a special sword. And that, well, I don't know much about you, Gimli."

The Dwarf only grunted.

"Have you any skill with a weapon?" Aragorn asked.

"No," Meghan said, shaking her head.

"And you have only a cursory knowledge of this tale?" Aragorn continued.

"Well I know how it ends," Meghan said. She had at least learned that much from Andrea and Stefanie.

"What of the healing arts? Do you have any knowledge of those?"

"Not really," Meghan grimaced. "Blood makes me, well, sick."

"Then how can you be of any use to us?" Boromir burst out. "Why would the Valar send us a woman who is worthless?"

Meghan bristled, but her tirade-ish reply was cut off by Gandalf.

"The Valar may have their own ends by sending the girl to us. But you have yet to earn our trust, Melethriel. You may accompany us, and we will release you from your bonds, but we will not yet have faith in you. You must win that."

"Okay," Meghan nodded. Legolas hastened over and hurriedly untied the knots from her wrists.

"Again, I beg you to forgive me," he said.

"Legolas, chillax." Meghan flexed her hands. "I am seriously going to go medieval on your face if you don't quit freaking, alright?"

Legolas looked very taken aback by her strange language.

"Supper's ready," Sam declared. Everyone practically pounced on the food, except Meghan, who hung back. Gandalf's whole, "we will accept you but not trust you" speech had thrown her a little off. Did that mean they didn't trust her with the food, too?

Pippin appeared and shoved a plate of food into her hands, then plopped down next to her, holding his own dish. "Sam makes the _best_ sausage and tomatoes," he said, stabbing a piece of sausage with his fork. He paused and looked up at her with huge eyes when he noticed her hesitation. "Do Elves eat?"

"Well, you've seen Legolas eat, haven't you?" Meghan laughed. She speared a tomato and popped it into her mouth. "Mmm, this _is_ good."

"Oh, sure I've seen Legolas eat," Pippin said between mouthfuls. "But he never eats sausage or anything but fresh meat. Lots of waybread, too."

Considering the fact that she was afraid of blood, it was strange that Meghan still ate meat. But, as long as she didn't see the meat being prepared, she didn't have a problem with it. "There you have it then. Of course Elves eat." It felt strange, calling herself an Elf.

"I just wondered. I've never seen a lady Elf eat before. I thought maybe you didn't need to eat. That would be sad."

"Trust me, Pippin, I love food. Especially chocolate." A sudden cold, bottomless feeling appeared in the pit of Meghan's gut. "Wait. You guys have chocolate here, right?"

"Chocolate?" Pippin repeated. He was so concerned that he forgot to eat. "What's that?"

"You…don't have chocolate here? How do you live!" Meghan started to breathe heavily. "No chocolate? Not any? No chocolate cake or brownies or cookies or hot chocolate or Snickers bars or fudge or _anything_? You poor, poor people!"

The Fellowship traded glances, clearly wondering what all these words meant.

"No, none of those things," Pippin said. He instinctively knew that Meghan was talking about food.

"Oh you poor dears!" Meghan crooned. "That's terrible!"

By this point, everyone was staring at her in confusion – except Pippin, who seemed to empathize with her somehow. She noticed their gaping.

"Um… sorry about that," she said, forcing a smile. "Chocolate is only the best food ever, but I guess it hasn't been invented yet."

"Still," Pippin said cheerfully, "there are lots of delicious foods here. You should try some of the Prancing Pony's stew! And their ale. The best ale in the Shire, I'll say!"

"I don't really drink," Meghan grimaced. "Although I've never tried ale."

"You should try it," Pippin said.

"That's enough, Peregrin," Gandalf said.

All that Meghan was sure of was that this was going to be an interesting ride.

* * *

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**JessikaAngel** - Wh00t! You will forever go down as the first person who ever reviewed me! Yay! I'm glad you like Legolas...He's definitely going to be a main feature. Poor Elf, he doesn't quite understand Meghan just yet!

**lotrelves** - Here's another chapter for ya! I hope it solidifies your opinion...and I hope you like it:-)

**NajaMoonshadow** - You cannot BELIEVE how flattered I am... one of the best? Oh dear, now my head is going to swell to the size of a balloon... ;-) I'm hugely excited that you like Meghan - be warned, though, she has a mind of her own and trust me, she's a bit of a nutter. :)

Thanks so much guys! Now I'm going to shamelessly promote myself and ask y'all to just hit that pretty purple button that says "Go"... You know you want to.


	3. Legolas Amazes Meghan With His Panache

**Author's Note**: Ha, I just now realized that I've never done a disclaimer. Watch out, folks, this is probably the only one you'll ever get for this fic. Unless I come up with something amusing and clever.

**DISCLAIMER**: If I owned Lord of the Rings, I wouldn't be sitting around here typing this pointless fanfic. I'd be rolling in money and driving my schnazzy silver Porsche. But, considering the fact that the only thing I own is Meghan, I'm sitting around here and typing this pointless fic.

"Well this sucks," Meghan announced under her breath, looking at the dismal patch of dirt that she'd selected as her bed.

But as she looked around, she realized that everyone had the exact same problem. They wrapped themselves into their cloaks and lay down on the ground. It looked spectacularly uncomfortable.

"I'll take the first watch," Legolas said to Gandalf, who nodded wearily.

Meghan looked over at the devastatingly gorgeous Elf. "Uh, Legolas?" she said. The whole situation reeked of awkwardness.

"Yes, Lady Meghan?" he replied, casting his blue gaze on her.

"Um… You-your cloak," Meghan stammered as she fiddled with the fabric in her hands. "I mean, I don't _desperately_ need it, and I'll totally give it back to you if you want it, but you know, it's kinda cold-although I thought Elves weren't affected by the climate as much as humans? This whole Elf thing is new to me, you know, and I'm not really sure how to adjust-"

"You can keep it," Legolas said.

"Oh, thanks!" Meghan said, brightening. "You can have a brownie point for that."

"Brownie…point?"

She burst out laughing at the humorous look on Legolas' face. "You know, like, extra credit? A good word?"

"I see," Legolas replied, although it was obvious that he didn't.

"Well, I'm going to conk out now," Meghan said. "G'night, all."

She didn't get any sort of reply, but that was alright. She returned to her square of dirt and lay down, wrapped in Legolas' cloak. Well, _her_ cloak now that he'd given it to her. It was forest green and pretty enormous on her. Convenient when you're stuck in the wilderness without a bed.

Though it seemed completely legitimate to assert that every single rock, lump, and kernel dug into her back, Meghan managed to fall asleep.

BREAK

A bright, glaringly annoying light creeped past her eyelids, waking her. She squinched her eyes shut and rolled over with a groan of protest.

Soon sounds added to the reception of her five sense. A sizzling sound, firstly. Then muffled conversation. And immediately after she recognized those two things, the heavenly smell of sausage hit her nose.

"Alrighty then!" she exclaimed, bolting upright. "I am totally ready for the day." She stretched and glanced around. Sam was busy preparing breakfast, and all the others sat around in various locations around the small campfire. Well, with the exception of Merry and Pippin, who were still asleep.

"Good morning," Sam called cheerfully.

"Mornin'," Meghan replied. Before she could get up, Legolas came over and sat next to her.

"Lady Meghan," he began, looking very earnest. She fought down the impulse to laugh hysterically at this pretty-boy conversing so solemnly with her. Seriously, he ought to be off modeling Swedish clothing or something, not trying to be masculine. Ew.

"Yes, Lord Legolas?" she asked in the exact same grave tone.

"I have noticed something strange about you."

_Way to impress a chick, Legolas. Idiot._ "Oh? And what's that?" Meghan opened her eyes wide and blinked violently, acting like a blonde fashion zombie.

"You sleep."

A slow, slightly surprised smile spread across Meghan's face. "Really. I sleep. Well that just classifies me as the village idiot, now doesn't it? Let me guess, next you're going to announce that it's a little bit weird for me to _breathe._"

"Please do not misunderstand me," Legolas practically gasped. "I did not intend any offense."

Meghan softened, seeing that he really did not mean to insult her. "It's okay. What _did_ you mean?"

"Elves do not sleep, and seeing that you are of the Elven kind I wondered how it was possible for you to enter that state."

"Oh I see." Meghan pondered this for a moment. "And I guess Elves don't fart, either. I probably still do that. You know, I read somewhere that people fart fourteen times a day." She shook her head at this fact. "Maybe my Elvish body will bring that average down to five or six."

Legolas' face seemed positively aghast. "What _are_ you talking of, Lady Meghan?"

"Never mind," she sighed. "If you don't know, you don't need to know."

"I see," Legolas said, but just like the first time he had said that, it was quite clear that he really didn't see at all. Well not to say he was blind. You know what I mean.

"So." Meghan cheerily clapped her hands onto her knees. "What do you guys do for fun?"

With that, Pippin snorted awake. "Is that sausage I smell?" he inquired immediately, rubbing his eyes.

"Yes, 'tis, but 'tisn't finished yet, so don't get any ideas into your head," Sam said. Meghan felt instant solidarity with him in regards to protectiveness over food.

Merry also awakened. "Sausage?" he asked.

Sam merely shook his head in obvious despair.

"Come, little Hobbits," said Boromir. "You should practice your swordplay. Do you know how?"

"A little," Merry admitted, yawning.

"Then I will teach you. Come on, get up!" Boromir ruffled Pippin's hair and pulled him to his feet.

Pippin and Merry grabbed their swords, which were really nothing more than long daggers, and followed Boromir to a relatively flat spot on the hilly, rocky incline.

As they began bashing away on each other, Meghan turned to the others for a source of amusement. Unfortunately, Gandalf began to sermonize.

"We must hold this course west of the Misty Mountains for forty days. If our luck holds, the Gap of Rohan will still be open to us. From their our road turns east to Mordor."

Off behind her, Meghan heard Boromir encouraging the Hobbits. "Two, one, five. Good, very good."

Gimli decided to announce his point of view. "If any was to ask for my opinion, which I _note_ they have not, I'd say we were taking the long way round. Gandalf, we could pass through the Mines of Moria. My cousin Balin would give us a royal wel

come."

Despite herself, Meghan found that she was increasingly interested in the conversation. After all, she had fallen asleep before this point. She did remember that Moria was bad. Stefanie and Andrea primarily thought that Moria was bad because the lighting was poor and hence made it harder to see their favorites. Twerps.

Gandalf agreed. "No Gimli, I would not take the roads through Moria unless I had no other choice."

A fluttering in the breeze distracted Meghan from Gandalf and Gimli's discussion. She looked over and realized that it was Legolas' hair. Fighting down a giggle, she crept over and stood next to him.

"Are you cloud-gazing?" she asked with a straight face. "I think that one is shaped like a polar bear."

"No," Legolas said, never taking his eyes off the distance.

"No? Yeah I guess you're right, it _does_ look more like a cow."

"I don't think that's a cloud."

Meghan squinted her lids harder.

"What is that?" Sam asked.

"Nothing, it's just a wisp of cloud," Gimli grunted.

Boromir left the Hobbits, staring at the dark mass that was quickly coming toward them. "It's moving fast…against the wind."

"Crebain from Dunland!" Legolas randomly shouted.

Immediately the entire group exploded into activity. Dunking the fire out, hiding the packs and gear, running around like crazy.

"What is so important?" Meghan demanded.

"Hide!" Aragorn snapped.

"Ooookay," Meghan said, hopping off the big rock she was standing on. Apparently this wasn't fast enough for everyone else, because Legolas grabbed her wrist and dragged her underneath an outcropping of scrubby bushes.

Precisely one second later, a huge number of black, cawing birds wheeled over them twice. Their wings churned the air and sent up a whooshing sound. Then they were gone.

Meghan spluttered her hair out of her mouth and glared at Legolas. "You of all people should understand that it is a _pain_ in the bum to have long hair," she glowered. "I mean seriously! It's everywhere! _This_ is why I prefer to keep my hair short!" She sighed dramatically for the days of shoulder-length hair.

"Your hair is the least of your worries," Legolas replied, offering her a hand to help her up.

"What do you mean?" She accepted it. "It was just a flock of birds."

"Spies of Saruman!" Gandalf growled. "The passage south of being watched. We must take the Pass of Caradhras."

As if on cue, everyone dared a glance at the doleful, snowy mountain. It offered a dismal prospect, and a long trek.

Meghan seemed born to break awkward silences. "I still don't get it. What's so special about the birds?"

"Saruman is using them as a tool. They will relay our location and number to him," Aragorn explained.

"Oh. Right. Saruman's one of the baddies. He moded Gandalf back at that tower thing. Gotchya."

"I fear we will never be able to understand her strange dialect," Boromir sighed.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE 1:** I know that there's a lot of controversy about whether Elves sleep or don't sleep, what color Legolas' hair is, and so on and so forth. Well, in this story, Elves do not sleep, Legolas' hair is in fact blond, and Meghan is just an oddity all around.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE 2:**From here on out, updates will probably come once a week or so. I'm gonna try to stay ahead of myself, and have a chapter or two ready in the wings as I'm writing more, just in case I slam into writer's block. Then I'll still be able to post something even if I'm not writing! But this is a pretty easy-going story. I'm not going to focus very heavily on description, etc. I always hate it when I'm reading an insert fic and the writer keeps describing the movie OVER and OVER again, and I'm like, _AH!! I've seen the movie, I don't need to keep hearing this again and again!_ But let me know if I should put in more description. The movies have been out for a long time, and I personally haven't watched them in over a year. Good thing I've got the script! Wh00t! Oh and this is so random, but I was on crutches for a month, and today the doctor said I don't have to use them anymore! Yes! I feel like dancing. :-D But... maybe I'll go and watch Pirates instead. ;)

**AUTHOR'S NOTE 3:** This is the last one, I promise. Does anyone know if it's okay to put links in the author's notes? I ask because I've never seen it done, and I'm a newbie so I'm unsure of some of the nitty-gritty stuff. I didn't see anything either way in the guidelines, but I thought I'd ask. If it **is** allowed, I've got a tasty little youtube tidbit that just had me in raptures of glee at the adorableness.

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **Yeah, you know how that saying goes... If you want to read a story but it's not there, write it yourself! I got so tired of the anguished, melodramatic Mary-Sue type stories, and I just love silly insert fics but I couldn't find many. So I decided to write my own!

**lotrelves - **I'm delighted that you like Meghan... she says "thank you", by the way. The reason that she's an Elf is because she's meant to be a Mary-Sue, but she absolutely messes up everything that's Mary-Sueish. She hasn't got an angsty childhood, she has absolutely **no** skills with any weapons, and she hates the icky long hair. I struggled with that last bit, though. My weakness is to give my heroines lovely, long hair. So maybe she'll learn to live with it... I dunno. :-)

**Silencili** - Cool name! Meghan really only knows a few little snatches of information from what she's picked up from her crazy friends. And it's mostly weird trivia about Legolas!

**NajaMoonshadow -** Yes, yes, do be careful... ;-) But still! Thanks so much. And there's nothing wrong with identifying with characters! Meghan's really just a strange offshoot of me. I'm sure I'd be ten times worse if I ever got dumped in Middle earth. I'd probably die in the first battle, too. But that would make a lame fic, so Meghan won't die. And if she _does_ die, I promise that a rare flower will spring up on her grave as the entirety of Middle earth mourns her demise. Ha.

**Holix - **I know you didn't drop by with a comment, but I couldn't resist giving you a shout-out. Thanks so much for putting my little yarn in your favorite stories! I'm quite flattered.

**JessikaAngel** - Wh00t, definitely a brownie point to you for being my first reviewer ever! Glad you like Pippin. He's a cutie, isn't he?

And to any and all, please do review and tell me what you think:-) I'm open to suggestions, comments, thoughts, ideas, even a declaration of your preferred brand of toothpaste!


	4. Chilly Things Happen Meghan Gets Crafty

**DISCLAIMER** - Meghan owns herself. I claim no responsibility.

"Oh my gosh it's bloody cold!" Meghan screamed into the shrill wind. She was able to walk on top of the snow, like Legolas did, but it did nothing to block out the frigid cold. Her skirt swirled around her ankles, and she swore with much impetus that she would find some way to modify them into a more practical style.

The others largely ignored her; they were all struggling through the thick drifts of snow, except Legolas of course, who kept busy by staring off into the distance.

Meghan reflected on the creepy moment as they had been climbing up the hill. Something about Frodo dropping the Ring and Boromir picking it up. Meghan watched as the Ring squirmed on its chain like a live thing, and shuddered. But then the whole scene had blown over, and Boromir gave the Ring back to Frodo with a dismissive laugh.

_Now that was bona fide eerie. I wonder what woulda happened if Boromir hadn't given it back. Probably Aragorn would have fought him over it. That would probably have settled Stefanie's indecision. Whoever wins the swordfight wins Stefanie's affection._

A deep, distant voice whispered through her ears. It felt strange and foreign, but beautiful at the same time. It spoke in a language she couldn't understand.

"_Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; nai yarvaxea rasselya!_" it shouted.

"Where's that coming from?" she asked Legolas, who seemed to have heard it, too.

"There is a fell voice on the air!" he exclaimed in reply.

"Oh no duh, Captain Obvious!" she snapped. "Couldn't you say something smart? Like _who_'s talking or _why_ this is happening?"

"It's Saruman!" Gandalf shouted angrily.

A huge shuffling sound creaked over their heads. Everyone looked up to see an avalanche of white fluff racing toward them from the overhang above. Scarcely knowing what she was doing, Meghan threw herself against the mountainside and felt the snow sweep over her body. As the last of it tumbled further down the cliff, she heard Aragorn shout,

"He's trying to bring down the mountain! Gandalf, we must turn back!"

"No!" the wizard argued. He twisted himself out of the snow. "_Losto Caradhras, sedho, hodo, nuitho i ruith!_"

"OH WOULD YOU GUYS KNOCK IT OFF!" Meghan screamed. "I don't know if the 'fell voice on the air' can hear me, but shut up and leave us alone! Your little scheme doesn't work! We go through the Mines! WE GET IT!"

The Fellowship stared at her. But a lightning crack forestalled any of their comments. This time the flood of snow was bigger, heavier, thicker. It buried them all above their heads and they had to dig themselves out.

"Meghan!" Gandalf growled the moment they were clear of the fluff. "What did you just say?"

"We can just cut the crap and get straight to the point," Meghan said, dusting snow from her annoyingly long hair. "The fact of that matter is that this icky mountain thing doesn't work out and we have to go through whatever that underground route was called."

"But we can make for the Gap of Rohan and take the west road to my city!" Boromir said.

"The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isengard!" Aragorn disagreed.

Gimli piped in. "You heard the woman! She says to go under the mountain, through Moria!"

"It's really quite pointless to argue," Meghan added.

Gandalf looked worried. "Let the Ringbearer decide," he said at last.

"We cannot stay here!" Boromir shouted. "This will be the death of the Hobbits!"

"Frodo?" Gandalf urged.

"We will go through the mines," said the little dark-haired Hobbit.

"So be it," acquiesced the wizard.

"Well now that that's all settled, can we _go_?" Meghan insisted. "It's bloody freezing up here!"

They made the unpleasant trek back down the mountain. It is not the purpose of this work to describe all the nastiness of that voyage, so I will cut to the chase. As they shook the last of the snow from their shoes, Gandalf turned to Meghan with a seriously displeased look on his face.

"Meghan," he said, his tone imperious. "You must never do that again. If you truly do know what will happen, than it is imperative that you do not tell us anything. It could change the future."

"Okay, I'm sorry. Chillax. It's just a book, you know?"

"It's not just a book!" Gandalf said. He gave her a 'Fool of a Took' look, except she wasn't a Took so it was more of a 'Fool of a Meghan' look. "I cannot choose for you whether or not you believe, but this is real and you are a part of it now. Should Middle earth fall to ruins under the reign of a Dark Lord, you will share our fate. So you must not change what occurs in your history books."

Meghan was silent. "I guess you're right," she said at last. "I never thought of it that way. Alright, you win. I won't give anything else away."

Gandalf seemed to accept that, but he didn't say anything. He seemed very weary and old at that moment. Without another word, the entire group of Ten Walkers continued down the rocky trail that led to Moria.

Several hours later, they arrived at the huge rocks walls of Moria's exterior. The mountain swept up severely, leaving a little strip of gravelly dirt between the stone and the dark, dirty lake. Meghan took one look at the water and shivered. She turned to Legolas.

"Doesn't that pond just give you the heeby-jeebies? Ick," she grimaced.

"Does 'heeby-jeebies' mean--" Legolas seemed at a loss for words.

"You know, like," Meghan made a nauseated sound and shuddered melodramatically. "Like that."

Legolas nodded. "For the first time, I think I understand you."

The entire group randomly came to a stop before Meghan could come up with an answer.

"Dwarf doors are invisible when closed," Gimli announced very cheerfully.

"Yes, Gimli, their own master cannot find them if their secrets are forgotten," Gandalf sighed. Meghan decided he was one of 'those' people, who sighed at every chance they could get.

"Why does that not surprise me?" Legolas muttered under his breath in a sarcastic tone.

Gandalf reached up and brushed his hands across the outline of a door. "Well, let's see," he muttered. "Ithildin. It mirrors only starlight and moonlight."

"This is so artsy-fartsy," Meghan declared. "I mean seriously. Starlight and moonlight? Shall we just sit down and make daisy-chains while we're in the process?"

Nine pairs of eyes stared at her in either anger or disbelief. Even Bill the Pony gave her a 'you idiot' glare.

"Sorry." She slunk off to the side.

At that point, the moon decided to spare her a bit of discomfiture by casting off her cloudy robes and shining gently upon the door. The lines that Gandalf had traced began to glow.

"It reads, 'The doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter.'" Gandalf's voice rang across the stagnant lake.

"What do you suppose that means?" Merry asked.

"Oh it's quite simple. If you are a friend, you speak the password and the doors will open." He extended his hands toward the stone. "_Annon Edhellon edro hi ammen! Fennas Nogothrim lasto beth lammen!_"

Silence hung heavily.

"Nothing's happening," Pippin said.

Gandalf grunted a bit and began to push against the stubborn and highly unreasonable doors. Of course, they remained shut. Meghan could feel everyone's impatience breeding in the air.

"I once knew every spell in all the tongues of the Elves, Men, and Orcs."

"Ewww, aren't Orcs like, really grody?" Meghan squealed.

"What are you going to do, then?" Pippin asked.

Gandalf growled, "Knock your head against these doors, Peregrin Took! And if that does not shatter them and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words."

Cowed, Pippin backed down. Slowly the entire Fellowship, with the obvious exception of Gandalf, fanned out from the doors and pursued their own amusements.

Meghan chose to approach Legolas again. "Legolas, can I borrow one of your knives? And do you have any thread and a needle?"

"You may borrow one of my blades," he replied, immediately reaching behind him and handing her one of his long-knives. "And I do have needle and thread."

"Woah, seriously?" Meghan choked back a laugh. So the Fruitcake was a seamster, too? Too funny. "Why?"

"Each warrior is responsible for the upkeep of his clothing. We have little time to return home and let the women mend our things. So should something tear or wear out, we repair it."

_Okay, that's not too fruity._ "Coolies. I don't really care what color the thread is, I just need some. Okay a lot."

Legolas rifled through his pack and produced the required articles. Meghan thanked him with a cheery smile and sat down next to him on the rock outcropping.

"What are you doing?" he asked, seeing her gathering her skirt into her hands.

Meghan took a calculating look at the fabric. "I'm shortening this stupid dress." She saw his eyes go wide. "Don't worry, it won't be scandalous. I'm just taking it up maybe eight inches or so. I don't want to be tripping over the hem every ten seconds."

She carefully began slicing the skirt with Legolas' knife. True to her word, she only brought it up about a hand-span, but it still allowed her to move more freely. It was a little awkward to reach the back of the dress. She managed.

Then she whip-stitched a new hem into the skirt. The thread was black and looked a little strange against the creamy fabric.

"Your fingers are very fast," Legolas said as he observed her rapidly basting the hem.

"Lots of experience," she replied. "I do oodles of sewing. It's kind of a hobby."

"A hobby? Why not an occupation?" Legolas said.

"Well, in the future, making clothing isn't really a big deal. It's made in mass, and it's not by hand anymore. There are machines that make it. So the only real need for hand-sewing is for costumes and the like. I make period costumes from the Renaissance and colonial times, and the Victorian era."

"I'm guessing that all those ages have not yet come in my lifetime," Legolas said.

"No," Meghan looked up and smiled. "But hey, you're immortal, right? Maybe you'll still be around for all of them." She glanced back down at her work to tie off a knot. "Well, that's done. I feel much more mobile now. But about these sleeves…"

She flapped her arms in despair and gazed dolefully up at him. "Can I have the knife back?"

Wordlessly, he returned the blade to her. Using clean slices, she chopped off her huge, long sleeves at the elbow. "I have half a mind to whack my hair off while I'm at it," she growled at her raven locks.

"No don't," Legolas said quickly. "You have beautiful hair."

"Thanks," Meghan said, inwardly giggling. _But not half so pretty as yours. Snort!_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Since I'm still not sure whether or not it's okay to post links in the author's notes, I opted to ride on the safe side and put the URL in my profile. It's pretty much the only link there, you can't miss it! Check it out - you won't regret it!

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**PinkCupcake - **For some strange reason, your review made me laugh really hard. I think it was you saying that you "demand that Pippin and Meghan interact more." But whatever it was, I giggled for an entire afternoon! …Or…Maybe I'm just slowly descending into insanity. Either one. Anyway, thanks for the review and for sticking my story on your favorites list! Brownie points galore! And, just for you, Meghan and Pip have a bit of a conversation in Chapter Five.

**Silencili** - Yes, I'm trying to keep this all at least moderately realistic… and Boromir seems to be a voice of reason most of the time, so why not have him call Meghan out on her crazy futuristic behavior?

**bookworm97** - Wow, you're more sympathetic to Meghan than I am! You actually _blushed_ for her? That's amazing! You get an instant brownie point for that! And I'm using way too many exclamation points! Yaaaay! Alright seriously. Thanks for the kind words, and I'm very glad that it made you laugh!

**Mother Nature's Daughter** - Wh00t! serves up a whole batch of brownie points for Sam! It's quite an honor to see this story go onto your favorites list. And I'm thrilled that you like Meghan! I'm never completely sure how likeable my characters are, so it's delightful to hear that music to my ears! And I'm keeping it a bit of a secret about where the romance comes in… but don't get your hopes up for anything too surprising. It'll become fairly evident early on as the chapters unfold.

**lotrelves** - Yes, things are getting a bit more down-to-business now, but never fear: Meghan will _never_ lose her crazy streak. She and I are both undecided about her hair, though. Hmm.

**-incessant embers-** -- I'm so glad you are amused by Meghan's nutty adventures! I'll try to update as quickly as possible. :-)

**Wicked Seraphina - **Yes, the slang is deliciously fun to write. :-) And yay for non-verbal appreciation! I should, like, print the smiley and frame it as my first ever! Wh00t!

**freekgirl - **Yes! YES! You get me! I feel so validated and understood! And thank the stars that Meghan's not a Sue. By the way, you instantly go down on my best-friend-for-life-list for the Snickers! Meghan thanks you for the chocolate, too... she's been missing it, you know, stuck in Middle earth and all. Take that, all you evil sadistic flamers!

**To everyone who has story-alerted/favorited me but hasn't commented** - thanks so much for keeping tabs on the story! I'd love to hear from you guys. :-)

Fresh, warm brownie points for all! Ah heck, have some 'nilla ice-cream and hot fudge sauce, too! But first, press that review button!


	5. Meghan Gets Fruity

**Author's Note:** This is a short, relatively crummy chapter with an especially crummy ending. I apologize in advance, and pray fervently that the next chapter is better. I also pray that I will refrain from randomly littering my author's note with adverbs.

Oh, and _sigh_, I realized that FF doesn't put semicolons in the titles. I feel suitably silly.

**CHAPTER FIVE - Meghan Gets Fruity**

Meghan was dancing.

This was highly inappropriate, considering the fact that Gandalf was practically swearing at the doors, Aragorn and Boromir were casting doleful glances around the area, and everyone else was brooding.

"_But I don't feel like dancin'_

_When the old Joanna plays_

_My heart could take a chance_

_But my two feet can't find a way…_"

Meghan was also singing under her breath. The reason that she was dancing was because she was testing out her newly reduced dress, and enjoying the freedom of movement. It was quite liberating.

"_You think that I could muster up a little soft, shoe gentle sway_

_But I don't feel like dancin'_

_No sir, no dancin' today._

_Don't feel like dancin', dancin'_

_Even if I find nothin' better to do_

_Don't feel like dancin', dancin'_

_Why'd you break it down when I'm not in the mood?_"

"If you do not feel like dancing," Gimli growled in a display of complete and utter frustration, "Than why do you persist in doing so?"

"It's just a song, Gimli," Meghan replied, but she quit dancing anyway. "Y'all are a bunch of fuddy-duddies. Jeez, it couldn't have taken this long in the movie for you guys to figure out the stupid password. Oh wait, I got this. It's a fruit or something."

She struck an authoritative pose in front of the doors. "Okay. Mmm hmm." She cleared her throat. "Apples!"

Nothing happened.

"Oranges! Pears! Bananas! Coconuts! Wait is that even a fruit?" Meghan noticed that everyone was giving her weird looks. "Cantaloupe? Dang and that even sounds the most fairy-ish out of all of them."

"It's not about fruit," Frodo said, standing up and walking toward the doorway with a quizzical expression on his face. "It's a riddle. Speak _friend_ and enter. Gandalf, what's the Elvish word for friend?"

Gandalf enunciated the word clearly. "_Mellon_."

Painstakingly slowly, the doors creaked open. A smile lit up the dark-haired Hobbit's face.

"Oh I so totally got you started down the right path. I mean, melon is a fruit," Meghan said.

The others rose excitedly from the hard stone ground, and carefully they all entered the dark mines. Gimli, at least, got hyped up about it.

"Soon, Master Elf, you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of the Dwarves!" he roared gaily.

_Wow, spiteful much? How cliché is it that Elves and Dwarves hate each other's guts?_ Meghan puffed mentally.

"Roaring fires, malt beer, ripe meat off the bone!" Gimli was still chattering about Moria. "This, my friend, is the home of my cousin Balin. And they call it a mine. A mine!"

"This is no mine," Boromir said with sick dread in his voice. "It's a tomb!"

Meghan looked down.

Then Meghan screamed.

Everything dissolved into complete chaos as a slithery thing grabbed Frodo, Meghan went into a panic attack at the grody skeletons lying around, and everyone else set about rescuing the poor Hobbit from the evil clutches of a large, slick tentacle.

"EW!" Meghan hyperventilated. "Bones and little hands and DUSTY COBWEBS! OH! The cobwebs kill me!" She backed away from a particularly gruesome skeleton only to bump into another one. "GERMS!" she screamed.

Meanwhile, the Fellowship was busy with hacking, whacking, and attacking the Lake Monster. And they were doing a fine job of it, too. Considering the fact that my readership has probably seen the movie, I will not bore you with a repetitive description of the scuffle. Suffice it to say, Frodo dropped into Boromir's arms and the entire Fellowship, including Meghan, was trapped inside Moria's dismal darkness by the Watcher in the Water.

"Oh my gosh, we're stuck in here, we're all gonna die, this is terrible, I'm sick of this place, I wanna go home, we're all gonna die, I can't see anything!" Meghan babbled incessantly, almost on the point of hysteria. She completely froze up when she felt something warm grab her hand.

"AH!!" she screamed a second later. "IT'S GOT MY ARM!"

"Lady Meghan," a soothing voice came from the darkness, "It is I."

"An _EYEBALL_?!?" Meghan whispered loudly.

"No, it is Legolas," the voice replied. His grip on her hand tightened.

"Don't DO that do me! I'm prone to panic-attacks!"

"I will remember that."

A light flickered up from Gandalf's staff. "We now have but one choice," he said glumly. "We must face the long dark of Moria. Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the world."

Meghan felt Legolas tugging on her hand, insisting that she follow him as Gandalf began to walk cautiously down a flight of stone stairs.

"Quietly now," the wizard snapped. Everyone knew the comment was directed at Meghan, and she glared daggers into the gloom. "It's a four-day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence may go unnoticed."

Slowly, they all made their way through the cavernous depths of the ancient Dwarvish city. As they walked, Gandalf ran his hand along the walls. "The wealth of Moria was not in gold, or jewels," he said, "but mithril."

He directed the brightness on his staff down a huge shaft into the mine below. Meghan couldn't resist to take a peek, although she grabbed Legolas' arm before she did. If she was going to fall down that awful distance, she was going to take someone with her.

"Bilbo had a shirt of mithril rings that Thorin gave him," Gandalf continued.

Meghan had absolutely no idea who those people were. She made a mental note to ask Pippin later.

"Ah, that was a kingly gift!" Gimli exclaimed.

"Yes. I never told him, but its worth was greater than the value of the Shire," Gandalf agreed.

_Right, so this Bilbo guy is like Paris Hilton, walking around with enormously expensive clothing that's worth a fortune. Got it._

It soon became quite monotonous, the cycles of sleeping, then eating, then walking, then eating, then sleeping. The floor was hard as, well, stone, and Meghan didn't have any padding. By the second evening she was so tired that she slept like a rock despite the discomfort.

Every morning, she noticed that Legolas watched her curiously as she woke up. She figured it was just weirdness about her being an Elf and still managing to sleep.

_I am so totally going to talk to him if he keeps this up. I mean, yeesh, he's like a stalker or something. Ha. I get the pretty-boy stalker._

There was never a lot of conversation. After Meghan's initial freak-out moment, she felt too embarrassed to say much, and everyone else seemed to be unremittingly taciturn. It was all quite maddening, really.

But Meghan got a welcome holiday from the Fellowship's silence. It was on the third night, and she volunteered to take the first watch. She figured it would work better that way because then she wouldn't be groggy while she was supposed to be alert and vigilant.

So she hunched into Legolas' cloak (she still couldn't think of it as her own) and hunkered down for a boring two hours of watchfulness. The minutes ticked by slowly, and kept track of time by counting up to a thousand seven times. She was just on seven thousand sixty-nine when she heard rustling behind her and Pippin scrunched down next to her.

"Hello," he whispered in the darkness.

"Hi," Meghan replied. Pippin was next on the watch. At least she wouldn't have to deal with the immense guilties of waking the poor little soul up.

"I couldn't sleep," Pippin sighed.

"I'm sorry." Meghan didn't really know of anything else to say.

"You could go to sleep, if you wanted," Pippin offered helpfully.

"Thanks, but I could use the company. Mind if I stay and chat a bit?"

"No, not at all."

Quiet fell for the briefest moment.

"Hey, this is really random, but who're those guys that Gandalf was talking about a couple days ago? You know, the guys with the mithril shirt?" Meghan asked.

Pippin pondered for a moment. "Oh, Bilbo you mean? He's Frodo's cousin, but he's older than Frodo and he raised him. I think the other one was one of Gimli's relatives."

"Oh. Cool."

Another pause.

"Do you ever feel like Gandalf is totally watching you?" Meghan asked. "You know, like _right now_, he's pretending to be asleep but is really awake and is listening, and tomorrow morning he's going to chew us out for talking?"

She could hear the smile in Pippin's voice. "All the time. But he never has, I don't think. It just feels like it."

As if it was a harbinger of doom, Gandalf rolled over. Meghan and Pippin traded a look of pure horror and then stared at the wizard for a good two minutes, trying to figure out whether he was awake or not.

Meghan giggled under her breath, "Woah, psych!" she whispered.

"Psych?"

"Um, it's kinda like, you get all prepared for something and it doesn't really happen. Like a let-down."

"Oh, I get it."

"Well, I'm going to go conk out now. G'night." Meghan crawled a few feet away from the group of smelly men and flopped onto the hard floor. _Another night, another… night. Hey, wait a sec, if I'm an Elf and Legolas is all freaked out about me sleeping, what does __**he**__ do? If he doesn't sleep why doesn't he keep watch all night?_

She crept back to Pippin.

"Psst!" she said. "Pippin!"

"What?" the Hobbit asked.

"What's up with Legolas? Is he asleep or what?"

"Oh, he said he doesn't sleep. But he does somethin' strange… it's like he meditates all night. It'll off-put you, at first."

"Weird," Meghan mused. "Oh well. G'night again."

She returned to her original spot and curled up. _Ick. There is so much bacteria on this floor. Whenever we reach some civilization, I am going to take the bath of the century. And possibly cut my hair._

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** The song fragment that Meghan attempts to sing at the beginning does not belong to me. It is part of _I Don't Feel like Dancing_ by the Scissor Sisters. Anyone else who likes to rock out to this song raise your hands! …. -crickets chirping- …Eh…Never mind.

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **You can have as much ice cream as you want! And the best part is, with imaginary ice cream, it doesn't go to your hips[insert look of pure and incandescent delight on FebSong's face here Yes, Meghan won't sit around doing nothing for very long if she can do something to make stuff more to her liking. She's a feisty one, that.

**lotrelves - **Excellent point about the contractions. You know, after I read your review, I went off in a mad panic and went over the story for any incorrect contractions! I think I caught them all. I didn't change the ones that were in the original script, but my own original prose is now contraction-free, with the obvious exception of Meghan. Thanks for the tip!

**-incessant embers- - **You know, the whole bit where Legolas reacts to the dress-cutting-comment was totally unplanned. As I was typing Meghan's proud declaration of her alteration-intentions, I thought... _Hmm... wouldn't those prudish Middle-earthians be a bit horrified?_ Hence, Legolas' minor freak out moment. I'm so glad you find this stuff hilarious. It gives me warm-fuzzies, truly it does. D

**dormouse - **First of all, you win the secret door-prize for stating your favorite brand of toothpaste. You are now the proud owner of an Elladan plushie. I decided to give away Elladan because I am already in possession of an Elrohir plushie and... there simply can't be two Elrohir plushies. It's just isn't done. Secondly, thanks so much for the deliciously long review! And thirdly, am I so truly and honestly delighted to be reviewed by a true-blue Purist. I consider myself "fundamentally Purist with a significant Revisionist dynamic." I figured following movie-verse would be easier on Meghan, really. She's of the nature that if I tried to throw her into book-verse, she would pitch a fit and die quickly. That would stink. So, all in all, thank you again for your review. And kudos to you for not watching the movie! That's a great testimony to the greatness of Tolkien, I think.

**ringbearingreasergal** - Welcome to the story! I'm glad you are connecting with Meghan. ) How cool that you are recommending me to a friend! I hope she likes it, too. Thanks for the review! P.S. It took me, like, five minutes to figure out your username. I kept reading it incorrectly… I was like, "ring-be-ar-in-greas-ergal? WHAT ON EARTH DOES IT MEAN??!?" But then, as I calmed down and read more carefully, I realized what it was. Coolies. )

**NajaMoonshadow - **Yeah, I missed your comment last chapter... :'-( I was sad. But yay! You're back. Never stop singing! Music is the lifeblood of sanity! And SO funny about tripping over your own skirts... I'd probably inhale a bug and suffocate. And plus, Legolas would hate me for all of eternity because I'd torture him. First thing I'd do: shave that pretty head of hair. :-3D (Notice the Curly Mustache of Doom. DOOM!) Thanks for the review!

Everyone, look! There's Orlando Bloom! What's that? You can't see him? Oh of course! He's hiding behind the "go" button! I'm sure if you click it, you'll find him... ;-)


	6. Meghan Uses a Brief, Needless PotC Quote

**CHAPTER SIX** - Meghan Uses a Brief, Needless PotC Quote

The next morning, Meghan awoke with the most enormous crick in her neck. She jerked her head every which way, trying to crack her neck. Eventually she heard and felt the satisfying pop.

"So, what's for breakfast this morning?" she asked in a hushed tone.

"Same as the day before," Pippin answered a bit dolefully. "Journey-bread and dried meats."

"You know, in my time, we call this stuff jerky." Meghan gnawed on a piece of the hard meat.

"Really? Why that?" Merry said.

"I dunno. And then there's this really highly processed stuff that's called Slim Jims. Those things are frightening. I think I might have been scarred by the commercial with the guys that had Slim Jims for hair… I couldn't ever really look at beef jerky the same after that."

"What is a commercial?" Pippin asked innocently.

"Um… it's like a really advanced street seller person. You know at markets and stuff how people try to hawk their wares? It's kinda like that."

The two Hobbits nodded.

"Come come," Gandalf barked with authority. "We must press on. If we move quickly enough, we may see the sky by this evening."

"Whoo hoo!" Meghan partied under her breath.

They all finished wolfing down the simple breakfast and then set out again through the dark and gloomy mines. Even Gimli's fascination with the architecture had eventually worn off.

The hours passed slowly, just as they always did in that clockless hole. Meghan slipped into an easy, brainless routine: left foot, right foot, breathe in, breath out, left foot, right foot. It worked rather well, actually.

'Cept when the Fellowship stopped. She bumped into Legolas. "Sorry…" she whispered. Apparently something bad was happening, because nobody said anything.

"I have no memory of this place," Gandalf mused, staring at three gigantic archways.

They all stood around in awkward silence for a moment.

"If this was really the movie, it would be at this point that a time lapse would occur and it would cut to when Gandalf figures out the right direction. Or maybe it would allow a brief interlude for a dramatic conversation that furthers the plot of the story. Gosh, now I wish I hadn't fallen asleep. I am such an idiot."

"You fell asleep?" Boromir demanded. "I still fail to see what purpose this girl has to serve."

"You're just smarting over the dress comment!" Meghan shot back.

"That is ridiculous!"

"You smell funny!"

"Please refrain from that noise," Gandalf said tranquilly.

Boromir and Meghan settled for shooting dark glares at each other.

As time slowly wore on, the Fellowship once again spread out, waiting for Gandalf to come to a decision. Meghan slumped down (having won the stare-down with Boromir) and started counting the pebbles on the floor.

She didn't even hear Legolas coming to sit next to her until he spoke in a soft undertone. "Hello, Lady Meghan."

"You really don't have to call me that," Meghan said.

"I prefer to. I try to make it a rule that I express proper respect to women by calling them 'lady'."

"Hmm. Wait, does that mean you call, like, your sisters and your friends 'Lady Whatever'?"

Legolas laughed: a gentle but joyful sound. "No, I do not call her by a ceremonious title. I have only met you a week or so ago, and I want to treat you respectfully."

Meghan nodded, understanding that he wasn't comfortable enough around her to drop the formal name. "Well, Legolas, someday I hope you'll just call me Meghan."

He smiled warmly.

"So, will you tell me more of your childhood?" he asked. "I only know that the Valar took you from the future. But what of you? How did you grow up?"

"Well, I'm the youngest of four. But my three brothers are all much older than I. Evan is married with three kids, Thomas is off living in Iceland with a research team, and Chris is in his last year of grad-school. They're all, like, super-protective of me. I could never get a date in high school because all the guys were afraid of my brothers. We're sorta the traditional Southern family, you know, where if a guy comes to pick up the girl, he finds the girl's dad and brothers cleaning their guns on the front porch. But I guess I didn't really mind. They're really cool. You don't understand a word I'm saying, do you?"

"No, I am afraid I do not. But I am enjoying the picture you are painting. Please, continue."

Meghan shrugged. "There's not much to tell. I had an extremely normal childhood. In school I comfortably fit in with the outcasts, but I was cool with that. And through it all, I've been best friends with two girls who are almost as crazy as I am: Stefanie and Andrea. They are absolutely _obsessed_ with you guys." Meghan laughed a little, thinking of her two nutty friends. "So yeah, nothing particularly exciting about me. I've maintained a GPA of 3.6 throughout school. I've never been mugged. I've never had a show-down with the local drama queen. I'm pretty ordinary."

Legolas chuckled again. "Pardon me for saying this, Lady Meghan, but you are by far the strangest elleth I have ever met!"

They were interrupted by Gandalf's optimistic announcement: "Ah! It's that way!"

"He's remembered!" Merry exclaimed.

"No, but the air doesn't smell so foul down here. If in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your nose."

"Wait, we're trusting in your superior olfactory senses?" Meghan asked.

Gandalf shot her a look that was both exasperated and weary. "Yes, Melethriel, we are."

_Dang. He calls me by that stupid Elvish name just to tick me off._

They all clamored carefully through the portal that Gandalf indicated, the wizard himself leading the way with his shining staff. The hallway they walked down was just as grey and grody as the previous thousands of hallways.

Until they entered a vast, immeasurable space, that is. Meghan perceived a huge immensity, and the air tasted less stale. _Wow. Gandalf's nose was right. Coolies._

"Let me risk a little more light," Gandalf himself said. He did something magicky with his staff and suddenly the whole, enormous chamber was illuminated. "Behold! The great realm and Dwarf-city of Dwarrowdelf."

"Now there's an eye-opener, and no mistake," Sam breathed.

"Whew, you can say that again!" Meghan agreed, staring with a slack jaw at the arched ceiling far above her head. "Dude, this was made by _Dwarves_? But you guys are super short! How the heck did you get that high?"

It is perhaps fortunate for Meghan that Gimli was too distracted to explode into a fine fit of rage at her for that reckless comment. But, the fact of the matter remains that instead of threatening to lop off Meghan's head for belittling his kin, he let out a cry and ran off toward a side room.

"Gimli!" Gandalf snapped, obviously quite put out that the Dwarf had dashed away from the group. Meghan was vaguely reminded of how in preschool, you got the lecture of your _life_ if you wandered away from your fellow toddlers.

Of course they all had no other option other than to jog after him and enter the dusty chamber. There was a high concentration of decayed Dwarvish corpses in this room, and Meghan shuddered away from each and every one, only to get closer to another. It was a hopeless situation.

Gimli, meanwhile, was moaning in anguish in front of a brightly lit crypt. Gandalf walked passed his shoulder and ran a hand over the runes on the slab.

"_Here lies Balin, son of Fundin, Lord of Moria_," he translated. "He is dead, then. It's as I feared."

"Were we ever expecting _anybody_ to be alive down here?" Meghan whispered to Legolas. He shook his head sadly.

The wizard handed his staff and hat to Pippin and lifted an old, crumbling book from the clutches of a particularly pained-looking body.

"They have taken the bridge, and the second hall," he began to read.

Meghan could hear Legolas mutter to Aragorn, "We must move on: we cannot linger!"

"What do you mean?" she demanded in an undertone.

"Can you not feel it?" Legolas asked.

Gandalf was still reading the book, which suddenly felt much less important to Meghan now that she knew that Legolas was having some sort of Spidy-sense moment.

"…We cannot get out. A shadow moves in the dark. We cannot get out. They are coming."

"That alone is very disturbing!" Meghan burst out. "But Legolas totally wants to jet, and if he's all whacked out about it, I'm all for dumping this place, too."

Pippin chose that exact moment knock the corpse down the well. It made a huge rackety sound that echoed and rebounded through what felt like the entirety of Moria.

As the reverberations died away, Gandalf snapped the book closed. "Fool of a Took!" he barked. "Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity! And you!" He wheeled on Meghan. "You speak nonsense that none of us can comprehend! If you cannot learn to communicate, than say nothing at all!"

"Okay, _first_ of all-" Meghan's hackles never had the chance to fully raise. They all heard the deep, booming drums from the mine's bowels.

"Frodo!" Sam said urgently. The dark-haired Hobbit drew his sword a few inches from the sheath, and the blade was glowing a soft, electric blue.

"Wait, is that bad?" Meghan asked, all her confrontational attitude gone.

"Orcs!" Legolas snarled.

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**Silencili - **Good to hear from you again. :-) I'm personally partial to Chapter 3 for some reason, but I'm glad that Ch.4 is funny, too. Hopefully I'll be injecting some more of the funny back into the upcoming chapters. Of course, things are starting to get serious. And yes, the mines are -very- creepy and gross. -Very.-

**lotrelves - **Well, unfortunately, when I kidnapped Orlando the other week, he escaped. I was excessively disappointed because I was going to sell him on eBay for quite a sum of money. So, I'm afraid that I can't give him to you. Would you accept this genuine Orlando plushie?

**Cinnamon Plum - **Lovely to hear from you again. I'm selfishly delighted that you had never heard the mellon joke before, because then I get credit for it. =D This makes me immensely happy. I haven't yet had a chance to read _The Children of Hurin_... I do have a coupon for Bordors though... *thoughtful* Hmm... At any rate, if you can watch the movies, do so, if only for the costumes and cinematography. It's impressive. And you are most welcome for the Elladan plushie. ;)

**Aviarianna O Lorien** - You weren't rude at all; I'm quite flattered, actually. I used to make a pastime of reading dreadful Mary-Sue insert fics (and I'm mortified that I wrote one or two before I saw the light), so I'm hoping this fic stays pretty far away from that. Thanks for the review!

**PinkCupcake - **Yes, that Meghan/Pip conversation was written with you in mind... =] And I'm glad somebody enjoyed the eyeball joke! I even thought about taking it out because I was afraid it was stupid... but I left it in. Obviously. Oh, and I can't say I've ever tried butterrum LifeSavers, but if I ever see some in the store, I'll grab a bag and give them a try. Sounds interesting. And I totally need to expand my foodish horizons. The weirdest things I eat at this point are fried bologna and cold, mushy french fries. Although your username almost always makes me hungry. ;-)

**-incessant embers- -** First of all, I always smile when I write your name for the shout-outs, because it's a hyphen in your name... and then a space later, it's another hyphen. I am very easily amused, if you haven't noticed. For a while, the words "pudding" and "chipmunk" would have me on the floor, laughing my butt off. But then again there were inside jokes connected. Still, it had the tendency to disturb strangers. Anyway, your review gave me quite the giggle (more with the easily amused stuff). Just the thought of a fic wherein the OC passes out straight-away in Moria was hilarious to me. I think I would be the type to get left behind... I'd probably start crying, then fall asleep, and they'd just quietly slip away. Then wolves would come and eat me.

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **Yes, I thought I was rather clever with the whole, "Orlando is hiding behind the review button" thing... if I may say so myself. =) And the "GERMS!" bit was pure me. I'm a borderline germaphobe. (Just as a random note, my spell-check insists that I'm a borderline "gramophone.") So I just had to give Meghan that line. I am totally with you on the Pippin and Aragorn awesomeness factor... They rock my socks. Add Faramir and Éomer to the List of Awesome People, and I'm in fangirly-heaven.

**enyamorntuilr** - Glad you like the story! I really can't take credit for the mellon joke... I'd heard it back when the movie first came out. But, hey, whatever amuses my readers! =)

**NajaMoonshadow -** I always get really happy when you review for some reason... I think it's because I think your name is really awesome. And I'm terribly sorry you didn't find Orlando... as I told lotrelves, he escaped after I kidnapped him. ='( Imagine my infinite sorrow. But, just for you, I'll manufacture another Orlando plushie. *hands Naja an Orli plushie* You know, what would REALLY squick me out about the Elves "meditating" at night or whatever is that I've heard they have their eyes open the whole time! *violent shudder* It simply doesn't bear thinking about. And I could never be an Elf... I am far too klutzy. I would probably end up tripping and impaling myself on my own sword. That would be both sad and pathetic. And one more random thought, you technically COULD hear this story, if you read it aloud to yourself! See, I really am clever sometimes! =D

Well everybody, since Orlando got away last time, I'm actually strapping Johnny Depp down to the review button. Press that button to free him!


	7. Enter Orcs, Puking, and Lots of Running

**Author's Note:** This chapter did not want to be written. Therefore, I procrastinated by reading Harold Dieterle's and Sam Talbot's blogs. Harold, you look like Matthew Fox. Sam, I gotta say this man… Grow your hair out again. Oh, and CJ is totally going to win it this season.

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVEN** - Enter Orcs, Puking, and Lots of Running

Immediately, Boromir went to close the rotted wooden doors through which they had originally entered. Meanwhile, Aragorn got busy with directing all the "battle-challenged" individuals in the room.

"Get back!" he shouted. "And stay close to Gandalf!"

Meghan had half a mind to just start screaming, right then and there. The other half of her mind was performing lightning-fast calculations. She glanced around the room, looking for an escape route. None to be had. They were trapped.

More importantly, _she_ was trapped.

"Umm…" she squeaked. "I don't know how to fight at all!"

She felt a reassuring hand on her arm. "Stay by me. I will protect you."

Great. The clothing model to save the day. But at that point, Meghan would take anybody. If she remembered anything from her friends' frequent conversations, the battles typically didn't go well.

"Legolas," she said shakily, "the first thing we're doing once we get out of here is some major weapons training stuff."

"Agreed," he replied before turning away from her to toss various weaponry to Aragorn and Boromir, who were blockading the door. An enormous roar echoed through the room.

"They have a cave-troll," Boromir said in sarcastic joy.

Meghan gasped. "Like in Harry Potter?!"

But everyone was far too busy to answer her. Especially Gimli, who was being very Dwarvish and heroic by standing menacingly atop Balin's tomb. He growled. "Let them come! There is one dwarf yet in Moria that still draws breath!"

The next few minutes of Meghan's life hardly bear description. It is a miracle that she even survived that encounter with Orcs and a pesky troll. Or perhaps Legolas had a little more to do with it than anything else. Meghan mostly huddled away in one corner of the room with Legolas darting around to kill all the Orcs that came at her, and also help other members of the Fellowship.

Meghan herself was fighting the most massive attack of sickness that had ever overcome her. She had her eyes tightly squinched shut, but just the sounds were enough to make bile rise in her throat.

Finally, she heard a huge thud and she looked up to see the cave-troll lying in a heap on the floor and all the Orcs had fled. The Fellowship was gathering around the apparently dead body of Frodo.

Dismissing the concern that the Hobbit really was dead, Meghan shook her head and tried to gather her wits. She took a good look around the room.

Bad idea.

The twisted and fresh corpses of the Orcs sent her stomach into a roller-coaster of nausea. She tasted the vile tang of queasiness and before she knew what had hit her, she was doubled over her knees, vomiting.

Feeling the acute misery that only completely emptying your stomach can bring, she wiped her lips and tried to think of other things. Such as getting furiously angry at the Fellowship for no good reason. What the heck were they talking about over there, anyway? Why weren't they _leaving?_

She peeked over to the group, but one little glance was enough to undo her. She threw up again, and almost kicked the ground in frustration. Actually, the only thing that stopped her was the fact that she was on her knees. So she resorted to pounding the stone floor with her fist.

That drew the attention of Pippin, who hurried over and laid a hand on her back. "Meghan?" he asked tentatively.

"I'm fine," Meghan said, but she didn't open her eyes. "Just a little sick. Once we leave I'll be fine."

The Orcs obliged her. They screamed and made a ruckus outside, thus prompting Gandalf into action.

"To the bridge of Khazad-Dûm!" he shouted.

Meghan dragged herself to her feet and willed her eyes to open. Still, she was convinced that she'd just puke again.

Pippin knew just what to do. He grasped Meghan's hand and put it on his tiny shoulder. "Just until we're out of this room," he said quickly as he hurried after the Fellowship with Meghan (her eyes still shut) tagging closely behind.

They quickly left the chamber and once again entered the marble hall. Meghan let her hand drop from Pippin's shoulder and popped her eyes open. Now she that she was away from the grisly scene from the fighting, she felt better.

Then she noticed that they were being following by a rather large collection of extremely unattractive people.

The Orcs were jeering and screeching like banshees as they rushed, en masse, toward the Fellowship. Hundreds of other goblins swept in from the other sides, blocking them into a perfect circle.

"You guys are so UGLY!" Meghan shouted irately.

The next thing she knew, they were all scattering with shrieks of terror as a red glow appeared farther down the hall.

"What is this new devilry?" Boromir asked in a breathy tone.

"A Balrog. A demon of the ancient world."

_Sooooo cliché._

"This foe is beyond any of you. Run!" Gandalf took off at a sprint and the rest of the Company followed suit. Within about ten seconds, Meghan was huffing and puffing.

"DANG!" she screamed randomly, drawing the word out in delicious fury. "Why didn't I decide to do cross-country? Noooo, I had to pick Accounting!"

"Save your breath!" Gandalf shouted.

Meghan was thisclose to yelling at him. But she decided, hey, he's a smart guy. He's probably right.

They ran through many rooms. They ran down many stairs. They also ran up many stairs. Meghan's muscles burned in a way she had never thought possible. Her clothes were sticky with sweat and she whipped her hair away from her face. Stupid hair.

It finally got exciting when they were running down a particularly disconcerting stairway – no railings, and no visible floor. But what really made it exciting was the fact that it had a gap in it.

Meghan stomped her foot and shook with rage. "Peter Jackson should DIE!" she bellowed.

Legolas neatly leapt across the gap. He turned and beckoned to the wizard. "Gandalf!" he urged.

_Oh my gosh. That was so pansy._

"No," the wizard objected. "Melethriel first."

Meghan rolled her eyes, but smiled at the same time. Sure, Gandalf had his obnoxious idiosyncrasies, but he was still pretty cool. She steeled herself and jumped down to the lower section of the stairs. Legolas caught her by the shoulders, steadying her landing.

Meghan suddenly remembered the whole drama with the stairs crumbling. "Hurry up everybody!" she said. She hated drama. It was just simply unnecessary when they were fleeing for their lives.

Miraculously, the stairway did not begin to collapse. Meghan felt a disproportionate amount of satisfaction as they all again ran through the vastness of Moria. Surely they were getting closer to the stupid bridge!

Well, duh, there it was. Meghan stumbled onto it before she even realized that it _was_ the bridge.

"AH!" she exclaimed. "That's really skinny!"

"Over the bridge! Fly!" Gandalf shouted.

Meghan whirled around to glare at him. "Do you see how tiny that thing is? And what's up with Dwarves and no hand-rails! This is all to produce pointless tension and suspense!"

"Meghan, _run!_" Practically everyone shouted, perhaps with the exception of Gimli, who was too busy mourning the loss of Moria's charms.

"Oh, _fine!_" Meghan snapped. She turned back to the bridge and, gulping in a huge breath, darted across the slender stone pass.

The other side felt remarkably comforting and solid. Meghan stumbled a bit in pure relief as the bridge ended and the regular floor began. She was totally prepared to keep on running from those perfectly odious Orcs, but it seemed as though everyone else had stopped as soon as they got to the other side.

She turned out and saw Gandalf standing in the middle of the bridge. This sight was far less stimulating than the spectacle of a very large, very flame-y monster roaring and hollering on the other side.

"AH!" Meghan screeched in surprise as she grabbed somebody's arm – she didn't really care who it was… it was probably Boromir. "What the heck _is_ that thing?!"

"A Balrog of Morgoth," Legolas said, almost reverent in fear.

Meghan could not think of anything to say. The whole situation could strike anyone dumb.

"You cannot pass!" the wizard snapped, and at that moment, he looked quite wizard-esque. A brilliant light emanated from the tip of his staff, creating an orb of radiance. "I am a servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you, Flame of Udûn!"

The Balrog heaved a mighty blow down on Gandalf, but he blocked it with his own sword, splintering the Balrog's red weapon.

"Go back to the Shadow!" Gandalf ordered firmly.

But the Balrog would have none of it. It now flaunted a whip, lashing and cracking it threateningly.

"YOU…SHALL NOT…PASS!" the wizard boomed, and, joining his sword and staff together, brought them both down on the bridge with a dull thump. Sniffing in contempt, the Balrog took one step onto the bridge.

That was enough. The bridge shattered under the weight of the ancient demon, and both stone and Balrog fell into the abyss. Gandalf heaved a weary sigh and turned back to the Fellowship.

Meghan burst into spontaneous applause. "Whoo! I was totally rootin' for y—" Her cheering was abruptly cut short. The Balrog's whip snatched around Gandalf's ankle and dragged him down. He caught the edge of the stone just in time.

"Fly, you fools!" he gasped before simply letting go.

Frodo was screaming something over to Meghan's left, but she didn't pay much attention. She was too confused. _What on earth just happened? I thought Gandalf was alive in the next movie…I could have sworn he was!_

She couldn't think. It was too difficult to think and run at the same time. And since running was more beneficial to her survival, she chose to run then and think later.

Moments later, the Fellowship burst out of the East Gate of Moria. The sunlight was blinding and Meghan immediately tripped over an unseen stone. She caught herself with her hands and lowered herself to the ground, heaving huge breaths in and out. _I have never run so much in my entire life. And I never want to do it again._

Meghan rolled onto her back and stared up into the blue sky. _So back to this whole deal with Gandalf. I remember he's in the last movie. So how the heck can he die?_ A cold feeling swept over her gut. _What if I did something that threw off the timing or whatever? No no, that can't right. Or at least, I won't think about that right now._ She focused hard on the conversations between Stefanie and Andrea. _Didn't they say something about meeting Gandalf in the second one… in a forest. I can't remember! This is so frustrating!_

"Legolas, get them up," Aragorn said.

"Give them a moment, for pity's sake!" Boromir exclaimed.

"By nightfall, these hills will be swarming with Orcs!" Aragorn said. "We must reach the Woods of Lothlórien. Come Boromir, Legolas. Gimli, get them up."

Meghan didn't want to be one of the people's that needed "getting up." She popped to her feet and glanced around. The terrain was similar to the landscape a few miles before Caradhras, except colder. She tightened her cloak around her body.

A moment later, they were all assembled, though looking a little teary – especially the Hobbits. Meghan stuffed her confusion about Gandalf's death down into the deepest depths of her consciousness.

"So, where exactly is this Loth-whatever place?" she asked.

"Southeast from here, and several hours' travel. We must start now to arrive before nightfall," Aragorn replied.

"This means more running, doesn't it," Meghan sighed.

"I am afraid so," Aragorn nodded. "Let us go!"

And with that, they were off.

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**COMING NEXT TIME! **(courtesy of bookworm97!)

Will Meghan survive another long run to Lothlórien? Will she back-sass the Elves of the Golden Wood? Will there be (GASP) angst over Gandalf's death?

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**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**jayne-ron-leo - **Do I sense a fellow Firefly flan? Wh00t for Jayne! Sorry, I just get so delighted to meet Flans... I don't know any in real life. '( Anyway, I'm glad you're enjoying the story!

**PriestessHelene - **I made Meghan an Elf because she basically is living through a typical Mary-Sue story, but she trips and stumbles through the whole thing. Literally. ;-) She's an Elf, but she doesn't like it much. 'Specially the long hair. Glad you're liking it so far!

**lotrelves - **Things are definitely settling down into a more serious note, but Meghan's still a nutter. I'm ridiculously pleased that you're enjoying this story. And Johnny's free for the taking. D

**ShimmeringWater - **Pretty username! Welcome to the bus of craziness. )

**ClumsyElf - **Okay, your username -totally- makes me grin because it's so perfect! I love it! Quite clever. Meghan sends her thanks for saying that she's funny. And she's not such a big fan of Boromir...which was interesting to write, because _I'm_ a fan! Oh well. She decided not to like him, and goodness knows I have very little control over that crazy Elf.

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **Mega brownie points for you since you caught the Pirates line! That is totally my favorite line from PotC2... I use it all the time. So Meghan simply _had_ to say it. She actually has been wanting to quote Pirates quite frequently lately... It's sad, really. I keep having to go back and change it because I'm practically ripping Gore Verbinski off. Meghan told me to tell you that if she ever gets back into America, she would send you a big chocolate bar because you think she's cool. Yep. That's the word.

**Silencili - **It is my personal theory that Slim Jims are what zombies eat right before they turn into zombies. Really really. I know there's that whole thing where you have to get bitten...or is that vampires... or whatever to turn into a zombie, but it's the Slim Jims. Those things are so inedible that words fail.

**bookworm97 - **You. Are. A. GENIUS! I love that idea! It fits so perfectly with the story! Okay, you get an instant plushie of your choice. The only ones that I withhold are Haldir and Elrohir. Any other plushie is yours. (My personal recommendation would be either Norrington or Theodred.)

**ElfGirl and Prink - **I am quite flattered that you think Meghan is the most original Mary-Sue you've ever seen! Thanks so much!

**NajaMoonshadow - **I am so glad somebody caught that bad pun... belittling... hee hee! Yes, I am nerdy enough that I laugh at my own jokes. And you know what's REALLY freaky is that my friend sleeps with her eyes open a crack! It seriously gives me the heeby-jeebies! (Random note: the "demented, wimpy, girly Orc" bit made me laugh -really hard-.) You are most welcome for the plushie... it's the least I can do, of course, since the real Orlando got away...

**Little Star** – Yay! Two people caught my terrible and incredibly cheesy pun! Thanks for the review. )

Yesterday, Faramir pulled me aside and told me that he would give a kiss to one lady that reviews. Considering the fact that he hasn't even entered the story yet, I think it's a very generous offer. So here's how it's gonna work – Everybody that reviews will be entered into a raffle for a kiss from Faramir! If, for some strange and inexplicable reason, you wish to be absent from this raffle, just mention it and I shan't put your name into the hat. )


	8. Episode Eight: The Attack of the Giggle

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** And the winner of the Faramir Kiss Raffle is…

...drum-roll please...

**NajaMoonshadow**! Congratulations, Naja! )

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**CHAPTER EIGHT** - Episode Eight: The Attack of the Giggle

They ran for what seemed like forever. Meghan had long gotten passed the knot-in-stomach stage, the calf-muscles-burning-like-Hades stage, and the want-to-fall-down-and-die stage. She was at the in-so-much-pain-that-you-can't-feel-anything-anymore stage.

But she pushed doggedly onward. If those tiny little Hobbits could handle running for hours at a time, than by golly, she could, too. She was certain, however, that she wasn't fairing nearly as badly as the huffing and puffing Dwarf, who cursed every several minutes. Or at least, Meghan assumed it was cursing; he used a very gruff-sounding language that was most likely some Dwarvish dialect.

At last (and Meghan was quite certain that she heard a hallelujah chorus), they reached the eaves of Lothlórien. Meghan staggered to a walk, heaving a gigantic sigh of relief. It felt so _good_ to walk instead of run.

"Stay close, young Hobbits!" Gimli said in an extremely loud whisper, gesturing the other short people closer to him. "They say a great sorceress lives in these wood. An Elf-witch of terrible power. All who look upon her, fall under her spell… And are never seen again."

Meghan rolled her eyes. "Right, and she probably lives with Darth Vader. I can totally see that going down."

Pippin and Merry gave her quizzical looks, but Gimli entirely ignored her. He tended to do that a lot. "Well, here is one Dwarf she won't ensnare so easily. I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox!"

Very conveniently, a whole bunch of sharp, pointy objects appeared and aimed at the Fellowship. Meghan squeaked in surprise and hid behind her hands.

"The Dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in the dark," a very arrogant voice announced.

Meghan peeked through her fingers and saw an Elf that was almost as gorgeous as Legolas. "Actually, it would be 'loudly.' Proper grammar, and all."

The Elf turned his attention onto Meghan. "Pardon me," he said with a distinct air of sarcasm.

"Okay, look, you want to be rattin' on me that's fine, but can you _wait_ until I'm not _exhausted_ from _running_ since, like, _five o'clock _this morning?!" Meghan snapped.

He leveled a glare at Aragorn. "Who is this elleth?"

"Our story is long, and she is but a part of it. May we not retire to someplace more protected?" Aragorn said, giving the Elf an apologetic look.

Meghan took the cue to shut-up, but she couldn't resist another eye-roll.

"Very well. Follow me."

The Fellowship and their coterie of Elven guards went deeper into Lothlórien, and soon reached a guard-flet, where they all climbed the dizzying height. Once they got to the top, Meghan tumbled to the floor and stretched out.

She was vaguely aware that everyone else was basically being presented to the Elves, but she didn't care. She wanted to lie down and puzzle over the day's happenings.

More importantly, to puzzle over whether Gandalf's death was her fault or not. _He's an important guy. If I accidentally killed him off, we could be in a heap of trouble. But I remember! In Andrea's story, the one where I was Legolas' little sis… her character went with the Fellowship, and…oh, why did I have to skip some of the parts? But it was in a forest. They all tried to hurt him or something… and then… Oh yeah! He comes back to life! Thank goodness._

She heard a sound next to her, and she looked over to see Pippin and Merry both settling down beside her with a miserable looks on their faces.

"How're y'all doin'?" Meghan asked gently. She wished she could tell them that Gandalf wasn't really dead, but that might mess something up.

"Alright, I guess," Pippin said glumly, but it was hard to be sad for him when he had that adorable accent.

"It was just so unexpected," Merry added.

"Yeah," Meghan sighed. She wasn't very good at comforting people. Heck, when Stefanie's pet hamster died, Meghan had told her that it was probably going to hamster-hell because it ran away every chance it could get. Stefanie had fled, crying, and refused to speak to Meghan for three weeks. (They were seven years old, at the time.)

Pippin seemed to pull himself together. "What do you make of this place?" he asked.

"I dunno yet. I haven't seen much of it. It kinda reminds of a church, for some reason."

"A church?" Merry asked.

"Um… like a temple? Do you guys have that stuff here?"

"I think I know what you mean."

"Hey… how do you think Aragorn is going to explain me to those snobby Elves?"

Pippin cracked a smile. "Careful, or they'll hear you."

"Do you seriously think I care? They're probably all thinking I'm some smelly freak. I haven't gotten so sweaty in years."

They were interrupted by Haldir. "You will follow me," he said rather superciliously.

Meghan cast a wry look at the two Hobbits. "And I was just getting comfortable," she said before crawling to her feet.

Once again, they trekked through Lothlórien. It was beautiful to be sure, but a bit too quiet and eerie for Meghan's tastes. At last they reached a hill-ish part of the forest that opened into a pasture of sorts, and then thickened back into the forest a ways in.

"Caras Galadhon," Haldir said, pride and love for his homeland thick in his voice. "The heart of Elvendom on earth. Realm of the Lord Celeborn and of Galadriel, Lady of Light."

Meghan thought that was great and all, she was so exhausted that she had a headache. Every muscle in her body burned violently. It was rather pathetic, really.

"How much longer?" she panted between gasps for breath.

Haldir cast her an irritated look. "It is not far. Perhaps a mile more."

"A _mile_," she groaned. "I am so out of shape."

"You say that she is from Rivendell?" Haldir asked Aragorn.

The Ranger nodded.

"Rivendell?" Meghan said with a questioning look on her face. Legolas jabbed her in the ribs with his elbow, obviously warning her to go along with the story. "Of course! Rivendell! I am just so used to calling it by, um… the Elvish name, that… you know, it's weird to call it by the…human name. Yeah." She smiled cheesily.

Haldir nodded slowly, but he didn't look entirely convinced. "Very well." His eyes clearly said, _Rivendell has been going downhill lately, if this elleth is to be the illustration._

They started walking again. Meghan moaned internally and kept going by sheer force of will. A stubborn spirit came in handy, sometimes. _Ugh. This would totally be a time-lapse moment in the movie._

And thus, we will take Meghan's advice and use a time lapse, although we do not claim to be a movie. After much more walking, and then a bit of climbing, they finally assembled in another very lofty flet, which was quite shiny.

What was even more shiny was the presence of Celeborn and Galadriel, who glided down the stairs, hand in hand. They looked very solemn. And very shiny.

"The Enemy knows you have entered here," Celeborn began.

Now, let it first be said that Meghan had been running for her life for a dreadfully extended period of time. Before that, she had been sleeping in a dark and scary mine. Before even that, she had been trekking through a snowy mountain. And before even _that_, she had been dumped in a world that was infinitely different than her own.

So perhaps it is excusable that, in that moment, she got a giggle-fit.

"What hope you had in secrecy is now gone…" Celeborn trailed off in confusion as Meghan struggled to suppress a fearsome attack of giggles.

"I'm sorry," she gasped from behind her hands, which were clamped over her mouth.

Celeborn turned away from her, his eyes still perplexed, and continued his monologue. "Tell me where is Gandalf? For I much desire to speak with him. I can no longer see him from afar."

"Gandalf the Grey did not pass the borders of this land," Galadriel said quietly. "He has fallen into Shadow…"

Meghan realized that they were talking about something serious, and, in a Herculean effort, put on a straight face.

"He was taken by both Shadow and flame. A Balrog of Morgoth. For we went needlessly into the net of Moria," Legolas said, sorrowfully.

"Needless were none of the deeds of Gandalf in life," Galadriel said.

_I can think of some. Calling me Melethriel, for one._

"We do not yet know his full purpose." Galadriel looked over at Gimli. "Do no let the great emptiness of Khazad-Dûm fill your heart, Gimli, son of Gloin. For the world has grown full of peril. And in all lands, love is now mingled with grief."

She couldn't help it. Meghan put both her hands back over her lips to keep from laughing out loud. It was just too funny.

"What now becomes of this Fellowship? Without Gandalf, hope is lost," Celeborn said. The seriousness in his tone and expression only made Meghan's giggle-fit worse. In fact, she was getting to the point where it was hard to ignore her. She caught Haldir glaring at her and her obvious disrespect for the Lord and Lady of Light.

_Yikes, what a jerk. __Serves him right that he dies in the next movie._ That thought immediately sobered her. _How did I know that? Andrea's story… but does it really happen? It does! I remember Stefanie being so angry, because it wasn't in the book but it was in the movie… Holy crap, I'm really mean. I take it back, O powers that be! I don't want Haldir to die! I mean, he remains a jerk, but…_

"…Do not let your hearts be troubled," Galadriel was saying. "Go now, and rest, for you are weary with sorrow, and much toil. Tonight, you will sleep in peace."

The Fellowship took this as their cue, and turned to leave. Meghan felt someone's gaze on her back as they began to file down the long flight of stairs.

"Meghan," Galadriel stopped her with one word. "I would have you stay for a moment."

_Oh, come on. I'm totally wiped out. I just want to fall asleep._

"Okay," she said, and turned back to face Galadriel. Celeborn wasn't there anymore.

_Not fair. He gets to leave and go to sleep. Oh wait, the Elves don't sleep. Fine. He gets to leave and go 'meditate' or whatever._

Galadriel gazed at her for a moment. After another moment, Meghan started get a little creeped out. For all she knew, Galadriel could be in that whole 'meditative' state.

"So…" she began tentatively.

"You are not from Rivendell." It was a statement, not a question.

Meghan eyeballed her. "Alright, you probably know my whole story, so you don't have to be mysterious."

To her surprise, Galadriel smiled faintly. "You are right. I do know much of your story. You are from the future, and yet you know little of this tale."

"Yep. Wait. Do you know my social security number?"

"No." Galadriel did not ask what a social security number was.

"Than…is that…all you need? Like…can I go now?"

"You, perhaps you most of all your companions are wearied by your journeys. Yes, you may go."

"Great!" Meghan brightened at the prospect of a bed. "Um…where exactly do I go?"

"Lalaith," Galadriel called, and a moment later a blonde handmaiden came into the room. "Lalaith, will you conduct Meghan to her lodgings?"

"Yes, my Lady." The handmaiden curtsied and went to top of the stairs, pausing to wait for Meghan.

"Well, um, bye," Meghan said to Galadriel, and waved awkwardly.

"Sleep well," Galadriel said.

"You… too. Wait, how did you know I sleep?"

"You said so yourself. I know your story."

"Right. That whole thing. Gotchya. 'Kay, well, I'm gonna go sleep for like, a long time." Meghan gave Galadriel a thumbs up sign and then followed Lalaith down the stairs.

The elleth was remarkably pretty, what with her flaxen hair and perfectly clear complexion. She had startling eyes that were a very pale grey, almost white, that gave her an exotic look.

"So, your name is Lalaith," Meghan ventured.

"Yes, my Lady," she replied shyly.

"I'm Meghan." There was a hesitation on both sides. Meghan was determined not to let the conversation drop, though. This was only the second female she'd seen in quite a few days, and probably only the fourth person who didn't smell rank as a horse. Well, okay, tenth or eleventh, if you want to count all the Elven guards.

"So can you believe that sentinel guy? You know, Haldir?" she continued, fully prepared to launch into a rant.

But a dreamy look immediately swept onto Lalaith's delicate features. "He's my husband," she said with an almost silly smile on her face.

"Say _what_?" Meghan demanded, a sick sensation plummeting inside her gut.

**

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Will Meghan be able to refrain from insulting the tar out of Haldir? Will she finally go to bed? And what about a nice, warm bath?

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**Aviarianna O Lorien - **I know, aren't I nice? Faramir Kiss Raffles and plushies and brownie points! Alright, I'll stop singing my own praises. I'm glad that you're not catching a lot of grammatical/punctuation stuff -- I proofread the chapters at least twice just to make sure I don't have any glaringly obvious errors. And I totally can relate about the constant spell-check... I'm over on and ever since I joined, I critique everything I read, even published books. It's kinda sad. And I just adore Haldir. He's so snooty and arrogant. I love it. :)

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **Hmm, I'll mention it to Aragorn that some of my readership wouldn't mind a raffle for a kiss from him... Not sure how he'll take it though, he might be a bit afraid of Arwen's reaction. If you like I can PM you instructions on how get the accents above the vowels: it's much easier than it seems. And hey, anytime you want to go on a Johnny Depp ramble, you go right ahead. I'll probably ramble right back at ya! I'm planning to take this story straight through the end of Return of the King, and (Shhh, this is on the hush-hush) I'm contemplating a sequel that might feature a few people from Meghan's past. ;-) I'll try to work in some more Aragorn/Meghan chatter (does Aragorn chatter? Wow, weird mental image) in the coming chapters. I'm always so nervous of trying to write Aragorn stuff because I'm deathly afraid that I'll write him out of character, and that makes me sad. So if ever you see me writing Aragorn OOC, smack me, 'kay? One last thing: I absolutely love your long reviews. I was in utter rapture when I saw that nice long review sitting in my mailbox. Lovely!

**HobbitSizeMe - **Oops, I must have forgotten to put the youtube link in there. That's great that you're enjoying the story! Thanks for the review. Oh and the link should be in my profile now!

**ClumsyElf - **I always am amused at how insert characters handle the battles, and how after just a few practice sessions they are as good as Aragorn and Legolas. So Meghan had to be the complete reverse of that -- utter helplessness. 'Cept not in that dainty, ballet-dancer type helplessness... the puking-your-guts-out type of helplessness!

**ElfGirl and Prink - **There have been times when I shouted that line... namely when Haldir died at Helms Deep and when Faramir turned into an evil, sadistic moron. It seemed fitting for Meghan. :D And hey, random note, when will we be seeing a new chapter of your story? I'm afraid I might be getting addicted. )

**lotrelves - **Raffles are always fabulous, aren't they? I love them. Although...I've never won a raffle. Hmm. I probably have got...ANTI-RAFFLE-WINNING-LUCK or something like that.

**whedonist19** - Aw, I love the new username! It's great. And Firefly... oh it makes me sad because it never should have gone. I cried at the last episode because it wasn't coming back! You're so lucky that you have a poster. :) Thanks for the review!

**Silencili - **Yes, it _is_ getting a bit more down to earth. Meghan will never lose that nutty streak, though. She has way too much fun being crazy to get serious.

**bookworm97** - Ha! You make me laugh. :D Yes, I'm afraid Legolas is a wee bit interested in this strange and confusing elleth from the future... Hmm... how will it all turn out? I'm a hopeless romantic, too. I'm always the one in the movie theatre screaming, "JUST KISS HER ALREADY!" But don't forget to pick a plushie!

**NajaMoonshadow - **Oh my gosh! I'M ALWAYS THE GOALIE, TOO! o.O I just know that my demise in Middle earth would be when I run across that tiny little Bridge of Khazad-Dûm. I would go flailing into the depths of whatever that place is called, and then get stuck in between Gandalf and Balrog as they fight, and the Balrog would burn me up. My sense of balance is awful. And hey, if you ever run out of words to describe my awesomeness, you could always repeat yourself! Oh look! FebSong is being clever again! ;-) P.S. Congrats on winning the raffle!

**noodle165 - **Thanks for the review! Meghan _does_ need to take a breather and think some stuff through, but she's a crazy one, that. Never listens to me when I tell her to do something. So we'll see how she handles things:)

**Priestess Helene - **Ha! Genius that she should've puked on the Orcs! Dang, I wish I had thought of that. Oh well, there are plenty more battles to deal with! ;-)

**ringbearingreasergal - **Whew! Thanks for all those reviews! I opened my mailbox and was utterly delighted to see that long list of new emails from And you totally made me crack a smile with "amazing work of awkward art"! Priceless! D Okay, SOUL SISTAHS about that song! I've never met or heard of a single person who actually has listened to that song, let alone like it! I love it -- totally cracks me up. I can't say I've ever read The Outsiders, but I'll have to check it out at the library. Although my library stinks. :'( And don't you worry a slice about Legolas getting jealous. There will be plenty of opportunities for that later in the story. [insert smug smile on FebSong's face here

**HobbitSizeMe (again) - **Thanks for dropping by! Again! So funny that you get two thank you's in a chapter. I guess you reviewed chap.6 and I gave you a shout-out, and then you reviewed chap.7 and I gave you another shout-out! Anyway, whatever happened, it makes me smile. You totally go down in history for that. :)

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I have nothing clever planned to persuade y'all to review… so my best bet is just to give y'all a cute little smiley face and ask politely! 

:D Please review?


	9. A Little Bit of Girl Talk

**CHAPTER NINE** - _A Little Bit of Girl Talk_

"You're trying to tell me that that pigheaded, callous barbarian managed to snag a wife?" Meghan said.

Lalaith stopped dead in her tracks and stared at her. "Excuse me?" she managed to gasp.

"Sorry," Meghan cringed. "My mouth runs while my brain stands still. I'm sure Haldir is a pleasant sort of fellow."

"You cannot imagine how wonderful he is," Lalaith sighed with that dreamy glow in her eyes as they began walking again. "He rescued me, in a way."

"Really?" Meghan said. She may not like the guy, but this sounded interesting. "How so?"

"My father died in battle, and my mother joined him in the Halls of Mandos. Soon after, my twin brother was taken by Orcs, and two days later the scouts found his body."

"Oh man, I'm sorry," Meghan said. It seemed like a lot of people died over here. She'd probably better start honing her consolation skills.

Lalaith smiled her thanks. "Haldir was the one who brought me the news of my brother. I was cast into despair for many months, and began to fade. I thought that the heartache would be too much, and that I would die and pass into the Halls of Mandos as my family as done."

"Woah wait, you guys _die_ of grief? That's really depressing!"

"Do the Elves of your realm not do this?" Lalaith asked.

"Oh, um, yes, of course we do, I was just, uh, reiterating some of the more _sad_ aspect of being an Elf!" Meghan laughed uncomfortably. "Uh, proceed with your story."

"Haldir was away for most of this time, but when he returned, he saw my grief and helped me to come away from it. He reignited my soul with light, and joy, and beauty." A flush spread across Lalaith's cheeks and she smiled softly, thinking about her husband.

"Wow, that's really romantic," Meghan said sincerely. _I bet they're a cute couple._

"What of you? I saw another Elf in your company. Is he your husband?" Lalaith asked, her face completely innocent.

Meghan burst out laughing. "Good grief, no. I don't think I could marry someone who's prettier than I am."

Lalaith looked like she was holding back a grin. "I do not know if I would put it that way…"

"Let's face it," Meghan chuckled, "Legolas is gorgeous."

Both girls dissolved into giggles. But Meghan was trying not to do a million calculations a minute. If this elleth, or whatever the Elves called the women, had been grabbed back from the brink of death by Haldir, what would happen when he died? It didn't bear thinking about at the moment. Meghan was too tired.

"I understand that separate housing has been prepared for you," Lalaith said, still smiling.

"Thank goodness!" Meghan exclaimed. "Whew! Traveling with a bunch of incredibly ripe men is an ordeal! Although I guess I'm none too sweet-smelling myself."

"I will bring you some soap," Lalaith replied.

"What about clothing? I'd really rather not wear dresses whenever we start traveling again."

Lalaith gave her a curious look. "Will you accompany the Fellowship past the borders of this land?"

"Um, yeah, I guess," Meghan said, confused. She hadn't really thought about it.

"You are very brave," Lalaith said. "I would not have the courage to leave my homeland."

"You should have seen me in Moria," Meghan chortled.

The blonde elleth didn't reply, but rather gestured to a tiny little tent set up in a clearing amongst the trees. Peering down the path, Meghan could see another open space, and could just make out that the rest of the Fellowship was there.

"That is your tent," Lalaith said.

"Sweet!" Meghan squealed, and ran forward to inspect it despite her fatigue. It was a darling little place, with a comfortable interior furnished with a small chair and a low pallet to sleep on.

"Lady Galadriel saw that you did not have many things, so she provided bedding. Tomorrow, one of the seamstresses will bring over a few dresses for your stay here. For tonight, you may borrow one of my nightgowns. I think we are nearly the same size."

Meghan guffawed. "Honey, I could never hope to be that skinny. But, you know, it's a _nightgown_. Not that complicated."

"I will leave you here, then, and return in a moment with the gown and soap."

Meghan nodded as Lalaith tripped daintily away through the forest. About ten minutes later, Lalaith came back, bearing an array of things.

"This is your nightgown," she said and handed Meghan a frilly white thing. "And this is a drying-cloth and a bar of soap. The stream is not far - I will lead you to it."

Meghan stood rooted to the spot. "You bathe in streams?"

"I know that in Rivendell it is the custom to draw water for a bath, but here we have no tubs for it. I regret the inconvenience."

"But-but-but how do you make sure no one just waltzes up while you're… you know, _in the buff_?"

Lalaith laughed delightedly. "Your speech is so charming!" she said. "The pools are fairly secluded, and at this time of day, no one will be out washing. Come, before the light is entirely gone."

Meghan reluctantly followed Lalaith down a path that twisted and turned between the trees until at last they reached a quiet stream that was both deep and crystal-clear. It was thickly surrounded by dense underbrush, but that still didn't quite allay Meghan's concerns.

"Um, okay, so, this is a little weird, but, you know, I guess I really want to get clean, so, I'll just, um, bathe here," Meghan rambled.

Lalaith smiled. "Do you require anything more?"

"Oh, doi," Meghan said, smacking her forehead. "Of course your hubby is home. You probably want to go chillax with him, not take care of me. I think I got it. I just follow that nice path thing back to my tent once I finish…bathing…in the river… eheh… Yes! I'm fine. It'll be great. Just me and the river. Go ahead."

"Thank you," Lalaith said. "I hope you have a restful evening."

"You…too," Meghan replied.

Lalaith dropped into a curtsey and then went back down the path, leaving Meghan alone in the twilight, holding a bar of soap, a towel, and a nightgown.

"Heh. Nothing for it. Oh this is _so_ weird." Once her mind was made up, Meghan stripped quickly out of her clothes and jumped into the water. It was surprisingly warm and pleasant - considering the fact that it was winter, she had expected it to be chilly. But, that was probably the power of Lothlórien for you.

Warm water notwithstanding, it was possibly one of the most awkward adventures that Meghan had experienced up to that point. The nagging fear that someone would walk up made her work incredibly quickly, and she had scrubbed her body and hair in no time flat. She climbed out of the brook, toweled off, and dressed in under two minutes.

She swept her cloak around her shoulders, not entirely comfortable with the nightgown even though it fit reasonably well, and gathered up her boots and old dress. It was in a sad state, that dress. She thought about washing it, but she just wanted to _sleep._

Looking up, she could see the dark sky peeking in between the leaves. Even so, the entire forest was illuminated with a soft, silvery glow. More Elvish fairy-tale stuff.

Meghan shrugged. As long as she could curl up on that comfy looking bed in the tent, she was happy. So she traipsed down the path, toting her bundle in her arms.

Not forty-five seconds had passed when she saw the slim figure of a person walking toward her on the very same path. Meghan ducked her head, hoping that whoever it was would magically vanish.

"Lady Meghan," a pleasant voice hailed a moment later. "I was looking for you."

_It's that stalker Elf._ Meghan thanked god, or the stars, or the Valet or whatever the divine being was here that Legolas hadn't come looking for her three minutes earlier. That could have been interesting. He drew closer and they stood opposite one another.

"I just came from a… bath," she replied with an nervous smile.

Legolas immediately turned a very uncharacteristic and strange shade of pink. "I-I am sorry," he stammered. "I did not know-"

Meghan burst out laughing. "It's okay, really it is. You didn't get a free show or anything, so we're good. But seriously, I am so wiped out right now that I could fall asleep on the spot. So don't be all embarrassed on me because that's going to slow me down."

"If-if you are certain," Legolas said, still a bit apprehensive.

"Dude, calm down," Meghan giggled. "I'm completely not mad at you."

"Than may I escort you back?" Legolas said. He actually grinned.

"Sure," Meghan replied.

"May I carry your parcel?"

Meghan looked down at the wad of stuff in her arms, and contemplated the fact that there were, shall we say, "underpinnings" that she had cleverly hidden in the folds of the dress. She put on a cheery smile and thrust her boots into Legolas' hands. "You can carry those!"

It was a quick walk back to Meghan's tent. They didn't speak at all: partially because Meghan's eyelids were drooping even as she walked, and partially because Legolas was still awkward over the whole bathing incident.

When they got to the tent, Meghan turned back to Legolas and smiled. "Thanks for walking me back," she said.

He stooped to place her boots on the ground just outside the tent flap. "It was my pleasure," he said, and he kissed her knuckles.

"G'night," Meghan said.

"Goodnight."

She ducked into the tent and sighed with relief. Creepy pansy Elf following her was a little strange. He was sweet, yes, but too graceful and pretty. _I guess I side with Stefanie on this,_ Meghan sighed internally. _I never thought I'd actually have an opinion on the subject, but Elves are so fairy-ish. I want a guy who can sweep me off my feet and grab me in the middle of something epic and just simply kiss me senseless._

With this pleasant thought, Meghan threw off her cloak and crawled into bed. It was soft and cozy, but Meghan never had a chance to notice. She fell asleep even before her head hit the pillow.

* * *

**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will Meghan survive the calmness of Lothlórien? Will _Mother Nature's Daughter_ finally get to read a little Aragorn/Meghan chatter? Will Legolas ever cease to be so pretty?

* * *

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**scarlet-reBELLE - **Oh. My. Gosh! I love your username! I know I say that a lot in these shout-outs, but yours just totally makes me smile. Fabulous. Thanks for the review!

**Altariel** - Your review made me giggle... Someone _should_ write a fic about someone falling in M-E...'cept in South Harad or something... That would make my day. Possibly even my week. And thanks so much for that ego boost! I've always enjoyed reading shout-outs in other fics, so I couldn't resist putting them into my own. They're fun:D

**ElfGirl and Prink - **I'm glad to hear that you aren't gonna let your fic drop, that would give me cause for sadness. I totally understand the whole busy with life thing... ugh. There should be a day once a month where it's illegal to do work or school or housework or anything like that. Of course, that would probably cause the economy to crash and the world to go into a black-out, but it would be fun while it lasted, you know? And thanks for mentioning that Meghan's believable - that's my first priority as I write, so it's great to hear that I'm achieving that. Thanks for the review!

**ringbearingreasergal - **Gasp! Having a giggle fit right before reading about a giggle fit? Coincidence? I think not! And yes! I have seen the "Hobbit Folk Rap" ... I actually have it downloaded onto my compy! I giggle incessantly for several hours after watching it. That serious look on Legolas' face always cracks me up and now I can't watch those parts of the movies with a straight face. Wh00t for someone else liking the Hobbit Folk Rap AND the Scissor Sisters! I'll definitely have to check out The Outsiders... it seems like we're cosmically connected somehow with all these "coincidences"...

**ClumsyElf** - Yay! My adorable smiles of cuteliness have an affect! MWAHAHAHA:-3D (Notice the Curly Mustache of DOOM) Erm... sorry about that. Sometimes my evil overlord switch gets turned on. Well, evil overlady. Meghan has trouble keeping her mouth shut about _anything_, so it could be a bit of a problem with Haldir... Thanks for the review!

**Anonymous reviewer who I am assuming is **_**bookworm97**_** based on the fact that there was a nice little "happy tuesday" closing at the bottom of the review - **Alright, if you're NOT bookworm, I'm going to be very embarrassed. And just in case you're NOT bookworm, thanks for the review, little anonymous person. If you ARE bookworm and not an imitator: Certainly you may have a Legolas plushie! I can't say that I have one myself, but I hear that he's a cute little plushie guy. And YES, I wrote that Haldir was married with trembling fingers, but it was necessary. And I just realized that by using that dangling modifier, I said that Haldir had trembling fingers when he got married. Giggle. I love English.

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **Whoo hoo! Another deliciously long review! Those totally make me smile. A lot. As in smile so much that my face hurts a little. As in smile like Barbie. Okay not that far. I'm not skinny enough to be Barbie. Anyway, thank you bunches and bunches for not only writing a good long review, but writing TWO reviews because the first got eated! (Yeah, I tend to use immature grammar at times. I'm a four-year-old at heart.) The whole thing with Aragorn being coerced into a Kiss Raffle first made me scratch my head in confusion because I have a thick skull and I didn't understand it at first, but when I slowed down and read it more carefully, I got it and burst into these huge peals of laughter that probably left my dog wondering what on earth was wrong with me. And I just used a really long run-on sentence. I heart Aragorn/Arwen too, they're one of my favorite fictional couples ever. I'm glad I run very little risk of offending your Aragorn OOC alarms... I won't be so nervous now. And from some of the stuff I've written in future chapters, I think I've at least moderately captured his character. It's quite wonderful to hear that you're becoming addicted to the story... that means that my plans for world domination are coming together nicely. Oh, I didn't type that out loud, did I? Oops, how indiscreet of me. ;) That PM should be in your mailbox by now, and if not, it'll be coming soon. Oh yeah, and a final random note about the long titles: I love them! I _always_ have to pare down the title for every chapter. They would be twice as long if would only let me. -pouts- But oh well! It's probably good that there's a limit… or else I'd go crazy with it and have titles as long as the chapters!

**HobbitSizeMe** - The youtube thing just tickled me for some reason... Dakota Fanning is a sweet kid and Orlando just looked so amused and slightly embarrassed through the whole thing. It gave me a bit of a chuckle. Anyway, random commentary on the vid over with. Thanks for the review... I'm glad you found chapter seven before chapter eight came up, lest you get confuzzled!

**PriestessHelene - **Well, as you have probably read by now, she doesn't quite get what she was expecting in regards to the bath... I thought it would be totally implausible for the Elves to be hauling water up and down those flets. But then I read a story where there were public bath houses, and I thought, _DUH! That makes complete sense!_ But my idea was already in the plot, and I suppose it works well enough. :) Thanks for the review!

**whedonist19 - **I came into the series after watching _Serenity, _too, but I bought the boxed set and watch the episodes pretty frequently. I'm continually amazed that I love and adore every single character -- normally there are a few that I don't like, but that's not the case for Firefly. My hat goes off to Whedon and all the actors. :) Gosh. I love those guys so much. Thanks for the review!

**Z2010 - **I definitely tried to look at every circumstance and decide how _I_, an untrained and rather gutless individual, would have handled it, so I hope that adds realism to Meghan. I certainly fall into the "run for your life" category though. ;-) I'm glad it's funny! Thanks for the review!

**WendWriter - **Although I very sincerely doubt you will ever read this, as you said that your like of this piece was wearing away and the dislike was wearing in, I still wanted to give you a brief shout-out and say thanks for taking a peek at my story.

**dark blue 445 - **Wow, I've never been called "brilliantly hilarious" before...thanks! Good to know that it's funny and engaging. Thanks again for the review! I hope to see you around. :)

* * *

Now I shall shamelessly self-promote and ask all of you to review:) Everybody gets their personal choice of freshly baked e-cookies! 


	10. Fun with Sharp Objects

**Author's Note: **Hey there, everybody. I'm looking to update this once a week, but the actual _day_ of the week doesn't matter to me. This can be like a nice serial. I know I love Wednesdays because that's the LOST day. I am by no means comparing myself to LOST, but my question to all of you is: what day of the week would be the best?

**CHAPTER TEN** - _Fun with Sharp Objects_

"I crave a marshmallow," Meghan sighed.

"What is a marshmallow?" Legolas asked.

"It's a delectable piece of cloud that melts in your mouth and makes your heart smile," Meghan replied.

They were both sitting up in a tree. Legolas had coaxed her out of her tent (she originally had wanted to sleep in for a week) and convinced her to climb up into one of the immeasurably tall mallyrn trees with him. Even though there had been stairs winding around the trunk, about a third of the way up, Meghan declared that she was wretchedly sore and couldn't mount another step. So, naturally, they had carefully gone out onto one of the branches to rest.

Let me rephrase that. Legolas had daintily and quickly sauntered onto the limb, while Meghan had followed, flapping her arms in a desperate attempt to retain her equilibrium.

The enormous sleeves hadn't helped, either. That morning, she had woken to find a bundle of several dresses just inside the door, and they all had huge bell-shaped sleeves.

"That sounds wonderful," Legolas said, referring to the marshmallows of course.

"They are, let me tell you. Whew. Heaven in a bite. Dang I love food."

Meghan struggled to her feet and was pleasantly surprised that without all the flailing, she could actually balance fairly well.

Legolas stood up, too, and they faced each other on the tree branch. If Meghan had actually stopped to think about it, she would have considered it one of the stranger things that had happened to her. Standing up in a tree having an earnest conversation about food just didn't rate on her normal list.

"That is not something that most elleths would say."

"Legolas," Meghan said seriously, clapping a hand onto his shoulder. "Understand that when I was transported here by the gods, I was placed in the wrong body. It would have been much more appropriate had I appeared as a Hobbit."

He laughed. "You _are_ more like the Halflings than my own kin in some ways."

"Like my…_crazy wicked awesome kung-fu_ skills?" She laughed at his blank stare. "Dude, it's like I'm speaking a foreign language to y'all people."

"I confess, it is difficult to understand you, sometimes," Legolas said.

"Oh gosh, and you guys are so adorable with your quaint old-fashioned words. You know, I don't think I've ever heard you use a contraction."

"I learned the Common Tongue without contractions."

"Gotchya."

They stood in silence for a moment, with Meghan studying the finer points of her fingernails and Legolas studying her.

"So," Meghan began calculatingly, looking up. "In Moria we agreed that I should learn how to use some chillin' weaponry stuff so that I stand a better chance of not dying next time."

"Yes, we did," Legolas said. "What would you like to learn?"

"Um, ­_you're_ the expert, not me."

"I think it would be wise to begin with the bow. It does not take much to learn, and is less physically demanding than a sword or knives."

"Cool. Now all I need is a bow. Oh and those little arrow things."

Legolas nodded slowly, probably pained by her ignorance of his beloved sport. "I will go to the armory and try to obtain the required items."

"Great!" Meghan chirped. "Shall we get started?"

"Are you certain you are not too sore from yesterday's exercise?"

Meghan paused to think about it. It did sound awfully inviting to go back to her tent and collapse onto the bed for another ten or twelve hours. But who knew how long they would stay in the safety of Lothlórien? She might not have many opportunities like this one.

"Nah, I'll be fine. Let's get this over with."

They descended from the tree and Legolas left her, promising to return shortly with a bow and arrows, if he could find them. Meghan stood at the base of the tree and twiddled her thumbs.

Not many minutes later, Legolas came back with two bows - one his, and the other for Meghan. "I checked with one of the armorers," he said. "He said that you may keep this bow and equipment." He handed her the bow, a quiver of arrows, and a strange strappy thing.

"What's this?" Meghan asked, investigating the latter item.

"A vambrace. It protects the forearm from the slap of the string."

"Coolies. Shall we?"

They found an archery range that was utterly uninhabited, for which Meghan was grateful, considering the fact that she wasn't the among more coordinated individuals of the Elvish race.

"Alright, the primary muscles that you will use are your shoulders and back. You place your feet the width of your shoulders…" And Legolas launched into a detailed tutorial on archery, which would most likely bore my readers. And even if it _didn't_ bore my readers, it would detract from the story. So we will jump to Meghan's first attempt at a shot.

She clasped the shaft of the bow with one hand and drew the string back to her cheek with the other, sighting down her arm carefully. Breathing in, she released.

If it is possible for a bow to explode, this one did. The arrow embedded into the ground about four feet in front of them, and the string snapped off the bow and fell impotently into the grass. The bow itself sprang from Meghan's grasp and rebounded away from her, bruising her foot in the process.

"WHAT THE HECK?!" Meghan exclaimed.

Legolas swallowed a smile. "An accident," he said. "Try again." He restrung the bow for her and handed it to her. "Relax your bow-hand, and focus on releasing smoothly with your string-hand."

Meghan repeated the process, concentrating on her hands. This time, when she released, the arrow struck the target… but the string smacked the inside of her elbow.

"Ow!" she screeched. "I thought that the vambrace thing was supposed to protect me!"

"Not that far up your arm," Legolas said. "Try again."

That's how it went all morning. Meghan repeatedly messing it up and Legolas patiently correcting her. As the afternoon crept in, Meghan had painstakingly managed not to injure herself with the bow, but her accuracy was terrible. Plus she was fighting mad.

"I don't get it," she snapped. "This is ridiculous. I can't even hit the same place twice."

"It is only your first day," Legolas said soothingly. "It is reasonable that you are not as precise as someone who has been practicing for many years."

Meghan sighed. "Maybe I'm not cut out for this archery thing. Maybe I should do swords or something."

"That is not my area of expertise," Legolas said. "You might ask Aragorn or perhaps Boromir to teach you to wield a sword."

She contemplated both of them. Boromir was a bit…eh… sensitive and brooding. And Aragorn was depressed and grim. But Boromir had a touch of creepiness about him - and not the same kind of creepiness as Legolas, who was overly friendly and slightly girly. Boromir was dark creepy. Aragorn was just…sad.

"I'll talk to Aragorn," she decided. "But meanwhile, it's almost nighttime and I'm wiped out. My legs feel like limp noodles and my arms feel like… _really_ limp noodles."

"That is a very descriptive figure of speech."

"Thanks, but it's not mine. It's really cliché."

"Cliché?"

"Um… overused."

Legolas regarded her in the goldeny light of Lórien. "Whenever I am certain that I understand your entirety, you surprise me."

"Trust me…not even I know myself in my entirety."

He laughed. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, let's go rustle up some chow. All this hard work makes me ravenous."

She hurried away, her hair swinging behind her. Legolas shook his head at her disregard for the bow that she held in her hand, but he followed nonetheless.

About an hour later, Meghan had satisfied her gullet and was sitting contentedly amongst the rest of the Fellowship. They were all silent. It was quite boring.

"So…" she said slowly. "...Aragorn."

The Ranger looked up, his grey eyes piercing. "How can I help you, Lady Meghan?"

"First of all, you can knock it off with the _Lady_ crap. It's annoying. I don't call you Lord Aragorn, do I?" He didn't answer. Meghan cleared her throat and continued. "Anyway, I was kind of hoping, if you had time, that you could teach me how to use a sword or something. Legolas is coaching me in archery and I pretty much stink at it, so I'm widening my horizons."

"If you wish," Aragorn said. "Though I thought that you were affected by the sight of blood?"

"Um… I am. But just for practicing, I think it'll be fine. Just don't randomly slit your throat, 'kay?"

He cracked a faint smile. "I will try not to. Shall we start tomorrow morning?"

"I guess so. Legolas, do you want to do archery stuff in the afternoon?"

The Elf nodded. "That will do."

"Great. It's settled. I am so going to become the most awesomest warrior-chick ever." She caught Boromir rolling his eyes, and she huffed. "What? You don't think I could be Xena reincarnate?"

"Even if I knew who this Xena character is, I do not agree with you."

"Fine. Be that way." Meghan crossed her arms and looked away from Boromir. He was a spoil-sport, anyway.

**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will all the characters ever quit calling Meghan "Lady"? Will Meghan actually channel Xena and gain instant warrior vibes? Will Legolas ever use a contraction?

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**ElfGirl and Prink – **Ha, I guess that proves that I ought to have a recap for some of the chapters! Thanks for the review. :-)

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **Whoo! Another long review! They really do make me happy. And yes, if all my research is correct, an _elleth_ is a lady Elf. I'm totally honored to be the "LotR girl to answer all your questions"! Yay! Lalaith is an OC that I created for plot funness... it was never mentioned in the books as to whether Haldir, or really ANY of the Elves except the main ones (you know, Elrond, Galadriel/Celeborn, Arwen) were married, so I decided to play around with it. It struck me as kinda cute that Haldir married a sweet little elleth. And Aragorn could -totally- do the sweeping-off-the-feet thing. We'll see about Legolas, though. I've definitely got some fun stuff planned. :-3D

**bookworm97 - **I think it was FF's fault that it was an anonymous review... or else it was a weird anonymous because it didn't have anything, not even "Anon."! o.O And I hope you won't make me wait too long until the next chapter of your story. If any of you guys randomly read over all the shout-outs, go read bookworm's story. It makes me smile and it'll make you smile, too. And bookworm, you are most welcome for the plushie. May it be a light unto you in dark places.

**Silencili **- Yes, Lothlórien is pretty, but I would -never- want to live there. It's far too "mystical" or whatever. And Celeborn! Hah! I always giggle at that guy. Especially whatever the Elvish equivalent of "You are being tracked" (I'm too lazy to look it up...) for when the Fellowship leaves Lórien. He's so... "I want to have a brief moment of drama so I'll randomly state the obvious!!" Hmmm. I wonder if ALL Elves state the obvious? Legolas sure does!

**Luthien Athendil ('Eovia?) - **Squee! A new reviewer. I wouldn't want you to be upset, so I'll update as quickly as I can. :-) It seems like everyone loves the cutely fluff... I confess, it's some of my favorite stuff to write, too! Meghan will have to be very convincing to go with the Fellowship... considering just exactly how "helpful" she's proven to be. ;-) As you can see, I didn't quite get to Amon-Hen yet, that'll actually be several chapters down the road. In the books, it said that the Fellowship seemed to stay in Lórien for a month, and I needed that time, so Meghan's got a bit more of creepy Lothlórien to deal with. I am following movie-verse; it seemed like it would be more feasible to send someone like Meghan into the movie. If I threw her into the book, the characters would probably just leave her behind. Which, in my opinion, would make a boring story. Thanks so much for all the stuff! I especially appreciate the magic wishes and the lava lamps. :-)

**PriestessHelene - **I'm glad you were amused! I had quite a bit of fun while writing it, too. :-) We'll see how Legolas does with the sweeping-off-the-feet vs. bore-with-sonnets thing... The only thing I guarantee is that lots of it will be awkward. After all, that's the title, no?

**lotrelves** - Wow, that makes me really sad that FF ate a really good review! Thanks for reviewing again despite the uncalled-for consumption of your first attempt. I did technically mean _Valar_ instead of _Valet,_ but Meghan doesn't know the difference and got them mixed up. She's a silly one, that. But, but, but, (-gets bouncy-) did you notice the little section about contractions? I wrote it with you in mind:-D

**ringbearingreasergal - **I always _did_ wonder about how the Mary-Sues handled their periods and stuff. I know _I_ would be a raging, crying, furious, awkward wreck. I don't quite know about Meghan dying of grief. At this point, I don't think anything could really happen that would affect her _that_ much. But I assure you, Meghan will never get even _close_ to fading. I sometimes enjoy reading angst, but I could never write it. I'm definitely on the hunt for the Outsiders, by the way! My library is currently in a bit of an uproar (they're remodeling), but once it's calmed down I am so there.

**N.M.Marquette - **Welcome back! Marquette -- that's cool. Is it from a fandom I've never heard of or is it part of your name? Anyway, thanks for the review:-)

**Melovia - **Here's a whole batch of chocolate cookies, just for you! But are you sure you don't want mega-triple-chocolate-fudge-brownie cookies? They're my specialty!

**whedonist19 - **If there's one thing that bugs me in insert fics, it's when the OC starts talking like Shakespeare. You know, the whole, "Dost thou lovest me, Legolas...eth?" thing? Ugh. Gross. So Meghan's got a more...modern vocabulary. :-)

**Mortal-until-death - **Thanks for the review. Yeah, I know...not very original, but still fun, I hope. :-) I'm totally open to hearing comments you've got -- my cheering section is pretty awesome and I love them all, so I think I can handle a little rougher reviews. :-D

**mistanddust13 - **Whoo! A fellow Grobie! I saw Josh live, too... he was totally the awesomeness. :) Are you -totally- stoked about the Christmas album? I know I am! Every time I think about it, I flip out. He rocks my socks. Thanks for the review!

**overcheatedXdreamer - **Well, Legolas' heart isn't broken yet... We'll see...

**NajaMoonshadow - **Naja! I missed you last time! I'm glad you're back...of course, now you're leaving again! Well, have fun in... wherever you're going. :-) That totally cracked me up about Legolas' magic dry cleaning cloak clasp. Now I want to go watch TTT again so I can see his instant transformation from dirty to lemon-fresh again! I think there's another one from Moria to Lothlórien... I mean, did they stop to wash up before going into Lórien? And why didn't anyone _else_ get all cleanified! Ah, the many questions of cleanly Elves! I shall look forward to hearing from you whenever you get back. :-D

**Altariel - **Eek, sorry about the shortness! She _does_ have a lot of convincing to do when the Fellowship leaves... But I think she's up to it. :-) Sorry about all that trouble to get the URL! I'm pretty sure you have to throw some random spaces in the link to make it work -- I'm not sure why. You are totally my hero for recommending that story, though! I was reading it, like, YEARS ago and for some reason lost track of it and then could never find it again. So, just because you absolutely made my day, you can have pick of any plushie you want except Elrohir and Haldir. They're mine. :-)

**WelcomeToTheStrange - **You are most welcome to the story! Stay as long as you like. Thanks for the review:-)

**dark blue 445 - **Eek, I hope this doesn't drag too much! Meghan's got a bit of stuff to do in Lórien, but hopefully it'll be sparkly and actiony. And I promise, once we're out of Lothlórien, things are going to start going very quickly.

**Put the Fun in Dysfunctional - **Your username makes me laugh! Welcome to the story. We get a little rowdy over here, to be warned. :-) I'm sorry about your insomnia, but a little selfish part of me is glad that it made you find the story!

Reviews are super-helpful... Y'all have no idea how many times I'll be reading over a review and go, "-freeze- Oh yeah! I'd forgotten about that!" or "Good idea!" So y'all definitely make this story better simply by pressing that hypnotizing little button down there... You want to press the button... press it...


	11. Random Scenes Without a Coherent Title

**Disclaimer:** I wrote this chapter immediately after reading the Engrish subtitles for _The Two Towers_, the link for which shall be in my profile. My favorite Engrish subtitle? "Fire advise goggle!"

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**CHAPTER ELEVEN** - _Random Scenes Without a Coherent Title_

And thus, the next while of Meghan's life was spent largely in keeping company with a sweaty Ranger and a delicately clean Elf. Aragorn had found her a moderately light sword to use, and of course she still had the bow that Legolas had procured for her. Nevertheless, she was terrible in both departments.

Her accuracy in archery still didn't improve, and she was so depressingly bad with a sword that it took all of Aragorn's vast patience not to shout at her.

About two weeks in, Meghan was just finishing a long day of sword-training in the morning and archery in the afternoon. She stood, the string drawn back to her ear. She could feel the soft fletchings on the arrow teasing her cheek.

It was like a moment of clairvoyance. She could sense everything around her with perfect clarity. The rustle of the leaves, her breathing, the way the bow creaked, even Legolas' heartbeat.

She drew in a careful breath, and let her string-fingers relax. The bow snapped straight as the arrow flew neatly into the small red circle of the bullseye.

"YES!" Meghan shouted, pumping her fist in the air. Before she knew quite what was going on, she found herself being twirled around in the strong arms of a certain blond Elf.

"Excellent," he said with a broad grin as he gently set her back to her feet. "Do you remember what you did?"

"It was weird," Meghan said gaily. "I think I finally just focused completely on the whole thing, instead of letting myself get distracted."

"Then let us end on a high note." Legolas offered her an arm, but unfortunately, she was so busy gathering up her gear that she didn't notice. When she looked up with a smile, he had turned away to collect his own equipment.

"I hope they give me some pants someday soon," Meghan sighed. "I think these dresses are lovely, but it sure is a pain to wave a sword around in a skirt."

"You should speak to one of the seamstresses," Legolas suggested. "I'm sure they could arrange something for you."

They began to stroll back in the direction of the general meeting ground of the Fellowship. It was a quiet evening, just as all the evenings in Lothlórien were.

"How much longer do you suppose we'll stay here?" Meghan asked.

"I do not know. But it seems that we will depart soon. There is still the Quest to think of."

"Yep."

They continued on in silence for a few more moments. It was broken by a sweet soprano voice from behind them.

"Meghan!"

Both Meghan and Legolas turned around and saw a blonde elleth trotting prettily toward them.

"Lalaith!" Meghan exclaimed. "I haven't seen you since we first got here."

Lalaith come up to them and dropped into a curtsey to Legolas, who returned it with a gracious bow. "I delivered the dresses to your tent the next morning, but you were still asleep so I left them without waking you."

"Thanks for that," Meghan said.

"I was actually seeking you to ask you to walk with me. I am on my way to obtain a few bolts of fabric, and I hoped you might keep me company if you are not too tired."

"Sounds like fun," Meghan grinned. Fabric was _always_ fun.

"I will take my leave then," Legolas said. "I fear I would only intrude upon two ladies fluttering over yards of cloth. Good evening, Lady Lalaith." He bowed to her again.

"Good evening, Prince Legolas," Lalaith said.

"Lady Meghan, may I take your things back to your tent?"

"Thanks," Meghan said, handing him her bow and quiver.

Despite all the gear, he somehow managed to lift one of her hands to his lips and press a kiss on her knuckles. "Good evening, Lady Meghan."

"G'night."

He smiled faintly and walked away.

Meghan found that Lalaith was giving her one of those I-know-something-you-don't looks. "What?" she demanded.

"I remember that you said that you would never consider Prince Legolas."

"Yeah, and this is going where…?"

"He seemed very intent upon you when he kissed your hand."

"That puff-muffin? Are you kidding me?" Meghan looped her arm through Lalaith's and they started off down the path. "Legolas is more of a freaky cousin that you eventually get used to sort of person. I'm sure that what you're seeing in Legolas is courtesy. He's just a nice guy."

Lalaith smiled knowingly and let the subject drop. "What think you of my homeland?" she asked.

"It's very beautiful. I haven't seen much of it, though, since I've been so busy with Aragorn and Legolas. How long have you lived here?"

"My entire life."

"Coolies. Hey, do you think I could eventually get some pants or something? I don't want to keep traveling in a dress."

"I am certain that one of the seamstresses could sew something suitable. I will pick up a few materials for you when we reach the loom-flets."

"Thanks."

They walked in companionable silence for a few moments until something scared the willies out of Meghan.

"AAHH!" she screeched as a person appeared behind Lalaith.

Lalaith gave her a strange look, and Meghan calmed down enough to recognize Haldir, who was cringing for his poor Elvish ears and the violence they had undergone from Meghan's scream.

"I see that you have met the elleth who came with the Fellowship," Haldir muttered to Lalaith.

"Yes," Lalaith said sweetly. She pecked a quick kiss onto his cheek. "I have."

"You should _not_ come sneaking up on people like that," Meghan huffed. "It's totally rude."

"Forgive me for walking in my own homeland," Haldir retorted.

"My love," Lalaith said with a warning tone in her voice. "We were just on our way to the loom-flets to retrieve some cloth."

Haldir gave Meghan the evil eye and then turned his attention to his wife. "I followed you to help you carry the fabric back."

"Thank you," Lalaith replied, biting her lower lip like a bashful little girl. "You may still accompany us, if you wish."

Meghan saw a look of adoration in his eyes and suddenly felt as though she was intruding. "You know what, y'all go ahead. I'm actually pretty tired and I ought to get back to my tent. Busy day tomorrow and all."

"Than I hope you have a restful evening," Lalaith smiled.

"Thanks. G'night."

Meghan returned to her tent, but she didn't go inside. She flopped onto the grass and looked up at the sky that peeked between the leaves. It was so quiet and peaceful that she fell asleep just so, spread-eagle on the ground outside her tent.

"Meghan?" a manly voice asked, rousing her from her sleep.

"Huh?" she snorted awake. "Oh, hi Aragorn. What's up?"

The Ranger refrained from questioning her about why she was sleeping outside as she propped herself up by one elbow. "I came to inform you that we have decided to depart on the morning of the day after tomorrow."

"Okay," Meghan said. She fell back on the soft turf. Aragorn turned to go, but she stopped him with a question. "Hey Aragorn? What happens to an Elf when her husband dies?"

"The Elves die of grief when their spouse perishes," he replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason," Meghan sighed, still staring at the sky. "Just wondering, is all. Lalaith said something that made me wonder. How often does it happen, do you think?"

"In times of war, it occurs frequently. But otherwise, it is rare for an Elf to die."

"That's sad, but romantic in a way, I guess. Where I come from, it's so common for men and women to leave each other. It's cool that Elves stay bonded that way."

Aragorn seemed sad, as though he was pondering something.

"What about you? You got a girl?" Meghan asked as she propped herself up again.

"Her name is Arwen," Aragorn said quietly.

"Oh yeah, Stefanie totally hated her," Meghan said, grinning at the thought. She noticed Aragorn's faraway look. "Oh. Sorry. I never said that. Ehem. Arwen, you say?"

"Arwen Undómiel," Aragorn added. He paused for a moment, then smiled. "Good night, Meghan."

"G'night," Meghan said.

He retreated into the forest, and Meghan got up and went into her tent. She still had Lalaith's nightgown from the first night, and she grabbed it, a towel, and a bar soap and headed down toward the stream.

She had almost gotten used to bathing so openly, so she took a more leisurely soak and spent the time to scrub out her long hair. As she floated in the comfortably warm water, she pondered what she'd learned that day.

_Lalaith's so sweet, and I don't want her to die of grief because that egotistical moron gets himself killed in the second movie. But I can't fight worth a flat tire. Could I tell Legolas and have him keep an eye on Haldir? But that might mess something up and make Legolas die. I don't want that either. He's creepy, but nice. Dang. I'll figure it out tomorrow._

* * *

**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will Meghan figure out what to do with Haldir? Will Lalaith's suspicions regarding Legolas and Meghan prove correct? Will Meghan finally get some pants to wear?

* * *

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **Yay for mini-chatter! There was a little bit more chatter in this chapter. I know I didn't go into a lot of detail with the sword-training, but that's next chapter. :-) I can definitely relate about stinking with the bow... I took archery lessons for a while and I was TERRIBLE. First off, my dominant eye and hand don't match, so that threw my aim off a lot. And secondly, I just flat out stink! But, hey, it's all in fun. And hey, I have a quote for you. Orlando Bloom: "Vig used to call me 'elf boy', and I'd call him 'filthy human'. As an elf, I never got a scratch on me, never got dirty. And Vig would come out with blood and sweat all over him, and he'd say to me, 'Oh, go manicure your nails.' " You go, Viggo! (And I just rhymed…)

**lotrelves - **I'm glad you saw the lotrelves-inspired bit. It made me smile. :-) And Celeborn has such a monotone voice! "Tell me where is Gandalf for I much desired to speak with him..." I mean, yikes, Galadriel married a robot! "Thrillifying"! Oh my goodness, I am _definitely_ going to steal that! So cute. :-D

**bookworm97 - **As I said to MND, I am _wretched_ at archery. It's a lot more complicated than it looks! But with plenty of practice, I think Meghan stands a fair chance of becoming at least moderately proficient. I think I agree with you about Legolas... poor dear, he's becoming a bit interested, no?

**ElfGirl and Prink - **Yay! I'm not cheesily romantic! No worries, mate, I use "cheesily" all the time! It'll probably appear in this story at some point, if it hasn't already! At any rate, your review gave me many warm fuzzies. :-)

**PriestessHelene - **I hadn't even thought about Meghan using a staff instead of a sword! Perhaps in later chapters she can rock out with a staff. That would be chillin'. I confess, I know absolutely nothing of your comment about Xena, etc... I only know that the character of Xena is some wicked awesome warrior woman, but I've never watched the show. I tried, just to catch Craig Parker, but...that didn't really work out. Oh well. Aragorn did chat with Meghan a bit, but unfortunately it _was_ about Arwen...

**WelcomeToTheStrange - **Meghan can be unreasonably practical sometimes, so even though she doesn't like the physicality of archery and sword-fighting, she realizes that she might need those abilities. I'm delighted that you're enjoying the story:-D

**Put the Fun in Dysfunctional - **Yeah... Meghan's no Xena. Hey, a girl can dream, can't she? ;-) I'm glad that I supply something to occupy you during your insomnia.

**mistanddust13 - **Yes, his Christmas album is titled _Noel_ and it's coming out October 9th. I can't wait! I didn't go into details about the sword lesson this chapter, but that's coming up next time. Personally, the next chapter is my favorite so far. I don't really know why. I'm just weird like that.

**Christie13194 - **Ha, don't hurt those vocal chords with the maniacal laughter! I find it typically works best to drink a full glass of water beforehand and maybe eat a banana. Those tend to help the throat. ;-)

**N.M.Marquette - **Okay, you officially have one of the prettiest names I've ever heard! It sounds like something from a fairy-tale! Your heritage sounds really cool, that's an interesting mix. I'm just part-German, part-English. Boooooring. :-) A friend of mine is _really_ a mutt though; she's pretty much anything you could ask for. Indian, French, German, English, Creole, Italian, Irish, Scottish, Asian, _everything._ It's like all her ancestors coordinated so that she would be as diverse as possible. Congrats to you for being pretty much the only person to vote! Fridays it is!

**Silencili - **Yep, I'm a Lostie. :) I must say, I dislike Locke very much! It all started when Boone died... I couldn't quite forgive Locke. And lately he's gotten so batty. Ah well, he still has three seasons to redeem himself. :-) I definitely kept out the archery description -- I am totally with you when you say that descriptions about horses/etc are terribly boring. I love horses, but going into every detail of their physique is just too much.

**whedonist19 - **It's very delightful to hear that this story is uplifting! Look for updates every Friday... that appears to the official decision. Thanks for the review! Have a brownie as a reward. :-D

**ringbearingreasergal - **I can take no credit for the brilliance of the Elves and their decided lack of contractions. That goes entirely to lotrelves, who pointed out the fact within the first few chapters. I took the advice in a fit of holy terror and I think the story is all the much better for it. So I simply had to give lotrelves a little bitty shout-out somewhere. At any rate, thanks for dropping by with a review!

**EchoingSilence - **I'm glad that you're enjoying the story! Thanks for the review:-)

* * *

Well guys, it's time for another raffle! The prize this time is a hug from Celeborn. (Oh my gosh, I just _snorted_ because I was giggling so hard at the thought. I am such a weirdo.) Review for a chance to win! 


	12. Dance Like a Chicken, Run Like a Toad

**Disclaimer:** This chapter was written under the combined influence of sunburn, Southern sweet tea, the All-American Rejects, and sour Skittles. I claim no responsibility. And just so everyone knows, getting sunburned on the back of your hands hurts. A lot.

**Author's Note: **So some of my favorite authors, both here on and out in the real world, put quotes at the beginning of each chapter that correspond to the overall feel of that episode. I, however, am going to put in quotes that have nothing to do whatsoever with anything I'm talking about, but are amusing nonetheless.

Hence, I give you,

_"When kids hit one year old, it's like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit." -Johnny Depp_

* * *

**CHAPTER TWELVE** – _Dance Like a Chicken, Run Like a Toad_

The next morning, Meghan slipped out of her tent to see a beautiful dawn sweeping over Lothlórien. She sniffed the fresh air and smiled.

A moment later, Lalaith came strolling down the path with a large basket hooked on her arm. "Good morning!" she called cheerily. "I heard that you and your friends are leaving tomorrow morning, so I went through some of the cast-off pieces from seamstresses. I also took a few items from my own wardrobe – I can easily replace them, and your need is greater than mine."

She handed the basket over to Meghan, who took it and looked inside. "Pants!" she squealed. "And shirts and stuff. This is great, Lalaith! Thanks so much!"

"I also brought a few things for your journey. Lady Galadriel wished for me to ensure that you had the proper supplies. So here is a pack with all the things she thought that you might need."

Meghan peeked into the knapsack and saw some journey-cakes, a bar of soap wrapped in leaves, and various other items that would be useful on a trip.

"You should try the garments on, to confirm that they fit. I must go now and hurry to Lady Galadriel's flet, for she is busy with some plans that require the help of her handmaidens. I shall see you tomorrow, then, when you depart?"

"Sure, sounds good," Meghan agreed. "I'll see you then."

Lalaith smiled in farewell and went back up the path. Meghan took the basket of clothing into the tent and went through everything. She set aside the clothing that didn't fit and stuffed the rest into the pack that Lalaith had given her, with the exception of one set of garments, which she wore. Then she hurried off to sword practice.

The morning passed as most of her mornings did: bashing away at Aragorn. He never talked much during those sessions except to correct her stance and so forth… and considering how pathetic Meghan was, that provided plenty of dialogue. It usually went like this:

"Bend your knees more. It is almost like dancing."

"Like this?"

"No, you resemble a chicken."

"I thought that was the point!"

"Than that was not the dancing I had in mind. Try again, but remember to bend your knees."

"Like that?"

"No. Now you are lumbering your sword about as though it is a block of stone."

"Do you realize how heavy this thing is?"

"Yes, and it is one of the lighter swords made by the Elves. You are fortunate to have one so small."

"Gah, this is annoying. If I were in a battle against Orcs, how long would I survive?"

"Ten, maybe twenty seconds."

"…Seconds?"

Or at least something like that. But today, he was unusually quiet. Meghan attributed it to whatever he had been thinking about last night and didn't question him. At the end of their practice, he bowed and walked away.

"Off to archery," Meghan sighed. "Dang. Another sport I stink at."

She slung her quiver onto her back and picked up her bow. The sword she left buckled to her waist – she's take it off once she got to the archery field.

Legolas was already there when she got to the range, practicing his own archery. Meghan sighed as she unclasped the sword belt and let the weapon rest against a nearby tree.

"You do that just to intimidate me," she growled when Legolas hit a perfect bullseye – again.

"I would never seek to intimidate you," he replied mildly. "But if it troubles you, I will cease."

"No, it's fine, really. I was just being whiny. You can keep going. I'll practice on the target next to yours."

He silently resumed his archery, while Meghan took up the other target. A few minutes later, Legolas shot her an amused look.

"Lady Meghan, I must congratulate you. You have succeeded in hitting _my_ target."

Meghan glanced at his target and cringed, seeing a distinctly not-Legolas arrow sticking out of it. "Sorry," she mumbled. "But hey, on the positive side, I got it into the inner circle!"

He chuckled. "True."

There was another moment of silence, except the _twang-thunk_ of Legolas' bow.

"Hey Legolas?"

"Yes?"

"How long do you think I would last in a battle?"

Pause.

"You are still a beginner, Lady Meghan."

"I can deal with it. Tell me."

"Perhaps a minute."

"You're just being nice!"

"You have already asked Aragorn, I take it."

"Yeah, a couple of days ago."

"He is a very honest man."

"Yep. He gave me twenty seconds, tops."

Legolas tried to swallow his smile.

"Yeah, yeah, you go ahead and laugh at me." Meghan rolled her eyes.

"I apologize. I should not discourage you."

"One of these days, I'm going to make a point to talk exactly like y'all."

"I somehow have a hard time envisioning that."

"All I have to do is talk like this." Meghan stuck her nose into the air and cleared her throat. "Hark! Yonder there, amidst the dazzling stars of evening, doth lie the pale new moon! I shall sing sweet songs of praise to thee, O great and beautiful moon!"

"That is not like it at all!" Legolas was outright laughing now.

Meghan's jaw dropped open and then she burst into a resplendent grin. "I've never heard you laugh before!"

He could see her hiding a smile behind her hand. "What is it?" he asked.

"You have a really dorky laugh!" she giggled.

"What does that mean?"

"Um… very nice."

He smiled. "Thank you, I suppose. You have a dorky laugh, too."

"Thanks," Meghan said, fighting back a grin.

A moment of stillness passed, both of them absorbed in their practice.

Legolas broke the silence. "Tell me, do you miss your friends and family?"

Meghan pondered this. "Yeah, I do. I kinda wonder what's going on back there. I mean, I don't think this is a dream because of the whole pain thing, so I'm just curious. Is time frozen where I'm from originally? Or is there a manic, hysterical search going on for me? I dunno."

"I suppose your friends will wonder where you went."

"I'm sure they will." Meghan wondered if Legolas said obvious things like that a lot. "But they're crazy. Really crazy. Especially Andrea. She's written fifteen stories for this time period. She got married to you eight times. Then she wrote one where the girl got married to Aragorn in an attempt to please Stefanie, but Stef just laughed and refused to read it. And she's written three for Haldir." Meghan chuckled a bit. "The last Haldir one was my favorite. Their heartbeats harmonized as she lay dying in his arms after they both fought bravely on the borders of Lothlórien. 'Oh Haldir!'" She mimicked the story, putting a hand to her forehead dramatically. " 'I have two deep wounds! Both of which are _poisoned!_' It was really funny."

Legolas gave her an odd look. "That does not sound amusing at all."

"Oh silly, it's how they're written that's funny. One of the main characters literally said 'Hark! What Legolas through yonder window breaks?' That was the one where I was your little sister. Your dad was abusive and violent in that one. And she married me off to some Elf guy named Gloryfiddle… I never can remember his name…"

"_Glorfindel?_"

"Yeah! That's it!"

"I am sorry—I simply—that is—" And Legolas burst out laughing (dorkily) all over again.

"What are you man-giggling about?" Meghan demanded.

"I am sorry… I simply cannot imagine you being bound to Lord Glorfindel." He was manfully biting back more laughter.

"Haha, very funny, Mr. I-Laugh-At-Helpless-Bystanders. I couldn't avoid it! And in the one she's writing now, I have to get married to _Figwit_. I always get the dorks."

"I thought dork meant something nice?" Legolas said, actually quirking his head to one side.

"It does!" Meghan gave him a double thumbs-up sign. "I always get the…dorky nice guys!"

"I have said it before, Lady Meghan, but you entirely confound me." He shook his head and began to gather his equipment. "I think you should curtail your practice today. We are, after all, leaving tomorrow and you must be weary from your swordplay this morning."

"I kinda am, but I'm kinda not," she replied, but she picked up her sword and buckled it around her waist again.

"I shall retrieve the arrows," Legolas said and walked toward the targets.

Meghan started skipping around in circles, waiting for him to finish gathering up the arrows for both of them. She liked to do that when she was bored.

"What are you doing?" he asked curiously as he returned and handed her a few arrows.

"It's called skipping," Meghan said, settling back to two feet on the ground. "Are you telling me you've never seen anyone skip before?"

"The action resembles…running like a _toad_," Legolas said.

"Very descriptive." Meghan seemed to ponder this for a moment. "Well, I'm going to go run like a toad back to my tent. Bye!"

And she skipped away.

Legolas smiled after her; she truly did remind him of the Hobbits, with her light-heartedness and zeal for life. She would be a pleasant companion on the journey.

Realization hit him like several large and disagreeably heavy bags of concrete. She had assumed, and indeed even _he_ had assumed, that she would accompany the Fellowship. But Legolas knew Aragorn would scarcely even consider that option. After all, Meghan had barely any useful skills, and she _was_ a liability.

But as Legolas thought about it, he didn't want Meghan to stay in Lothlórien. He very much wanted her to stay with the Fellowship.

"Lady Meghan!" he called urgently, hurrying after her.

* * *

**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will Meghan convince the Fellowship to let her go with them? How long would Meghan _really_ last in a battle? Will Legolas ever discover the true meaning of "dorky"?

* * *

**IMPORTANT: **And the winner of the Celeborn Hug Raffle is…

-drumroll please!-

_lotrelves_! Congratulations!

* * *

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**ElfGirl and Prink - **Haha, I have to put a little bit of suspense in here or else you guys wouldn't keep coming back! -evil laughter-

**TC the Savage - **Thanks so much! Look for updates on Fridays:-)

**EchoingSilence - **Ha, I suppose it's true that we're all weird... but that just means that none of us are. Although I must say, I have met some decidedly normal people. Anyway, thanks for the review!

**ElvishKiwi - **In all my bizarreness (is that a word?), I was enormously pleased that I write the weirdest disclaimers. And yes, I agree with you, the previous chapter is probably the worst I've pumped out so far. I am strangely fond of this chapter though, and in the next one Meghan finally leaves Lothlórien. Things will certainly pick up then.

**lotrelves - **First of all, let me say, -squee!- for you winning the raffle. Even if it _is_ a hug from Celeborn. -rolls eyes- He's such a... oh I don't even know a good word to describe him. Although I did see Martin Csokas (the guy who played him) in Kingdom of Heaven and I laughed this _really_ dorky laugh because that's just how weird I am. Anyway, I hope I haven't confusified you with my inane babble... ;-)

**bookworm97** - Yeah, I'm pretty sure Haldir stayed in Lothlórien with his bros for quite a while after the War of the Ring. Heh, I was one of those annoying people in the movie theatre who shouted, "HECK NO!" on opening day when Haldir got killed off. I was raving mad for about two months... and coupled with Far-from-the-book-amir, Peter Jackson was my worst enemy for a while, but I got over that. Faramir redeemed himself in RotK. :-D

**ringbearingreasergal - **Now if I told you what happens you wouldn't read the story! So you'll just have to stay tuned to find out Lalaith and Haldir's fate. -rubs hands together evilly-

**PriestessHelene - **Nothing wrong with going soft every now and then... ;-)

**scarlet-reBELLE - **I massively appreciate that you won't be a one-time reviewer! While I enjoy getting little notes from readers, it's quite lovely to hear from them regularly. It makes me feel loved and appreciated... which sounds really silly now that I think about it... oh well. I could talk myself into a black hole if I keep this up. Thanks for dropping by!

**Milo Pipper - **Thanks! Look for updates on Fridays!

**whedonist19 -** I confess, I can't wait to find out what happens between Legolas and Meghan, too! I've got a couple major points planned, but the rest is all mush in my brain! Ah well, I'll figure it all out. Thanks for the review!

**WelcomeToTheStrange - **Aw, a one-day weekend? That really ought to be illegal! And yay for you rooting for Haldir! Thanks for the encouraging review!

**Melovia - **As you can see, Lalaith was nice enough to bring her some pants. Thanks for dropping by!

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **Yes! -pumps fist- I am NOT the only one who snorts! I once read a birthday card that said, "What's the fun of laughing if you don't snort?" and I thought, _AHA! A kindred spirit wrote that card! _I'm glad you liked the title of the chapter -- I honestly couldn't think of a single thing, so I decided I might as well make fun of it. I like Arwen a great deal, too, but it seemed so right that Stefanie would hate her. Glad the quote gave you a giggle, now I'm doing quotes at the beginning of each chapter, just for fun! And in some strange way, it's quite delightful to hear that I'm wearing off on you. I can take no credit, however, for the "coming next time" idea... that belongs solely to the genius of bookworm97, to whom I am forever indebted. :-)

**ClumsyElf - **I do wonder what Haldir would think if he knew his life was in the hands of a strange, somewhat demented teenaged girl... hmm... this could be interesting... Anyhow, thanks for dropping by:-)

**NajaMoonshadow - **Whoo! You're back! Sounds like you had quite a smashing time at your family reunion. :-) Meghan's archery lesson _was_ quite realistic, if I may say so myself. -modest bow- I certainly made a fool of myself on my first shot! Plus I had a nice, ripe bruise on the inside of my elbow for about two weeks. Archery can be a pain but it's deliciously fun. I seriously wish I had a magic dry cleaning button! I'm a whirlwind of a mess and I would use it like, five times a day. Sigh. Oh well, such is life:-)

**HobbitSizeMe - **Yay, three reviews all in one fell swoop! I thought long and hard about whether or not I wanted Legolas to walk in on Meghan, but eventually I (obviously) decided to go with what I have in there. It seemed _so_ cliché and it wasn't really the direction I want the story to go right now. Well anyway, thanks so much for three lovely reviews!

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Whoo hoo! Hot fudge sundaes to all who review! By the way guys, starting with the next chapter, I'm extending the word count to about 25 percent more. I agree with some of my reviewers that these chapters have been too short! Tell me what you think of the next few chapters – still too short, maybe too long?


	13. A Rather Grim Period in Meghan's Life

**Disclaimer:** I suffered from extreme writer's-block, so I procrastinated in writing this chapter. Eventually I sat down and forced myself to write. So if this chapter feels strained, please do forgive me. The next couple of chapters are coming along a bit more easily.

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"_There's only one person who needs a glass of water oftener than a small child tucked in for the night, and that's a writer sitting down to write." -Mignon McLaughlin_

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**CHAPTER THIRTEEN** - _A Rather Grim Period in Meghan's Life_

Meghan stared at Legolas. Legolas stared back. It could have been called a staring match if Meghan didn't start to splutter violently.

"What the—you're saying—how come—that's not—WHY?"

"I am merely suggesting that Aragorn does not intend for you to accompany us beyond the borders of Lothlórien."

"But—but—WHY?"

"In all honesty, Lady Meghan, it would seem to be a reasonable perspective."

A very resolute look swept across Meghan's face and she began to march determinedly toward the Fellowship's little clearing.

"What are you doing?" Legolas asked, matching her pace.

"I'm going to convince Aragorn that I can go with y'all! Lothlórien is nice and all, but I refuse to be left here while you guys have all the fun."

They reached the clearing in record time and Meghan stood very tall and imposing despite her height of five foot one. "Aragorn," she announced in a firm voice, "I insist that I go with y'all tomorrow morning."

Aragorn glanced up mildly from his hunting knife, which he was cleaning. "I am sorry, Lady Meghan, but that is impossible."

"And just exactly why is that?" Meghan demanded. "I may only last between ten seconds and one minute in a fight, but I can be helpful! I know how to cook!"

By this point, the entire Fellowship was interested.

"But you have no experience in battle," Gimli grunted. "If an enemy were to attack, we would have to protect you."

"It's the same for the Hobbits," Meghan said. "They are probably just as proficient with a weapon as I am."

"You become ill at the sight of blood," Boromir said.

Meghan huffed. "Look guys, you said so yourself, the gods brought me here. There's got to be a good reason for that! Don't you think they intended me to keep going with y'all?"

It went back and forth like that for quite a while. Meghan found several advocates in Pippin, Legolas, Sam, and Merry, who all supported her desire to remain in their company. Frodo seemed to have very little opinion in the matter, while Boromir and Gimli opposed it.

At last, Aragorn held a hand up for quiet. "Lady Meghan," he said with a serious face. "You have not yet proven your worth in battle, but I have seen a little progress in your practice these past few days. And your words are true, the Valar must have some purpose in mind for you. Therefore, you may accompany us. But you must understand the gravity of this mission. You are risking your own life."

"I know," Meghan said, too vastly relieved to be much worried for her life. "I'm cool with that."

"With that settled," Aragorn said with a glance around at the group. "I think it would be wise to sleep now. I would like to start early next morning."

The Fellowship mutually agreed through nodding, grunting, and other manly actions.

"Well, it's off to bed for us all!" Meghan chirped. She was suddenly very lively now that her membership in the company was official. "G'night, everybody!"

A round of goodnight's came up and Meghan cheerily waved to them all.

-----------------------------

Meghan wanted to scream.

In fact, she wanted to scream a_ lot_. She also wanted to tear her hair out, then kick something until her feet fell off, then eat copious amounts of chocolate. Unfortunately, Middle earth had no chocolate, so she was stuck.

She was on the verge of throwing a full-out tantrum when Lalaith arrived. The blonde elleth entered the tent with a look of trepidation on her pretty face.

"What is wrong, Meghan?" she asked curiously.

Meghan looked up with frustrated tears in her eyes. "I am _so_ mad!"

"Why?"

"…I started today."

"Started?"

"Oh come on! Are you trying to tell me that you don't get periods?"

"I am afraid I do not understand—"

"You know, my _cycle_? Menstrual stuff?"

Lalaith's confused look immediately melted into a motherly expression. "Oh, I am sorry, Meghan. Your terminology is bewildering at times." She patted Meghan's shoulder. "I will gather supplies for you on your journey. You finish preparing to depart. When do you leave?"

"In, like, a half an hour," Meghan sniffed. She wasn't sure what "supplies" meant but Lalaith seemed to know what she was talking about. The elleth went back out of the tent, leaving Meghan to wipe away the tears from her eyes. She sniffed again, just for good measure, and sat down on the edge of her bed. While she was waiting for Lalaith's return, she quickly braided her hair into two long plaits down her back.

Lalaith soon reappeared, bearing a basket hooked over her elbow. "Here. I brought several days' worth of supplies for you." She thrust the basket into Meghan's hands, explaining briefly what was inside. Meghan shrugged and stuffed the basket's contents into her leather backpack.

"I guess I have to hurry and go," she sighed. "The guys are probably waiting for me."

Lalaith drew her into a quick embrace. "It has been good to know you," she said with a sincere smile.

"You too," Meghan replied.

"I will pray for you," Lalaith said. "That the Valar will protect you."

Meghan nodded. It all felt weird. Then again, as she thought about it, it _was_ weird. This was the first time she'd ever been leaving a nice, big forest to go on a dangerous mission.

"Thanks. Hey, I'm gonna miss you," Meghan grinned. "You were such a help. And it was super nice to talk to a girl."

Lalaith smiled beatifically. "Farewell, Meghan."

"Bye," Meghan said. Lalaith exited the tent with a pretty little wave of her hand – but then again, everything that Lalaith did was pretty. _She could probably make a burp all cute and charming,_ Meghan thought wryly.

Shouldering her pack and taking one final look around the tent, Meghan pushed the door flap aside and stepped out into the freshness of Lothlórien's morning. The air tasted like lemondrops – or at least it could have, according to poetic license.

A wave of cramps swept over Meghan and she growled deep in her throat. It was one of those days where all she wanted to do was lie in a bed and cry a lot. But then she remembered how tentative the Fellowship had been to let her join.

_No way am I wimping out!_ she thought with a defiant shrug.

"Meghan!" She heard an unmistakably accented voice from the path down to her left. She glanced over to see Pippin gesturing her over.

The sight of the Hobbit cheered her immediately. "Pippin!" she exclaimed.

"We're leaving," he said.

"Okay. I'm coming." Meghan trotted over to join the little furry-toed person. "I haven't seen much of you. I guess I've been so busy with all that weaponry stuff."

"It's alright," he replied, quirking a half-grin up at her as they walked down the path. "I should have been practicing more. But it's so quiet here."

"Yeah, it sometimes felt a little unholy to make such a ridiculous clamor. Where exactly are we going, Pippin?" She had noticed that they weren't headed toward the Fellowship's normal gathering spot.

"I don't know, actually. Aragorn told me to find you and then come back down this path. I hope we haven't strayed off."

"Very reassuring," Meghan groaned lightheartedly. "Just the impression we need to make. Late."

Pippin laughed, and said nothing.

It turned out that her fears were ungrounded; the path soon brought them to the bank of a very large, cold-looking river. The rest of the Fellowship had already gathered there, along with a great number of Elves. Meghan saw Haldir, but not Lalaith.

That morning felt very surreal. First, the Elves pinned lovely grey-green cloaks around their shoulders as Celeborn droned ominously, "Never before have we clad strangers in the garb of our own people. May these cloaks help shield you from unfriendly eyes."

If that wasn't enough to quell a sarcastic comment from Meghan, it is unclear what possibly could.

Then they loaded up the boats. Gimli and Meghan glared at each other ferociously when they found out they had to share a boat. Of course Boromir announced in a placating tone that there really wasn't a better solution, so they might as well act like mature adults and stop sulking over it.

Legolas chose that moment to broadcast the many virtues of some of their supplies. "_Lembas_," he heralded. "Elvish waybread. One small bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man." He demonstrated by nibbling the tiniest corner of a piece.

Meghan clapped him on the shoulder. "Good commercial, buddy. You could tour with that."

"Thank you," Legolas said oddly, not entirely certain how to respond.

"Sorry," Meghan said with a repentant sigh. "I'm just so—" She fought the urge to break into a homicidal, she-woman war cry. "Um, _frustrated_ right now. I'll be fine in a… couple of days."

It was obvious that Legolas was entirely ignorant of Meghan's predicament, and she wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible. It was all just too awkward.

"Come, the Lady wishes to speak to us," Aragorn said, gesturing them all over.

It turned out that Galadriel not only wanted to speak with them, but she also wanted to parcel out gifts. The excellent and admirable readers of this story likely know what the majority of the Fellowship received with the exception of Boromir, who it seemed was snubbed from any form of offering, and Meghan, who was unfortunately not a germ in Tolkien's mind when he wrote the story and as a result received nothing in the original text. Therefore it is the author's duty to inform her readers of the latter's gift.

Meghan stood between Pippin and Sam. Galadriel smiled one of her Mona Lisa smiles and handed Meghan a smallish parcel wrapped up in brown paper. As Meghan accepted it, she could smell a wonderful, teasing aroma.

"Tea," Galadriel explained. "You may not have many opportunities to drink it during your travels, but it is a calming blend that will help to soothe bodily aches." There was something in her eyes that told Meghan that she knew that Meghan had a few bodily aches at that point in time.

"Thanks," Meghan said. "It smells really good."

Galadriel smiled again, and then moved on.

Meghan stuffed the sweet-smelling packet into her bag and headed down the river, where the others were getting into the boats. Gimli grumpily settled into the middle section of the boat as Meghan gingerly tiptoed onto the front. The boat rocked menacingly and she groaned.

"I hope I don't get sick," she muttered.

"You will not," Legolas said quietly.

"How do you know?" Meghan growled.

"Because I will guide the vessel gently, and the river is not very violent."

Meghan felt her hackles lowering as his gentle, tenor voice wiped away her irritation. "Okay. I trust you, I guess."

He rewarded her with a smile.

The Fellowship steered their smooth, Elvish boats into the river's pull, and Galadriel raised a hand in farewell. It was at that moment that Meghan saw a slim, girlish figure hurry to edge of the river, and wave. It was Lalaith.

Meghan waved in return, but her spirits sank to her toes. _How am I going to save her?_

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**COMING NEXT TIME!**

How will Meghan cope with this "grim period in her life" (pun intended)? Will Gimli ever look at her without a glint of disgust in his eye? Will Jenova'sFifth and CinnamonPlum get their wishes and see more dialogue with the other members of the Fellowship?

**

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****SHOUT-OUTS!**

**lotrelves - **Thanks, the sunburn's much better now. The funny part is that I'm really pale, so when I burn I peel right back to my normal state of whiteness. I've peeled six individual times so far. Ugh. Anyway, congratulations on the Celeborn hug! He's absolutely... wondiferous?

**ClumsyElf - **Your review cracked me up -- Leggy-poo? That's both frightening and funny. :-D

**TheWorldOnaString - **Thanks so much! Your username makes me think of the song, which makes me think of Michael Bublé... -dreamy-

**Cinnamon Plum -** Hmm, camp sounds lovely. Tents on sewers sounds about right. I'm quite a bit Boromir fan, as well; my best friend actually converted me. (Aha! Did you notice the clever use of a semi-colon? I swear, I'll put in a semicolon into the story and dedicate it to you.) She's rather fanatical. I'm glad you liked the Engrish subtitles, they are darling, aren't they? I just wish there were more for the other movies. Your Finrod Song sounds interesting enough -- _Get out of the eye! _had me nearly in stitches. I know that there are exceptions to the whole death-of-grief rule, but I felt it would complicate the story. Meghan just needed to know the straight facts. She would get far too confused if I tried to inject the entirety of Tolkien Theology into the story. :-) Oh and by the way, I love your semicolons. They are quite charming.

**whedonist19 - **Yes! I succeeded in amusing my readers! I think I was a little disappointed with my previous chapter (Chapter 11 that is) and I tried extra hard to get back into the funny groove. Wh00t! I win the lottery! ...Well, almost. :-)

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **You know, your review (reviews, rather) made me laugh nearly as much as the chapter made _you_ laugh! So lovely to hear that it's amusing. This is why I could never managed to write angst. I would have someone trip or sneeze at the most very angstiest moments and then I would be ruined. You are quite correct in guessing that the Aragorn/Meghan dialogue was written with you in mind; I shall probably always think of you whenever I write any conversations between them. So you are most welcome!

**HobbitSizeMe - **So sorry you didn't win a hug from Celeborn! There will be more raffles in the future though, best of luck with those! I'm looking for the perfect balance of length in each chapter, so definitely let me know how well I'm doing. I can adjust. :-)

**PriestessHelene - **I don't think it will be a problem for me to write more or less -- granted, if I need a nice, cliffy ending, then I'll go a little longer or maybe a little shorter than normal. Tell me how I'm doing:-)

**bookworm97 - **Methinks it's nearly time to let Meghan have a little more accuracy with the archery. Being horrifically bad can only last so long. She'll probably be practicing up a lot. :-) Thanks for dropping by! By the way... -pokes like an immature toddler- When are you going to update your story?

**ElvishKiwi - **Yes, the "dorky laugh, too" line seemed like such a Legolas thing to say, and of course he'd say it so nicely and with a smile. About my shout-out to EchoingSilence, I think what I was trying to say (and obviously failing) was that if we are all weird, than no one really is weird. I'm probably still not making sense. Maybe it's a FebSong thing.

**catycatcat - **I have to say, (and this is a BIG secret, so all you people who take a peek at other people's shout-outs and just going to have to shut your eyes while you read this one because it's a SECRET) in real life, I'm not really a Legolas fan, either. I think the "A diversion!" line simply killed it for me. But I'm rather slightly in love with my Legolas in here... (Now I KNOW all you others guys weren't reading!)

**NajaMoonshadow - **I must confess, I really loved the running like a toad thing, too! Sadly, it all comes straight from my brain, which isn't really saying much for my brain. [-insert sad music here- I am hugely honored to be your kinda crazy friend:-D Legolas _is_ a dork, there's no denying. But a nice dork. Trust me, your reviews make sense to me, and now the question is... do my shout-outs make sense to YOU?!

**sarah - **It took me about three or four minutes to figure out which line you were talking about and I was wondering... "Romeo and Juliet line? Did I achieve unrealized brilliance?" And then, "AHA! What Legolas through yonder! Got it." I'm simply delighted that someone liked the line. I can't say I've actually ever read it in fanfiction, but I've seen some darned close dialogue. Thanks for the review!

**ElfGirl and Prink - **The sunburn's vastly improved, thanks. Unfortunately I'm back to my previous state of whiteness without so much as a shade of tan. Oh well. White skin WILL come back into style someday. It's been 300 years, but... Hey! A girl can dream! Anyway, when will I be seeing the next chapter of _your_ story?

**Jenova's Fifth - **Oh dear, tell your parents that I'm dreadfully sorry for disturbing them through your laughter. ;-) It's definitely my intent to destroy each potentional Mary-Sue moment -- and I have quite a lot of fun doing it. The concept for the "COMING SOON" thing was solely the brilliance of bookworm97. I'm certainly not smart enough to have figured that one out by myself! I shall see what I can do to fit a bit of Sam/Frodo/Meghan conversation in. There's not much time left before everybody splits up, but... hmm, which group will she go with? Questions, questions! Thanks for the review. :-)

**HitchHikersOfTheCaribbean - **Oh no! I'm causing an epidemic of disturbed and annoyed parents! I have heard of _24_, and something tells me that Jack Bauer saving the world from terrorists is very incongruent with Meghan having giggle-fits in front of Galadriel and Celeborn. :-) I am very honored that you said I ought to be an example of a believeable OC writer... careful, or I shall be become insufferably proud. ;-) As to Legolas' attraction, well, _some_ elements are Mary-Sue, and honestly, he's not head-over heels. He's just intrigued. Increasingly intrigued. And that's all I'm going to say in that quarter for now. All those excellent questions will be answered in time...

**Christie13194 - **Wow, constantly! That's quite an honor! I don't recall your name from before, but you are most welcome whether it's the first time or the hundredth! Well... maybe the hundredth would be a little extreme... Oh bah, I'd still be flattered! Thanks for dropping by!

**mistanddust13 - **Whoo! Ch.12 was my favorite chapter, too. There's just something about Legolas having a dorky laugh that gets me every time. Thanks for the review!

**N.M.Marquette - **I know, isn't Lalaith a darling? She's my Mary-Sue nod. The angsty, tragic past, the perfect figure, the lusciously golden hair -- I just couldn't resist. Next thing you know, she'll whip out a sword and beat Aragorn while blindfolded and one hand tied behind her back. ;-) Anyhow, totally unrelated subject, but how do you pronounce "Marquette"? I am helpless with French names/words.

**Elvish-Princess99 - **Whoo! A new convert! Welcome to the story, and thanks for the review:-)

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Well, there we go, friends. Believe it or not that chapter was a bit longer than the rest. Tell me whatchya think! More, less, just right? Strawberry shortcake to all! 


	14. Chancellor Pete Licks Doorknobs

**Disclaimer: **Just so everyone knows, I am in a severe funk that CJ is no longer on Top Chef. He made me laugh, both by his immense tallness and by his strange sense of humor. Gah, it makes me mad. I would have eaten your broccoli, CJ.

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"_Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces." -Judith Viorot_

…Quoth FebSong, as she stuffs her face with chocolate…

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**CHAPTER FOURTEEN **– _Chancellor Pete Licks Doorposts_

"Um, Legolas," Meghan said in a very small voice. "Can we pull over?"

They had been paddling down the Anduin for the better part of the day, and now the sun was hanging lazily in the lower part of the sky. Meghan's bum and shoulders hurt like crazy from the uncomfortable seating arrangements. However, that was not her most pressing dilemma.

"I am sorry," he replied with a look of concerned confusion. "I do not understand what 'pull over' means in this context."

"Make a pit stop, um, halt… sojourn!"

He hesitated, as if pondering. Meghan's anxiety was increasing by the second and she didn't have time for his meditations.

"Seriously, dude, if you don't stop, I'm going to jump out of this boat and then scream my brains out, probably attracting every single darned evil thing in the country." There was such a maniacal gleam of promise in Meghan's eyes that Legolas couldn't help but agree. He wasn't quite certain of what was troubling her, but he meant to get to the root of the problem as soon as possible.

"Certainly," he said, smiling for her benefit.

Gimli snorted grumpily. "Surely you can wait, Meghan."

"Look here, _Happy_, you have ­no idea of what I'm going through, so you can just grab a pick-ax and go hang out with the rest of the seven dwarves!" After this explosion, Meghan felt like bursting into tears.

Legolas steered the boat toward Aragorn. "My friend," he hailed. "Do you not think we might stop for a brief moment on dry land?"

Glancing at the sky, Aragorn nodded. "Yes, that would be pleasant. A short rest will do."

They all guided the boats to the shore and piled out, pulling the craft up the dirty banks so that the current wouldn't drag them away. Meghan immediately darted off into the density of the forest.

"Do not go far," Aragorn cautioned after her.

Several minutes elapsed and Meghan still did not return to the bank, where the rest of the Fellowship had either stretched out on the ground or walked to work out cramps. After another few minutes, Pippin timidly piped up,

"Should someone, you know, check on her?"

"_I_ shall certainly not go," Gimli growled. "Her behavior today has been very irrational."

"She _is_ a woman," Boromir agreed. "They are unreasonably erratic."

"But she could have been, I don't know, eaten!" Pippin insisted.

"We would have heard her screaming," Merry said.

"Maybe not," Pippin said. "The fact remains that someone ought to make sure she's alright."

"Why do you not go?" Gimli said in a sour voice.

"Because I wouldn't be of any help if something was attacking her," Pippin replied as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I will go," Legolas said. He was beginning to have his suspicions regarding Meghan's "irrational" and "erratic" conduct.

"Be quick," Aragorn said. "We have far still to go before dark."

Legolas nodded and then followed Meghan's very hastily made track. While there was still quite a good distance left, he called her name softly a few times. There was no need to make an awkward situation more so.

He called her name again, and this time he heard a rather thick, upset "Hold on a minute," followed by a few leaves crackling. Meghan emerged from the underbrush, looking quite as pathetic and gloomy as can be. Her eyes were puffy and rimmed in red, and her nose was pinkish. She was obviously not one of the fortunate few who could weep prettily.

"I was _not_ crying," she sniffled before he even had a chance to ask her what was wrong.

"Yes, you are," Legolas replied. If anything, the crying had confirmed his hunch, and though he could not empathize with her, he felt sorry for her.

"Okay so I was," she crumbled. "I just can't help it—I should have expected it—it was about time anyway— Why am I even telling you this?" Fresh tears welled up in her eyes as she spoke.

Legolas was momentarily confused. It certainly looked like Meghan could use a hug at that moment, but it was not his general practice to embrace woman that he had only recently become acquainted with.

"And the worst part is, you know I get sick at the sight of blood, and—" She shook her head and wiped her nose. "I don't want to talk about it. That's just gonna make me cry more. I'm set for another couple of hours." Taking a huge sniff, she tried to look normal, and failed miserably.

"Do I look really ugly?" she asked as she scrubbed a few tears from her eyes.

"Well," Legolas stalled. "It is only natural after crying that you would be a little—"

"I know, I get it. I look like a nightmare." She sighed. "We really need to get back before they send another person to look for us."

They went back through the leafy forest to the bank of the river. Meghan somehow managed not to trip and fall daintily into Legolas' arms, despite all the Laws of Mary-Suedom that decreed this course of action.

If any of the rest of the Fellowship noticed Meghan's slightly teary face, they said nothing. However, it should be said that they were all considerably kinder to her as they piled back into the boats and once again drifted down the river.

And apparently Gimli felt comfortable enough with her to sigh dreamily, "I have taken my worst wound at this parting from Lothlórien, having looked my last upon that which is fairest. Henceforth I will call nothing fair unless it be her gift to me."

"What was her gift?" Legolas asked.

"I asked her for one hair from her golden head. She gave me three."

Meghan perked up. "She does have really pretty hair."

But Gimli was off in a paradise of memory and had no words left for Meghan.

-----------------------------------------

They floated down the river for several days. No one ever spoke much, but somehow it wasn't boring. Repetitive, yes, but they were all so tired that they didn't have the energy to be bored.

Meghan had managed to survive without either killing herself, or killing someone else. Four more days of rowing along on a river, and her "monthly monster" beat a hasty retreat. Once again, Meghan thought that all was well with the world.

Except now that she wasn't so weighed down with angst, the oppressive silence suddenly became very, very boring.

On the sixth day of their journey, Meghan decided that enough silence was enough. They had all spoken no more than ten words together for quite a while, and it was getting very aggravating. After all, we must remember that Meghan was a woman, and women love to talk.

"So…" she began that morning, a few minutes after they had packed back into the boats and shoved off. "What's everybody's favorite color?" Her voice was loud enough to carry to the other two boats.

The silence had a strong grip on the company. But Pippin had the courage to break it. "Um, well, blue's mine."

"I like green," Merry added.

"Mine's brown," Sam said.

The two younger Hobbits gave him an incredulous look.

"It's the color of th'earth!" Sam defended. "Of soil and roots!"

Merry and Pippin shrugged.

"Green is my favorite, as well," Aragorn murmured.

"White," Legolas said.

"White?" Meghan asked. "White's not a color, it's a neutral."

"If Sam may prefer brown, than I certainly may show a partiality toward the color white."

"But Sam's makes sense. What does white signify?" Meghan paused. "Fluffy clouds and prancing bunny rabbits?"

Legolas' face and tone were very serious. "I happen to be quite fond of fluffy clouds and prancing rabbits."

The entire Fellowship chuckled – even Gimli, who grunted a few guffaws and then rumbled, "Gold."

"Gold is a metal," Pippin said.

"Than the color of gold." Gimli sounded brusque.

_Probably 'cause of Galadriel's hair. Kinda cute, in a weird way._

"My favorite color is green," Frodo piped up. It was, in fact, one of the few sentences that Meghan ever heard him speak.

"Orange," Boromir said gruffly. "When the sun sinks behind the horizon."

"That's my favorite color, too!" Meghan announced gaily. "See! I knew we all just needed the proper opportunity to further bond like a nice little unit. Once we get on shore we should practice trust-falls."

Boromir looked as though he had just taken a bite out of a cow-patty. "For the first time in my life, I am frightened of a woman."

"Kidding!" Meghan laughed.

"What does kidding have to do with the situation?" Gimli asked.

"It means, I'm _kidding_," Meghan replied with a 'duh' tone in her voice.

Not for the first time (and certainly not the last), Meghan found nine pairs of eyes looking at her dubiously.

"Surely she doesn't mean—" Pippin began, but trailed off hesitantly.

"What?" she demanded. "I'm joking. Haha, funny."

Relieved smiles broke out amongst the male members of the Fellowship.

"I believe that your speech can sometimes be confusing to us," Legolas said. "We understand _kidding_ as the act of a goat giving birth."

Meghan practically doubled over with laughter. "Oh my gosh!" she giggled. "That sounds so wrong!"

The banter went back and forth like that the entire day. The author fears that she would bore the readers if she went into details of their discussions on basic warrior techniques, various types of flowers, disgusting medicinal remedies, and, of course, that all important subject of _food_. They spent the largest amount of time conversing about food. Suffice it to say that Meghan had not talked so much in one sitting for several years.

The sky had already tinted dark by the time they guided the boats to the shore and disembarked. They were all sore and achy, but at least they were in a better frame of mind. The air didn't seem so charged with tension as it had on previous nights.

Despite their intense conversation throughout the day, they ate dinner in silence. Legolas volunteered for first watch duty, so the rest of the Company quietly stole off to sleep. Within minutes, the traditional Fellowship snoring contest began.

Gimli almost always won, but tonight, Legolas was pulling for Aragorn. The man sounded like he had a monster in his sinus cavities.

A new sound entered the general cacophony. Legolas paid closer attention and realized that it was Meghan – and she was giggling.

"Senator Monkeybrain should be exiled immediately," she snorted.

"M-Meghan?" Legolas asked tentatively. He had so little experience with a sleeping person, aside from the obvious: snoring humans. He wasn't quite sure what Meghan was doing.

"He has clearly displayed a lack of pants and should be rebuked for this brazen…" Here Meghan's words dissolved into incoherent mutters.

"Me-" Legolas stopped himself. Why wake her? This dialogue promised to be entertaining, anyway.

"Oh yes, I agree. Professor Furrynose has been remarkably nifty in this investigation. Did you present him with his Enamel Award? Excellent. What is your opinion on Chancellor Pete?"

At that point a particularly poignant snore from Aragorn cut above the rest of the sleepers' din.

"Silence, you fool!" Meghan snapped.

"I find him reprehensible," Legolas interjected. He had once heard that sometimes the sleeper would converse with the conscious.

"Good grief, man! Have you been sliced open by a fish? Chancellor Pete is the best we've got!"

"But surely you have heard of his…tendency to… lick doorposts!"

Meghan gasped. "No! Not Chancellor Pete!"

"Yes, I am afraid it was he."

"I never would have suspected him of it. I trust that he doesn't… you know… chew cardboard?"

"No, no indeed. I do not think that he would not take it _so_ far."

"Good," Meghan sighed. "Perhaps his blunder can be overlooked, then. Will you arrange everything?"

"Certainly," Legolas agreed. "Do not become anxious about anything."

"Watch how you talk to me, peon. I strongly disapprove of underlings speaking in so familiar a manner."

Legolas smiled faintly. "Forgive me."

"Well…" She sniffed contemptuously. "I suppose I'll let it slide just this once. Now be off with you."

Then Meghan promptly rolled over, and started to snore gently.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I know I covered a lot of ground in this chapter, but I felt it was necessary. And I didn't go into details with Meghan's period because, well, I thought it would detract from the overall story. I dunno, it seemed like enough to mention it but not make a big deal out of it. And about the sleep-talking bit, well, in lots of Mary-Sue stories that I read, the MC has a nightmare and wakes up crying, then of course Leggy must comfort her. So I wanted to play with that Awkward Style. ;-)

* * *

**COMING SOON!**

Will Meghan remember her strange dream? Will FebSong quit dallying and _get on with the story_? Will FebSong be able to think of a decent third question for the coming soon section?

* * *

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **Haha, yes, it's _technically_ longer, but not by more than three or four hundred words. I'm shooting for about two thousand words per chapter, now. I don't want to kill myself or bore y'all, so... gah. I'll figure it out. :-) Glad someone appreciated the pun! I am horribly fond of completely corny, campy jokes, so puns make me laugh. I very seriously contemplated having Meghan stalk the Fellowship, but the more I thought about it, the more implausible it seemed. Legolas and Aragorn would have seen her RIGHT off the bat, and she'd die if she was alone in the wilderness. But it would have been absolutely hilarious while it lasted. ;-) I'm totally with you about the drinking while writing! I have to have exactly the right glass of water... not too much ice, but not too little... and the cup must be the perfect color for my mood. I am such a weirdo...

**whedonist19 - **"Monthly monster" TOTALLY made my day! I had never heard that title before. I hope you noticed that I used it in this chapter... just for you! My favorite cheesy name for it is "monthly bane of womanhood." It's just so corny! LOL.

**bookworm97 - **Well, I decided to go with strawberry shortcake because it's a little healthier... and considering the amount of chocolate I parcel out to reviewers, it was about time! I hope you enjoyed the quote at the beginning, though. I would absolutely miss chocolate if I ever went anywhere that didn't have it... in fact, I might shave my head and cover my body in ashes. Okay maybe not THAT far but... it's way late over on my end of the computer, so I'm a bit nuts tonight! Please don't keep us waiting two months between chapters! That would make me irrationally sad!

**ClumsyElf - **Here's the next chappy... hope it was okay... For some reason, I'm not particularly fond of this chapter. Gah, the life of a writer is so mangled.

**HobbitSizeMe - **Whoo! Isn't strawberry shortcake divine? I love it! Whipped cream galore! And I always did wonder about why more writers didn't at least mention the monthly monster (gosh, whedonist, you've got me on a role!). I mean, hello! I dunno. If I had _really_ wanted to get realistic, I could have gone into how poor Meghan went to the bathroom while in the company of all those men. But I figured that was _too_ awkward and rather unnecessary, really. Who wants to read about that?

**NajaMoonshadow - **I love speaking really fast! For some reason I have this strange gift where I understand people when the speak incredibly quickly or when they mumble. My sis couldn't understand a word of what Viggo said in the LotR commentary, so I had to translate for her. It was quite amusing, really. So whoever said that you speak nonsense should simply be dunked in an icky lake or something. For goodness sakes, girls can understand each other, so who cares:-) It was simply too much fun to torture Meghan with an ill-timed period to pass up. I had to do it. Sorry, Meghan. -hands Meghan chocolate- Oh dear, now I've really gone off the deep end. Giving my own characters chocolate? Heaven help me. ;-)

**lotrelves - **Wow, I applaud you for learning French! That is the one language that I do not have the courange and fortitude (oops... there I go, quoting Pirates...) to learn. I think it's beautiful, but the spelling confuses me so much that I would probably eat lead if I tried to learn it. I always mentally pronounce "au revior" as "awe rev-ee-ore". I know. I'm embarrassed. And trust me, if I could have some of your tan, I would take it. The closest thing I have to a tan is a fine dusting of freckles down my forearms.

**Christie13194 - **I know! Writers' block is a most unspeakable nightmare. Your review was so delightfully random that I couldn't help but laugh. **GOOD GRIEF!** Sorry... now _I'm_ the one being random. I just noticed an absolutely **enormous** praying mantis clinging to my window. It's seriously about four inches long. -shudder- I don't like bugs.

**mistanddust13 - **Believe me, I would be a raving mad lunatic monster if my period started right then! I have absolutely no idea what they did to take care of it back then... I'm thinking a really absorbant moss? That's why I didn't go into a lot of detail. I didn't want to display my ignorance. :-D

**ElfGirl and Prink - **Well, ElfGirl, I don't see a new chapter, and it's well passed Sunday. -crosses arms and taps toe on the floor- If I don't see something in my mailbox by _this_ Sunday, it's detention for you! No no, I'm kidding. ;-) I absolutely understand writer's block. Heck, I was just barely squeaking this chapter out in time. I feel sorry for my beta. She puts up with a lot from me. :-)

**EchoingSilence - **One serving of strawberry shortcake with extra whipped cream, coming right up! Isn't the whipped cream the best part? I love that stuff. Ah, man, now I'm craving it!

**PriestessHelene - **Trust me, the warrior maiden aspect of Meghan is definitely on my mind. She'll have her moment of glory. :-)

**Melovia - **Gosh, that praying mantis is really bugging me... Sorry. I need to quite staring at the praying mantis. Anyway, glad you're liking the story! Thanks for the review!

**ElvishKiwi - **I'm bringing the chapters up a little more again; from 1500 to 2000 words per chapter. Hopefully that will satisfy all the palettes. :-) I don't think it will delay me from updating... it may force me to write a little more than I usually do, but that's good for me. I need to be on a strict schedule or I don't write, so a deadline of Fridays is great. Thanks so much for your incredibly kind and encouraging words about keeping everyone IC! That was one of the things that I was really worried about as I embarked on this. I've grown up with these characters ever since I was about seven or eight, so they're dear and beloved. I do think chapter 12 was a great deal of fun, and while I'm quite proud of it, I'm also scared I'll never achieve it again! Perhaps I ought to sit in the sun for a couple of hours and then grab some Skittles. Maybe I can recreate the circumstances. :-)

**HitchHikersOfTheCaribbean - **Yeah, the Hobbits _can _cook, but Meghan was grasping at straws. And you know, I haven't really decided which group Meghan will go with once the Fellowship splits. Isn't that scary and strangely thrilling all at the same time?

**Mortal-until-death - **Wow, I must say, that's probably the longest review _I've_ ever gotten! It at least comes very close to some of MND's stuff. Thank you so much for the useful information regarding Elves vs. Men. I realize that what I'm dealing with is a little AU, and I'll probably mark the story as such now that I've thought about it. I'm afraid of dabbling in some of the deeper Tolkien Theology lest I mess something up wretchedly, and also I don't want to start delving into angst/comfort if Meghan had to readjust entirely. So I'm keeping it lighthearted and rather... unrealistic. Oh well. But I really do appreciate all the information you put down. I'm toying with the idea of another fic, and that info will be useful for that one... And I just have to ask, are you really an operatically trained singer? If so, bravissima! And isn't Celeborn just fantastic? I had known that his Teleri name was Teleporno, but GOODNESS! I just never put two and two together until I read your review! I can be quite dense sometimes. It gave me quite the chuckle, though. Legolas has provided many giggles in the past... And yes, everything made perfect sense. :-)

**ringbearingreasergal - **I actually never _have_ seen a girl get her period in a fanfic... but then again, I'm just as guilty as the rest, because back in my Mary-Sue writing days, I never even thought about it. I guess it's just not important to the storyline, for the most part. Whereas in _this_ fic, I just had to make things as awkward for Meghan as I could. It _is_ in the title, no? ;-)

**TC the Savage - **You will probably not be surprised to hear that your review first sent me into a flurry of panic and then gales of laughter as I realized that I had _never_ even thought about the fact that Meghan is afraid of blood and how that must connect to her period. I actually had to rewrite part of the first section of this chapter to briefly explain... Gah. Thanks so much for reminding me. This is why I love to hear from y'all, because... without you, I would be a mess.

* * *

Well here we are. This chapter was just a few words over 2000. Good length? Here's some nice, delicious upside down German chocolate pie to tide you guys over until next week, when we shall have… a raffle! Yay! Raffles are my favorite! And what shall we be raffling? You'll just have to wait and see…


	15. Things Liven Up At Last

**Disclaimer**: I know it has been two weeks instead of one since I last updated, and I apologize. My only excuse is that, well, I died. Yes, died. It happened in my sleep, actually. You see, I was having a frighteningly realistic dream that _Lost_ had been cancelled permanently, and that the writers/producers were never going to explain anything else. I thought the dream was real, and the shock simply killed me. I wandered through space and time for awhile before finally ending up at the pearly gates, where I tearfully explained the cause of my death. They laughed at me for quite a long time and then informed me that it was all just a dream. Then they spirited me back to the land of the living, where I promptly took up a keyboard and finished this chapter.

Don't believe me?

Neither do I. ;-)

* * *

_Lady Nancy Astor, Viscountess: "If you were my husband, Winston, I should flavour your coffee with poison."_

_Winston Churchill: "If I were your husband, madam, I should drink it."_

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER FIFTEEN** – _Things Liven Up At Last_

The next morning, Meghan woke up with a massive crick in her neck. The sizzling sound of fish cooking hissed in her ears, and she sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Good mornin', Miss Meghan," Sam said. He was busily tending breakfast.

"G'morning, Sam," Meghan said groggily. "That smells good." Truth be told, she was dead-tired of eating fish every morning and evening.

"Thank you," Sam replied gratefully. He probably knew that everyone was sick of fish. _He_ was probably sick of fish.

"Where is everybody?" Meghan asked. "Well, just Legolas and Aragorn, I guess. Everybody else's asleep."

"They are scoutin' around a bit," Sam said.

"Oh," Meghan stretched.

"I've got a drop of water boilin' here, if you would like to brew some of that tea that the Lady Galadriel gave to you."

Meghan contemplated her sore neck and the Lady's promise that the tea would _soothe bodily aches_. She actually hadn't tried it yet, either. "I'd love some, thanks. But I don't really know how to brew it." She produced the package from her back, which had served as a pillow the night before. "It's so different than what I'm used to."

Sam took the tea with experienced hands. "In civilized places, I would strain it after it finished brewing. Here you will just have to let the herbs sink to the bottom, an' be careful how you sip."

"Do you want some?"

Sam appeared to be pondering this question. "I wouldn't mind a cup o' tea," he admitted at last. "If you wouldn't mind."

"Go ahead."

He deftly sprinkled a few pinchfuls of the crushed tealeaves into two tin mugs that he had procured from his own supplies. At that moment, Legolas and Aragorn reappeared and several other members of the Fellowship snorted awake.

"Fish?" Merry and Pippin asked at the exact same time.

"Yes," Sam grumbled. "But it's fresh meat and that's better than some can boast. Miss Meghan, this tea must brew for a few minutes."

"Okay," Meghan said. The fresh morning air was slowly waking her up.

Legolas sat down next to her. She noticed that he was wearing a very faint smile – but then again, that was normal for him. He very rarely grinned. And she hadn't heard him laugh since that one afternoon in Lothlórien.

"What are you smirking about?" she said.

"Do you remember a dream of any kind last night?" he asked.

Meghan pondered this. "I remember pink jelly."

"Nothing more?"

"Why are you so curious to know?" Meghan demanded. Then her face paled. "I wasn't… I wasn't, um, you know, sleep…talking, was I?"

"You have a history of this practice?" Legolas said. There was more "wry" in his smile, now.

"Just tell me what I said, okay?"

"Some sort of discourse on a certain…" Legolas seemed to think for a moment. "Ah yes, a Chancellor Pete."

"Oh, so it was that dream again." Meghan sighed. "I have two recurring dreams, at least according to Stef and Andrea. The other one involves me and Zac Efron getting married. I HATE ZAC EFRON!"

Her impassioned outburst woke the remaining members of the Fellowship and drew the attention of those that were already awake.

"Who's Zackefron?" Pippin asked innocently.

"Just some guy," Meghan said with a defeated sigh. "I've never even met him."

"If you've never met him, how can you hate him?" Merry, ever the logical one, said.

"Wait until he starts dancing on a golf course and singing a 90's throw-back pop song. Then you'd hate him too." Meghan knew she wasn't making any sense to her companions, and it irritated her. "Look, just never mind, okay?"

"Tea's ready!" Sam declared, trying to defuse the situation. He handed the mug to Meghan and smiled.

"Thanks, dude," she said. The tea smelled luscious and her neck really did hurt. She lifted the brim to her lips, tasting the brew experimentally. It tasted even better than it smelled. She downed the whole cup – except she forgot about the crushed leaves at the bottom and she had to spit some of those back out.

"Man, that was good," she said.

"We must not loiter here too long," Aragorn said. "The woods are free from orc-tracks, but I do not trust this silence. And our journey cannot wait."

"Breakfast is done," Sam said.

Meghan thought about getting up. In fact, she wanted very much to get up and get a plate of food. But the ground was so comfortable. Funny, the ground had never seemed comfortable before. She looked down and realized that her mug was now sitting on the ground, too.

_How did that get there?_ She thought. She was dimly aware that the others were all beginning to eat, but it was so hard to keep her eyes open…

"Meghan?"

"What happened to her?"

"She just toppled over!"

"Why is she…"

The voices of the Fellowship were loud and quite annoying. Meghan slipped – no, she _dove_ headlong into the comfortable, silent darkness.

-------------------------------------

The first thing that Meghan was aware of was that she had to pee very, very badly.

And it really didn't help that there was the distinct sound of rushing water somewhere in the close vicinity of her head.

"Unnggh?" she half-snorted, half-moaned.

"At last," came the familiar and rumbly voice of Gimli. He sounded irritated.

Meghan groaned and tried to roll over. Her hand dipped into cold water, this action solicited a startled yelp from a certain blond Elf. She squinted her eyeballs open and saw Legolas leaning haphazardly over the side of the boat in the opposite direction that _she_ was leaning – and it was then that Meghan realized that she was practically falling out of the boat.

With an equally surprised squeak, she rolled back into the safety of the gunwale. "What _happened_?" Meghan demanded as she tried to grasp the situation. She was in a boat, floating on a river, in the company of quite a few men, just like usual. Except, how did she _get_ here? The last thing she remembered was badmouthing Zac Efron.

"You have been unconscious for two days," Legolas explained, obviously more at ease now that the equilibrium of the boat was restored. "The tea that Sam prepared for you was far too strong."

"Huh?"

"The brew is meant to relax the body, but Sam did not know that it is a very potent blend and only a little is needed. Furthermore, it seems that you ate some of the leaves. The result was so strong that it rendered you unconscious."

"For two days?" Meghan sniffed.

"Yes." Legolas nodded gravely.

"And they have been carrying you around like a sack of dirt," Gimli grunted.

Meghan was about to make a very catty retort when two intensely large and imposing statues swept into view and struck her quite dumbstruck.

"The Argonath!" Aragorn said softly, but the water carried his voice. "Long have I desired to look upon the kings of old. My kin."

"Who the heck says 'my kin'?" Meghan asked.

But no one answered her. They were all looking at Aragorn's kin.

In fact, this gazing went on for quite a while, and meanwhile, the waterfall was sounding louder and louder in Meghan's ears. She looked around at everyone. Sure, this was all very fascinating, but Meghan had more important things on her mind.

"I GOTTA PEE!" she finally burst out when it seemed like they were just going to ogle the statues forever.

This rousing reminder of the here-and-now jolted the other members of the Fellowship back into… well, the here-and-now. They paddled over to the riverbank, where Meghan disembarked and immediately loped off into the forest. Being asleep for two days will do some mean stuff to a person's bladder.

She returned just in time to hear Gimli snort, "Recover my strength? Pay no heed to that, young Hobbit."

"Where's Frodo?" Merry asked a second later.

"I didn't see him when I was…out," Meghan said as she sat down next the her pile of stuff, which evidently someone had tossed onto the ground.

It happened rather instantaneously. In fact, it happened so fast that Meghan never quite knew how it started.

The Fellowship burst into pandemonium.

Merry and Pippin dashed off in one direction and Sam, in another. Aragorn ran after Sam, and then Gimli started growling several unpleasant sounds under his breath as he, too, lumbered away into the forest. Within seconds, the only two remaining people on the riverbank were Meghan and Legolas.

"Lady Meghan," Legolas said urgently, turning to her as she stood. "You must remain here."

"_What?_" Meghan demanded. "What's going _on_?"

"I scarcely know myself," Legolas said. His words tumbled out and he seemed jumpy. "But swear to me that you will stay here."

"I don't—"

"Lady Meghan!" Now his eyes were harsh.

"Fine, fine!" she growled. At that, he sprinted into the underbrush and Meghan was left quite alone.

Alone, and somewhat frightened.

"Psh," she snorted a minute later. "Who says I can't go? I was out there just a minute ago!" She stepped very imposingly toward the forest with every intention of stomping through the trees and giving Legolas a very large piece of her mind. Maybe even two pieces.

Then she paused, remembering the many objections that Boromir and Gimli had to her coming along. _She's a liability. She's useless with a sword. She's a woman. She's too headstrong. We'll have to protect her._

With a defeated sigh, she flopped back onto the ground next to her stuff. Legolas _did_ tell her to stay here. And she promised. Gah, the nerve of that Elf! And he still called her _Lady_ Meghan. Even when he was stressed. Did he crack under anything?

She sat there for what seemed like ages. After a while, she heard a loud blast of a horn, but she didn't know what it meant. _Boromir carried a trumpet or something, didn't he?_ She shook her head. No use trying to figure it out.

Then she heard feet crashing through the leaves, and she stood up again, nervous now. Why only one? Where were the rest? Frodo burst into view, looking harried.

"Frodo, thank goodness!" Meghan said. "Where's everyone else?"

He ignored her. Actually, he just stood there with a shiny ring in his hand, staring at the water.

"Frodo?" Meghan tried again.

This whole staring match between Frodo and river went on for several minutes. Then, he randomly shoved the bling into his pocket and grabbed one of the boats.

"Are you stealing a boat?" Meghan gasped in complete horror.

Frodo's spell was finally broken. "Meghan?" he exclaimed. "I didn't see you there. Please don't discourage me."

"Discourage you from what?" Meghan said. "All I see is that you're trying to steal a boat!"

He doggedly shoved the huge boat into the water and hopped into it before Meghan could catch him. She stood on the bank, her face wrinkled up in confusion.

"Tell Sam and the others that—"

"Frodo, no!" This was Sam's voice, now. He exploded from the forest and sprinted as fast as his short legs could carry him toward the river.

Meghan suddenly felt very out of place. Like she really shouldn't be there. But, she was, so… might as well contribute to the situation!

"What's going on?" she asked no one in particular.

Sam started to splash into the water, and Frodo turned around. "Go back, Sam! I'm going to Mordor alone!"

_Oh. That's what's going on._

"Of course you are!" Sam agreed. "And I'm coming with you!"

"You can't swim! Sam!"

"WHAT? He can't swim?! Frodo, go and get him!"

Meghan was practically dancing with fear as Sam sank below the water and Frodo paddled frantically to reach the bubbles.

But Frodo reached down in time and pulled Sam up, who fell, spluttering, into the boat. Meghan couldn't hear the conversation between the two Hobbits after that, but it evidently resolved that Sam would accompany Frodo.

Sam turned around in the boat and waved to Meghan. "Sorry about the tea, miss!" he called across the water.

"Don't worry about it!" Meghan called back. "I probably needed the sleep!"

They started paddling toward the far shore, leaving Meghan behind. "Don't talk to strangers!" she shouted just as they touched on the bank.

The twosome acknowledged her with a wave of their hands and then disappeared into the dense underbrush. Meghan sighed. It all seemed very dismal now that the Fellowship was splitting up. Speaking of the Fellowship, where _was_ everyone else?

Three people now appeared – one short, one smelly, and one blond. Aragorn and Gimli surveyed the bank while Legolas hurried to one of the boats.

"Y'all are okay!" Meghan said. "But, where's everyone else…?"

Aragorn looked grim. "Boromir fell."

"Did anyone help him _get up_? I mean falling can be embarrassing but—"

"No, Lady Meghan. The Uruks slew him," Legolas said, looking her in the eye.

Meghan felt her stomach drop to her toes. "And Merry and Pippin?"

"Taken," Gimli rumbled.

"Than…what are doing here? Let's go! We have to help them!" Meghan cried out. "They're so little and—"

"What of Frodo and Sam? If we hurry, we could reach them," Legolas interrupted her.

Aragorn glanced calculatingly across the river. "Frodo's fate is no longer in our hands."

"Can't we go?" Meghan pleaded. Why were they just waiting around while those nasty Uruks were taking Pippin and Merry farther away?

"It has all been in vain. The Fellowship has failed," Gimli droned ominously.

Meghan threw her hands up in the air with a huff and ran back to her pack. She grabbed her sword, bow, and quiver of arrows and went back to the Fellowship, or what was left of them, anyway. "Let's _go_," she growled.

Aragorn nodded. "We will not abandon Merry and Pippin to torment and death. Not while we have strength left. Leave all that can be spared behind. We travel light. Let's hunt some Orc." Then he turned and ran into the forest.

This time, Meghan followed him.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Okay, by a showing of hands, who thought, even for the briefest sliver of time, that Meghan would go with Frodo and Sam?

* * *

**COMING SOON!**

Will FebSong procrastinate-er, _die_ again and make everyone wait two weeks until the next chapter? Will Meghan wangst over the Fellowship's split? Will _Lost Season 4_ **ever** premiere?

* * *

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**ClumsyElf - **Yes, I quite enjoying writing the sleep-conversation between Legolas and Meghan! It just seemed like such a delicious twist on the typical Mary-Sue nightmare. :-)

**bookworm97 - **-raises one eyebrow- I haven't seen another chapter from you, my friend... I expect one soon! Not that I have much room to speak. But it's been much longer than two weeks in your case! Chocolate is definitely a food group, by the way. What's your favorite kind? Dark, white, milk? With coconut? Minty? Peanut butter? Or -shudder- raisens?

**whedonist19 - **Definitely an awesome phrase ("monthly monster"):-D The licking doorknobs bit was actually inspired from Spongebob... uh oh, I'm revealing my own immaturity here! Anyway, thanks for the review!

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **Raffles really are lovely, aren't they:-) I hope this week's raffle was up to par. And by the way, when you said "I less-than-three that!" It took me an entire WEEK to figure out what you were saying! I kept going, "Less than three... I've never heard that before... Less than three..." It was kinda pathetical, really. Then I realized... "SECOND!! I SECOND THAT!" Yay for me and my blondeness. ;-) Tom came last night is pretty funny, too! I'll have to remember that. Goodness, the things you learn from fanfiction sites. :-D LOL that you're changing your favorite color to green for Aragorn... That makes me laugh. Thanks for dropping by!

**NajaMoonshadow - **Yay for raffles! Authors need to do more raffles. I've never won a raffle before... -tear- Falling daintily _is_ quite impossible (I've tried it... It's one of those "don't try this at home" things and I found out the hard way). Only Mary-Sues can do it. :-) I've had "sleep conversations" with my sis before, and she was quite an interesting book to read... "THE EIGHT BALL SAID I'M A FAILURE! THEN I LICKED THE BAG!" make for curious words to hear at three in the morning. :-D

**lotrelves - **Whoo! Another raffle! Methinks I'll do them every month or so. :-) Because raffles are very very fun! Thanks so much for the extra tan... I need it. With winter coming over here on my side of the comp screen, I stay inside more and... well... Queen Elizabeth ain't got nuthin' on me. Hope you had a delicious time at the beach!

**HobbitSizeMe - **So glad you enjoyed the sleep-talking. I actually wrote it at about two in the morning... very appropriate, don't you think? ;-)

**PriestessHelene - **Yes yes, men are so clueless with a PMS woman sometimes... That's cute that Gimli reminded you of Bugs Bunny! I never thought of the connection. Very adorable. :-)

**Christie13194 - **Oh dear, do be careful of your throat! It does little good for an evil overlord (overlady?) to have a hoarse cackle instead of a nice, full evil laugh. I'll have to give some thought to the rabies infested chipmunks and the acorns of doom...

**Lady Wednesday - **Dreams are so fun, especially sleep-talkers! A friend of mine tends to randomy shout things in her sleep. Not just talking, shouting! And if anyone tries to talk to her, she screams "SHUT UP!" at them, and she's asleep the whole time. Doesn't remember a thing in the morning. Sleepovers get veerrry interesting at times. :-)

**Lothril50 **- Snoring contests are real - and scary. Another friend (dude-friend) once taped a bunch of men snoring, and they literally sounded like chainsaws. The old maxim is true. :-) Glad you dropped by! Thanks for the review!

**ElfGirl and Prink - **Elfy! Lovely to hear from you. Isn't RL a pain sometimes? That's my real excuse for not having this chapter out sooner. Life's been a bear. I can't say I've ever heard two people have a conversation when they're BOTH asleep... that must have been a sight to see!

**Jousting Elf with a Sabre - **Hmm, interesting screen name, my friend! So glad you liked the "trust fall" comment. I hate those by the way... trust falls, that is. They scare me. I guess that's why they're called... trust falls.

**ElvishKiwi - **Kiwi! I was so honored that you hounded me down and gave me the what-for since I hadn't updated in a while. I hope this chapter makes up for it. And about my weird disclaimer last time... Well, I watch this TV show on Bravo called Top Chef, and my favorite chef just went home. He was 6'8". That's why he was my favorite chef. Thanks so much for your kind comments! And hey, I'm tracking down that story of yours and looking at chapter three! It's pretty awesome!

**Mariano's-twins - **I confess, I kinda hoped you would someday take a peek at my story. Y'all crack me up, even though I guess you're one person. Oh well, I'll run with it and pretend you're twins. Y'alls review made me laugh!

**mistanddust13 - **Oh noes! You don't like chocolate? That brings sadness into my otherwise happy heart! Well, my friend, I shall always have some tasty and delicious treats that are not-chocolate related just for you. What's your favorite kind of cookie?

**Melovia - **Thanks for dropping by! I hope your happy mood lasted all day:-)

**Cinnamon Plum - **That's so fun that your favorite color is orange! The kidding joke was totally spur-of-the-moment. I had never really even thought about the humor of the word until I wrote it, and then I myself was giggling for a while. I saying "I'm joking" now. :-) If I remember correctly, my LotR appendices tell me that they floated for about nine days on the river, so I tried to stay accurate to that. Of course, I knocked Meghan out for two of those days, but... what can I say? She was slowing me down. ;-)

**EchoingSilence - **Here's a nice, fresh, tasty update! Whipped cream is delicious!

**Jenova's Fifth - **Like I mentioned to an earlier review, I've never seen two people have a conversation when they're BOTH asleep; that must be quite a feat. :-) I was _rolling _on the ground laughing at the "I don't want your ugly scarf" comment... I may have to borrow that in future chapters. And to tell you the truth, the sleep-talking bit was thrown in last minute because I couldn't get the chapter long enough. -ashamed- Ah well, this chapter ran a little long, so I suppose it all balances out. :-)

**ringbearingreasergal - **Okay, so I went to my library to check out The Outsiders and... All five copies were gone! I was massively disappointed. Grr. Anyway, I shall check again next week, when I return my current books. :-) So glad that you liked the Happy/seven dwarves reference. Honestly, I couldn't remember ANY of the other dwarves' names except Happy! It was kinda sad!

**charmnclefleeblix-san - **Thanks so much:-)

**fallen.winters.rose **- Thanks for the comment! Hope you enjoyed this update:-)

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**STOP!**

**Raffle time!**

**-insert cheesy dance moves here-**

Alright, my friends! The time has come for another raffle! So review for a chance to win...a date with Theodred! This horsy hunk enjoys being attacked by Orcs, laying face-down in a river, and dying before his father is saved from the Dark Side! All you have to do for a lovely dinner-and-a-movie date with this hottie is press that inviting little button!


	16. Dorks, One and All

**Disclaimer: **A thousand apologies for being three weeks instead of one. I have been so alarmingly busy this past month that sometimes I wonder what to do with myself. For example, in the past three weeks, I have: met all six members of my favorite band, gotten a stomach bug the very same day I went to an amusement park, purchased and raptured over the new Josh Groban Christmas CD, spent ungodly amounts of time at work, had a dream that I married Matt Damon, learned for the very first time how to my knuckles, and watched _The Last of the Mohicans_, which made me cry. As you can see, this very grueling schedule permits me little time to write. However, I have missed each one of you a great deal, and this long separation has renewed my intense desire to produce a new chapter each week. And I honestly don't know why I put this long ramble under the disclaimer.

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**Author's Note: **And the winner of the Theodred Date Raffle is…

-drumroll please!-

…bookworm97! Congratulations, bookworm:-)

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_"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it." -Mary Little_

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**CHAPTER SIXTEEN** - _Dorks, One and All_

Meghan felt like throwing up.

She also felt like dying.

Preferably both. Well, a little sleep would have solved either problem, but really, it's quite hard to sleep when you're running.

The sun was starting to set, and still they didn't stop running. Meghan had forgotten about the Hobbits, or Boromir, or even her name. The only thing she could think about was her feet feeling like lead, and her lungs feeling like fire.

At least Gimli was huffing and puffing just as badly; but the comparison to a mere human seemed to push the Dwarf into further stamina. Meghan often lagged behind the group.

As brilliant pinks and oranges and lavenders began to carpet the sky and the sun finally dipped below the horizon, Aragorn held up a hand for halt. Meghan tumbled to the dry earth and lay there, gasping for air. Yes, Moria had been difficult, but she had been somewhat conditioned for it after trekking up and down Caradhras. But their stay in Lórien and subsequent time spent sitting in boats had softened her again.

She dragged herself upright to eat. There was no conversation; everyone was still processing the events of that morning. Legolas quietly volunteered for first watch, and the other two men soon drifted off to sleep.

No rest for the weary. Meghan tossed and turned, then groaned several times to vent her frustration, and finally she crawled over to where Legolas sat and harrumphed down next to him.

"Surely you are able to sleep after such a grueling day as this," he muttered softly in the darkness.

Meghan sniffed contemptuously. "Can't. Not enough noise."

"I beg your pardon? Does not the absence of noise lend itself to a better night's rest?"

"Usually," Meghan agreed. "But I've gotten so used to everyone snoring that without the everybody here, it's different."

"What about in Lothlórien?"

"You will not be surprised to know that I could still hear the whole lot of them even from a hundred feet away."

Neither laughed or even smiled, but there was an implicit undercurrent of amusement between them. Staring into the huge canopy of stars above her head, Meghan grew serious.

"Legolas… Will you tell me what happened today? While I was at the riverbank?" She could feel his body tensing from where she was, curled into her cloak. "If it's alright, I mean," she added hastily.

"I will tell you," he said, his voice heavy. There was a brief pause, and then he began to speak in that clear, quiet tenor of his. Meghan listened silently.

"Wow," she said at the end of his narrative. "I never was very nice to Boromir. He was such a great man. I—" she trailed off, and then glanced up quickly at Legolas and rushed on, "I'm sorry, Legolas, for all the terrible things I've said. I've been rather immature."

There was a softness, a kindness in Legolas' eyes, like he was smiling, but not with his mouth. "Lady Meghan, you do not need to seek forgiveness. You are very young, and this world is unfamiliar to you."

Meghan recoiled a little bit. _Young?_ "How old _are_ you?"

Now he really did smile. "Old enough."

"Fine. Be that way. Just so you know, the charmingly mysterious man almost always ends up being a special agent or something, so I've got my eye on you. No need for the Elvish Secret Service to snipe me down." She could tell by the way he was looking at her that he had no idea what she was talking about. "Never mind."

"You should sleep," he said. "Aragorn will want to continue at dawn."

Meghan suddenly remembered her aching bones and she yawned. "You're right. Think you could fake some snoring? You know, to add to the general cacophony."

"I do not think that it would produce the effect you desire," Legolas said, quite serious. "I have little practice in snoring."

"You're a dork, you know that?"

"Thank you."

Meghan just rolled her eyes and flopped onto the ground. "Let's see if I can fall asleep."

"Perhaps I can help," Legolas said. "Just close your eyes."

Softly, he said a few brief sentences in a language that Meghan did not understand, but sleep rolled over her body like a tidal wave of warm fuzziness, and she dropped off as easily as a child after a day at the theme park.

-------------------------------------

The next couple of days were quite blurry to Meghan. They ran a lot. On the second day, they ran so hard that she threw up four times from overexertion. The third day was almost as bad, except they didn't run _all_ day. Something very exciting happened about an hour after midday.

There was a loud cla-dumping noise, like lots of horse hooves on the ground. Meghan, however, didn't really care about any sounds. She was just happy that they were taking a breather so that Aragorn could listen. Then Legolas grabbed her and they all hid behind a large boulder.

Several dozen horsemen swept by, wearing dull armor and helmets. They almost all carried spears that looked very, very wicked.

"Riders of Rohan!" Aragorn bellowed, stepping out from their hiding place. "What news from the Mark?"

In a very impressive display of horsemanship that Meghan entirely missed because she was too busy trying not to fall asleep, the Rohirrim wheeled around and neatly surrounded Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli. Please note that the esteemed author did not mention Meghan in the group of those surrounded.

It is reasonable, therefore, for the author to clarify her clumsily worded paragraph by saying that Meghan did not step out from behind the little hilly thing like the others did. Instead, she stayed right where she was and watched the horses' and the backs of the riders' heads.

She watched with very little concern as the horses shifted nervously around, and half-wondered about what was happening in the middle of the circle. She couldn't see her companions for the solid mass of horses and men.

Then she heard the familiar sound of a bowstring being drawn back and what sounded like Legolas' voice raised in anger. That was quite unusual for the Elf. Meghan decided it was time for a woman's touch.

She marched resolutely toward the large backside of a chestnut, and wedged between it and another pathetically non-descript brown horse. A tall, blond man wearing a big, shiny helmet glanced down at her and yelped in a manner strangely reminiscent of a schoolgirl.

"My Lord Éomer!" he squeaked.

Meghan ignored him and pushed beyond his horse and on to the next row – more brown horses. By now, almost all the men were looking at her in a mixture of distrust and surprise. The quarters were too close to wave their spears in her general direction, but several of them had produced smallish riding bows and had the strings nocked back to their cheeks, arrowtips aimed on her forehead.

At last she shoved past the last bulk of horseflesh and could see her three companions, all staring at her with a look of _truly she is mad._ Legolas' bow still was nocked and drawn, but he didn't quite seem to know where to point it.

"You really are a dork, Legolas," Meghan announced grandly, throwing her left arm up into the air for emphasis. She took a step forward to really give him a piece of her mind—

And promptly fell flat on her face. A rock had specially selected her as the recipient of its wrath.

She gingerly picked herself off the dusty ground and grabbed a horse's mane to drag herself up. The rider eyeballed her with a suspicious sniff, but the horse didn't seem to mind. Wavering slightly, Meghan pointed reproachfully at the bearded blond man facing her friends.

"And you…um… Big Man With a Mole on Your Eyebrow… You're a dork, too!"

The Author begs her venerable readers that Meghan has been running for several days in the heat. It would be enough to destroy anyone's vocabulary.

Legolas' bow was slowly lowering down, the string becoming less and less taut.

Meghan plunged on. "I do not know what y'all were chatting about, but geez! is _not_ the answer!" She paused and glanced around to see that everyone was still giving her that open-mouthed, disbelieving look. "Can't we all just get along? Hell-oo! Everybody's fighting this big, evil monster dude with psychopathic obsessions for power, and you're _squabbling_ over…whatever you were squabbling over?"

The blond man turned his eyes back to Aragorn. "Whoever you are, the presence of a woman dressed in men's garb and traveling with you is one of your many mysteries. Now, your name."

"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. This is Gimli, son of Gloin, and Legolas of the Woodland Realm. The woman is Melethriel of Imladris. We are friends of Rohan, and of Théoden your King."

With another skeptical glance at Meghan, Éomer took off his helmet. "Théoden no longer recognizes friend from foe. Not even his own kin."

_There we go with "kin" again._

"Saruman has poisoned the mind of the King and claimed lordship over his lands," Éomer continued. "My company are those loyal to Rohan, and for that we are banished. The white wizard is cunning. He walks here and there they say, as an old man, hooded and cloaked, and everywhere his spies slip past our nets."

Meghan was just about to light into him when Aragorn cut her off. "We are no spies. We track a part of Uruk-hai, westward across the plain. They have taken two of our friends captive."

With a sudden pang, Meghan realized she had barely even thought about the two Hobbits in the past few days. _Stef and Andrea would have said something if they died, right? I would have known somehow._ But somehow it felt different. It wasn't just a story anymore.

Gimli's voice cut through her thoughts. "But there were two Hobbits. Did you see two Hobbits with them?"

"They would be small, only children to your eyes," Aragorn added.

Éomer looked grave. "We left none alive. We piled the carcasses and burned them."

"You _killed_ them?!" Meghan screamed. A sudden rage took over her and she threw herself toward Éomer. Well, she would have, if Aragorn and Legolas hadn't grabbed her arms and dragged her back. Which really wasn't very hard to do, since they were big strong men and she was a small, tired woman.

"I am sorry," Éomer said, not at all ruffled by having a five-foot-nothing try to kill him with her bare hands.

"Get _off_ me!" Meghan snapped at Legolas and Aragorn. The latter gave her a very sharp look, and she sagged. _Good grief, do I have to keep acting like a complete _idiot_? Get a grip, Meghan!_

"Hasufel, Arod!" Éomer whistled. "May these horses bear you to better fortune than their former masters."

Two horses – one brown, one white – had trotted obediently forward; they were riderless, but Meghan couldn't remember seeing any empty saddles earlier. By that point Éomer had remounted his own stallion. "Look for your friends, but do not trust to hope. It is forsaken in these lands." He raised his voice to address the other men. "We ride north!"

They all thundered away, leaving the four travelers standing beside the patient horses. Meghan groaned and shook her head. "That was surreal and fairly anticlimactic," she muttered.

"Come, we must retrace their path," Aragorn said. He swung up on the sorrel horse and glanced at the other three. "We will have to double on the mounts."

"Um, I don't really ride so well," Meghan said. "I always fall off."

But Aragorn and Legolas were obviously having an in-depth conversation with their eyes. Gimli and Meghan glanced back and forth between them until after a moment, Legolas looked away.

"Come Gimli, you will ride with me," Aragorn said.

It took a little bit of strategic planning, but at last Gimli sat grumpily behind Aragorn, looking for all the world like an ox perched on a wooden fence.

Okay, so maybe that simile was a little exaggerated, but the basic idea is comparable.

Now that all the excitement was over, Meghan found herself ready to drop onto the ground and fall asleep right there. However, Legolas neatly planted her on the white horse's back and then somehow maneuvered up so that he was sitting in front of her. How he did it, Meghan never knew, but the deed was done and they began to canter in the opposite direction that the Rohirrim had gone.

Meghan held on tight to Legolas shoulders. Bumping along on a horse's behind was not her idea of fun. But the rolling pace of the horse's hooves was almost soothing, despite the jarring motion. She soon drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep, leaning forward onto Legolas' back.

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**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will Meghan try to pull out her w!ck3d-wes0m3-kung-fu-1337-sk!11z on Gandalf when he shines that bright light at them? Will she quite confusing poor Legolas about the true meaning of "dork"? Will the very subtle undertones of romance _ever_ come to fruition?

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**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**Kirika-Hume - **Whoo! Thanks for reviewing. :-D The swong-swinging idea sounds funny, I shall have to think on it!

**whedonist19 - **All along I've been planning to have Meghan go with Legolas/Aragorn/Gimli, but as I was writing that last bit in the chapter, I actually forgot about it and was about to have Meg go with Frodo and Sam! Gah, I can be sometimes. But I remembered in time. :-D

**crockergirl - **Yay! "Just the right amount of everything" - thanks for the praise!

**lotrelves - **I love sparkly confetti! And raffles are so fun! I know I say that every time I do one, but... they just are:-D

**fallen.winters.rose - **Yes, the tea-induced-sleep-for-two-days was a nifty plot device... primarily because it allowed me to skip two whole days! Yay!

**Jousting Elf with a Sabre - **I love rambles!! Just ask MDN... she leaves me these lovely long reviews that always have me doulbed over on my desk laughing. I just love hearing from y'all, even if it's about... oh I don't know... squirrels or cereal or deoderant. :D

**katrina - **Whoo! Can't wait for Lost to start up again!

**ElvishKiwi - **As you can see, I played around with the realistic possibilities in this chapter... I agree, Meghan would have slowed them down. But this is meant to be a floofy, easy story and I am far too lazy to deal with the consequences of messing the plot up _that_ much. So Meghan kept pace. ;)

**Sosaku-sama - **Theodred sure is lovely, isn't he? I could just huggle him all day long. :-D

**Mariano's-twins - **I must say, y'alls review made me laugh quite hard. I am sufficiently convinced that you really are two people, and henceforth will address you as such. Atlanta, Nikos, please accept my sincerest apologies for doubting your two-ness. ;)

**Frathworth and - **Just typing your username is causing the corners of my mouth to go up! So glad you're enjoying the story, and tell that ly annoying sister of yours to eat a good bar of chocolate. That'll take the annoying right out of anyone.

**bookworm97 - **AFTER EIGHT MINTS ARE AWESOME!!!! Sorry, I just had to let that out! I buy a package every month or so, and tell myself, "Now FebSong, this time you're going to make them last at least three days. You are simply going to get fat if you eat this whole box at one time." Then... I eat the whole box in about three hours. I should just break down my resolve and eat it in one sitting. Goodness, I love those things.

**mistanddust13 - **Mmm, sugar cookies are tasty, too! Man, all this talk about unhealthy treats is making me hungry. And isn't Theodred a darling? It always did put a tear in my eye when he died, despite the fact that he only had one line ("::mutter mutter mutter::").

**Christie13194 - **LOL! Please don't kill yourself while worshipping Meghan! She sends all her fondest regards and also warns Dr. Phil to leave Mr. Fluffbutt alone.

**Milo Pipper - **Here's your shout-out! My favorite LotR character is... um... Aragorn-- no, Sam-- no, Eomer-- nooooo, maybe Faramir? I can't pick just one!

**PriestessHelene - **Yes! Meghan is going to have some sort of exciting battle-warrior moment soon, I promise!

**NajaMoonshadow - **Oh GOSH! Your roleplay about Faramir and the sword and the "sniffing for another kiss" had me doubled over my desk, laughing my butt off! You'd better stop doing that or I won't look cute in my Daisy Dukes anymore!! -raises threatening eyebrow-

**ClumsyElf - **I don't get why Theodred wasn't flaunted more as one of the major hotties of LotR! I mean, HELLOOO! Legolas ain't got NUTHIN on him!

**Melovia - **Here we go! Another chapter! Yay!! ...Can you tell I'm a little hyper today?

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **SAM! Yay! You rock my socks. I know that Lost is coming back some time in February, but the exact date, I do not know. Trust me, when I find out, the event will be so exciting that it will go into my author's notes. So you will know, somehow or another. :D Can't say I've seen Hairspray in it, but I have been hearing (rather heretical, I must say) reports that Z.Efron was rather fantastic in it. Perhaps I'll rent the DVD. Anyway! Yay!

**HobbitSizeMe - **I didn't even KNOW how I could have possibly written Meghan into the battle with the Orcs at the Anduin... I mean, yikes, she's so useless most of the time. So I stuck her on the riverbank. :D

**EchoingSilence - **I'm not ! -prances around like a very alive person- I sincerely hope that I will not have such a long break ever again. I really missed writing and hearing from y'all!

**Nach0MaN - **Yay! If you really are a dude, I think you might be my first ever male reader! (A thousand apologies to any of my other reviewers who, due to fairly ambiguous names, really are guys but I'm too to realize it.) Super brownie points to all my dudely readers!! Edited to add: Haha! I just looked at your profile and your name is Alice! A thousand apologies to you. You can still have the brownies, though:D

**Jenova's Fifth - **Ick, seafood makes me shudder. I'm with your friends in that category! Hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. It's a bit of a transition chapter, and with Meghan so doggone tired, I couldn't really give her the pep and spice I wanted to. Well, I suppose it will have to do!

**N.M.Marquette - **Yay! Thanks for dropping by!

**dark blue 445 - **Oh noes!1! I would be deeply saddened if you stopped reviewing. I will do my honest best to update every week:)

**BlueEyedGunSlinger - **Yay! I made somebody cry from laughing too hard! That truly made my day. Thanks for reviewing!

**rubyinnle - **Legolas really is a dear! And trust me, the dot dot dots and the exclamation points are terrific. I use them way too much! See, there I go again...

**ringbearingreasergal - **Oh dear! Please don't cry! Here, have a cookie to make you feel better. :)

One and all, one and all! Let it be known that FREE HOMEMADE APPLE PIE will be given to all who review!


	17. The Irritatingly Long Chapter

**Author's Note: **My friends! I cannot apologize enough for the disgusting tardiness of this chapter. The day before I was going to originally upload this chapter, my Internet conveniently decided to die. I am not a techie person in any sense of the word, and my techie friends are quite busy, so it's still taking quite a long time to get my Internet fixed. Right now I'm typity-typing from a friend's house. Hopefully my 'net will be up and running soon, but meanwhile, enjoy this chapter (which wouldn't be possible without the generous computer-lending by my BFF!!). :-)

**Important Notice! **Mega thanks to ElvishKiwi, who has graciously agreed to be my beta. With Kiwi on board, I am anticipating _Awkward Adventures_ getting better and better with each chapter:-D

**Disclaimer: **I wrote the first bit of this chapter while listening to _Bet On It_ from High School Musical 2. It's pretty much the best angsty song ever and I frequently sing it when I'm feeling pressured or stressed. It really has nothing to do with the story at all, but I just thought y'all would want to know.

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_Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats, approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less._

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**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN** – _The Irritatingly Long and Difficult Chapter_

Meghan awoke to the bouncy, jerking motion of the horse slowing down to a trot. She groaned and peeled herself off of Legolas' back, then released one of his shoulders from her fearsome grip to clasp a hand over her mouth in complete, abject horror.

She had _drooled _on him.

Sure enough, where her mouth had been, a darkish wet stain spread in a nice oval shape about the size of her hand. She was so riveted by this sight that she didn't even notice that they had stopped.

Legolas somehow torqued around to halfway face her. His expression was quite grim. She met his eyes with a shrinking feeling, knowing that he was about to kill her for drooling all over his back.

"Lady Meghan," he said in a tone just as serious as his face, "I believe that it would be wise if you remained here for the moment."

Meghan didn't have the brainpower to remove her hand from her mouth, and just sat, staring futilely at him. She dragged her gaze back to the wet patch on his back, and then up to his eyes again.

"Do you understand, Lady Meghan?" Legolas asked, carefully enunciating each syllable.

The rest of Meghan's mind started to wake up. "Oh, huh? Yeah, stay here, got it. Wait, where are you going?"

Legolas nodded toward a little hilly thing, beyond which Meghan couldn't really see. There was a rather dismal stench in the air, however, and she suddenly realized just exactly what the smell _was_. Éomer had said that they burned the Orc bodies.

"Oh," she said slowly. "_Now_ I understand. I'll stay here."

He dismounted first, then turned and gently helped her down from the grey horse's back. They both paused for a moment, he looking down at her and she looking up at him. A very curious flip-flopping sensation appeared in Meghan's stomach, and things were just about to get dangerous when—

The horse sneezed. Very violently, in fact.

Meghan jumped, and then laughed awkwardly. "You should follow Aragorn and Gimli. I'll just stay here with… the horses."

He nodded and sprang lightly away, disappearing quickly over the crest of the hill. Meghan turned back to the sneezy horse and frowned. "What was _that_?" she asked it.

The horse, more or less, ignored her.

"You're no help," she grumbled.

Glancing around, all Meghan could see was lots of grass. And a few random hills, but not many. The other brown horse strolled serenely over the hill and snuffed noses with the grey horse.

Meghan sighed and grabbed both horses' reins. They stared at her disinterestedly. In fact, the whole situation was all very bland. That is, until a rather explosive and manly yell from yonder side of the hill brought all of Meghan's senses into sharp focus, and she hauled forth on the reins, heaving her way to up the hill despite the reluctant gait of the horses.

The sight that greeted her was really rather gross. It looked worse than it smelled. The Orc head speared on top of the lance was probably the grodiest thing there.

So Meghan promptly dropped the reins, doubled over, and threw up.

She felt a hand on her back, and she growled, knowing exactly who it was. "Legolas, can't you just let me puke in peace?"

"I _told_ you to stay on the other side of the hill," he said.

Wiping her lips, she glared up at him. "And what exactly makes you the boss of me? Besides, Aragorn just screamed like a banshee and you expect me to stay put like a pretty little angel? One of you could have been dying!"

"I was attempting to help you," Legolas said. He looked the faintest bit miffed, which was the equivalent of saying any other person was yelling in an epileptic rage.

"_Just_ because I vomit every time something nastified shows up doesn't mean you have to pamper me!"

"Lady Meghan!" His tone was so very harsh that Meghan actually shut up and glowered at him. He gave her a steely look and continued speaking. "You certainly have been pampered during your time here. Your performance in front of Éomer clearly displayed how spoiled you have become. You are a grown woman, yet you have been behaving very childishly. This juvenile behavior _must_ cease if you intend to survive in this world. Éomer easily could have slain you for your rash actions."

Meghan worked her mouth, attempting to think of an extremely cutting reply. Nothing really seemed intelligent enough, though, so she resorted to sniffing disdainfully and turning away in a huff.

"Legolas! Meghan!" Aragorn's voice cut through the tension like a knife. "Come, friends. The tracks lead into Fangorn Forest. Legolas, please hobble the horses."

Meghan pointedly avoided looking anywhere in the vague direction of either Legolas _or_ the horses, and instead skirted around the smelly pile of scorched carcasses to join Aragorn and Gimli at the fringe of the trees.

"What's Fangorn Forest?" she asked.

"An ancient forest," Gimli rumbled. "It has an unsavory reputation."

"What do you mean, _unsavory reputation_?" Meghan said.

Aragorn shook his head a little. "Nothing definite. Rumors tend to grow and distort with each telling. Come along, we must hurry if we are to catch up with them before nightfall."

Meghan felt rather than saw Legolas rejoining them. She could sense his tension, the way the muscles on his back and shoulders were taut. And something in her was glad: glad that she had the power to make him angry. But a little niggle of doubt lingered obnoxiously in the back of her mind. _What was all that about?_

Without a word, Aragorn stepped into the forest. Gimli heaved a melodramatic sigh of long-suffering, and followed the scruffy Ranger.

"After you, Lady Meghan," Legolas said. His voice and facial expression were as unruffled as a dove, but she could still perceive the stiffness in his muscles.

She twitched up a critical eyebrow at him. _Well, if he can still be a gentleman despite that little spat back there, then __**I**__ can be a lady._ "Thank you, Legolas," she said in the most gracious tone that she could muster.

Regrettably, the dense underbrush made it difficult to enter the forest with any sort of grace or dignity. Going any farther than two or three feet required hopping over a root or ducking under a branch. Nevertheless, Meghan swept grandly into the canopy of trees as regally as a queen.

Perhaps anger lent her elegance, or perhaps the trees were feeling kindhearted that day, but Meghan did _not_ trip, as she had almost expected to. Her previous record of serious situations and tripping was an unhappy one.

They tramped through the woods for what felt like hours. The initial adrenaline of Meghan's clash with Legolas soon wore off, and she found herself almost as tired as before. The short nap on the horses had helped to recharge her a little bit.

After quite a while, Gimli suddenly stopped and poked a leaf. He then licked his finger, pulled a sour face, and spat.

"Orc blood," he growled.

"Tell me that you did _not_ just put that into your mouth!" Meghan squeaked. The taste of bile was still on her tongue from when she had puked at the pile of burning orcs, and the burning sensation rose in her throat again.

"Please do not vomit again," Legolas intervened.

Meghan fixed him with a testy glare. "What if I _want_ to vomit?"

His lips crinkled briefly in irritation and he returned her frown with equal potency. "Then you would be foolish."

"Cease," Aragorn commanded sharply. He gestured to the leafy ground. "We must concentrate on the task at hand. These are strange tracks."

Gimli seemed eager to help change the subject and decided to comment on the atmosphere. "The air is so close in here."

Meghan shot another scowl in Legolas' direction, but he tranquilly ignored her.

"This forest is old. Very old. Full of memory…and anger." he said. He suddenly seemed alive with sensations, and Meghan forgot her annoyance as an awareness not unlike whispering came over her.

The trees groaned, almost like they were being blown by a strong wind. More whispers wound around Meghan, addling her. She could almost make out what they were saying, but not quite.

"The trees are speaking to each other," Legolas commented.

Meghan concentrated on the trees, trying to block out what her companions were saying. The voices were so tantalizing, and she strained to understand.

But all that came were images of tall trees being chopped down by leering orcs. There was a quiet sound in the background that seemed to be the almost-words.

A raspy noise brought her back to the present. She glanced at Aragorn and saw that he was carefully unsheathing his sword and Legolas was knocking an arrow to his bowstring.

"What's—" A furious gesture from Gimli cut her question short.

And then all the men in the little group went into crazy attack mode. Gimli flung his axe, Legolas released his arrow, and Aragorn whirled like a ninja toward a very bright white light emanating from a figure that had all of a sudden appeared behind them.

Of course, their weapons did no good. A deep, resonant voice spoke from behind the white light. "You are tracking the footsteps of two young Hobbits."

Meghan had been struck dumbfounded very few times in her life. In fact, most of those times had occurred in Middle earth. This was definitely one of those moments.

"Where are they?" Aragorn demanded.

"They passed this way, day before yesterday. They met someone they did not expect. Does that comfort you?"

"Who are you? Show yourself!"

The light faded slowly to reveal an old man, dressed in white.

"It cannot be," Aragorn breathed.

Meghan took a different approach.

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" she shrieked. Gandalf winced, but that didn't phase Meghan in the least. "Why the heck did you die? This was all for pointless drama and suspense? Why couldn't you just have _stayed_ alive? Then maybe Boromir wouldn't have died! Or is he coming back, too?"

_Shut __**up**__, Meghan!_ the convenient little voice in the back of her head screamed. _Let's just prove Legolas right while we're at it!_

"I see that you have not changed," Gandalf muttered with an apologetic look at Aragorn.

"I haven't changed? You're back from the dead and all you can talk about is that I haven't changed? How the heck did you do that, anyway—"

Gandalf held up a hand to silence her, then glanced around the little group with kind eyes.

"Forgive me," Legolas said, taking the opportunity to speak. "I mistook you for Saruman."

The wizard brightened. "I am Saruman. Or rather, Saruman as he should have been."

"You fell." Aragorn clearly wasn't latching on to this new idea without some hesitation.

"Through fire, and water. On the lowest dungeon, on the highest peak I fought him, the Balrog of Morgoth."

Meghan tried to pay attention while Gandalf droned on and on in a speech that very well could have been stolen from _The Canterbury Tales_. She didn't understand the half of what it meant, but she tried to pay attention, anyway.

"Gandalf," Aragorn said at last. Meghan perked up. Aragorn usually said relevant things.

"Gandalf? Yes, that was what they used to call me. Gandalf the Grey. That was my name. I am Gandalf the White, and I come back to you now at the turn of the tide."

"But," Meghan spluttered. "I don't understand. You're all raised from the dead, and that's it? No big ceremony? No weird initiation rites?"

"No. Not today. But come, we must hurry. I will speak as we walk." Gandalf waited long enough to give them each a smile. "It is good to be back."

They all started back to the direction that they had come, Gandalf talking the whole way. "One stage of your journey is over, another begins. War has come to Rohan, we must ride to Edoras with all speed."

"Edoras! That is no short distance!" Gimli exclaimed.

"Where's Edoras?" Meghan interjected.

"We hear of trouble in Rohan. It goes ill with the king," Aragorn said.

"Yes, and it will not be easily cured," Gandalf agreed.

"Did anybody hear me? Where's Edoras?"

"Than we have run all this way for nothing? Are we to leave those poor Hobbits here in this horrid, dark, dank, tree-infested—" A rumbling through the forest stopped him short. "I mean, charming, quite _charming_ forest!"

"It was more than mere chance that brought Merry and Pippin to Fangorn. A great power has been sleeping here for many long years. The coming of Merry and Pippin will be like the falling of small stones that starts an avalanche in the mountains."

"Why is it always 'Merry and Pippin'?" Meghan piped in again. "Why can't it be 'Pippin and Merry'? Did someone have a secret council and agree that it sounds better when Merry is mentioned first?"

"You think too much, Meghan," Gimli said.

The important people ignored the pawns' short discussion.

"A thing is about to happen that has not happened since the Eldar Days. The ents are going to wake up – and find that they are strong. So stop your fretting, Master Dwarf. Merry and Pippin—" (Meghan rolled her eyes) "—are quite safe. In fact, they are far safer than you are about to be."

"But where _are_ they?" Meghan sad. "Why aren't we going to find them? And where is Edoras? What _is_ Edoras? Am I even pronouncing it right?"

"Yes, Melethriel, your pronunciation is excellent," Gandalf said. Meghan thought she detected the faintest hint of exasperation in his voice, but with the new and improved Gandalf, it was hard to tell. "And as to the location of the two younger Hobbits, it would be pointless for me to explain. You see, it is impossible for you to understand what I would tell you. Content yourself with the knowledge that they are safe, and in very good hands."

Somehow the trip out had taken much less time than in. They burst out into the fresh sunshiny air and Meghan breathed in deeply of the comparative freshness.

"What about you, though?" she continued her interrogation of the recently reborn wizard. "We all watched you die. Do you have new super cool superpowers now that you're alive again?"

"Did you hear nothing I said?" Gandalf said. This time, Meghan was certain of the exasperation in his tone. "I have not the time to tell you again. You are nearly as unquenchable as the Hobbits in your thirst for information."

"Later, Meghan," Aragorn said. "For the present, we must make all haste to Edoras."

She blinked. "How are we going to do that? We've only got two horses and there's five of us. Are we going to have to triple up on one of them? I claim a spot on the double-up horse."

"Wait," Gandalf shushed, just before whistling a very peculiar whistle. For a minute, nothing happened. Then a beautiful white stallion cantered up. Meghan glanced between Aragorn and Legolas, because they both looked very impressed with this new addition to their little herd of horses.

"That is one of the mearas, unless my eyes are cheated by some spell," Legolas said.

"Shadowfax," Gandalf nodded, reaching up to stroke the tall horse's arched neck. "He's the lord of all horses and has been my friend through many dangers." He swung up easily onto the horse's back.

"Shadowfax?" Meghan mumbled to herself. "That's so weird. It's like, Shady Email. Ooooh, scary."

"Come, Gimli," Aragorn said lightly. "I fear we must ride again."

The Dwarf made a bit less of a fuss as he maneuvered himself onto the brown horse's saddle, but once he was atop the horse again, he grew silent. "Let us be off," he growled after a moment.

Meghan felt herself being hefted like a sack of grain onto the grey horse. Furious, she opened her mouth to protest in the strongest terms to the manner of her transfer, but the enormity of her tirade was cut short by a colossal sneeze that the dusty air had necessitated. Legolas was already settled in front of her by the time she regained any amount of equanimity.

She chose to maintain a stately silence as they once again began to ride. This time they rode at a canter instead of a trot, and the motion was a little smoother. Meghan only slid one hand on Legolas' shoulder – just enough to keep her balance. No need for any more drooling, anyway.

Anxiety swept over her like a summer storm. Gandalf had said that they were about to be in danger. What did that mean? And what about the Hobbits? The future seemed very bleak.

* * *

**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will Meghan and Legolas make up after their argument? Will Éomer hate Meghan forever and ever for her random and childish words? Will FebSong's Internet come back to life?

* * *

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**bookworm97 - **Congrats on the date-winning-thing! I hope Theodred didn't go off and die in the middle of it. That would be very droll. Isn't apple pie simply the best type of pie ever? Except maybe lemon. I like lemon stuff to be so darn lemony that it makes your cheeks burn and your eyes to tear up just _thinking_ about it. Mmm, gives me shivers. :)

**BlueEyedGunSlinger - **Vanilla ice cream coming right up! Aragorn and Legolas' silent conversation was about the riding situation, actually. It seems that men can have entire conversations with their eyeballs, just the same as women. Anyway, they were non-verbally deciding who would ride with who. Sorry that I didn't explain that well to begin with!

**Jousting Elf with a Sabre - **You will be appalled to hear that I very nearly missed you whilst I was typing out the shout-outs! The way my browser pages went just kinda... covered you up and it was by sheer luck that I glanced again and thought... _AHA! I cannot forget my dear Jousting Elf!_ So you're a connoisseur of jet lag, huh? I suppose that means you're a traveler! How fun! I've never fallen asleep while packing, but it sounds rather tragic. I hope you sleep well:) (By the way... your squirrel story sounds supremely entertaining.)

**PriestessHelene - **I just HAD to have Meghan trip and fall flat on her face at the first meeting with someone. And since there really aren't that many first meetings left, Éomer was a likely enough candidate. Glad you enjoyed:)

**whedonist19 - **News, news! I hear there's a rumor that our friend Mr. Whedon might make a sequel to Serenity! Imagine! I think I would faint and just... I don't know, die of happiness! But then you guys wouldn't get any updates, and that would make me sad. So I'll stay alive. :)

**AnnabelleLee13194 - **Numbers, my goodness! I am always so afraid that I'll mis-type the numbers in someone's name:) At any rate, walking into a pole _would_ wake a body up!

**HitchHikersOfTheCaribbean - **The truth of the matter is, I in fact _did_ flee the country. I traveled all the way to Never Never Land and stayed for quite a while. But when Peter found out that I'd been so tardy with updating this story, he sent me home with a very severe reprimand. See, you have Peter Pan on your side! Alright I'm being silly. Thanks for reviewing:)

**Kirika-Hime - **I shall never rush a chapter again... Chapter 16 was actually a bit rushed and I think it suffered for it. But ElvishKiwi is totally going to pwn any more of my weird canonical errors from here out. Anyway, thanks so much for reviewing:D

**Sosaku-sama - **Yes, Meghan _is _a bit out of control. Hence the Legolas-rebuke in this chapter. I was on tenderhooks writing that scene! -shudder- And isn't "w!ck3d w3s0m3 kung fu sk!11z fun? I made it as 1337 as possible. I hardly know how to speak 1337 but I think I pulled it off...

**Milo Pipper - **Yay for shout-outs! I do love them. I love getting them and I love giving them!

**lotrelves - **-Tosses more sparkly confetti- That's some fun stuff, that. And as for The Author talking in the previous chapter, well... I guess I was going for a Lemony Snicket feel without ever having read Lemony Snicket... I know, appalling. I've only seen the movie. And I don't suppose I did a very Lemony Snickety job. I shall refrain from inserting my own magnanimous voice into the story from hence forth. ;)

**HobbitSizeMe - **There will be more raffles! Raffles are the highlight of my author's notes! I expect I'll be having a raffle every three or four chapters. I can't say what the prizes will be, but they will all be fantastic and wonderful. :)

**CameoCorbin - **Hmm, I love the name Corbin! It has such a nice ring to it. Thank you for your review! I loathe Sues, too, so it's lovely to hear that I'm doing well with my own attempt at a fic. Thanks:)

**Mariano's-twins - **Strawberry jam! Heavenly stuff! You guys, gosh, I mean, you crack me up every time. It's strangely delightful to hear that Nikos just might marry Meghan, but I must warn him... he'll have to contend with a tall, blond, and mysterious stranger, first. ;)

**iccle fairy - **Thanks for the review:)

**A Random Person - **Craaaap! My subtle undertones of romance are TOO subtle! Hmm, well, a quickie readers' guide to the subtle undertones of romance: Meghan doesn't think Legolas is a fruitcake anymore, and actually rather likes him. He's very, very attentive to her. And, they're understanding each other a lot more. Don't worry, though, I'm throwing subtlety to the winds in the upcoming chapters. Love you name, by the way!

**NajaMoonshadow - **Naja! Sorry, I just love saying that. The funny thing is every time I actually type "Naja" I say it out loud, too. You will be relieved to hear that I DID successfully reattach my butt after laughing it off the other chapter. :D

**ClumsyElf - **So glad that you think Legolas is nice! I'm trying to keep him as canon and IC as possible, but sometimes he's just so dimwitted (especially in the movie) that I can't resist giving him a nice, poetical line to say just to prove that he really is quite intelligent...

**N.M.Marquette - **Happy Halloween to you, too! Although it's long since passed... more like Merry Christmas, now!

**silverrain1312 - **Love the new username:) And isn't Josh's Christmas CD simply delightful? I'm with you, I don't want to get tired of it before Christmas, so after the first week of listening to it I've stopped until a couple of weeks before Christmas. Although I'll probably listen to it all year 'round! I think Silent Night is my favorite track... so pretty:)

**enchantedwriter72 - **Yay! A new reviewer. So glad to hear that you enjoy the story. Meghan sends her salutations, by the way. :)

**Saerwen the gondorian's mai... - **First let me say... a thousand apologies for cutting off your username! That's all that would show up on my screen. Methinks Meghan will not necessarily learn to hold her tongue... maybe channel it to better uses, but her completely random outbursts are as much a part of her as her hands. The kung-fu moment is coming soon…-ish!

**Jenova's Fifth - **Glad someone caught the reality of puking after running so long... I always groaned whenever my brother turned on the army shows when we were kids, but watching the grunts work out like crazy and then vomiting left a very firm impression on my mind. So, I suppose those shows did me a little good... :) And actually, ch.16 was a bit longer than usual, though it read very quickly for some reason. This chapter (ch.17) shouldn't have that problem... This one seemed to drag for me.

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **I'm sorry to hear about your dismal patch about Sirius Black... I've actually never read Harry Potter and only seen half of one movie, but I understand that Rowling likes to kill her characters. I would never have the guts to kill any of my characters... they're like children to me. :) Sweeney Todd looks FANTASTIC, and I love Johnny's Hair! Yes, I did capitalize Hair because it's practically a character all its own! -cheesy grin- I don't know if I can wait until February for Lost to come back, though... the wait is killing me! And I usually don't see Merry when I look at Charlie, but there were those moments, 'specially when his face lit up in that huge grin, that I would scream "MERRY!!" in a ridiculously cheerful voice. Well, I hope this chapter did not disappoint. It was a big, hairy bear to write and I'm quite glad it's out of my hands. :)

**EchoingSilence - **Whipped cream coming right up with that delicious homemade pie! The romance will be served up soon, too. There was a tiny, teeny, little bitty sliver of it in here before they decided it was time for a little bit of tension and arguement. So, my friend, rest assured -- the romance isn't very far away. :)

**fallen.winters.rose - **Apparently Legolas agrees with you -- hence his rebuke of Meghan's rather ridiculous actions! Don't worry, though -- Meghan has some growing up to do, but she'll never lose that weird streak. -cherubic author grin-

**Frathworth and Butts - **Oh my goodness, a thousand apologies to Butts. Here, Butts, have a chocolate bar. :) Yes indeed, Théoden and Grima and Edoras, oh my! It's about time that Meghan got thrown into an entirely new mixing pot, and Rohan is just the place to do it. :)

**ElvishKiwi - **No offense taken... and really, my friend, your rather strongly worded review made me smile and think, _Good God, Holmes! She would make a brilliant beta!_ So rock on with those concrits:)

**ringbearingreasergal - **You know, I had half a mind to declare _myself_ the winner of the Théodred raffle! He's that delicious! But, with great perseverance and self-control, I drew a name other than my own. But hang in there, because I just had an absolutely genius idea for a raffle. It's so good that I'll probably save it for a little later in the story... so don't budge:)

**Melovia - **Yay Kip!! –throws sparkly confetti-

**Nach0MaN - **Yay!! I don't scare you away with my slightly schizophrenic shout-out last time! Thanks for the review:)

**Ciunas - **Oh dear me, another one who is checking all the time... ;) Well, hopefully updates are going to become a bit closer together. Real life is a pain sometimes, no:)

**To anyone who reviewed as of a couple of weeks ago – **I wish I could give each one of you a personal shout-out, but due to the strange way that I prepare my chapters, I wasn't able to access your reviews in time to type up a shout-out. I'll be sure to cook up a special shout-out to y'all next chapter!! Thanks, guys!

* * *

Quick! I think that my Internet will heal if I get a baJILLION reviews! (I do believe in fairies, I do, I _do_!) So press that inviting little button and help my Internet-Tink come back to life! 


	18. Writer's Block

**Whoo Hoo!:** Apparently, all those reviews really _did_ fix my internet! Well, actually, it was a geeky friend of mine, but the fact of the matter is that my internet is back to normal. Hurray!

**Disclaimer:** This isn't really a proper chapter, just a random little idea that came to me a while ago. It's definitely not necessary to read, and you won't miss anything important to the plot if you skip it. The real chapter will be up next Friday, on Dec 28.

**Author's Note:** News, news to all my fellow _Lost_ fans! The next season is starting January 31! I also discovered the official trailer for season 4, the link for which will be in my profile. Sorry if this is old news, but I was so excited when I found out!

* * *

"_A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." -Fred Allen_

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - **_Writer's Block_

"Okay, everybody take five!" FebSong yelled above the general cacophony of noise.

"Oh God, no!" Meghan moaned. "Not writer's block!"

"SHUT UP!!" FebSong shrieked before bursting into tears. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE!"

"It's alright," Aragorn said in a pacifying tone. "I'm sure you'll get your thread back."

"SHUT UP!!" FebSong screamed again. "My Muse is having an affair with a slash-ficcer and you're telling me that it'll be _fine_? AND WHY ARE YOU TALKING IN CONTRACTIONS??! I distinctly remember telling you to talk ONLY IN UNCONTRACTIONS!"

"Is that even a word?" Pippin whispered to Merry.

FebSong threw up her hands in a huff. "I'm going _shopping._"

The little group watched the author stalk off with her fists clenched.

"Well, I sure could use the break," Legolas said, taking the opportunity to stretch. He cast a wry look around. "Being this hott takes a lot of concentration."

Everyone groaned and rolled their eyes, with the exception of an adoring scream from Andrea, who was safely quarantined in chapter one.

Meghan joined the Hobbits at the snack table and selected a powdered doughnut. Pippin looked up at her, smiling despite a mouthful of brownie. "Good job on that argument with Legolas in chapter seventeen. That was pretty intense."

"Thanks." She smiled, then turned it into a glower. "Didn't help that Febby kept rewriting it."

They both paused for a moment to mutter dark words about the author under their breath.

"So," piped in Boromir, who had joined them at the refreshments, "what do you think about the upcoming plot twist in chapter-"

"SHH!" everyone shushed him and glanced around warily.

"Sorry," he grinned. "Not used to high security rigs."

"It's okay," Meghan answered with a laugh. "This is my first fic ever. I can't imagine what it's like for you guys, full time and all."

The rest of the group had gathered around the snack table by that point, and the spread of munchies was starting to look a little bare.

Legolas winced as he took a nibble from a celery stick. "Just this morning I was on the set of another Mary Sue. This time, I'm abusive to her due to my tortured past, during which I was possessed by Morgoth's disembodied spirit. I have to go back for another chapter this Tuesday and I am _not_ looking forward to it."

"Um…" Meghan paused. "I think Andrea's writing that one."

"_Great_," Legolas replied sarcastically.

"I just did a steamy little romance oneshot yesterday." The group turned in shock to stare at Gimli, who shrugged. "What? Some people have a Dwarf fetish."

"I'm scheduled for a self-insert next week," Aragorn sighed. "The summary said that Arwen dies and I fall into the depths of despair, until a 'feisty warrior maiden from Lothlórien' travels to Rivendell. Please keep me in your prayers."

Legolas clasped his friend's shoulder sympathetically. There was a moment of silence as everyone contemplated the strange world of fanfiction.

"I like this set," Frodo said. "Even though I only had about six lines total, FebSong _does_ give us nice food. All the other sets try to feed me angst cookies. Have you ever tasted an angst cookie?"

"Oh I've had those," Boromir grimaced. "One bite and you want to commit suicide."

"The Mary Sues eat those things like air," Legolas said.

"But here," Frodo continued, "we get to eat all kinds of stuff. Plus, FebSong gives us breaks even when she _doesn't_ have writer's block."

Legolas batted his eyelashes at Meghan. "Besides, you're my favorite Sue."

"Aw," Meghan crooned, clasping her hands and swiveling from side to side like a little girl. "You're too sweet, Legolas."

"And you both are too disgusting," Pippin wrinkled up his nose. "Puh-leez, the romance doesn't come in until chapter-"

"SHHH!" Everybody looked around again.

Haldir and Lalaith chose this moment to make their appearance. They came walking over, looking every inch the happy couple. You see, after being introduced in chapter eleven, they had fallen properly in love and had gotten married not long after chapter fifteen appeared.

The snacking group greeted the newcomers with good cheer and several offers of the various munchies that remained. Haldir waved the food away, but Lalaith accepted a divine little slice of chocolate cake.

Haldir was just about to say something when a harried-looking FebSong burst into the room, hair awry and eyes blazing with mad inspiration.

"I HAVE IT!!" she bellowed, causing everybody to jump. "PLACES!"

They dropped their snackage and dashed to their places on set.

FebSong had a maniacal grin on her face as she flexed her fingers, preparing. "OKAY! This is gonna be great!"

_Legolas glared at Meghan, wondering how she could possibly be so stubborn. But he also noticed the way the firelight illuminated her raven hair, and outlined the pretty cut of her jaw. Suddenly, he found himself taking her into his arms, kissing her…_

"STOP!"

This was an entirely new voice. Legolas and Meghan backed away from each other instinctively as a darkly cloaked figure stepped into the room.

"FebSong… A word, if you please."

The author looked a little bit extinguished as she meekly followed the new person to the little set of chairs in one corner.

"I heard that's the new beta," Legolas whispered to Meghan. "ElvishKiwi. She's really canon."

"Thank heavens," Meghan sighed. "You're a good kisser, Legolas, but we're only in Rohan. Too much, too soon."

"Agreed."

A moment later a much more sane-looking FebSong returned with ElvishKiwi keeping a watchful eye on the goings-on.

"Okay, different approach!" FebSong said. "Back to the original plot!"

_The rhythmic motion of the horses' hooves beat out a tattoo-_

FebSong frowned. "No no no, I don't like that, it sounds like crap. Backspace, backspace, BACKSPACE!!"

_The hours dragged like lead bricks through mud-_

"What on earth is that? Lead bricks! BACKSPACE!"

_After many hours, the group finally reached Edoras-_

"I CAN'T DO THIS!" FebSong wailed. "CURSE YOU, MALICIOUS MUSE!! I hope you're having your smutty fun with that slash-ficcer!" She shook her fist at the ceiling, then burst into tears. "Please excuse me while I go and watch _Doctor Who_. Maybe I'll gain some artistic motivation from that."

And she marched resolutely from the room.

ElvishKiwi threw back her hood and gave everyone a benevolent smile. "Don't worry. She'll be back in a little while." Then ElvishKiwi vanished.

The group peered around at each other before bursting into hearty peals of laughter, Meghan and Legolas no less than the others.

"I suppose that ElvishKiwi is the protector of the plot-time continuum," Boromir commented, recovering from the hilarity first.

"She's my hero," Legolas said.

"And just in time, too," Lalaith added. "It looked like FebSong was to going to raise the rating to M. Maybe she's having an affair with a PWP Muse."

The silence dragged out awkwardly, and Meghan was just about to break it when-

"I'VE GOT IT!" FebSong screamed, entering. "PLACES!"

_Legolas glared at her. "You cannot fight, Meghan. How will you be of any help if you are incapacitated?"_

"_But you don't understand!" Meghan growled._

_Just then, they were interrupted by a very strange sound and the gradual materialization of a large blue box. Out stepped a rather dashing figure, who was followed by a pretty blonde._

"_BRILLIANT!" the first newcomer exclaimed in a lovely English accent. "The TARDIS can transport to _fictional_ worlds!"_

"_And what world might this be, Doctor?" Rose asked._

"_Middle earth!" the Doctor said enthusiastically. He noticed Meghan and Legolas gawking. "Ah look! Locals!"_

"STOP!" ElvishKiwi looked a little exasperated. "FebSong, you can't afford to do a crossover this late in the story!"

FebSong wilted. "You're right. Okay, um… EVERYBODY TAKE FIVE!!" She stomped out.

Before anybody could blink, Meghan was hugging the life out of the Doctor and smiling enormously.

"Hello, then," the Doctor said. "Never been to this fandom before. Are they all this welcoming?"

Rose was eying Meghan with more than a martial gleam. "Nope, just this one it seems."

"Sorry," Meghan blushed, and released the Doctor. "I just got so excited to see you, is all."

"Lovely to meet you, too," he beamed, clapping her on the shoulder. "But there's nothing wrong here. It's not _Doctor Who_ if I don't save the day!" He whisked back into his blue box, and Rose was on his heels. A moment later, the TARDIS had quite vanished.

"That was… interesting," Aragorn said.

"To say the least," Haldir agreed.

Everyone began to migrate back toward the snack table, where they once again resumed their nibbling of assorted treats.

"You know, it really was quite rude of Febby's Muse to go off and commit plot adultery like that," Lalaith commented.

"Yes, it was," Meghan nodded. "And I heard that the slash ficcer isn't even in this fandom!"

"Don't sound so unhappy about it," Legolas frowned. "I'm quite content to leave slash fics to _other_ fandoms."

Suddenly, FebSong skipped in. "I have it at last!" she crooned cheerily. "I just know this will be a wonderful twist to the story. So unexpected! So fresh! So original!"

"Well, let's get started then," Meghan urged.

"Alright! PLACES!!!"

_Meghan sat brushing her hair, noticing how it fell past her waist. She decided to take a midnight stroll out in the fresh, moonshiny air of Rohan. Her small feet quickly traversed the floor until she burst into the starlight. There, she discovered Legolas standing and admiring the night sky._

"_Good evening, Legolas," she murmured demurely._

_He swiveled around, a resplendent smile lighting up his face. "Meghan!" he exclaimed as he dropped onto one knee and burst into a glorious song. "I've been dreaming of true love's kiss-"_

A rather unexpected sound interrupted his ballad. ElvishKiwi was sitting in a corner, weeping as she rocked back and forth with her hands clasped around her knees.

"Um, Kiwi," FebSong growled. "You're_ ruining _themoment!"

"You can't make this a MUSICAL!!" ElvishKiwi shouted, standing up. "Are you crazy? Besides, that's plagiarism! You didn't even write that song!"

"But…" FebSong's lower lip quivered. "James Marsden was so dashing when he sang it!"

"I don't _care_," ElvishKiwi hissed.

"Fine! I'll be in my dressing room!" FebSong shrieked.

After the writer had stomped away, ElvishKiwi turned once again to the cast. "I'm going to go and find her Muse if it _kills_ me," she said calmly.

"Try the _Lost_ fandom," Meghan offered. "There's lots of hott guys in that one. Slash ficcer's dream."

"Thanks," ElvishKiwi nodded. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck!" everyone chorused as ElvishKiwi disappeared with a flourish.

There was a silent pause.

"I kinda liked the musical idea," Pippin said.

"You _were_ very dashing when you sang," Meghan informed Legolas, who smiled gallantly.

"Thank you," he said.

Just then, the most amazingly, devastatingly, overwhelmingly, crushingly, tremendously, extraordinarily gorgeous man stepped into the room. He had eyes so blue that it almost hurt to look at them, a lush crop of dark brown curls that fell in perfectly shaggy ringlets around his face, and a body that anyone would kill for. Despite his immeasurable gorgeousness, he was still the most masculine man that any one of them had ever seen.

"Who…" Meghan just barely managed to puff out. She tried again. "Who…who…who… who are you?" The last word came out in a very unflattering squeak.

The man quirked an eyebrow disdainfully at her. "I am FebSong's Muse. Can you direct me to her?"

Lalaith and Meghan - who happened to be the only resident females of the group - pointed mutely toward FebSong's dressing room.

The Muse bowed elaborately and sauntered off in that general direction.

"I don't like that man," Legolas announced suspiciously once the Muse was out of sight. "I have a difficult time believing that he is really FebSong's Muse."

"I concur," Haldir said.

Meghan rolled her eyes. "You guys just aren't used to somebody being more handsome than you are."

Amidst the general protests of that assertion, FebSong reappeared, looking very calm and rational.

"Silence!" she boomed, and immediately everyone quieted. "I have, at last, come up with a decent opening to the next chapter. Places, please."

_Meghan drifted into a half-awake state with a sensation of well being. She left her eyes closed, savoring the mood. She could feel by the rhythmic motion of the horse that they were still cantering across the plains of Rohan. But that didn't matter. It was lovely to finally feel safe and secure for the first time in awhile..._

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**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**... - **Yes! Updating is good! And now I can do it regularly, since my Internet is fixed! Yay!

**ElvishKiwi - **So glad to hear that ch.17 was better. And I love the disclaimers, too! They're a blast to write. The quotes are all legitimate -- I've been collecting quotes for many years now. Some are serious, some are poignant, and some are just plain funny.

**Kirika-Hume - **Whew, someone thinks the argument was a good idea! I was so nervous writing it, and it's nice to have some affirmation. Thanks for believing in fairies!!

**Jousting Elf with a Sabre - **Wow, that's cool that you're a Yankee in Europe. I wish I could visit that side of the pond, but alas, such things require money. :'( At any rate, safe travels when you visit home. Thanks for reviewing!

**SinisterShadows - **Thanks so much!

**Estry - **Never fear, Meghan's story will NOT be one of those fics where they just suddenly STOP. She'll keep going if it kills me!

**NajaMoonshadow - **My BFF sends her thanks and appreciation for the hugs and Legolas dolls, and I personally thank you for the chocolates and flowers and things. :) I have had many horses sneeze all manner of disgusting and likely dangerous things onto my body, so it was pretty much necessary that something similar happen to Meghan. Besides, what an unromantic way to break up an almost-romantic moment!

**whedonist19 - **I don't like Legolas and Meghan in a tiff, either, but it was necessary. And I surely hope that Mr. Whedon will make another Firefly movie, too! I just love them all to death and I would go and watch it a million times just to help the movie make money.

**bookworm97 - **I must say, your description of the Theodred date made me laugh... very hard, in fact! I do hope that the entire evening wasn't a complete loss... but ... well... Oh never mind, I can't think of any clever dead person joke. :)

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **Oh noes!! You've discovered my secret! I really am a psychic! I just got this sense, and all of a sudden, POOF! The chapter appeared! Just for you, mate, just for you. :)

**HobbitSizeMe - **Yay! Somebody liked Shadow Email! The next chappy will be this coming Friday, so never fear:)

**Ciunas - **Well, I suppose I am very flattered that you're keeping tabs on me. :) I almost always update on Fridays, though, so no need to be checking in during the week... any way, thanks for reviewing!

**silverrain1312 - **Whoo! A Narnia story, aye? I shall have to read it! And speaking of Narnia, WHO'S EXCITED FOR PRINCE CASPIAN???!??! -waves hand frantically- ME!! ME!! I just saw the trailer for it yesterday. It looks FANTASTIC.

**Melovia - **I'm going to say... The Nile! Hope this "chapter" satisfied your fix!! Not sure about the socks, though...

**Mariano's-twins - **BLUEBERRY PIE!! -pounces- As ever, y'all make me laugh so hard with your bickering... I simply love it. Hope that Nikos isn't too crushed... and Meghan said to tell him that he sings beautifully.

**lotrelves - **-catches a lemon pie- Man, I'm just getting all kinds of delicious treats! -sigh- I'm going to be fat by the time I finish this fic. I utterly agree with you, by the way; Leggy and Meg DO need to talk.

**HitchHikersOfTheCaribbean - **Peter is TOTALLY on your side! And, it seems, so is fairie magic, because my Internet works again! Yay!

**PriestessHelene - **Yes, Meghan is growing up a bit, and perhaps noticing just exactly how nice Legolas is... Thanks muchly for the review!

**Bethuviel - **NEVER! NEVERRRR!! I will finish this story if it means sucking every last drop of energy out of my cold, clammy body. Well, okay, maybe not that extreme, but you know what I mean.

**AnnabelleLee13194 - **Lord Sexiness!! -dies laughing- That is pretty much the most hilarious nickname for Legolas I've ever heard!! My friend, with your permission, I am going to use that in a chapter somewhere!

**EchoingSilence - **Don't worry, there will be more romance in upcoming chapters. Nothing gross, though. And I actually wanted to slap Legolas, too. But then again, I kinda wanted to slap Meghan. Not sure what the figures to.

**Nach0MaN - **LOL! That cracked me up. Thanks for the review!

**iccle fairy - **Thanks so much:)

**The Queen of Confusion - **Hey, did you change your username? Or am I going crazy? -blinks and rubs eyes- Anyway, thanks for the review!!

**mayday1211 - **Meghan is _definitely _not your average girl... I actually took one those Mary-Sue litmus tests and she scored 4 out of 190... 190 being the Suest Sue you can get. They actually warned me that she might not be very likeable. I hope that's not the case. ;)

**fallen.winters.rose - **Isn't the drooling fun? I couldn't resist. It's such a Meghan thing to do. :) Thanks for reviewing!

**chamunclefleeblix-san - **You know, someday I'm going to figure out what your username means. Thanks for reviewing!

**Jenova's Fifth - **Yay Peter Pan! He's pretty much the coolest little spritekin ever and I love him to pieces. -hugs Peter, who squeezes out of the embrace and flies away- How very flattering that you'll make your unLotRy friends read the drooling bit! I laughed just writing that part -- it's so random and so Meghan. Thanks for reviewing:)


	19. One Order of KungFu, Coming Right Up

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **AH! My internet died EXACTLY the same time as I was trying to upload the next chapter! Literally, I got onto the opening page and then kaput. Dead as a doorknob. Once again, I'm at a friend's house, frantically uploading a chapter. Please send warm fuzzies of love to my internet so that it will want to come back. :-)

**Disclaimer:** Today, I ate a tub of ice cream using only a fork. Enough said.

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"_Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -Keppel Enderbery_

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**CHAPTER NINETEEN** – _One Order of Kung Fu, Coming Right Up_

Meghan drifted into a half-awake state with a sensation of well being. She left her eyes closed, savoring the mood. She could feel by the rhythmic motion of the horse that they were still cantering across the plains of Rohan. But that didn't matter. It was lovely to finally feel safe and secure for the first time in awhile.

_Wait a minute. Secure?_

Meghan realized that her arms were tied– very tightly – around Legolas' shoulders.

Fully awake, she tested the strength of her bonds and glared all sorts of hatred into the back of Legolas' head. "Why the heck am I tied up?!" she snapped.

His voice was painfully calm, and he did not turn around. "You fell asleep and nearly fell off thrice. I took the only rational course of action left to me."

"You tied me up." Meghan somehow managed to combine sarcasm, disbelief, and exasperation all in one scathing tone.

"If you do not remember, I woke you up and requested that you find a better position to slumber in rather than as far back on the horse's rump that you could manage. If my memory serves me correctly, you spat on me and told me to eat a stick of – what was the word? Dynamite?"

Meghan winced. She'd thought that had been a dream. Still, being trussed up the back of a very polite but maddening Elf was certainly plenty of retribution for that.

"Dynamite notwithstanding, do you think that you could _untie_ me now that I'm awake?"

"It would be my pleasure." And with that, he neatly unworked the knots without even looking at them.

Meghan immediately scooched a little farther back on the horse and rubbed her sore wrists. "That's the second time you've tied me up."

"Both occasions were necessary."

She rolled her eyes again and then peered around Legolas' flaxen tresses. A large, rustic-looking city had sprung up out of the plains. It was mostly brown and dusty, with the exception of some scrubby green bushes dotted here and there.

"Edoras," Gandalf announced as they all drew rein and looked into the sun toward the capitol of Rohan. "And the Golden Hall of Meduseld. There dwells Théoden, King of Rohan, whose mind is overthrown. Saruman's hold over King Théoden is now very strong."

"Who's Saruman again? His name is _really_ familiar," Meghan said.

"One of the Istari, who was corrupted by the promise of power. His reach has grown long, and the King of Rohan is under Saruman's sway," Gandalf explained.

"Oh. Gotchya. Bad guy."

They spurred their three horses on, toward the city on a hill. This time Meghan held on to Legolas' shoulders of her own free will – better than being forced.

As they drew closer to the gates, Meghan saw a woman dressed in white who was standing out on a bit of a porch-like thing. _Thank goodness!_ she thought. _Another girl! This world is a chick's dream. All those men running around and it looks like I've only just now met the third woman total._

Their ride through the dirty streets was marked only by the barrage of strange looks they received. It did not take long, though, to reach the summit of the hill, where they dismounted and went up to the platform that Meghan had noticed earlier. The woman in white was gone, though.

A gruff but kindly man stopped them from going through the magnificently huge wooden doors. "I cannot allow you before Théoden King so armed, Gandalf Grayhame, by order of Grima Wormtongue."

Gandalf nodded curtly to them, and the three men started to unstrap, unsheath, and otherwise unfasten all manner of weapons from their persons.

"Lady Meghan, your bow and sword," Legolas hissed.

With a start, Meghan followed suite and handed over her weaponry, suddenly feeling very naked despite the fact that she had very little expertise with either.

There was a pause.

"Your staff," the man coughed.

"Oh, no," Gandalf said in a pleasant tone of disbelief. "You would not part an old man from his walking stick."

The guard seemed caught with indecision for a moment, but soon grimaced in acquiescence and turned toward the big doors. Gandalf took the opportunity to wink slyly at Aragorn and Meghan as he leaned more convincingly on Legolas' arm.

The doors creaked ominously closed behind them after the group entered a large hall, lined with pillars and finished by a somewhat raised throne, upon which sat an ancient looking man flanked by a different, rather slimy individual.

"Why should I welcome you, Gandalf Stormcrow?" the old man rasped in a voice thin from disuse.

"Legolas?" Meghan whispered.

"Yes, Lady Meghan?" Legolas returned in a clipped, quiet tone.

"Legolas, you were right. I _have_ been acting like an idiot. I don't want to be angry with you anymore. Forgive me?"

His reply was forestalled by a burly man coming toward them with nothing less than a snarl of rage on his face. Legolas took a moment to dispatch of him, but another took the first's place.

Meghan decided she would only get in the way, so she stood back and admired the fluid, economical movements that Legolas used to beat the crap out of each of his attackers.

Then she felt a grubby hand slam across her mouth and an arm around her waist, lifting her completely off the ground and carrying her backwards toward a smallish side-door that was partially shadowed.

Meghan had been angry before in her life – but it didn't compare to the fury she felt at that moment. With one hand she ripped his grasp away from her mouth, and the other hand she balled into a fist and slammed her elbow back as hard as she could into his gut. He grunted and his hold on her waist loosened enough to allow her to twist away from him.

Her counterattack didn't end there. She held his eyes with a glare for half a moment, and then kneed him in the groin. His face twisted into a grimace of pain and anger as he dropped to his knees. Meghan thought that might be all, but, snarling, he began to lunge to his feet. She scowled and kicked his head.

The man crumpled to the floor just as Legolas arrived – a bit breathless – at Meghan's side.

"Are you alright?" he demanded, running his hands down her arms and closely examining her hands for any broken bones or bruises.

"I'm fine," Meghan replied. The realization of how close she had come to being dragged off dawned on her. "That guy almost—Well, you know!" Her breath came out shuddery.

"I was not watching carefully enough. It never occurred to me that they might assail you." His eyes were very, very big and he sounded genuinely shaken.

Meghan quirked him a half smile. "I think I did a pretty good job of knocking that jerk out, though."

"Quite." Legolas ventured a smile back at her. "Now I know that you fight well when you are provoked."

Suddenly she caught sight of the throne. "Woah, what just happened?" she exclaimed. A slightly raised brow from Legolas reminded her to keep her voice down. "Who's that new guy?"

"Théoden as he is meant to be," Legolas replied. "It would seem that Gandalf has healed him."

Gandalf agreed. "Your fingers would remember their old strength better if they grasped your sword."

The original guard who had met them at the gates knelt in front of Théoden and offered the king a sword. Théoden unsheathed it, looking up and down the length of the blade.

Legolas and Meghan watched in impartial silence as the guardsmen dragged the slimy man out into the crisp spring air. The entire company followed the King outside as well as he followed the wretched creature.

"Who's that?" Meghan asked Legolas.

"I believe it is Gríma Wormtongue. Saruman's hand, if you will."

The rushing of the wind prevented them from hearing any of the conversation. Still, they observed Gríma argue with Théoden and Aragorn until he made a hasty retreat.

"Hail Théoden King!" Aragorn cried to the surrounding crowd.

Even the wind stilled as the entire throng knelt reverently to Théoden, who blinked around like he was waking up all over again.

"Where is Theodred? Where is my son?"

Meghan realized that the woman in white from earlier was standing there. She looked so remarkably troubled that Meghan promised herself that she would talk to her later, once the hubbub of the moment had passed.

-------------------------------------

The funeral for Theodred passed quickly. Meghan stood a little off to the side while his body was carried solemnly and Éowyn – Meghan had picked up her name from hearing the passing folk say it – sang a mournful dirge. The workers moved surely but swiftly, as if they wanted to be done with the terrible task.

Now, Meghan was sitting in the hall of Meduseld, which was considerably warmer and brighter than that morning. She felt a tugging of sadness as she watched the blonde woman moving about the room. Her posture revealed a deep weariness. After a moment, she brought a bowl of steaming stew over to the table.

"I'm Meghan," our leading lady said, venturing to smile.

"Éowyn." The blonde sank onto the bench across from Meghan. Despite how worn out she seemed to be, her body was tensed a bit. Meghan wondered if the Rohirrim didn't much like Elves. The blonde took in a deep breath. "Where are your friends?"

"Gandalf is outside somewhere. And Legolas and Gimli went to get all our weapons and stuff back."

Éowyn nodded and said nothing.

"I'm sorry about your cousin," Meghan said, reaching out to clasp Éowyn's hand for a moment. She had learned about the family connection earlier from Gandalf, who seemed to be a wealth of information on any topic.

Éowyn regarded her for a moment, her blue eyes searching Meghan's green ones. "He was too young to die." She smoothly withdrew her hand, and passed it across her forehead as if to clear her thoughts. "What of you? Have you been traveling long?"

"Yes," Meghan said. "We were trying to find some friends, but another friend found them first. So Gandalf decided to come here."

"I marvel that Stormcrow has companions. He has ever journeyed alone."

"He was kinda stuck with us," Meghan muttered.

The blonde tilted her head. "You speak strangely for one of Elf-kind. Is this a common dialect among your people?"

"Yeah," Meghan dragged the word out dubiously. "I'm from… Rivendell, but I was raised by…" A sudden and entirely irrational urge to say _wolves_ flooded her thoughts. "…My… Elvish parents." She smiled widely, hoping to save the thread of conversation. "We had some… weird sayings."

"Are the tales of your people true?"

"Some of them," Meghan fudged. "Um… the _good_ stories are true."

Éowyn digested this. "I am sorry," she said at last. "I should not interrogate you. I have never met an Elf before."

"It's okay," Meghan answered quickly, but cringed at the look of apprehension on Éowyn's face. "It's alright, I mean."

"Is that an Elvish word? 'Okay'?"

"Yeah!" Meghan gave her a thumbs-up. _Good grief, how many more unsuspecting people am I going to con into thinking that slang means something else?_

Éowyn stood and moved toward one of the fire-basins that were set in a square pattern on the floor. She tipped one of the logs into the flames.

"Hey, um, Éowyn?" Meghan began.

"Yes?" She turned around to face Meghan.

"Are you any good with a sword?"

The upward tilt of Éowyn's jaw told Meghan enough even before the blonde woman spoke. "I have some knowledge of a blade."

"Great! Do you think you could spar with me a little? Aragorn's been so busy and we haven't really had any time. I _really_ need the practice."

"If you wish," Éowyn said. "But I do not understand. Why would an Elf need practice with a weapon?"

"Because I kinda suck." Meghan smiled ruefully. "I only just recently started learning. The sad thing is, I'm better with a bow – and I only can hit the outer rings with that." She was rewarded with the faintest glimmer of a smile from Éowyn.

The quiet of the hall was crushed as the heavy doors swung open to admit Gandalf, Théoden, Aragorn, and Legolas. The latter two were carrying small persons, one of which – the boy in Legolas' arms – seemed unconscious.

"Hammerhand," Éowyn breathed. "What devilry can this be?"

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**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will all this romantic tension be addressed? Will FebSong lose her holiday weight gain? And what devilry CAN this be?

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**SHOUT-OUTS!**

I am pained to announce that I didn't have time for shout-outs this week! -is very sad- Next time I hope to be back to normal. Thanks for your patience!!


	20. To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

**Author's Note:** Upon re-reading the early chapters of this fic, I realized that there were several aspects to Meghan that I never really explored, and it seems that her character has taken a slightly different turn than I originally anticipated. So, just for the record, I want to set a few minor things straight. For one thing, Meghan does _not_ have a blue streak in her hair. I don't know why she had one in the first place; it was a vaguely oddball decision on my part and it's now null and void. The second thing is that while Meghan is still fairly crafty (with the sewing, etc), she does _not_ cook at all. And she's not into theatre, either. Those are the only things, though. They were only mentioned in the very beginning of the first chapter, so I imagine most of you have forgotten about them, anyway. Well, I'm done with my ramble.

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**Disclaimer: **This chapter is exactly 2222 words long. Feel free to bask in my glow.

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**CHAPTER TWENTY** – _To Sleep, Perchance to Dream_

"Are they alright? What happened to them? Where's their mom?" Meghan asked as Legolas gently lay the boy on the table. Aragorn set the little girl onto her feet and she rushed over to her brother, grasping his hand.

"They are survivors of an attack in the Westfold," Théoden explained grimly.

Gandalf bent over the boy and peered into his face with one hand on the side of the child's head. "He is not injured, but very weary. And…" he paused, "he is waking up."

Sure enough, the boy jerked awake. "Freyda?" he asked, rising into a sitting position.

"She is here, son," Aragorn said. "You are both safe in Meduseld."

"You have had a long journey, and you are safe now." Gandalf allowed an encouraging sparkle into his eyes, even though his voice was grave. He turned to Éowyn. "Will you see that they have something to eat?"

"Yes, of course," Éowyn replied, and hurried to bring them two bowls of stew.

Meghan plopped onto the bench next to the little girl, and the boy climbed off the tabletop to sit beside his sister. "So your name is Freyda?" Meghan asked.

The little girl nodded, her brown eyes very round.

"That's a pretty name. What's yours?" Meghan leaned forward a bit to see the boy.

"Éothain," was the reply.

"Wow, you guys all have amazing names here. Mine's Meghan."

"Why are your ears pointed?" Freyda said.

Meghan glanced around like she was about to tell them something very important she didn't want anyone to overhear. "Can I tell you a really big secret?"

The two children nodded solemnly and leaned closer in.

Meghan dragged out the silence for dramatic effect. "I'm a Vulcan," she finally whispered. Freyda's and Éothain's mouths turned into little O's.

"What is a Vulcan?" Éothain asked, stumbling a little over the unfamiliar word.

"A very, very important person. Vulcans mostly nod and say sage things."

"I don't remember you saying anything sage." Éothain was not impressed, but at least his mind was off of the more unpleasant subject of his missing parents.

_Dang, these kids have good vocabularies,_ Meghan grumbled. She had hoped that the old-timey-sounding word would throw them off. Not that an old-timey word would help much in this time period. "Well, um, that's because you haven't been around me very long."

The boy looked at her dubiously. "Say something sage, then."

Éowyn's reappearance with the stew saved Meghan from digging herself deeper into that hole.

"Where is Mama?" Freyda said in a distressed tone. It was obvious that she regarded Éowyn as the more knowledgeable of the two women.

"Shhh," Éowyn replied, settling a blanket around Freyda's shoulders. She turned to Théoden, who had taken a seat on the throne. "They had no warning. They were unarmed. Now the wildmen are moving through the Westfold, burning as they go. Rick, cot, and tree." Meghan made a mental note to ask Legolas what a _rick_ was.

The children dug eagerly into their stew, and Meghan patted Freyda on the back. "I'm going to go and sit with my friends over there, 'kay? I'll see y'all later."

Freyda nodded, but didn't venture to speak with her mouth employed in much tastier uses. Meghan gave them both a cheerful smile as she rose and crossed the room to join Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn.

"…riding north as we speak. Éomer is loyal to you. His men will return and fight for their King," Aragorn was saying.

Meghan leaned next to Legolas against the pillar. "We need to talk," she said in an undertone.

"And you need to practice more with your bow," Legolas returned just as softly. "There is a small archery range behind the stable. Will you meet me there in a few moments? I must retrieve our bows and quivers."

"Sure," Meghan said. "Something tells me we aren't really needed here."

Legolas glanced around and nodded. "The stable is to the right as you leave the main doorway. Though perhaps a less prominent removal would be in better taste at the moment." He scanned the room. "That doorway there leads to a side access."

"Such subterfuge," Meghan sighed. "It's not like we're leaving to take a roll in the hay."

Apparently _that_ figure of speech existed in Middle earth, because Legolas let his head fall into his hands. Then he started shaking.

"Legolas…?" Meghan said quizzically. He held up a hand to forestall her questions, and she realized that he was _laughing_.

After a moment, he regained his typical composure, although his lips couldn't quite stop twitching every few words. "I will meet you behind the stable in a moment, then."

This time it was Meghan's turn to cover her mouth to prevent her laughter from bursting out. "That sounds worse!"

"Away with you," Legolas grimaced. "Before we disrupt the entire room."

"Alright, behind the stable it is." Meghan winked at him as they both turned away from each other, Legolas for the sleeping quarters to fetch their equipment and Meghan for the side exit that he had pointed out a moment before.

Dusk had firmly settled across the plains by the time Meghan walked out into the fresh air. There was a bit of a chilly breeze, and she readjusted her cloak to fall more closely around her shoulders.

It didn't take her long to find the stables – in fact, it would have been extremely difficult to _miss_ them. She wound her way to the back, where, sure enough, a little archery range showed up in the moonlight.

She drew in a deep breath, contemplating that even though horses were an erratic, intimidating lot, they smelled nice. Which is fairly bizarre when you realize that they mostly smell like sweat and poo.

Legolas appeared around the corner, two quivers slung on his back and both of their bows in his hands. He smiled.

"It is, perhaps, a shorter range than to what I am used. Nevertheless, without practice, you will not improve." He handed her bow and quiver to her and gestured to the farthest target. "That one."

Meghan made a face. "Somehow, I knew you were going to pick that one."

"I am predictable, I suppose."

They both fell silent as the _twangthud_ of the arrows hitting the target filled the night air.

"Lady Meghan, you did not merely ask me out here for target practice."

Meghan lowered her bow, glad for a chance to rest her aching muscles. "Well, for starters, you never accepted my apology earlier before those guards went all medieval."

He half-grinned, and Meghan decided that he had the nicest smile she had ever seen. "I accept your apology, and also offer one. I should not have rebuked you. It was not my place."

"You are most heartily forgiven," Meghan said with a very formal curtsey, despite the fact that she was still wearing pants.

In mutual contentment, they resumed their practice. This continued for awhile more – the silence broken only by the sound of their arrows.

After a bit, though, Meghan got restless. Taking a tentative breath, she said, "Legolas, back there, yesterday I guess, before we argued…" She trailed off, uncertain of how to continue.

He paused for the slightest moment, then resumed his practice. "I helped you off my horse."

"Yeah," Meghan said, hoping he would continue. She didn't know what had happened back there, but she wanted to find out.

"You were very weary, and unsteady on your feet. I supported you briefly until you regained your balance. That was all."

"Yeah," she repeated. _So it was really nothing after all._

The silence became a little bit oppressive. They didn't have to deal with it long, because Legolas bowed and said, "You must excuse me, Lady Meghan. I think that I will return to the hall."

"Okay." Meghan nodded absently. "I'll stay here to practice some more."

"Goodnight, then."

"G'night."

Meghan watched him leave. _That was _not_ nothing,_ she thought. _Back there, he almost kissed me._

This realization brought a certain level of uncertainty. It had never occurred to her that one of Andrea's lovey-dovey, fall-in-love-with-the-hott-elf-and-have-problems-admitting-the-relationship-to-each-other fanfics might _actually_ happen to her. Then another realization hit her in the gut like a sack of potatoes.

_I don't mind. At all._

"Oh, this is pathetic," she groaned, rubbing her eyes. "I am _not_ the girl for you."

"Meghan?" That was definitely a woman's voice. Meghan suddenly saw Éowyn standing by the corner of the stables.

"Oh, hi," Meghan said. She walked toward the target to retrieve her arrows.

"One of your companions, the Elvish man, asked me to find lodgings for you. He said you were here."

As Meghan slid her arrows back into her quiver, she noticed that Legolas had neglected to reclaim his own arrows. He must have been either very distracted or very tired to forget something as important as that.

_Aha, caught you!_ A distinctly triumphant thrill pin-prickled across her body. _That was not nothing, after all!_

She forced her voice to be moderate when she replied, "Thanks. Actually, sleep sounds really great right now." Legolas' arrows were much harder to pull out of the target on account that he had a much heavier draw-weight than she did. Éowyn joined Meghan at the target and helped her yank the shafts out.

"Are the kids cool?" Meghan grimaced at Éowyn's confused look. "I mean, um, are the children faring well?"

"Yes," Éowyn replied, pacified by Meghan's clarification. "I had a room prepared for them. I believe that they are sleeping now."

They quickly returned to the main building, and went down a side passage, where evidently the quarters were. Éowyn had already prepared a small lamp and handed it to Meghan so that she could light her room. "Your chamber is here," Éowyn said, gesturing toward one of the heavy, dark wood doors. "Mine is the second on the left. Do you require anything more before you retire for the evening?"

"No thanks," Meghan said, even though she ­_did_ wish she had some sort of pajamas. But Éowyn looked so tired and dismal that Meghan wanted her to go and get some rest of her own.

The blonde nodded wearily. "Rest well, then."

"You, too. G'night."

Éowyn turned to go as Meghan laid a hand on the knob of her door. "Oh, hey, Éowyn?" Meghan asked, a sudden thought hitting her.

Éowyn turned back, her thick, golden hair spilling over her shoulders.

Meghan smiled. "If you ever want to talk, or just to sit, or whatever, well, you can talk with me. I'm a good listener when I remember to keep my mouth shut."

A sliver of a smile lightened Éowyn's careworn face. "Thank you, Meghan of the Elvish Realms. _G'night_." Her mouth formed awkwardly around the unfamiliar word.

"G'night," Meghan grinned, then stepped into her temporary room. It was a tiny little thing, with only a few articles of furniture – a small bed, which was really nothing more than an elevated pallet; a rough but practical table about three hand-spans wide; and a rickety looking chair. Meghan set the lamp on the table and took a good look at the bed. It was lumpy and it looked as though the mattress was filled with straw, but she didn't care. It was very possibly the most glorious bed she had ever seen, after sleeping on the ground for several weeks.

Her bundle of belongings sat in the corner by the bed, evidently where Legolas had delivered them earlier. Earlier, before the two children had been discovered, Legolas had offered to take Meghan's possessions to her room so that she could stay with Éowyn and get something to eat.

_It all comes back to Legolas again._ Meghan half-smiled at the irony. Still, she was tired and letting herself think about that angsty topic of roiling emotion and sentiment was far too weighty an issue to deal with at such a time. She pulled her cloak out of the pile in the corner, stretched out on the pallet, and settled the cloak around her like a blanket.

She didn't exactly remember falling asleep, but her surroundings changed in such a dramatic way that she was certain that she was dreaming. Which was odd to begin with, because normally she wasn't aware of her dreams as she was dreaming them.

Glancing down, Meghan realized that she was wearing a poofy, white, princessy wedding dress, complete with long gloves and Austrian crystals on the frothy skirt. She blinked at this sudden revelation, then looked around to see that she was in a very beautiful old church with several hundred people sitting in the rows, all either smiling or looking quite bored. In fact, most of the women were smiling, and most of the men were looking bored.

_I'm getting married,_ she decided with a curiously fluttery sensation in her stomach. _No, no, this is ridiculous. All those thoughts about Legolas and romance and unrequited love and all that mushy gooshy junk is messing with my brain._

Even so, she had the irresistible urge to peek around to her right side, where ostensibly her groom ought to be standing. She very much expected to see a green-clad blond standing there. But someone quite different grinned back at her.

"CRAP!!!" she screamed.

She was having the Zac Efron dream again.

* * *

**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will those kids ever take Meghan seriously? Will Meghan recover from her traumatizing Zac Efron dream? Will Éowyn and Meghan become super duper BFFs?

* * *

**SHOUT-OUTS! **(Yay! They're back!) 

**The Queen of Confusion - **Thanks so much! More is on the way!

**silverrain1312 - **Wow, that's one of the nicest things anybody has ever said about any of my fics! Thanks bunches:)

**Kirika-Hime - **Yes, kung-fu sk!llz are fantastic! Meghan and I both had fun with that one. Thanks for the review!

**iccle fairy - **Thanks so much:)

**crockergirl - **Yay! I have achieved true genius! At last, I can die a happy woman. But not until I finish this fic. ;)

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **I know, the missing shout-outs last chapter were painful! I luvs shout-outs like a flea loves dogs. 'Cept I don't suck their blood. And you know, I felt the same way about Éowyn for a very long time, until finally the Extended Edition of RotK came out, and there was finally a bit of Faramir/Éowyn interaction. Then I felt like she was safely away from Aragorn and I could breathe easy again.

**NajaMoonshadow - **My internet cowers in fear! In fact, next time it dies I think I shall have you come and have a "chat" with it. ;) Sorry to hear about your cold; hope you're better and I HOPE it's not pneumonia! Nasty stuff, that! Oh and by the way, this time when you signed your name "Naja", I read it as NINJA! And I was like, "BOOYAH! NAJA'S A NINJA!"

**SinisterShadows - **Thank heavens, my computer seems to be finally fixed, for good. If not, I shall violently release my inner demons on its mutilated frame. -insert evil laughter here- Er, I mean, I love you, Compy!! As you can see, the relationship between Legolas and Meghan has suddenly gotten remarkably complicated. Oh, and I am slimming back down after the holidays at last... I still have a few slices of chocolate cake to work off, though:)

**Mikol - **Yes, her ninja moment was very timely, although I can whisper a few promises that there will be more kung-fu skillz in an upcoming chapter.

**AnnabelleLee13194 - **Kinky! Ha! I love that word, but I forget about it all the time and then when somebody says it, I'm on the ground laughing hysterically. Thanks for making me giggle like an idiot! ;)

**Darkness in Starlight - **Yay! Action-packed! What makes me particularly delighted with that phrase is that I'm usually terrible with actiony stuff! Thanks for the review:)

**bookworm97 - **Hmm, you have a feeling, aye? I confess, Éowyn and Meghan are very likely to become good chums. Mostly because so far, I've only included six women, including Meghan herself. And I primarily write women, so everyone is very lucky that I've managed not to turn every single male character into a complete pansy. My guys tend to be overemotional. Hmm. (And I just said "Hmm" for the second time in one shout-out. Skillz!)

**EchoingSilence - **Yes, I agree. Legolas and Meghan DO need to get together, immediately if possible. But that would ruin the romantic tension that I have been so carefully building. I make no promises. And I absolutely adore my spelling of Meghan; I've only seen it spelled that way once and I think it looks nicer than "Megan." But it's rather odd, I never intended to name her Meghan at all; she smacked me upside the face one day, though, and informed me that her name was exactly what it is. And it's very hard to ignore characters when they do that.

**HobbitSizeMe - **FebSong's internet: NEEVVVEERRRRR!!! FebSong: DIE EVIL SPAWN OF MORGOTH!! Ehem, sorry about that. My internet is temperamental at best. -eyeroll- I very much enjoyed having Meghan beat up that nasty Rohirrim man. He was smelly, anyway.

**PriestessHelene - **Haha, just you wait to see what I've got up my sleeve. Meghan's got a long way to go, yet. Thanks for reviewing!!

**ElvishKiwi - **Yes, my internet again. It is hopefully returned to normal, now. My friend says you're very welcome, she reads the story too and was happy to help me get another chapter you guys. Ha to you being anti-social just to review:) Thank heavens that I got Eowyn down alright... she's been a HUGE struggle and almost everything that I write for her has to be scrapped and rewritten. And goodness knows that I missed those shout-outs! I could feel a small part of my heart breaking when I couldn't do them last week, but I simply didn't have the time. Trust me, I doubt that it will ever happen again. Thanks so much for your kind words; I am utterly convinced that I would shrivel into a little brown speck of creativity if I didn't have these lovely reviews. :)

**fallen.winters.rose - **Thanks so much for the review:)

**Jenova's Fifth - **Isn't is a fantastic thought, of Meghan fighting dirty? She's the type to do it, too. Why bother with honorable fighting if you can hit them where the sun don't shine. Sorry about Meghan's apology; she _does_ tend to be kinda rushed, especially if she has to admit that she was wrong. And I just realized that I've been using semicolons like crazy.

**Verity Kindle - **Oh dear me, have some chocolate! I still have a hefty stash left over from Christmas. I got at least three pounds of chocolate, no kidding. You can have this delicious Cadbury milk chocolate bar:)

**CameoCorbin - **Haha, yes I did diss slash! -sticks out tongue like a little kid- I've never liked it, but then again, I loathe all crack-pairing, and slash is usually a crack-pairing. Besides, it's vaguely creepy, especially mmpreg. Still, I'm so glad that I've brainwashed you over to the Light Side. I'm rooting for Meghan and Legolas, too. ;)

**whedonist19 - **Well... Meghan's not mad at him anymore per se... But now I've introduced the ROMANTIC ANGST element! Yay! -eats angst cookies-

**kidnationrulz - **Wow, you're so nice! Thanks so much:)

**NachOMaN - **At last I understand your username! You seem like the kind of people that if I knew in real life, we'd be good friends. :-D

* * *

**Important news! **The time for a raffle has come again! This week we will have two -- count 'em, TWO -- winners! The prize is... and can I get a drumroll please? ...A double-date with Elladan and Elrohir! Yes, that's right! Both of these dashing studmuffins have offered to escort the two lovely winners to a special Rivendell feastday celebration! Dress your fanciest, ladies! (For any of my reviewers who are guys, a thousand apologies! But I don't think I have any, aside from Nikos, and he's already got a surprise coming along at some point… ) 


	21. Mental Notes Go Mental

**Disclaimer: **The latter portion of this chapter was written under the influence of Cheese Puffs and the _Enchanted_ soundtrack, which is enough to make anybody alternate between smiling widely and wanting to sing along. Actually, come to think of it, I ­_did_ sing along. A lot. (For posterity's sake, let me say that it perturbed a lot of random strangers when I burst into "I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss…!" on a crowded sidewalk earlier today.)

* * *

**Author's Note: **Wow, a very exciting raffle for the double date! The two lucky and lovely ladies who won are... -drumroll!- **The Queen of Confusion** and **ringbearingreasergal**! Congratulations, my friends:) Now you guys can fight it out for who gets Elladan and who gets Elrohir... But remember to dress up; it's a formal event!

* * *

_"Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings." -Robert Benchley_

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE **– _Mental Notes Go Mental_

Meghan woke up the next morning feeling preposterously nauseated. She very rarely remembered her dreams, but this time seemed to be an exception. She half-wondered if this was some sort of punishment from the love-gods.

With a groan, she heaved herself out of bed and stretched, hearing several pops and cracks from various joints in her body. The thin mattress had made her half wish for a bed on the ground, but a mattress was a mattress, however lumpy it might be. And at least she hadn't needed to worry about a random bird pooping on her while she slept.

She ran a hand through her hair – and promptly got it stuck. She groaned again. Her hair must be the most impressive rat's nest that ever existed. _If I keep this up, I'll have dreadlocks.­_

The best thing that she had for a hair tie was leather strip that Lalaith had given her all the way back in Lothlórien. She separated it as best she could, patted out the lumps, and pulled it into a half-back pollyanna. That was the extent of her hairstyling expertise. She was used to short hair, and here she had hair down her waist. Fingering the ends, she contemplated whether or not she really ought to cut it or not.

A rumble in her stomach reminded her that she hadn't eaten anything in quite a while, so she settled her cloak on her shoulders and went out the door. No one was out in the hallways, but she remembered the turns Éowyn had taken her down the night before. She soon found herself in the main hall again.

It was entirely transformed since the previous evening. Everybody seemed to be going through chests, selecting the most important things to pack into saddlebags and leather satchels. Meghan stared, perplexed, at all the hustle and bustle.

Éowyn spared her a tired smile as Meghan came up. "I thought that you had been told last night, or else I would have mentioned it." She hefted a heavy-looking bundle, handling it easily.

"Told what?" Meghan asked.

"We leave for Helms Deep this morning," Éowyn replied with an unreadable face. "My uncle has commanded that the city be forsaken to whatever evil wishes to defile it."

"I would rather see a city burn than watch people get eaten," Meghan said. "Orcs are _nasty_."

"I know what they are like!" Éowyn snapped, and Meghan remembered that her cousin had been killed by Orcs.

"I'm sorry," Meghan said. "I keep thinking I'm the expert on this stuff and I forget that you've lived it your entire life."

She could feel the tension easing out of Éowyn's body as the blonde's hands unclenched from the bundle she held. "And I am sorry," she said in a softer voice. "I should not have raised my voice."

"Oh don't worry. You can raise your voice all you want at me. Trust me, I grew up with four brothers. I can handle yelling."

A small flicker of kinship sparkled in Éowyn's big brown eyes. "Brothers _are_ loud," she offered.

"Way loud," Meghan agreed, cracking a smile.

Éowyn seemed to be about to return the smile, but she suddenly withdrew into her shell, as though she realized that she was getting rather chummy with one of those mysterious Elves. Her face went carefully blank and she returned to her work.

Meghan sighed. _Well, I guess it's not fair to expect her to be my best friend on the second day. Curse these pointy ears! _She reached up and touched them. It still felt strange to have such alien ears. Then she made a mental note to ask Aragorn why the Rohirrim didn't like Elves.

"I advise you to go and gather your belongings," Éowyn said in a voice that wasn't quite aloof or congenial. It was sort of a mixture of both.

"Right," Meghan said. "Excellent idea. I'll be off then."

She couldn't help but feel dismissed as she turned toward the door that led back to her room. On a sudden whim, she spun on her heel and headed in the direction of the little side entrance that opened to the front portico. Once outside, she saw what seemed like the entire population of the city scurrying about on various errands. She soon spotted Aragorn walking from the stables toward her, and she waved at him.

"Good morning, Meghan," he said, coming up the last few stairs to stand by her.

"G'morning," Meghan replied. "So exactly what is going on? Éowyn said something about Helms Deep. What is that?"

His shoulders had a determined set. "It is a fortress to the northwest of Edoras. King Théoden does not wish to leave his people unprotected in the city."

There was a bit of a troubled look on his face, and it prompted Meghan to ask, "And we'll be safe in Helms Deep?"

"The king is certain that nothing can breach the walls," Aragorn said.

Meghan smiled cynically. "They said the same thing about the Titanic."

"You will be safe if you stay with Legolas and me."

"Thanks," Meghan grinned, suddenly heartened by his promise.

"And, as for Legolas, did he seem unwell yesternight? He was very…" Aragorn searched for the right word. "…Distracted this morning."

"You don't say," Meghan laughed awkwardly. "He's probably just nervous or something." _Yeah, but nervous about what?_

Aragorn frowned. "He does not appear to be one who is anxious before a battle."

"Aha! So you admit that there probably _will_ be a battle!" she crowed triumphantly.

"Lower your voice." He stepped closer and continued in an undertone. "It is Gandalf's belief that Saruman means to destroy Rohan. Stone walls and untrained soldiers will be hard put to keep Orcs out of the Keep."

Meghan sobered. "But _I_ have faith in you."

It looked like Aragorn would have liked to have said something, but instead he rubbed his eyes with one hand and sighed. "I must go. Have you yet readied for our departure?"

"No, but I don't have much to do. Are we walking or riding?" Half of her wanted him to say walking because the horse had given her some very _interesting_ soreness, but on the other hand, walking was just plain exhausting.

"I believe that Legolas meant for you to ride Arod, but if the horse has already been claimed, you may ride Brego."

"Wait a minute, _Prego_?" Meghan interrupted. Sudden images of a tomato sauce horse entered her head.

"Brego," Aragorn said mildly, emphasizing the _B_. "We will leave soon. The Rohirrim are nearly ready."

Meghan wasn't quite sure what to say, but Aragorn was already walking into the grand main entrance, wherein no doubt he would discover a slightly testy Éowyn and lots of barrels and chests. Making a new mental note to thank Aragorn for offering his horse, Meghan trotted down the stairs and headed for the stable.

Even in the stable, activity hummed. Men were busily saddling the horses and then filling their saddlebags. A few horses were being hitched to rickety looking wagons and led outside, where Meghan assumed the families would fill the wagon with foodstuff and valuables.

She was still looking around for Arod when Legolas came up beside her. In fact, he was so quiet that she wouldn't have noticed him at all for a moment if Gimli hadn't been with him. _Haldir was right. Gimli _does_ breathe very loudly. Oh god, Haldir._ Her groan at the recollection earned her a raised eyebrow from Legolas and a grunt from Gimli.

"Are you well, lassie?" the latter rumbled.

Despite her objections to being called a name that was reminiscent of a large dog that often saved the day, Meghan kept her voice even. "I'm fine. I just remembered something that I need to think about. How are you?"

"Ready to leave this place," Gimli said. "I like the sound of a stone fortress."

Legolas' tone was the same blend of reserve and friendliness as Éowyn's. "The journey will take a better part of the day. I have already saddled Arod for you."

"Thank you. Speaking of which, do you know when we are leaving?" Meghan limited herself to asking. In fact, she would have liked to ask several more questions, including, _Are you really in love with me? When will you admit it? How does your hair stay so perfect all the time?_

"Soon," Legolas answered.

"Thanks for being specific," Meghan said.

Legolas seemed determined not to get into another argument, and he replied in a carefully smooth tone of voice. "I am not in the inner circles of the King's council. He will leave whenever he wishes."

"Come, elfling," Gimli grunted. "We must get the saddlebags." The Dwarf seemed quite oblivious to all this romantic tension.

Legolas inclined his head briefly to Meghan, but he did not say anything as the pair left. Meghan heaved a sigh, then belatedly remembered that she still had Legolas' arrows in her room.

_I'll make a mental note,_ she thought sourly, then sighed. _This is getting ridiculous. Mental notes don't even work._

She decided to take up Éowyn's advice and collect her belongings. The main hall of Meduseld was considerably less crowded as she wended her way through the clutter and back to her room. There was no sign of Éowyn or Aragorn, either.

Her little bedroom was much more cheerful now that some sunlight streamed through a slightly grubby window above the bed. But there wasn't very much to do, either. All of her things were still in the little bag by the door.

Still, she strapped it all onto her back, including her bow and quiver. His arrows were longer by seven or eight inches, and Meghan vaguely wondered if they made her look like she had antennae from a front view. She sniffed. _Fine time to become self-conscious._

Pausing to straighten the dusty blanket atop the bed, she retraced her steps back to the windy sunshine. It seemed as though the activity was calming out in the courtyard, too. More people were standing passively beside handcarts and horses than there were running around still preparing. Meghan even caught a glimpse of the king, whose name she could not remember despite the fact that Aragorn had just said it earlier.

Meghan sat down on the bottom step, feeling useless. She let her head fall into her hands. The only person that she normally would have talked to at that moment would have been Legolas, but that didn't seem like an option. _Of course he had to go and fall in love with me. Moron. And why the crap won't he say anything?_ She closed her eyes to block out the sight of the unforgiving stone underneath her.

_Maybe he's keeping quiet for my own good. Maybe there's something disgustingly wrong with me and something terrible would happen if Legolas and I ever got together. Maybe I'm going crazy. Maybe he's not in love with me at all. Maybe he knows something that I don't. Maybe it's because I'm not from this world._

She sighed. This internal dialogue was doing nothing for her. For all she knew, Legolas could be right. All he had done was help her off the horse, and then he had been very tired last night and had forgotten his arrows.

"This is absurd," she groaned. "I'm acting like Andrea, but a thousand times worse."

A carefully cleared throat made her look up, only to see the very object of her contemplation standing with Arod's reins in his hands.

"The Rohirrim are leaving," he said smoothly.

Meghan narrowed her eyes at him. If he really _was_ in love with her, he could win an Oscar for his performance to the contrary. "Okay," was all that she said.

"I see that you retained my arrows for me," Legolas said, nodding at her quiver as she stood and testily peered into Arod's dewy black eyes.

"Oh yes," Meghan said a little too quickly. She reached behind her, feeling for the longest arrows, and started to pull them out. "I guess you forgot them or something last—OW!" A sharp pain on the back of her left hand cut her sentence short. She yanked her hand into her vision, and immediately covered it with her other.

As she had been drawing the last of Legolas' arrows from her quiver, she had pulled the sharp arrowhead over the knuckles of her other hand, which she had been using to hold her own arrows in the quiver. Now it was quickly soaking crimson over both of her hands.

"I— I think—" Her stomach did a peculiar little cartwheel just before heaving. In a sudden moment of decision, Meghan resolved _not_ to throw up in front of Legolas again.

So she clenched her teeth and darted away.

Her mad dash at relative freedom found her behind the stables, throwing up every last morsel of food she had ever eaten in her entire existence. And after that came dry heaves, especially after she reached up to put a hand to her forehead and found a coating of blood on her palm.

After not too long a time, she heard the featherlight footfalls that only a cat or an Elf can manage, and she groaned. _That was the whole point of running away, so that he _doesn't_ see!_

"May I see the laceration?" His voice still had a touch of that careful neutrality in it, but despite the conservative words, he sounded concerned.

"I guess so," Meghan said, squinching her eyes tightly shut and extending both hands in his general direction.

He lightly took them both, and she could feel him turning her left hand this way and that as he looked at it. "It will not need sutures," he said after a minute. "It is a gash across the skin, but nothing was severely damaged. The incision will bind itself up on its own."

Now he was wiping away the drying blood and wrapping something long and soft around her left hand. Meghan sucked in a breath, about to open her eyes.

"No, do not yet. There is still blood on your other hand. And your forehead."

_Great, now he's a mind reader._

He quickly rubbed the blood from her hand and forehead, and she blinked her eyes open to see him smiling bemusedly at her. She fought down a grimace. Some impression _she_ was making.

"We should hurry to rejoin the others," Legolas said, abruptly becoming distant again. "We should not keep them waiting." And just like that, his back was to her and he was striding away.

Meghan thumped the stable wall with her fist. "This is too complicated!" she muttered angrily at the dirt.

"Meghan?" The sound of Aragorn's call drifted around the corner.

"Coming!" Meghan trotted back into the courtyard.

"Come, it is time to leave," Aragorn said. "Did Legolas secure a mount for you?"

"Yes," Meghan said.

Right on cue, Legolas came over with Arod. He wordlessly lifted Meghan (who squawked in protest) into the saddle, and just as wordlessly walked away again.

Aragorn eyed Meghan dubiously.

"It's a long story," Meghan sighed in reply to his look.

* * *

**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will Meghan actually get something to eat? Will the romantic angsty tension never cease? Will Meghan _ever_ figure out what to do with Haldir?

* * *

**SHOUT OUTS!**

**The Queen of Confusion - **Whoo! Congrats again on winning! And aren't Legolas and Meghan shaping up to be an interesting pair? I say "pair" because it can mean either "just friends" or "lovers". -cackles evilly- I do love suspense!!

**AnnabelleLee13194 - **Speaking of Star Trek, WHO'S EXCITED ABOUT THE NEXT MOVIE?!?!? -waves hand frantically- Even IF J.J. Abrams is making it, and even IF it's probably going to be ambiguous and confusing since J.J. ABRAMS of all people is making it, I'm going midnight showing, with pointy ears. And I definitely agree about Zac Efron. I think if I ever met him face-to-face, I would either start crying right on the spot or laugh hysterically and run away.

**silverrain1312 - **LOL, please don't fall! It's nice to hear that my updates produce such a joyful reaction, though! (:

**ringbearingreasergal - **Haha, you only needed one ticket, and you won! Congrats again! I -did- like HSM2 better than the first, for exactly the same reason that you stated. Ryan is pretty much the best character in that whole franchise. Maybe Chad too, but only because of the hair. (-;

**Ciunas - **Yay! Somebody else likes the ambiguity of the Legolas/Meghan ship! I was rather afraid I was the only one. I thrive on leaving readers in suspense. And yes, HSM -is- cheese-whiz pumped in the brains of youth across the world.

**NajaMoonshadow - **Naja! (Haha, I just -love- saying that name!) Horses smell FANTASTIC (-uses Dr. Who voice-), even if it's all yucky stuff. I love scrubbing my hands through my horse's coat to engrain the smell onto my skin. I shall have to steal a few of your "coming soon" questions! I like them very much!

**HobbitSizeMe - **Your username always makes me smile. Just thought you should know that. You know, the Zac Efron dream was inspired from one of my own... But it wasn't Zac Efron, it was Brad Pitt. I think I'm the only female in the history of forever that doesn't like Brad Pitt.

**Stephanie - **Aw, you have no idea how happy it makes me that my update brightened your day! I love slow-building romance, too -- Mary-Sues so often are like, "BAM! We're in love!" and it takes all the fun out of it. Or worse, when the author tells you straightaway in the summary! Anyway, thanks so much for reviewing!

**EchoingSilence - **Sorry about the ill luck with the raffle, maybe next time! I've still got a couple up my sleeve! (-:

**CameoCorbin - **Wow, that's such a nice compliment. I don't exactly know how in-character I've kept Legolas, but I rather like him myself. He's very STRAIGHT in my story. -coughs-

**really - **Yes! -pumps fist in air- I have a BRITISH stamp of approval! -happy dances- So glad that you enjoy the story and that Meghan isn't your typical anti-Sue. And no, I have no idea how many chapters this will be. Most often, I have no idea what happens in the next chapter, let alone the whole story!

**Jousting Elf with a Sabre - **Hmm, MacGyver dreams? Sounds interesting. I rarely have dreams with any sort of celebrity. I had the aforementioned Brad Pitt dream, and then once I dreamt that Josh Groban took me to prom, but it was a horrible prom and he was very rude to me. Strange indeed.

**NachOMaN - **Zac Efron is a very disturbing young individual who is rather androgynous and cheesy. Don't look him up. You'll be scarred on several different levels. And no, I'm afraid I've never heard the Hedgehog Song.

**Circuit-Elf - **Yay! A new fan! Thanks so much for your kind words! (-:

**Kirika-Hime - **-chants sonorously- "And protect us all from the Zac Efron dream, lest we stray from the path of light and into the forest of creepiness..." Oh, um, sorry about that. My weirdness is showing. -hides weirdness-

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **Sam, you will laugh when you hear that I first typed your name "Mother Nature's Doughnut". Can you tell what I'm craving?

**hermonine - **Thanks!

**PriestessHelene - **We'll see how chummy Éowyn and Meghan get to be. I'm still a bit undecided myself. (-:

**iccle fairy - **Don't worry, a lot of people don't know who Zac Efron is! Most of the older population only know about him if they have young girls or they baby-sit! And you're really not missing out on much... (-;

**Mariano's-twins - **LOL, you guys still make me smile. Nikos, you'll have to have a bit of patience for your surprise, but I promise I'll warn you so that you don't miss it. And Atlanta, you'll get some Elves soon!

**whedonist19 - **Wow, that was a lot of exclamation marks! It's great that you're so happy, though! (-:

**rubyinnle - **Ha, you snort when you laugh, too! It seems like I'm the only one, sometimes! In fact, I snorted today at work, and I felt rather ridiculous, but then I came home and took a peak at this review and felt so much better! Thanks much!

**omgyafhkinglizzard - **Your username is a mouthful! Or...a keyboardful? -is puzzled- Thanks so much for reviewing!!

**prplesockerstar - **Ooh, I got Beckham to read my story! (-; Kidding, kidding. Becks is the only soccer star I know, so you can be the second! Thanks! (-:

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That purple button looks lonely. 


	22. In Which Food is Referenced Often

**Disclaimer: **So, almost every night, reckless teenaged boys go motorcycle racing farther down my street. They're doing that very thing just now, and the roar of their engines sounds like a long, continuous fart. You try writing with that sound wafting in from the distance.

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**Author's Note: **I have been sick three times since last I updated. First the flu, then a viral infection, then a strange bought of dizzy spells and headaches that my doctor and I suspect are a food allergy. Anyway, that's why this chapter has waited so long. I can't blame my Internet this time. It's my immune system's fault. -points finger-

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And everybody who misses those cute, fuzzy little Hobbits, this quote is for you! 

"_Strangely enough, the first time I tried to read the book I was on holiday in Florida. I dropped the book in the pool my first day there. If that's not a Pippin thing to do, I don't know what is." -Billy Boyd upon being asked if he could relate to Pippin_

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO** – _In Which Food is Referenced Often_

Meghan's stomach was complaining very noisily. She wrapped one arm around her waist and wound the fingers of the other hand more deeply into Arod's shaggy mane. Riding the horse still felt like straddling a barrel in deep water. Despite how exasperating Legolas was being, he _did_ provide a pleasant pair of shoulders to hang on to.

Her stomach gurgled again.

She wondered if she had any lembas left in her pack. Actually, she had barely looked into her pack since the riverbank. An extremely horrifying revelation slowly began to dawn on her. She hadn't bathed or even changed her clothes since Lothlórien. It was difficult to tick up the days in her head – most of them were a little blurry at best – but it must be at least two weeks. If not fifteen or sixteen days.

Fighting down the mad urge to leap into the nearest body of water and scrub until her skin turned lobster red, Meghan slid her hand into her bag, which had been tied to the saddle instead of her back. She tried to ignore the deliciously clean-feeling clothing and rifled around for some lembas. Funny, she had forgotten all about that package of instant-sleep tea, but there it was, soft against her hand. She pushed it away and continued rummaging.

Well, no luck with the lembas. Gimli had probably pilfered the rest of it sometime when she wasn't looking. _That dwarf can eat more lembas than Merry and Pippin put together._

Ignoring the disturbingly ambiguous grammar of her last thought, she slumped in her saddle and sighed. Her stomach felt like it was going to shrink in on itself.

Randomly, a floating hand appeared to the right side of her vision, holding a wrinkly apple. Actually, the hand wasn't floating at all: it was connected to an arm wearing familiar green sleeves, that was in turn connected to a pair of shoulders that Meghan would have been clinging to had the owner not been so prickly about their current relationship status. Now he was walking beside Arod and shoving an antique apple in her face.

"I could not help but notice that you were hungry," Legolas commented casually, as if he was talking about the weather.

_More with the mind-reading. What if he knows when I need to burp? Or when I have to go to the bathroom? Is he psychic or something? More like _I'm_ psycho._

Meghan gingerly took the apple. It felt like an old person's face, except not as soft.

"Very appetizing, I know," Legolas said.

She glanced from the apple to his face and saw that he wore a pleasant smile, though he did not look at her. "Did you just make a joke?" she asked, trying to peel the crinkled skin away.

"Perhaps I did."

Fine. If he wanted to play the "let's-pretend-we're-not-in-love-with-each-other" game, Meghan would, too.

"It was a pretty lame joke." She ripped a stamp-sized sheet of paper thin peel off.

"Eat your desiccated fruit and be grateful." Legolas still didn't make eye contact, but he had a bantering tone that told Meghan he was joking – maybe even flirting.

"Did you give me this apple just so that you could laugh triumphantly at my disgust?" Meghan tried to keep her own voice light. This was getting ridiculous. First he was Colonel Oblivious, then he was Bashful, and now he was Casanova. It simply was _not_ fair to play with her like that. Still, she would rather have Legolas behaving erratically than no Legolas at all.

He took no notice of her question. "How is your hand?"

"Fine," Meghan said, wincing despite herself. It still stung, but at least she couldn't see it. Well, she could see it, except it was swathed in a brownish strip of cloth. "Where exactly did you get this fabric?"

"When one is faced with difficult times, it is wise to be prepared." Legolas paused briefly, then scanned the horizon. "I believe that King Théoden means to allow his subjects a rest for the midday meal."

Meghan froze, half of the apple already peeled. "You mean I don't have to eat this shrunken African head?"

For the first time since he walked over, Legolas leveled his clear blue eyes at her. "I suggest that you eat it despite its unsavory appearance. Food is somewhat scarce when so many are traveling together."

She fought down the urge to stick her tongue out at him. After all, he would probably laugh at her and walk away. Or stare disapprovingly, at that would be worse. "Fine," she huffed. "But I expect you to eat something just as ghastly whenever we stop."

And he actually had the nerve to laugh at her and walk away.

_Ooo!_ Meghan seethed, boring a hole into his back as he lightly picked through the crowd to walk beside Aragorn. _The audacity!_ She peeked around, then stuck her tongue out at him even though he wouldn't be able to see it and receive the full benefit of her wrath.

A little child's giggling interrupted her fuming. She swiveled around in her saddle, only to see little Freda riding in front of her brother, trying unsuccessfully to hide her laughter behind little chubby hands.

Meghan snapped back frontward and clenched her teeth. _Two_ in the space of as many minutes!

Despite herself, she noticed Legolas jogging away from Aragorn, who mounted and dropped back a few paces to ride beside Théoden. A split moment later, Gimli lost control of his horse and fell with a distinctly unpleasant thump. Meghan winced sympathetically, but Éowyn seemed to think it all a grand joke and laughed.

Meghan could use a laugh. She just needed to figure out how to steer this darned horse.

"Um," she said, trying to sound authoritative, "onward to the right, Pegasus."

She might as well been talking to a brick wall. Arod plodded just like always, and in a straight line.

"Use the reins," a youthful voice suggested from behind.

_Oh yeah. Reins._

So much for her Vulcan mystique. "Thanks," she called over her shoulder before using the reins to turn Arod's head toward Éowyn and Gimli. By then, Gimli was back onto his feet, but staunchly refusing to remount the horse.

"You alright, Gimli?" Meghan asked, drawing level with the other two and sliding gawkily off of Arod's back.

"I am quite alright," Gimli said gruffly. "As I was just telling Éowyn, it was entirely intentional. I can keep my seat on a horse if I want to."

"Of course," Meghan nodded. "I never doubted otherwise." Éowyn gave her a wry look over the top of Gimli's head.

Meghan would have liked to start a conversation with Éowyn, but just then, Théoden proclaimed (and really, she couldn't think of it as anything but a proclamation) that they would halt for a brief luncheon. Éowyn dashed off as Théoden's words were fading in the air, and Meghan glanced at the shrively apple still in her hand. Shrugging, she fed it to Arod.

It was rather fun to watch everyone settle down for a meal, the way that even though they were facing a terrible, terrible battle (if Aragorn was right), they still helped each other and tried to keep a cheerful countenance. She had found herself a seat on a very handy rock, and Arod seemed content to stand beside her, although he occasionally put his head down to lip at the dry, brown grass.

After not too long, Legolas appeared again and handed her a bowl of a watery something that smelled exceedingly strange. Meghan wrinkled up her nose despite the fact that she was ravenous.

"Lady Éowyn prepared it," he said, settling down beside her with his own bowl of doom. "I claim no responsibility for the taste."

Meghan scrunched up her face again as she stared into the soupy stew. "Either that means it's insanely delicious and you are making sure you don't incorrectly get the credit, or this stuff is a complete waste of the ingredients."

"Ah…" Legolas searched for the appropriate words. "I will allow you to make that distinction." His face never changed in the slightest as he took a bite.

Meghan shifted the pale hunks of mystery around in the watery broth. It looked strange, but then again, chocolate looked like poo if you thought about it. She shrugged, and spooned some into her mouth.

"_SALT_!" she wheezed half a second later, frantically scraping her tongue with the spoon. "Haven't these people heard of _salt_?"

Legolas' tone was so meticulously calm that Meghan had half a mind to punch him _just_ find out if he even knew how to shout. "Seasonings are even scarcer than food."

"This is…" Meghan wanted to say disgusting, revolting, sickening, nauseating, any other negative adjective, really, when she remembered that Éowyn had made it. Saying that the stew was gross seemed mean, especially when these people had so little. "This is…all right. Just think, no sodium. Perfect diet." A weak smile was all she managed before steeling herself for another bite, but there was an approving look in Legolas' eyes.

The rest of their meal was eaten in silence, and not long after they finished, the Rohirrim packed up their meager things and resumed their trek. This time Meghan was determined to talk with Éowyn, if only because she was still the only woman that Meghan had so much as had one word from in two full weeks.

"Hi," Meghan greeted her.

"Good afternoon," Éowyn said. There was the faintest hint of curiosity about her, but none of the aloofness that she displayed earlier that morning.

"How are you?" Meghan asked.

"I am well. And you?" Éowyn replied.

This conversation was following every boring guideline in the history of small talk.

"I'm doing just great, thanks."

There was a brief lull in their dialogue before Éowyn broke it. "Meghan, this morning I was—" She paused, as if uncertain how to continue. "What I mean to say is that I should not have…" She could not quite meet Meghan's eyes.

"What's done is done," Meghan said, laying a hand on Éowyn's arm. "But I think you and I are going to be good friends." Éowyn's smile was warm, even if a little tentative.

"Your companion…" she began, trailing off with eyes that seemed thoughtful.

Meghan rushed to fill the gap. She didn't know what had changed Éowyn's mind in regards to an inter-species friendship, but she didn't care. Maybe just talking with Gimli had been enough. And Meghan wasn't about to let a potential friend slip away. "Which one? The pretty one, the hairy one, or the smelly one?"

Éowyn completely surprised Meghan by bursting into a few clear notes of laughter that lasted no longer than two or three little chuckles. "The man," she clarified.

Meghan was just about to politely inform her that they were _all_ men, despite the somewhat debatable appearance that Legolas sometimes cut, when she remembered that here in Middle earth, _Man_ usually meant the race and not just the gender. _It's all in the capitalization,_ she sighed mentally. "Oh, Aragorn? He's pretty nice."

It looked as though Éowyn was about to say something more, but she stopped herself. A moment later she smiled again, and began to ask Meghan about how much she knew of swordplay, and archery, and all sorts of violent manly things. They talked of that for awhile, until Éowyn excused herself and led her brown horse away. But not before she turned back to Meghan with a puzzled expression. "I meant to ask you, Meghan. Last night I heard you cry out. Were you well?"

"Oh," Meghan laughed awkwardly, remembering the Zac Efron dream again. "It's a long, sad story. But I'm fine, thanks." _Oh yes, aside from being SCARRED FOR LIFE_, _I'm quite alright._

"Perhaps someday you shall tell me this story," Éowyn said. "Until then."

Meghan sighed and peered sideways at Arod, who seemed content to plod along without Éowyn's horse for company. "It's just you and me again, Pegasus," she said.

She thought that she could hear snarling, which seemed odd since she couldn't remember seeing very many dogs. She pushed the thought from her mind. It was probably just a wheel grinding on its axel. It seemed that these people not only had a striking lack of salt, but no oil, either.

But when she heard Legolas shout something angrily, and she knew something was wrong. Arod pricked his ears up and started dancing nervously on his little grey hooves.

Then everything fell into chaos.

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**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will Meghan save Aragorn from a watery fall? Will she find some food with salt in it? Will Legolas _ever_ get dirty?

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**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**omgyafhkinlizzard - **Hmm, you shall have to tell me of your dreams sometime, so that I can farm them and use them in my diabolical plans for world domination. Yes. Yes indeed. -rubs hands together-

**AnnabelleLee13194 - **Haha, I think I very much like your little scenario of shooting Zac Efron! P.S. THANKS! P.S.S. - You'll have to discuss Éomer with Lothíriel... she might be rather jealous. (-;

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **I very nearly did it again, but I'm glad I can better conceal my craving! Actually, I have no room to speak, because I just have a very lovely glazed doughnut this morning. And I am so pumped about Lost being back! WHAT IS THE SMOKE MONSTER??! WHY DOES VINCENT SHOW UP AT EVERY IMPORTANT PLOT POINT?!? WHO IS BEN'S "MAN ON THE BOAT"??!! -dissolves into hysterical rambling- And you know, I miss Merry and Pippin, too. This entire lot that Meghan's stuck with just now are all very gloomy. I very much look forward to their cheerful return. :)

**bookworm97 - **Isn't that opera quote so true, though? I wish I could spend a day as a musical. It would be fantastic. Oh well, someday maybe I'll do that.

**hermonine - **Thanks so much:)

**PhelpstwinsandElftwins - **Wow, two sets of twins? That's pretty amazing:) So glad you're enjoying the story -- I never get tired of hearing that. Legolas -is- something of a pansy, but hopefully he's not -too- sissy in this story. (-; I was also very depressed when Haldir died in the movie; I shouted a very unpleasant word in the movie theatre and cried the whole way home.

**HobbitSizeMe - **Yay! Someone else doesn't like Brad Pitt! He's too... "Everybody, I want you to know that I'm SEXY." Enough is enough, buddy.

**Stephanie - **Glad that Éowyn and Meghan are coming off okay. Éowyn has definitely been the most difficult character for me to write so far, although I wonder whether Théoden or Denethor will soon take that place. They're both so...old. -ponders- Well, at any rate, thanks! (:

**rubyinnle - **Hah, funny that you know a Meagan that's similar to mine! I'm still considered whether Meghan will cut her hair, it seems like a good thing to do but part of my icky Mary-Sue tendencies is crying that she won't be as pretty any more. It's silly, I know. I should really just let Meghan chop her hair right off. We'll see, I suppose. :)

**Jousting Elf with a Sabre - **You know, I think I would wear a burlap sack if it meant a date with McDreamy. Married to Mr. Bloom at 13, however, does not sound so pleasant.

**whedonist19 - **Yay tension! -throws tension confetti into the air- Thanks so much for reviewing! (:

**NajaMoonshadow - **Haha, you never fail to crack me up. Love the "big word" (dynamics -- I might steal that), very professional. Even my dictionary is impressed. (-; And I agree about Legolas' cleanliness. I think that mud and sweat and dirt and all that junk just kinda rolls off of him. Somehow. One day I will patent that and make millions because everybody will be clean all the time. And soap companies will hate me. Mwahahaha!

**iccle fairy - **I'm mostly sticking with the movie plot, although the timeline is from the book. Haha, I liked the Lassie bit too... I remember watching that show as a kid. It made me cry once... Lassie was great. (-:

**Kirika-Hime - **I haven't personally met anyone who is afraid of blood, but I'm not sure if you CAN grow out of it... Maybe I should research that. -hmmm-

**Mikol - **Haha, here's another chapter just for you. (-:) --(Wow, that was a typo at first, but now it's kinda like... which way is the smiley going?)

**Mariano's-twins - **Wow, I think I'm going to have to steal drama day. That's a pretty good idea. Maybe every Tuesday. Tuesdays tend to be a bit bland for me. And Lanta, you smack Nikos plenty more for his unclean thoughts of Meghan. Really, I should be scandalized, but I'm mostly just amused. (-:

**PriestessHelene -** Agreed -- Meghan just needs a good kick in the pants to get really warrior-princessy. Helms Deep is going to be a big moment in the story, methinks.

**EchoingSilence - **Yes, the purple button should always get some love... After all, it serves a very important purpose on this site. Don't worry, I've got a million more raffle ideas. Thanks for reviewing!

**Bethuviel - **I seem to have a knack for airy little chapters -- that's why I don't write angst. The best I could do with angst is: "Angelrissa clutched her side, cursing the wound that would take her away from her beloved Prince" or something horrible like that. And I was laughing the whole time that I wrote that sentence. (Admit it: it was pretty bad.) Anyway, glad to have brightened your day! (-:

**SuPeRsiLiSaRaH - **I puzzled over your username for a minute as I typed it... I couldn't quite tell if it was Lisa or Sarah... but I figured it out. Yeah. I have crazy skillz like that. Thanks for reviewing now, even if you've been reading for a while! (-: I always love hearing from y'all. Lovely to hear that Meghan is realistic. She's probably my favorite character I've probably ever created, and I just love sticking her in all sorts of awkward situations. Hence... the title of the story.

**ringbearingreasergal - **Uh oh, sounds like there's a little bit of a conflict! QueenofConfusion wanted Elladan, too! Do I sense a...CATFIGHT coming on?! -ducks and covers-

**enchantedwriter72 - **Haha, I think all fanficcers have gotten the infamous Weird Look as we read each other stories. I know I sure have. Thanks for your review! (-:

**Milo Pipper - **Thanks so much! (-:

**The Queen of Confusion - **Like I said already, I think you'll have to catfight for him! (-; And I **am** a Trekkie! I grew up on it, too! Mostly original series, later TNG... love it. And I am so geekily excited about the Star Trek XI movie. (-:

**HitchHikersOfTheCaribbean - **Thank God I'm not alone in my dislike of Mr. Pitt. He's too "I'm SEXY" for me. -rolls eyes- Thanks for the review!

**jadeprincess147 - **Yay! That's great that you got an account! (-: So glad to hear that my story brightened up your day. That's one of the best things an author can ever hear.

**Ciunas - **Yeah, I agree, romance needs a little... hmm, will this work out? thing going on... without it, it's kinda... blah. Yeah. I seem to have a very impressive vocabulary tonight. (-: I can't remember if Éowyn had brown eyes or not... I shall look it up! Thanks so much for reviewing!

**beamingatyou -** Haha, glad to hear that there's another Don't Feel Like Dancin fan out there! Most anybody that I've ever met has never even heard of it... sad. It truly is a brilliant song. Just curious... if you aren't very familiar with LotR... how did you ever come across my story? Truly, I'm very flattered that you're reading it, and I hope you continue to, but... I can't quite make the connection. -puzzled face-

**PippinBaggins - **Wow, thanks for ALL those reviews! Strange, very strange about both of our marshmallow references... Great minds think alike? I grew up around animals, mostly goats, too! -strokes chin- Perhaps we're kindred spirits. Or clones. Or just great minds. Yeah. I'll stick with that. (-;

**Jenova's Fifth - **Yay, you're back! I've kinda been missin' you lately. But it's lovely that you're back. I'm really not sure how Haldir's death or survival would affect canon, either way... He died in the movies, but he was never even there in the books, so how does that go? I dunno, I guess everyone will have to watch and wait to find out Haldir's fate!

**silverrain13 - **Wow, tell your sis I said thanks! Nice to have you back! (-:

**kitza - **Hmm, thanks for the tip. I've heard so many comflicting things about how Elves sleep, etc that I just ran with what I heard the most. Anyway, thanks for reviewing! (-:

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Pssh. You know you want to review. 


	23. Arrivals

**Disclaimer: **Due to the rather grim nature of events in the storyline, these past few chapters have been a bit more serious than I would prefer to write. Mostly that's just because I didn't want Meghan to be flippant or disrespectful. Things are looking up after this chapter though, and Meghan's getting some of her feisty back. Bear with me!

**Author's Note: **Just wanted to give another special shout-out to my beta, ElvishKiwi! She's the bestest beta ever. Yep. Without her, this story would be a great deal less than it is.

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"_Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die." -Author Unknown_

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE** – _Arrivals_

Meghan would very much have liked to run around screaming with her hands thrown up in the air, but somehow she held herself together. She had already surrendered Arod to Gimli, while it seemed like every single male in the entire company ran in the general direction of Legolas' shout, waving a sword or a spear or a bow or _something_ violent. Meanwhile, all the children were shrieking in terror and the women were not much better. Even the horses' eyes were rolling in fear.

Deciding that the situation was rapidly spiraling out of control, Meghan glanced around for Aragorn. He was not very far away, grabbing his horse and looking very prepared to dash off into that frenzy of carnage.

"Aragorn!" Meghan shouted as she tore over to him. He had already mounted by the time she reached him.

"Meghan, go with Lady Éowyn," he said quickly.

"But you said that I would be safe if I stayed with you and Legolas!" Meghan shouted. Fool man, changing his story on her at a time like this.

"Not this time," he replied. "Go with the Rohirrim to Helms Deep."

And with that, he wheeled his tomato sauce horse and galloped away.

It took an enormous effort of will for Meghan not to stamp her foot and rage at being left behind. That, and a flood of humanity rushing the opposite direction that Aragorn had ridden off in. Instead, she looked around and spotted Éowyn herding the masses together. Almost all the horses that had not been hitched to something were carrying men toward who knew what, and even Éowyn's mare was nowhere to be seen. Nevertheless, Éowyn seemed to be plenty in possession of herself and the situation.

The current of people carried Meghan along. Soon, as they all got farther and farther away from immediate danger, the panic gave way to subdued worry. People stopped running and instead gathered together in little groups, murmuring unhappily with one another. Meghan felt a little out of place, even though she was just as worried as any one else. It was just that she didn't have anyone to murmur with.

A gusty burst of wind swirled her hair into even more of a tangled mess, plus it tickled her nose and got stuck to her lip. She scrubbed it out of her face and, with a pitiful sigh, set to braiding her long mass of hair. Trying to comb it with her fingers only yanked the tangles. Once she finished the braid, she remembered that she didn't have anything to tie it off with. All her possessions were strapped to Arod's back.

It felt like hours, but Meghan knew by the position of the sun that it couldn't have taken very long for a large stone fortress to come into view over the crest of a hill. Many of the refugees began to cry out in relief, thanking Éowyn even though it was likely that she couldn't hear most of them.

Meghan studied Helms Deep as they all walked a little faster toward it, some even running despite their bundles of possessions bouncing on their backs. The fortress was all a washed out grey, and it looked as though it had been there since the beginning of time.

_It probably has_, Meghan thought. The stone bridge that ran up to the gates felt especially hard under her sore feet, but she didn't mind a little hardness if it meant keeping Orcs and other nasties out.

Thoughts of Orcs inevitably brought back worries, and she felt her guts twisting the same way they did when she felt sick. Except this time she didn't feel like throwing up –she felt like crying.

_Stop it,_ she told herself angrily. _He's alive, and that's that. You're going to be of no use to anyone if you keep expecting the worst. He's a million years old, he can take care of himself._ Still, she wanted him back just to be sure he was alright.

She'd been so absorbed in her thoughts that she started a little when she saw that there were many more fugitives in Helms Deep than had arrived with her. _They must have come from the countryside,_ she decided. _Not all of the people in this kingdom would have lived in one city._

Éowyn had disappeared, but she did see two familiar little children clinging fiercely to an older looking woman. It seemed that Freyda and Éothain had found their mother at last. Meghan pushed down her thoughts of Legolas, and picked her way through the crowd to reach them.

Freyda caught a glimpse of her and whispered something in her mother's ear, and by the time Meghan got to them, the woman had risen to her feet with a smile on her face.

"I understand you helped look after my two children, my Lady Elf," she said, reaching out to clasp Meghan's hand. "_Thank you._" There were tears standing out in her eyes, happy tears.

Meghan returned the smile, if a little sheepishly. "I really didn't do much. I think they helped me more than I helped them."

"All the same, I am grateful. My name is Idrys," the woman continued. "And you already know Freyda and Éothain."

"I'm Meghan. Not Lady, just plain Meghan." She simply did _not_ need someone else calling her Lady.

"Just as you say, Lady Meghan," Idrys smiled.

Swallowing her irritation, Meghan tried to focus on the positive. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Oh, that would be wonderful," Idrys said, squeezing her fingers, which she still hadn't let go of. "There are so many children here, children who lost their families. I have tried to gather them together, and keep them safe."

Meghan perked up a bit. She liked kids, except when they laughed at her Vulcan persona. Maybe she wouldn't try that one with this group of kids. "I could watch them, if you like."

Idrys smiled again.

Not very long after that she was inside the Caves, sitting on an upended barrel. She was surrounded by a ring of children ranging from three years old to twelve, and all of them dirty. Meghan didn't mind; she was probably every bit as grubby as they were. She had attention from most, mingled with a little bit of uncertainty about this strange new Elvish person who had suddenly joined them. A few were already fast asleep on the grimy stone floor, their heads pillowed by others' legs or arms.

"Once upon a time," Meghan began, trying to remember the classic opening to a fairy tale, "in a land far, far away, there lived a girl. Her name was Cinderella, and she lived with—" Normally she would have started back before Cinderella's father died, but she decided to skip that part. "She lived with her evil stepmother and two terrible stepsisters."

"What were their names?" a tiny little girl asked, her brown eyes far too huge for her face.

"Well, um," Meghan hedged. She never _did_ remember the two stepsisters' names, let alone the mother's. "The stepsisters were named…uh… Ducky and Blottie!" A ripple of giggles rewarded her ad-libbing. "One day, as Cinderella was doing a bunch of chores for her evil stepmother, a royal messenger came to the house…"

As she spun the story out, the children grew more and more involved. Once she even had to stop and retell a part of the story so that a few of them could act it out. The crowd drew the attention of other children, sometimes mothers, and all of them smiled. Meghan felt her own tension melting away.

Only after Prince Charming and Cinderella rode away in their pumpkin-esque carriage – into the sunset of course – did Meghan notice Legolas watching them. She swallowed around her heart, which had suddenly gotten lodged in her throat. When had he gotten back?

Sparing a quick grin for the children, who were still regaling each other with reenactments of Cinderella's life, Meghan hurried over to him. "You're alright," she said.

He didn't smile. In fact, he looked angry enough to tear an Orc's head off with his bare hands, although it was all contained in that calm, composed exterior he had. "Aragorn fell," he said.

Meghan stared at him, and this time her heart started kicked at her ribs. "As in _fall_ falling, or Boromir falling?"

His face froze for a split second, thinking. "…Both."

"I—I don't understand."

"He was dragged over a cliff by a Warg."

"Warg?"

"The Orcs use them as mounts. They are very like wolves, only larger." His voice was patient, and he didn't look so angry anymore. Just tired and disheartened. She had spent so much time worrying for him, and here he was, uninjured.

_God, Aragorn's dead,_ she moaned internally. The thought didn't feel quite real. Aragorn was one of the strongest people she had ever met, and it felt so… anticlimactic. Meghan thought of Arwen, who Aragorn had talked of with such a quiet yet fierce devotion, and she wanted to cry again. But tears wouldn't come.

Legolas gently touched her arm. "You have worked hard to make these children happy again," he said, empathy burning in his eyes. "Do not spoil it."

Meghan sucked in a deep breath and nodded. They wanted normal, she could give them normal. "Can I borrow one of your knives?" she asked in a voice that managed to be steady.

Legolas eyed her hesitantly. "Lady Meghan, you would not…?"

"Oh, no!" Meghan almost wanted to laugh at him, except her she thought it might turn into tears before she could help it. "I'm not gonna commit suicide or become a cutter or something. I just need a blade for a minute, that's all."

With no little reluctance, he unsheathed one of his lovely, white-hilted long-knives and passed it to her. "I brought your things for you," he said, crouching for a brief moment to retrieve her pack and weaponry from the floor. It made a clumsy bundle, but she welcomed it all gratefully.

"Thanks," she said.

"It is my pleasure." He inclined his head in a small sort of bow, and headed back toward the outside.

Meghan made her own way toward Idrys. The woman had a smile for everyone, and Meghan wondered how Idrys managed it in the midst of so much loss. "Could you watch my things for me?" Meghan asked. "I have an errand to run, and then I think I'll find Éowyn and see if she needs me."

"Of course," Idrys said, accepting the bag.

Meghan buckled her sword around her waist and tucked the dagger into the belt. "Thanks," she replied.

"Thank _you_, Lady Meghan," Idrys said. "For your fable. You have a good voice for story-telling."

This time, Meghan was able to quirk a grin back at her before she left, heading for the outdoors so she could have better light. Even outside, she looked for a relatively secluded place. She found one soon, and she hefted Legolas' dagger, eying the blade. She'd cut her hair a few times before, but that had always been with scissors and stylists' razors. Still, it couldn't be too hard to use a knife.

Twenty minutes later found her sixteen inches lighter. Now her hair just brushed down to her collarbone in loose waves. It was still tangled, so she ran her fingers through it again.

Just then, she heard a commotion from the gates, which were not too far away from her. It sounded like a happy commotion, including a woman's voice crying, "He's alive!" above the general buzz of conversation.

Stuffing Legolas' dagger back into her belt, Meghan dashed toward the noise. The crowd was not so thick this time, and she burst through them just in time to see Gimli squeezing the life out of a very tattered Aragorn. Without a pause, Meghan launched herself onto Aragorn as well, hugging his shoulders above Gimli's arms.

"You're _alive_!" she screeched with joy.

"Bless you, laddie," Gimli agreed, grinning cheerfully.

Aragorn gently disengaged his body from both of them. "Gimli, where is the king?" he asked. The Dwarf nodded in a general leftward direction, and with a thump for Gimli's shoulder, Aragorn moved off that way.

Meghan trotted to keep up with his long legs. "How?" she asked, not quite able to stop grinning for some reason. It was like Christmas, except a gift wrapped like Aragorn would be rather gross.

There was an air about Aragorn: determined, but content at the same time. Content that he was alive, content to be among friends perhaps, but why determined? He spared her a slight smile without slowing his pace an inch. "I do not know myself, Meghan." Abruptly, he stopped walking, and lo and behold, there was Legolas.

"Le abdomen," he seemed to say, although Meghan suspected it was probably some of that strange language Legolas sometimes spoke in. He continued in regular speech. "You look terrible."

Meghan was about to interject about just exactly how rude that was until Aragorn actually chuckled a bit. She swallowed her words, surprised to see him laugh. She could probably count on two fingers how many times she had heard it.

Legolas gravely pressed a silvery necklace onto Aragorn's hands, and there seemed to be something very serious that passed in their eyes because Aragorn said something unfamiliar in a very somber tone. He fingered the necklace a moment, then clasped his fingers around it. "I must see the King," he said.

"He is further in the Keep," Legolas replied. Aragorn thumped him on the shoulder in a similar way to Gimli, bowed to Meghan, and strode away.

Legolas' eyes widened a bit when they fell on Meghan, as if it was the first time he had noticed her there. "Lady Meghan," he said after a moment. "That is not quite what I pictured you using my dagger for."

Meghan reached up to her newly shorn tresses, abruptly very self-conscious of them. She had forgotten until now, that moment in front of Moria as they waited for Gandalf to open the doors, how Legolas had said that she had beautiful hair. He must have seen hundreds or even thousands of heads of hair in his lifetime and he had said hers was beautiful. And now she had chopped it all off? What was she _thinking_?

"It's easier now," she managed to squeak. "Less fuss. It was getting tangled all the time."

Legolas nodded thoughtfully, still looking at her hair. "I am glad that you will not be troubled by it any longer," he said at last, before inclining his head and walking away.

Suddenly, Meghan wished that she had every last strand of long hair back on her head.

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**Kirika-Hime - **Not sure what a sphere hunter is, but it appears that Meghan isn't quite going that direction for the moment. I felt like it would be way too Mary Sue for her to fight the Wargs, plus very unlikely! She probably would have galloped off the cliff without looking, knowing her. And that would have made a dismal end to my story. (-;

**AnnabelleLee13194 - **Haldir is turning into a very troublesome Elf! Needing saving and all of that, and from Meghan no less! Tsk. I shall have to speak to the boy.

**Jenova's Fifth - **Yay! I do so love hearing my praise. It's a fault of mine, you know. I'm horribly vain. -preens- Still, despite my vanity, I'm very delighted that you're enjoying the story so much. You guys seem to like it so much more than I do, sometimes. (-:

**PippinBaggins - **I rather liked the pretty/hairy/smelly joke myself. I always thought it was kind of awkward that you could have a man, or a Man, or a man Man, or a woman Man, and then there's... an Elf. Elfman? Or is Elf the same thing as man? And you have to have she-Elf? Or Elf maiden? But then again, not all female Elves are maidens. This confuses me. S-:

**HobbitSizeMe - **Haha, I think I can relate to the elation of seeing somebody has updated. (-: Although, I've hardly read any fanfiction the last couple of months. Oh well, there are a few that are very dear to my fuzzy little heart and I **definitely** get excited when I see that little email update. Anyway, I digress. So glad you liked the chapter, thanks for reviewing!! (-:

**Jousting Elf with a Sabre - **I love salt. I used to hate it, then one day it was like, "**WHAM!!** I love salt!!" I'm one of those creepy people that dips their french fries into their ice cream. (Sidenote: chicken nuggets in a mcflurry are divine.) Salty noodles are the best, though. Macaroni and cheese, spaghetti and sauce, any kind of pasta dish. I love salty pasta stuff. And now that I've spent a strange amount of time discussing salt, I bid you adieu.

**PriestessHelene - **Haha, perhaps someday Meghan will take a foray into a cooking attempt of her own. I love your idea of how to interpret the motorcycles! Orcs fighting is much better than an undying fart. (-;

**Stephanie - **I'm horrible with cliff-hangers, but it sounded like I did a good job with that one! (-: Sorry to mislead y'all like that with my "coming next time" section last time, but I _did_ kinda want to throw people off the trail. It just seemed more logical that Meghan would stay with Éowyn. (-:

**ringbearingreasergal - **Aw, I'm glad you guys could part as friends! And all that counts is that you had fun with those twins. (-;

**Ciunas - **That _was_ a rough couple of weeks, back when I was sick all the time. I thought I'd escaped with the last of it, but then allergies hit!! -frown- Oh well, a stuffed nose is better than the flu. (-: Loved all your conjectures about what would happen had Meghan gone over the cliff! I almost wish I'd taken that route, but again, it seemed too Sueish. (-:

**Sosaku-sama - **Yay! Further proof of my successful cliff-hanger. (-: Thanks so much for the compliment about Legolas' in-character-ness -- I do try. I think I've created my own version of Legolas that doesn't quite match up with either the books or the movies, but I hope he's pretty close. (-:

**bookworm97 - **Don't worry, once we finally get around to their first kiss it's gonna be great. Oops! I meant to say "IF" we get to their first kiss! (-;

**Mariano's-twins - **Sigh. Stop. Am sending several Elves your way. Stop. Please resume normal reviewing. Stop. It will depress me if you ever stop. Stop. Am starting to get boggled by writing "stop" so much. Stop. FebSong out.

**SaphirePhoenix - **Love your screenname! And thanks so much for your kind reviews, I'm so glad you're enjoying the story so much! (-:

**jadeprincess147 - **I've always wondered about the mystery stew, too! I wonder if it really tasted that horrible or if Mr. Mortenson was just acting. Haha, "just" acting. I'll bet it was reprocessed tofu or something. That alone gives me the shivers.

**TheWinchesterAngel - **Yay! Thanks so much for reviewing!! (-:

**SuPeRsiLiSaRaH - **Haha, I had to figure your name out all over again when I just typed it! I was like, "I KNOW this!" But I still had to puzzle it out again. I _do_ have the memory of a goldfish.

**NajaMoonshadow - **NAJA!! I don't know why, I just loooove shouting your name like that at the beginning of the shout-out. It makes me giggle every time. And can I say "awww!" for those nice things you said about my story growing up and all! That really made my day. (-: And yikes! Midterms sound like no fun. Although I suppose by now it's looking more like finals! Well, here, have a cookie. That always makes me feel better. (-:

**Sable Gloom - **Haha, I'd forgotten about the eyeball just until just now. That one made me laugh, too. Thanks for reviewing! (-:

**Cheez Socks - **Wow, fun username. It creates a unique mental image in my mind. -strokes chin- (-; Thanks so much for reviewing!!

**pendragoness - **Haha, both of your days!! That totally cracked me up. I love reading fanfics late into the night! Thanks! (-:

**omgyafhkinlizzard - **Do, do tell me of your dreams! I've been having obnoxious dreams lately, mostly where I think I've done something in the waking world but hours and hours later I realize that I only dreamed it. Sigh.

**4th Triforce piece - **I would remind you that you are not being forced to read the story.

**Kore-of-Myth - **Wow, your review gave me a couple of warm fuzzies! A LotR-hater, reading MY story? It sounds so...so... strange! But hey, I'm really glad you're enjoying it and I hope you'll continue to read it. Meghan _is_ based a little bit off of me -- or rather, a much more demonstrative version of me. Plus, she's survived much longer than I would have. I feel certain that if I ever got launched into Middle earth, I would trip over a rock and break my neck within ten minutes of getting there. Anyway, thanks so much!! (-:

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **LOST!! -cries- Why do they torment me? It feels like an eternity until April 24th! And have you noticed that couples don't survive on that show? Ugh! Charlie, Libby, Shannon! And it looks like the only flash-forward pairing we have to look forward to is JATE! I HATE JATE!! -cries more- The one pairing that I'm holding out for is Desmond and Penny. I love those two. I hope they both live. CURSE YOU DARLTON!!

**prplesockerstar - **Thank so much for the review!! (-:

**whedonist19 - **Thanks! (-:

**elfenprincess08 - **Don't worry, I'm Capt. Obvious myself. (Once, I was watching Star Wars, and I said, "Holy CRAP. Han Solo looks EXACTLY like Indiana Jones. That's WEIRD!" Okay, so that's more of a blonde moment than anything else...) Some of Meghan's awkward adventures are from my own life as a dork, but most of them come from the strange recesses of my brain. And nice to hear that yet another is in the ranks of Anti-Brad-Pittliness. Who cares about the spelling of his name? In my house we call him Brad Armpit. (-;

You know that you want to review.


	24. The Schemes of the Waking

**Author's Note:** -tiptoes in- Erm… hello there. My only good excuse for my tardiness is that my RL has been in uproar, what with jobs and cars and town meetings and travels to distant lands and all that grand stuff. The good thing that came out of all this ruckus is that I just bought a shiny, new, and very red Jeep! She eez bee-yoo-tee-full. The bad thing: I haven't had a spare moment for writing. But, I finally cleared some time in my schedule, and here we are! -tiptoes away- (OH YEAH!) –tiptoes back- Please check out my Narnia fic and tell me whatchya think! –flees-

**Disclaimer:** The first quarter of this chapter was written quite awhile ago. The rest was written under the influence of strep throat, which has taken my voice but never my dignity.

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"_When buying a used car, punch the buttons on the radio. If all the stations are rock and roll, there's a good chance the transmission is shot." -Larry Lujack_

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**Super Brief Recap:** Aragorn is alive, and Legolas just dissed Meghan's new haircut.

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR** – _The Schemes of the Waking_

"Are you alright, Meghan?"

Meghan jerked at the sound of Éowyn's voice, and realized that she'd been staring into space ever since Legolas had walked away. _Great way to look like a lovelorn fangirl, Meghan. Good job._

"I'm fine," she said, pulling up a smile for Éowyn, who was giving her a quizzical look. "Just thinking. Do you need help with anything?"

"No, but thank you. I believe that all the necessary preparations have been tended to. I trust that you saw Lord Aragorn was well…?"

"Yeah, I did," Meghan said, not quite able to keep a smile off her face. She noticed the faintest hint of pink on Éowyn's cheeks. "He was going to see—"

Just then, King Théoden himself appeared, followed by a gruff looking man that Meghan dimly remembered seeing earlier at Edoras.

"Ah, Éowyn," Théoden said. He looked distracted. "I wish for you to remain in the caves."

Éowyn's face froze for a moment, except for her mouth, which opened and shut once. "The caves?" she then asked coolly.

"Yes, the caves," Théoden repeated. "There is much to be done. I can trust you to keep order down there."

There was a brief stare-down between uncle and niece, and Meghan felt very forgotten. Which was quite alright with her, since the looks passing between Théoden and Éowyn were less than complimentary.

"I must go," Théoden said after a minute, obviously intent on mastering the situation before it ran out of control. "You _will_ remain in the caves, Éowyn." With a quick look of apology, he and his second-in-command strode away.

Éowyn's fists clenched, then unclenched a few times before she whirled around and stalked off in the direction of the upper defenses. Meghan had no idea what she was planning on doing, but it seemed like the right thing to do was to follow. Plus, she had nothing better to do.

She found out soon enough. "My Lord! Aragorn!" Éowyn called as Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli came into view through the throng of people. A foot soldier was herding the commonfolk ever downward, deeper into the fortress, but even over his shouts of direction and the general murmur, Meghan could hear Éowyn's soft dialogue with Aragorn.

"I am to be sent with the women into the caves," she began, sounding a little desperate. What exactly Éowyn hoped to accomplish by informing Aragorn of this fact, Meghan had no idea.

"That is an honorable charge," Aragorn replied. His eyes were patient, the same way that Legolas' were sometimes. Meghan pushed through the crowd to stand somewhere between Legolas and Gimli. Legolas glanced at her quickly, enough to say hello.

Meanwhile, Éowyn's voice was breaking a little. "To mind the children? To find food and bedding when the men return? What renown is there in that?"

"My lady, a time may come for valor without renown. Who then will your people look to in the last defense?"

"Let me stand at your side," Éowyn whispered.

The lightning bolt of realization struck Meghan. _Éowyn is in love with Aragorn._ The thought left her feeling forlorn. Aragorn was already in love with someone else. Somebody in this triangle was going to get hurt. And if she knew anything about Aragorn, he was faithful. It looked like Éowyn was in for some heartbreak.

"It is not in my power to command," Aragorn was saying.

"You do not command the others to stay!" Éowyn exclaimed. "They fight beside you because they would not parted from you. Because they love you." Éowyn blanched at her own words, and suddenly seemed abashed. "I'm sorry," she gasped, already hurrying away.

Meghan moved forward, about to follow, when she decided that Éowyn would probably want a little bit of privacy after that outburst. She sighed. This was one of those moments when Meghan missed the Hobbits the most.

"I believe that King Théoden is wise to send the women to the caves," Aragorn said. There was a bit of an apology in his eyes, but also a look that said he wouldn't put up with arguments. "Meghan, you should remain there, as well."

"That's cool with me," Meghan said, holding her hands up in surrender. "You guys know better than I do about how crappy I am in battles."

Gimli grunted approvingly. "I have not heard that expression before. It sounds appropriate."

"Perhaps it would be better if you went now," Legolas suggested. Meghan appreciated that it _was_ a suggestion, not a command. "You have already established a relationship with the children, and your stories buoyed their spirits earlier."

"Fine, fine," Meghan sighed. "I get it. You guys want me to leave so that you can worry about more important things. Off I go."

She turned away with every intention of pushing gently through the crowds, back to Idrys and the kids, when Legolas caught her wrist.

"No, Lady Meghan," he said in a rich undertone for her ears alone, his intense eyes tripling the meaning in his voice, "Your safety is of the highest priority."

Meghan ruined the moment by hiccupping. It was the tiniest of hiccups, but it shattered the deliciously taut atmosphere between them nonetheless. Legolas cracked a faint smile and just said, "Go."

She went. In fact, if ever a girl floated on rosebud clouds, it was Meghan. Her safety, his highest priority. That tasted very, very good. Granted, her raptures were frequently interrupted by little hiccups, but that did nothing to diminish the warm, fuzzy sensation that she hugged close to herself like a teddy bear.

Truth be told – Meghan's feet did not come back to earth that entire afternoon. She went through the motions while her heart sang various love songs, some from the 21st century and some of her own creation. It is fearful and wonderful what love does to otherwise rational women.

It was already well-past nightfall when she finally did drift down from her heavenly clouds of smitten glory. Actually, it was much more of a jolt back to reality than a drifting down. It was the sound of a horn being blown, a sweet, bold note that echoed through the Caves. The women and children began to whisper to each other, confusion and hope shining in their eyes.

"That does not sound like trumpet of a foe," one grey-haired woman near Meghan said. "If ever I heard magic, I just did."

Trying to look as though she knew what she was doing, Meghan got to her feet and hurried toward the gates, where she suspected everybody who was anybody important would be gathering.

Sure enough, when she got to the same gates that she had entered through that morning, she found a pretty large crowd of people, mostly dressed in armor. Legolas just _had_ to be the exception though, with only some sort of shoulder guards that vaguely resembled football gear. Even Haldir had more armor than that–

"_Haldir!_" Meghan's voice came out in a ghosty little shriek. Instantly, all eyes were on her. She took the opportunity to hiccup. "Um… what are you doing here?"

He gave her the most mild-mannered look she had ever seen upon any face, and suddenly she realized that he had very little time for prying losers such as herself. "Elrond Peredhel sent us," Haldir said evenly, then turned his attention back to Aragorn and the rest. Everybody else went back to ignoring her, too, which was fine with Meghan.

Meanwhile, her mind was sprinting a million miles a minute. Why, oh why couldn't she have said something that would have cleverly tricked Haldir into going back home so that she wouldn't have to bother with saving him? He was a pest, and that was a fact.

Another hiccup only added to her frustration. Goodness only knew why she had been stricken with hiccups for almost four hours. Calculating another look at Haldir, she slipped back the way she had come. _Oh, this is horrible,_ she thought to herself, curling into a ball against the rough stone walls of the Caves. _There's a terrible battle about to take place and if I don't help Haldir, my friend is going to die of a broken heart. Stupid Elves and their sentimentality. He's not even all that nice to begin with. Lalaith should go find somebody better and move on with her life. If only I could just sleep until this is all over with…_

Wait a minute. _Sleep_.

And just like that, Meghan's whiny bellyaching dissipated in a lightbulbish burst of joy. _Of course._ Why _didn't I think of that before? Sometimes, Meghan Whimblesby, you are a genius. A belated genius._ And she began to lay her plans.

Not forty minutes later and she was trotting about the hallways, searching for Haldir. She had heard from some of the guards that he and the other leaders had just gotten out of a brief war council, and he was heading toward the ramparts to stand with his warriors.

If only, oh if only the local deities favored her, Meghan would find him alone.

She was beginning to get worried when all of a sudden, he appeared around the corner. "Haldir!" she called in as an authoritative voice as she could muster. He paused, deigning to level a cool look at her. Deities be praised, no one was with him.

"This is not the appropriate time to make conversation, Meghan," he said in a voice that very thinly masked his irritation.

"Oh no, I'm not here to chit chat," Meghan said, waving her hand dismissively. "I came to tell you that Théoden needs you. Um. Back there, I mean. He thought of something new for the battle plan and wanted to consult with you." That part of the plan had been a bit hazy, and so she'd had to wing it. She didn't even know if there _was_ a battle plan.

But he seemed to be buying into it, although with a healthy dose of skepticism. "The King went to the parapet," he said with a quirked brow.

Meghan nodded, trying to look convincing. "He _started_ going there until he had an idea, so he headed back. On his way here he came across me and asked me to find you. Will you come?"

She could see him weighing it in his mind, deciding whether she was telling the truth or not. She had to restrain a sigh of relief when he finally nodded in assent. "Where is he?"

"This way," Meghan said. He followed her through the winding corridors, until soon they reached a largish chamber, one that Meghan hoped might serve as a supposed war room. Of course, it was empty, but Haldir didn't need to know that she was setting him up.

"Where is the King?" he demanded as soon as he set foot in the room.

"On his way, I'm sure," Meghan said. "He had to check something further in the Keep before he came here. Busy man, that."

"Perhaps I should go to find him," Haldir said, turning back toward the door.

"No!" Meghan gasped, then schooled her face to calmness when he gave her a strange look. "That would be very confusing. What if he came back here and you were still out looking for him?"

"I see your point." Haldir looked ready to vomit at the notion of agreeing with her. "I will remain here for a time. If he does not arrive shortly, however, I will return to the walls."

"Meanwhile," Meghan said, going over to a smallish stand, whereupon sat her hard-earned teapot. She had been forced to trade one of the two dresses she had kept from Lothlórien in order to get that teapot and set of cups. Doing everything in her power to act natural, she poured a stream of steaming, delicious liquid into one of the cups.

"Would you care for a cup of tea, Haldir?"

* * *

**SHOUT-OUTS! (Outdated, much?)**

**Kirika-Hime - **I wish I could play Final Fantasy, but I just know that I'll get horribly sucked into it and right now I don't have time for that. I haven't heard the Fall Out Boy "Beat It", either, goodness I'm so out of the loop! I'm off to check it out now...

**whedonist19 - **Teehee, little children always bring out good things, even in Anti-Sues. Not that Meghan is really an Anti-Sue. I'm still trying to classify her. Hmm. Anyway, thanks!

**EchoingSilence - **Yeah, it's kinda sad that Meghan's best contribution to date has been babysitting, but, you know, at least it's something. :) Sorry it's taken me so long to update.

**Stephanie - **As to Lost, well, if you haven't seen the season finale, go and watch it now. I was sure for a second there that they were going to kill Sawyer off, but was hugely relieved when he surfaced. Golly gee whilickers. It seems like all the good couples on this show either get split up or one of them dies. Desmond and Penny are my only hope. :)

**PippinBaggins - **Your username always makes me want to hug something fluffy, because Pippin is just too cute. Hope you haven't been in TOO much agony during the long wait for this chapter... sorry about that. :)

**bookworm97 - **I love how you always say "happy friday!" at the end of your reviews. It's so cheerful and fun and it makes my heart smile. It's like every day is a holiday, which works just great with me!

**Thorongirl - **I don't know if you'll ever come back and stumble upon this shout-out, but I just want to say that your username is very clever, and I like it quite a lot. Anyway, thanks so much, that's some of the nicest things people have ever said about my story, I think.

**ringbearingreasergal - **Okay I want you to know that I FINALLY read "The Outsiders"! I enjoyed it, it was was a nice, fun, quick read. (I think Sodapop stole my heart for a little while there...) And actually, the funny thing was, I just saw Indiana Jones the other day and one of the preppy boys calls Mutt a greaser, and I laughed!

**jadeprincess147 - **Wow, you're in China? For rizzle? That just spiked way off my awesomeness scale. And wow, your story about screaming so loudly that your brother got scared when I updated made me seriously smile. Um. I just said seriously smile. I didn't even know that was possible.

**Silvariell - **Whoo! Your review made me laugh. I think you and I would be very good friends if we ever met in Real Life. I _would_ give you an Elrohir plushie for your five-hour night reading-fest, but Elrohir is solely mine. He would cry if I gave him away. So have your pick of any other obscure book character you wish! Beregond could use a little love...

**The Queen of Confusion - **At first I typed your username "The Wueen of Confusion" and I was like, "HOW WOULD YOU PRONOUNCE THAT?!" Um. Yeah. Anyway, thanks for reviewing!

**rubyinnle - **Haha, thanks!

**Kore-of-Myth - **You know, I don't think I've seen the movies in at least a year, either. But I watched them so many times when they came out that I can still recite entire scenes from memory. Happily for me, I have the scripts for all three films, which is making transcribing a lot of scenes much easier. About the running all day thing, well, I'm just not sure. They keep moving continuously in the books, but that seems to include some jogging, too. The thing is, the Orcs/Uruk-hai can run all day, and it's imperative for the good guys to keep up, so they kinda have to run as much as the baddies. So, according to my poetic license, yes they can run all day. According to physical likelihood, I'd say no, they could never run that long!

**AnnabelleLee13194 - **Agreed. Legolas is just going to have to get over his aversion to short hair. And yes, Helms Deep and the Olympic Torch Bearer of Doom are truly some of the best things to ever happen to me.

**crockergirl - **YESSSS! Another person who does little lame dances when somebody updates! Right now it feel like the dredges of the fanfiction world because NOBODY is updating. Srsly. There's one particular story that I want very much to update, but she's doing nothing. -cries-

**quivering quill - **I have hair down to my butt and I love every inch of it. But if I ever appeared in Middle earth, I would cut it to my shoulders no matter what some nancy elf says. And don't worry. Legolas won't be able to help coming around, methinks. ;)

**Mariano's-twins - **Alright. Your review made me laugh so hard that I banged my head on the computer monitor.

**NajaMoonshadow - **NAJA! Your musings on orc flocks/herds/troops had me in stitches. It is my personal belief that orcs come in clutches. I know for certain sure that there is some kind of animal that goes around in a clutch instead of a flock, and besides, an orc clutch is too funny of a double entendre to pass up.

**WinterDancer - **Here's that update... Thanks for reviewing! :)

**HobbitSizeMe - **I honestly don't remember the names of the step-sisters from ANY version... although I just read the Italian translation, and there are six sisters, not two. And the fairy god mother was a nymph from a tree. And Cinderella threw pearls at people. Okay, so it didn't technically play out exactly like that, but it was a very different story than I was used to.

**PriestessHelene -** Fortunately for Meghan, her hair has some curl in it so ragged edges shouldn't be so violently displayed. 'Sides, maybe she wanted anime hair? ;)

**Oscar the Wood-works Turtle - **Ha, don't feel bad about not reviewing every chapter. Granted, I love it when people do that, but sometimes they'll be like, "OMG!! THAT PART WITH THE MARSHMALLOWS IS HILARIOUS!! I LOVE IT!" And then I scratch my head for ten minutes, trying to remember what happens way back in chapter six or whatever. And I have to ask... "FooFooCudlyPoops"...?

**Fennecfox03 - **Whoo hoo! I just want to say that I love fennecs. They are made of pure epic win.

**Mikol - **I have a feeling that Cinderella won't be the only fairy-tale to appear in Middle earth... I just discovered an old book of Italian fairytales, and some of them are great. And the morals... the morals make absolutely NO sense, which is also great. Like, "They who need help shall still succeed with a little help." Yes. Like I said... great.

**Ciunas - **Don't worry. ElvishKiwi (the beta of awesomeness) will NEVER let this story get too sappy. She's already slapped my knuckles once, and man that was a blessed wake-up. Chapter 23 would have been a waking nightmare without her. Anyway, thanks much for reviewing! :)

**faustmidas - **Holy smoly, one sitting? I mean, I know it's been done, but it still surprises me. Although, I did read an entire novel in one afternoon. Novella. It was The Giver by Lois Lowry and I absolutely devoured that thing. Whew. And hah! Not only am I slowly converting MYSELF over to the Elf side, but I'm converting YOU, too! (I'm an Aragorn girl, myself, but... he was taken.) Thanks for reviewing!

**Mother Nature's Daughter - **You know, upon reading your review, I realized that I managed to go without updating for the entirety of Lost's brief revival! How dare I! Let me explain (belatedly) about Jate... At first, I was die-hard Jate. I mean, I would get rabid. But then... slowly... I transitioned. Kate's flip-flopping between Jack and Sawyer has me so pissed/frustrated/irked/disgusted that I don't want her messing with either of them. Juliet/Jack is my new pairing, despite the beating it took last season. But forget about them. DESMOND AND PENNY WERE (SPOILERS) REUNITED! -screams with joy- Now if we can just keep Ben from (SPOILERS) killing her, we'll be set! CRAP! You've got me speaking in plurals now, too!

**X23 Maximoff - **Oh noes! I hope your AP English essay went well despite this story. Thanks so much for reading/reviewing!

**ShadowDmn - **Here's an update! Sorry it's so late! -slinks off-

**ruchi257 - **Golly, that bit with Meghan confronting Éomer HAUNTS me. It was in a break between betas, and ElvishKiwi smacked me right good for that chapter. And don't worry a trifle about giving out criticism -- I thrive on it. I love praise too, of course (who doesn't?) but it's so healthy to get a few niggles every now and again. So thanks, for the praise and the criticism! :)

**Geeky Blue Strawberry - **Firstly, your username made me smile. There's something about geeks and strawberries that does that to me. Secondly, WEIRD coincidence, I'M listening to I Don't Feel Like Dancing! Ha! Can't say I've ever tried a sour cream and pickle sandwich, but when I do, you'll be the first to know. My fave: fried bologna and peanut butter. My mum practically vomits at the mere mention, but I think it's delicious.

**silverrain1312 - **-fangirly scream- Prince Caspian was WONDERFUL! There was one shot where Peter and Caspian were right next to each other and every time I've watched the movie I'm like, "AAAH! Which one do I LOOK at??" And then Edmund runs up and joins them and I'm lost in a haze of fangirlishness. It's sad, really.

**iccle fairy - **Thanks!

**Dunthonwen - **Whoo! You get the award of Most Reviews In One Sitting On One Fic! That was brilliant, my friend!

**DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion** - Your username is a PAIN to type out! ;-p I like your notion of Christian Bale as Legolas... better than Orlegolandolas or whatever you call him. That gave me a headache the first time I saw it because it took me about five minutes to sound it out in my head. Whew. By the way. I AM coming after your Indy/SW fic. Be prepared. Oh and another by the way. That crossover fic I'm starting? Yeah. It's gonna be epic. And you are going to be the beta of an epic fic. Be doubly prepared.

**freakishlyobsessedwithmovie... - **So I don't really know if your username is supposed to look like that, but I suspect it doesn't. Still, that's what it shows up as in my computer screen so I'll run with it. Thanks much for reviewing! :)

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Pssssh. Reviewing is for AWESOME people! :)


	25. The Worries of the Watchers

**Author's Note:** I meant to have this chapter up much sooner than this, but then The Event happened. The Event would be the season finale of _Doctor Who_. If anybody else watches that show, you will understand why I've been in a reeling state of shock. I've also been so immersed in the Doctor Who fandom that I've neglected this one. –bows head in shame- I am ashamed. But… I've patched up my broken soul and here I am, rip-ready for another chapter of awkwardness! Hurrah!

**Disclaimer:** Quarter-century mark! All I own is my signature happy dance of awesomeness. I don't even own Meghan.

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"_Can't act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little." -Screen Tester on Fred Astaire_

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE** – _The Worries of the Watchers_

Meghan stifled a groan by changing it into something more like a grunt. Who would have guessed that a willowy Elf would weigh this much? _Pah. Willowy. More like brawny man._ She dropped Haldir's shoulders and rested her palms on her knees, leaning on them. This was _killing_ her back. If she had actually thought about it, she would have baited Haldir closer to her destination. While he was still awake, that is. Dragging him was just too much work.

Oh well, she was almost there anyway. She bent down and hooked her elbows underneath his arms, heaving away. She only got about three feet before she had to rest again. This time, she squatted down and puffed a few times in an attempt to coax more oxygen in her lungs.

"Meghan?"

Had that voice belonged to a man, Meghan would have started running and never looked back. As it was, she stood and turned around with a cringe.

"Oh hey there Éowyn," she said as she offered an awkward smile.

The blonde looked rather shaken at the sight of one Elf dragging another through a deserted hallway. "Is Lord Haldir well?" she managed to say.

"Oh, he's great," Meghan nodded, glancing back at the stationary Marchwarden. "He just, um, fainted."

"Fainted," Éowyn echoed weakly.

"Yeah." Meghan paused, then her resolve crumpled. "Oh Éowyn, it's all my fault, but it's not really my fault because I'm trying to help, you see, and oh, it's just so ridiculous…" She poured out the whole story, leaving out that she was from the future and fudging most of the foresight stuff by saying that she had had a "vision" – courtesy of another one of Andrea's many fanfics. It all came out in a rambling, apologetic style that probably left Éowyn more confused than enlightened.

"So you rendered him unconscious…with tea?" she said.

"Yes," Meghan nodded.

Éowyn's face went through several transformations, from displeasure to worry to resignation, all in the space of a few seconds. "The Elves," she said, "they will not leave?"

"I don't think so," Meghan said. "Aragorn's as good a leader as Haldir. They probably won't even notice he's gone."

"Why him?" Éowyn's voice had gone a bit hoarse. "Why must you save only _him_?"

"He's the only one I _can_ save," Meghan replied. "And I need to hide him now. Can you imagine what would happen if someone found me like this?"

The blonde nodded, and gestured with her hand. "There is a storeroom a little way on," she said. "Let me help you."

Together, they hefted Haldir the rest of the way, his bulk much more manageable between two women instead of one. Once they got him relatively concealed behind several barrels and sacks of grain, Éowyn straightened her skirts and gave Meghan a questioning look.

"What do you wish to do with him now?" she asked.

"I have to stay here, I think," Meghan said. "What if he wakes up? Or somebody finds him?"

"Very well. I would remain with you if I could. I fear that I would be missed, so I will return to the Caves." Éowyn offered her a companionable, if somewhat weak, smile. "Perhaps they will assume you are fighting outside."

"I _am_ sorry, Éowyn," Meghan said quickly. She didn't really know where this was coming from, but it felt like it needed to be said. "About you being left behind. I think you're one of the bravest people I've ever met."

This time, Éowyn favored her with a grin. "I will send someone for you when the battle is won." Her steps were a little lighter than they had been earlier as she slipped out the door.

Alone again, Meghan directed a sour glare at Haldir. He had _not_ gone down easily. First, he had rejected the tea to begin with. A couple of minutes later, after she had annoyed him relentlessly about it, he had drunk the entire cup in a single gulp just to shut her up. Then he had managed to walk almost the entire way back to the outside before finally crumpling into a heap of unconsciousness.

Which had, of course, forced Meghan to drag him the rest of the way.

Stupid Elf.

To pass the time, she meticulously inspected every square inch of her light sword. Truth be told, she had no idea what she might be looking for or what to do if she found anything amiss, but it _did_ help the minutes slide away.

Just as she was contemplating the braided leather cording that covered the handgrip, Meghan heard several distinctly metallic clangs followed by a thump. The sounds were distant enough to be eerily distorted by the caves' acoustics, but close enough to make Meghan stiffen. Whatever was out there, that had been a martial clatter.

Gripping her sword with white knuckles, Meghan crept over to the door and put her ear to the heavy wood. All she could hear was the normal woody sounds a thick door makes.

She didn't know how long it took for her to twist up the courage, but she finally lifted the latch on the door and poked her head out, fully prepared the slam it closed again in the event of a slavering monster roaming loose in the halls.

But all she saw was the slim form of Éowyn, holding a sword limply in her fist and staring at the crumpled body of an Orc.

"Éowyn!" Meghan choked hoarsely as she crept over to the blonde Rohirrim maiden and shoved her sword back into the scabbard. "You scared the willies out of me."

Éowyn snapped out of whatever reverie she had been in and faced Meghan with determined, if slightly feverish, eyes. "I was coming to check on you. It seemed foolish to leave you alone, so isolated from anyone. I found this skulking beast. It was well that I had a blade."

For the first time since coming out of the storeroom, Meghan got a good look at the Orc. Éowyn _had_ used that sword – took the demon-spawn's head right off. The familiar taste of bile rose in Meghan's throat and she squinched her face up to block out the sight.

"What is _with_ this place?!" she whined. "Every third day and somebody gets hacked up!"

She couldn't see anything, but she could tell that Éowyn's eyes were hurt. "It is the nature of warfare," the blonde said softly, dangerously. "I would gladly slay as many of these filth as necessary to defend my people."

"I'm sorry," Meghan said, sticking out a hand blindly. "You already know I talk faster than I think. It's just that, well, I get sick when I see blood."

Éowyn's cold hand filled Meghan's for a moment. "Then I am sorry, too," she said. "I hope you will see Rohan restored someday. My people do not love war."

"Where do you suppose it got in?"

"Pardon?"

"That Orc." Meghan waved in the general direction of the felled ogrish thing, because she still had her eyes closed and she wasn't about to open them just to pinpoint its exact location. "It didn't just walk through walls. It must have crept in somewhere." Strangely, the notion didn't scare her as much as it normally would. _Maybe I'm getting braver_, she thought.

_Nah. It's probably not that. _

"You are right. We should search for a entry it might have forced through." Éowyn sounded determined.

"Couldn't we just… _call_ someone?" Meghan suggested.

"Who would come? Who _could_ come?"

"True. Where should we start?"

"You cannot look if your eyes are closed."

"Seriously Éowyn, I'll just vomit right on the spot. I know from experience."

"May I ask something that is, to some extent… personal?"

"Fire away."

Éowyn didn't say anything.

"Um… I mean, yes, of course you may ask," Meghan amended.

"What do you do during your cycle?"

"Cycle?"

"Your _cycle_."

"Oh! You mean Uncle Tom! Aunt Flo! Monthly Monster! The Monthly Bane of Womanhood!" Meghan gesticulated wildly, still with her eyes closed. "Eh… it's complicated. We should be looking for other Orcs, yeah?"

"Yes. Come, I will guide you until the one I slew is out of sight." Éowyn grabbed Meghan's wrist and pulled her for what seemed like a very long while, but couldn't have been more than twenty feet. "You may open your eyes, now."

Meghan squinted open and found herself just around the bend in the hall. "Thanks. Where could something have gotten in?"

"You may wish to unsheathe your sword," Éowyn said in a firm tone.

The gravity of their situation suddenly hit Meghan as she drew the sword that she had been so meticulously staring at not twenty minutes before. _So much for being braver,_ she sighed to herself, noticing that her hands were shaking.

They spent some time creeped through the corridors, peeking around corners, startling at bumps in the night, but all to no avail. They found no crawly holes wherein an Orc could have slipped through, and they never stumbled on any foes.

"There are no other entries through which it could have come," Éowyn said at last. "I have heard that the smaller of the Orcish folk are more intelligent than their larger kin. Perhaps it forced through a door and bolted it behind, to seek out some cowardly victory in the bowels of our refuge?"

"Sure, that sounds about right," Meghan said, not completely sure about some of what Éowyn had just said but hoping to look Elvish and wise by agreeing with her.

"I have tarried long from my duties in the Caves," the blonde said. "And it would be best for you to return to the invalid Elf in your care."

Meghan appreciated that Éowyn didn't say, _the Elf that you intentionally knocked out, which is – incidentally – really weird of you._

"You're right," she said. "However, I have no idea how to get back to where we were. Plus, I'd really appreciate it if you'd help me get back inside that door without seeing your casualty."

They threaded their way back, and Éowyn navigated Meghan around the Orc from earlier. Once Meghan was behind that oaken door again, she asked loudly so that Éowyn could hear her, "What should I do now?"

"Barricade it," Éowyn ordered at the same vocal level. "We cannot be certain that no more timorous beasts will not slither into the Keep."

_Did she just say "timorous beasts"? For real?_

She did as she was told, shoving barrels and big pallets of some sort of oaty thing in front of the door.

What followed was, perhaps, the worst unspecified amount of time in Meghan's life thus far. She was alone with a comatose Elf with the distinct possibility of untold nasties roaming about the halls outside. She began to imagine the likelihood that the Orc that Éowyn had so efficiently beheaded was not dead after all, but was merely bluffing until they were lulled into complacency, at which time it would spring to life (head and all) and kill them.

And they never _had_ found where it had gotten through. Suppose another found its way in through that same elusive door? Suppose a whole regiment? Did Orcs even have regiments? Well, suppose a whole group? They could break down her barricade in a matter of minutes. They probably would kill her slowly, using lots of sharp objects and hot metallic devices.

With these reflections to soothe her soul, it is understandable that Meghan leapt some three feet into the air when Haldir sighed softly and turned his head.

Heart pounding, she took a moment to regulate her breathing and peer at Haldir. He exhibited no further signs of life for a moment, until he turned his head again.

_He's waking up._ The thought had never come to her. It had taken her two days to come around – but then again, she had eaten some of the leaves. Should she just let him wake up? He _would_ be more than able to dispatch of any predators that might be prowling about. On the other hand, she would never be able to contain him in that room unless she tied him up, which would defeat the purpose of him being awake. Plus, she would have to listen to his angry ranting at the injustice of her saving his life.

She was just settling on keeping him asleep when it occurred to her that she couldn't exactly brew more tea and force it down his throat.

"I am very sorry for this, Haldir," she said seriously. "Honestly, though, I'm not doing any of this for you. I will _not_ have that sweet woman die because you're too stupid to stay home when there's a war. So… Oh, here goes nothing!" And she clouted him across the head with the hilt of her sword.

Suddenly a very horrible thought entered her head. _What if I KILLED_ _him?_ she thought in a wretched moment of panic. _Or gave him a concussion? Or damaged his brain and he'll be mentally retarded for the rest of his life? I don't even know how to check for that kind of thing!_

She gingerly reached out a hand and placed her fingers on his neck, just under his jaw. Relief washed over her in huge, rolling waves when she felt a pulse beating underneath her fingertips. _He's alive!_

Just then, there came a great hammering upon the door, and Meghan gave herself up for dead.

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**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will Meghan be eaten alive by pernicious Orcs? Will Meghan be destroyed by a very cross Lothlórien Elf? Or will he be "dain bramaged" for the rest of his eternal life?

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**SHOUT-OUTS! (All THIRTY-NINE of them!)**

**Mikol - **I love the idea of Meghan telling the Italian fairy-tales! Now I just have to trap her in a room with lots of cute, wide-eyed children again. Hmm.

**PippinBaggins - **You are a sweetie, I love it. And I like to fool myself into thinking that the REAL Pippin Baggins is reviewing my story, sometimes! :)

**EchoingSilence - **Wasn't the hiccupping fun? I think I actually had hiccups when I wrote that. It's lovely how real life can sometimes inspire something quite good in a fic.

**Kirika-Hime - **You know my recent musical obsession? Trading Yesterday! They're SO good! Kinda sad ballad-y stuff, I guess, but it's been fitting my mood, what with the Doctor Who finale. Garsh. I really need to get over that. ;)

**Kore-of-Myth - **Hee, your nodding along made me laugh! Sneaky!Meghan is fun to write. :D

**silverrain1312 - **Eek, sorry it's been so long. Real life really has been a bear these days. It did startle me a bit when I realized how close I am to Return of the King! I was like, HOLY CRAP! It's almost been a year, though, since I started this story. Which just seems extremely weird to me. I've never stuck to a story this long. It still feels like I'm just beginning!

**bookworm97 - **You know, one day I told someone to have a happy wednesday (it was a Wednesday at the time), and I thought of you. Crazy, I know. But excellent!

**Dragon260 - **Cup of tea inoccuous. For me, though, it would have to be a cup of hot chocolate for me to accept it without question. I will gleefully receive chocolate in any form, but hot chocolate is the best. So, basically, if you ever meet me on the street and want to knock me out so that I won't die in a terrible battle, use sleeping pills in hot chocolate. Er... like you really needed to know that.

**quivering quill - **Don't worry -- I don't like killing things! I would never commit canon-character-cide. Ever!

**jadeprincess147 - **Aw! Your sister sounds like a sweetie, what with jumping excitedly with you! :D Tell her that I say hi! Your stories of your update antics always make me laugh. Thanks for reviewing! :D

**LOPE - **I have to ask... does LOPE stand for something? Or is it an extra-exuberant expression of the verb?

**whedonist19 - **I always smile when I see your username because it makes me think of Firefly, and of course that is enough to make me smile! Gah. I love that show.

**hermonine - **Thanks for reviewing! :)

**Me - **I feel rather strange, typing this shout-out. It feels as though I'm talking to myself. Anyway, thanks!

**The Queen of Confusion - **I have always wondered if there are underlines between your username, because the names are always underlined anyway... like is your username really supposed to be TheQueenofConfusion and I've been mistyping it this whole time? Hmm. The questions that I ponder. Thanks for the review!

**Miami Rhapsody - **Wow. Anytime you want to ship that Legolas blanket to me, feel free to do so. ;) Your ex-Chem teacher sounds cool -- extra credit for Lord of the Rings questions? Sweet.

**Silvariell - **Perhaps the reason we don't know each other in real life is because the world would be quickly bent to our will, and we would rule in fluffy palaces, attended by blond Elves and Telmarine princes!

**HobbitSizeMe - **Yeah, the last chapter felt short to me, too, but it was actually just as long as previous ones -- I usually shoot for between 2200 and 2400 words, although it can be rather hit or miss, depending on how the chapter needs to end. Hope this one was satisfactory!

**AnnabelleLee13194 - **I'm not sure if Meghan's hiccups would hurt. Mine don't. Except that one time after I drank about four cokes and I burped every time I hiccupped. Now THAT hurt. And was hilarious, all at the same time.

**PhelpstwinsandElftwins - **Oh don't worry... once we finally get to the Meghan/Legolas snogging, it's going to be brilliant.

**Celebrian Elwing -** Ha, here's your update. :)

**fennecfox03 - **Meghan is definitely falling for Legolas. I apparently can't get enough of those "longing looks" between the both of them, because if you notice, there's one in every chapter. It's like my formula is awkward moment, longing look, awkward moment. ;)

**Dunthonwen - **I had originally meant to leave the sleeping tea idea much more mysterious, but it really didn't work that. Out of curiosity, what does your username mean? Thanks for the review!

**iccle fairy - **You're a sweetie! :D Thanks so much for reviewing!

**Berries-R-Blue - **You know, you're not the first to disturb parents at late hours whilst reading this story. I'm really actually quite flattered, but also sorry that you got grounded. :(

**ringbearingreasergal - **I really did enjoy the Outsiders! :) Actually, now that I think about it, I should visit that fanfic fandom.

**Jousting Elf with a Sabre - **On the subject of long hair, I flip-flop every summer about whether I want to cut it. This year, I was completely dead-set on cutting it come May. Then, one fine spring day, I wore a short-sleeved, low-backed shirt and the feeling of my luscious locks brushing against my skin utterly changed my mind. So now I want to know. Have you cut your hair? ;)

**SuPeRsiLiSaRaH - **Ha! "currently updating anything"... Yeah. Well, I hope this chapter was a nice, refreshing burst of ff!

**Jam-on-toast-is-good - **Your secret is safe with me. ;) And you know, the "Writer's Block" chapter is still one of my favorites. I had such fun writing it, and plus it's kinda a novel idea -- at least, I've never read a fic that suddenly breaks in the middle for a "behind-the-scenes" look. Gave my beta a heart attack, that chapter did. It was a secret from her. -innocent grin-

**Mahogony Rose - **Your review made me laugh!

**Milo Pipper - **I have no idea where this story came from, honestly! I think Meghan tickled my subconscious long enough that I finally sat down and wrote. Glad you enjoy the shout-outs! :D

**PriestessHelene - **Congrats on the fourth little one! I haven't got any kids of my own, but whenever I do I'd like five. :D I know, crazy.

**NajaMoonshadow - **NAJA! Man, I love doing that. Your north-on-the-Canadian-border job sounds AMAZING! even if you don't have any computers. I hope this is in time for your next home-visit. Or are you back for keeps? -huggles Naja plushie-

**Twin Attack - **Your English was lovely! Can I ask what language is your first? I love that you guys gave me a "well-rounded critique"! I'll try my best not to repeat/quote the movie too much -- it's a tough balance. And the point of the vomiting at the sight of blood thing was that Meghan IS a MarySue, just a completely twisted one. Like, instead of having a tragic past or whatever, she has this gross and embarrassing thing where she barfs a lot. But I see your point, and I totally agree with you. Legolas doesn't need to fall in love with her out of pity, but because he LOVES her. Good thoughts! Thanks so much for reviewing! :)

**Wild KS Phoenix - **Hmm, good point about the shout-outs -- it has been a concern since I started this fic that it would be taken down for that very reason, but I love shout-outs so much it's been a risk I'm willing to take (which sounds like something from a James Bond movie!). I'll cross my fingers, I guess. None of you lot report me! ;)

**Queen Su - **Thanks! :)

**Geeky Blue Strawberry - **Regarding fried bologna (you know, when I type it, I sound it out phonetically in my head, and it sounds silly.), I guess the better term is pan-friend, because what I do is put the tiniest bit of oil in a pan and fling the bologna right in there. It's especially fun if it has that red wrapper thing, because then the bologna kinda curls up around the edges and makes a bowl. I've never put anything in it, it's just funny. Sometimes I slice up the pan-fried bologna and put it in omelets, though. This has got to be the most random shout-out I've ever written...!

**BlueEyedGunSlinger - **Thanks for the review!

**HitchHikersOfTheCaribbean - **Your review made my heart sing! It's so nice to be poked and nudged for an update. And your "on top" comment had me in stitches. I'm actually not on vacation, but I will be in a few days. Which is why I decided to update BEFORE I left! My real excuse is that I've been committing fandom adultery, and frolicking in the _Doctor Who_ fandom. As I said, I am ashamed. -is ashamed-.

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...Review?


	26. The Fury of the Fallen

**Author's Note: **Alright, alright. I know I'm very tardy. And you can yell at me if you like. But for these past few weeks, I've been ruing the striking lack of new chapter alerts in my inbox. So, I'm not the only author who's either been too busy or lazy to update! :) Here's my challenge, to myself and everyone else who hasn't posted recently: Let's make this work! Yeah, we're all crazy busy and maybe fanfiction isn't a very high priority right now. But it sure brightens up my day to see a new chapter on a fic I really like. Who knows? Maybe it's YOUR fic that's brightening up somebody's day! So... get thee to a keyboard... and UPDATE! :)

**Disclaimer: **I have carpel tunnel syndrome. –cries-

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"_A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." -Fred Allen_

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**Super Brief Recap: **Meghan just knocked Haldir out cold, and then there came a great pounding upon the door.

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX** – _The Fury of the Fallen_

"Unbar this door!" came an urgent voice from the other side. Meghan looked up in stricken terror from Haldir, who was once again safely comatose. The voice didn't sound Orcish at all, but then again, the door muffled everything enough that it _could_ be a well-spoken monster.

"H—Hello?" she called out tentatively.

"Lady Meghan?" replied the voice.

"Yeah," she squeaked, realizing that it was Legolas. _Of course,_ she thought wryly at the exact same time as her heart melted. _Legolas _would_ be the one to come and find me._

"There is something obstructing the door," he said.

"I know!" she trilled. "I'll move it. Éowyn told me to block the door in case anything happened." Moving quickly, she shoved all the barrels, crates, and sacks out of the way and lifted the latch on the door. It swung open to frame the most wonderful sight she had ever seen.

"Lady Éowyn said you were down here," her blonde savior said a little breathlessly.

He was dirty and sweaty and smelly and magnificent. His hair, though – well, suffice it to say that his hair never managed to look mussed. Ever. But the rest of him was smeared in grime and there was even a smudge on his forehead. Meghan had the absurd impulse to wipe it off.

"I saw the body outside the door," he continued, and this time his voice was steadier. "Is all well?"

"Yeah," she said faintly again. "Éowyn killed it. We didn't find any others."

"Have you been waiting down here the entire night?"

"You… you could say that," Meghan stalled. "Is everybody okay? I mean, did we win?"

"Yes, all are well, and the Uruk-hai been destroyed. Gandalf has returned, with Éomer."

Meghan couldn't help but make a face. "I don't think Éomer likes me very much."

"Perhaps you will have an opportunity to retrieve his good opinion," Legolas suggested with the faintest hint of a smile. Suddenly, his expression changed. "What is _that_?" he asked, staring passed her.

Meghan followed his line of vision over to Haldir's boot, which was unfortunately sticking out from behind the barrels she had tried to hide him behind.

It struck Meghan just exactly how bizarre her situation appeared.

"I drugged him," she burst out, because she _really_ didn't want Legolas jumping to conclusions about her being linked to Haldir in any more than a vague acquaintance sort of way. Granted, being locked up in a room with him while he was unconscious probably didn't help that particular train of thought.

There was an unpredictable glint in Legolas' eyes. "I beg your pardon?"

"I drugged him?" Meghan whispered. "With the tea that Galadriel gave to me?"

She was saved from any further confessions by the sound of several hurrying pairs of feet, and soon Éowyn, Aragorn, and Gimli burst onto the scene. Well, Éowyn and Aragorn burst in. Gimli huffed along a few moments after them.

"You look ill, Meghan," Éowyn said in a voice that said she had expected Meghan to be dancing jigs of delight. "Is all well?"

"No," Legolas said in a velvety calm tone. "All is not well. Lady Meghan has impaired Lothlórien's Marchwarden."

"_Oh_," Éowyn said with much more understanding.

"What do you mean, Legolas?" Aragorn asked.

At that very moment, Gandalf appeared. "Ah, Aragorn. We are preparing to—Melethriel?"

"Hi Gandalf," Meghan waved weakly.

"What are all of you doing down here?" the wizard demanded. "Is something wrong? What has happened?"

Meghan had that sinking sort of feeling, similar to when you have stomach bug and decide that a rollercoaster might be fun, anyway.

"She wanted to help," Éowyn piped in, much to Meghan's surprise. "There was no harm intended."

"What does this mean?" Gandalf asked with a confused and slightly irritated look on his bearded face.

"Is all well?" Aragorn asked again.

_Someday, someone is going to say something ungrammatical,_ Meghan thought in despair. She tried to speak, but the words expanded in her throat and wouldn't come out.

"Has something happened?" Gandalf continued.

Meghan shot Legolas a pleading look, but he didn't make eye-contact with her, and instead calmly said,

"Lady Meghan has used the tea given to her by the Lady Galadriel to cause the Marchwarden to be incapacitated."

"Is this true, Melethriel?" the wizard said, his expression a mixture of incredulous disbelief and thunderous disapproval. Meghan could practically hear him thinking, _I didn't know she had the guts to do something like that. What an idiotic way to go._ Except, he would have said it much better than that.

"Yes," Meghan only just managed to squeak.

"And why have you done this?" Gandalf pressed.

"Because…" Meghan started.

"Because he would have died if she had not taken action," Éowyn said. "She preserved his life."

"At what cost?" Aragorn said, a look of deliberation on his face. "All of the Elves were slain but one – Haldir."

"They would have all died anyway," Meghan said, then bit her lip. "Actually, I'm not sure about that. Maybe some of them would have lived."

Gimli's gruff voice drew her eyes downward. "How did you know the Marchwarden would die?" he asked.

"A vision," Meghan said, once again mentally thanking Andrea for all those silly fanfics. "I had a vision."

"Even so," Aragorn said after a pause, "your actions have rippled outward. There are consequences, of which Haldir will bear the heavier load than you."

There was another pause – longer this time. Everyone seemed to be waiting for a lightning bolt to strike Meghan, while Meghan herself was waiting for all of them to start yelling at once. And then she heard a very surprising sound; a sound that she had briefly wondered if she would ever hear again.

Laughter.

"Oh Melethriel," Gandalf chuckled amidst startled looks from those present, "in the absence of the Hobbits, you still manage to create the most marvelous state of affairs."

"Um…thank you?" Meghan said.

"I think, Melethriel, that you have done no harm," Gandalf said. "However, you have wronged Haldir. Perhaps you should be the one to explain what has occurred to him when he… recovers."

Meghan carefully swallowed around the huge lump of horror that rose in her throat. "Yeah."

"Come, Aragorn," Gandalf said, turned his attention away from Meghan. "The King awaits us. There is much to discuss."

They all began to file away. The look that Legolas shot Meghan was so packed that she would have very much liked to grab him and demand answers, but she wasn't about to tackle him in front of so many people. Was he angry? Disapproving? Disappointed? Disgusted? _Amused_? She couldn't decide which was worse. And she certainly hadn't realized that this would was going to be such a big deal. She had simply acted, trying to help Lalaith. Perhaps it was a foolish, impulsive thing to do, but didn't saving _two_ lives count for something? Why was Legolas so upset? _Was_ he upset?

Éowyn's hand on her arm brought Meghan back to the situation at hand.

"I have partaken in this," the blonde said seriously. "I will help you explain to the Marchwarden for Lothlorien. Perhaps he will not be so angry if we can convince him that it was meant for his good."

"Thanks, Éowyn," Meghan murmured. "You're a good friend. I'm not gonna lie, I appreciate the company."

They waited in silence for what seemed like hours, but couldn't have been more than three-quarters of one, before Haldir showed any definite signs of life. First he snorted (or as close as and Elf can get to a snort), then he sighed, then he rolled half over.

"Éowyn," Meghan began, "before we die of furious Elf homicide, I just want to say that I'm very glad that I met you."

"Meghan," Éowyn said with a look of consternation, "surely it is not so bad as that."

"You haven't met Haldir. He's… he's… oh, you'll find out."

Éowyn didn't have a chance to reply, because at that very moment, Haldir groggily blinked his eyes open.

"Meghan?" he asked, scrambling to his feet. "What has happened? Has the battle begun?"

"It's over," Meghan said as calmly as she could manage. "I drugged you with Galadriel's tea. You missed the whole thing."

"_What_?" Haldir managed to roll horrified, disgusted, furious, and disappointed all into one syllable.

"I…" Meghan waved her hands as if wiping that thought away, and started afresh. "You love Lalaith, yeah?"

"Of course," Haldir said. While he didn't visibly soften, his voice lightened a little. "How does that relate to this?"

"I know for sure that she loves you, too. She gets that lovey-dovey look in her eyes that I probably get when—" she trailed off. "Um, never mind. The point is, Lalaith's lost a lot of people who are dear to her. She told me that you're pretty much the only one that she has left."

"I fail to understand how a discussion of my wife's troubles is relevant," Haldir said. Obviously he was getting tired of what seemed like a distraction.

"You would have died," Meghan said simply.

Haldir glared at her, saying nothing for a moment. "And so you circumvented the will of the Valar?" he said at last.

Meghan blinked. She hadn't quite expected him to ask that. _How do you know that?_ maybe, or perhaps _My god, you're good_, but not that. _Had_ she irrevocably twisted some sort of fate? Would it be like on Lost? No matter how many times Desmond saved Charlie, he still had to die?

_No,_ she thought, shaking the idea away. _That's ridiculous. Besides, I'm am _not_ about to start saying "Bruthah."_

"I… guess so?" she fudged.

"How did you gain this knowledge?" Haldir continued, getting more agitated by the moment.

"I was blessed with a vision," Meghan said, much more confidently this time. "So I guess I wasn't really circumventing the… uh… Valar's will!"

"A vision," Haldir repeated skeptically. "From the Valar?"

"Yes."

"And they told you to drug me, and _drag me into a storeroom_?" Haldir's voice rose in pitch as the sentence progressed.

"Erm… no."

"Could you not simply have _warned_ me?"

"My Lord Elf," Éowyn interceded. "Would you have listened? Would Meghan have been able to persuade you to stand out of a battle? I, myself, would have been unconvinced, had I been in your place."

"Good maiden, you will pardon me if I exclude you from this discussion, for I am certain you were not involved," Haldir said, tight politeness barely masking his anger.

Meghan could have sworn Éowyn's face flushed briefly. "That is untrue," the blonde blurted out in a slightly strangled voice. "I came upon Meghan shortly after you fell, and I assisted her from that point on."

Haldir's demeanor changed entirely. It shifted to the attitude of someone whose entire world has been upturned, such as when you first discover what hot dogs are really made of, or that your favorite love song was written about a pickle. "This is madness," he said.

"So maybe I went about it the wrong way, but it _was_ meant in the best possible way," Meghan said. "If I hadn't given you the tea you would have been killed and Lalaith would have died shortly after she found out."

"What of my troops?" Haldir asked, his voice low.

"They were all slain," Éowyn murmured. "Many men died upon the battlements last night."

"What of their families?" Haldir said. "Why should my life be more valuable than theirs? Three hundred Elves!"

"I couldn't save all of them!" Meghan said, her tone rising to match his. "Do you really think I could have inconspicuously pulled off a tea party for your whole army? Yeah, I can see _that_ going over really well."

"Do not disrespect with sarcasm those who have given their lives in your defense!" Haldir practically snarled.

"I just saved your life, and you haven't even acknowledged it!" Meghan screeched in return.

"And you clearly do not understand that by saving my life, you condemned the lives of others!" Haldir fired back.

Meghan suddenly felt as though a bucket of ice water had been dumped on her. She opened and closed her mouth, trying to push the words off her tongue, but nothing would come.

"What has been done is done," Éowyn said before Meghan could recover. "Arguing the point will accomplish nothing. Perhaps it would be for the best if we returned to the Keep."

Haldir glared at both of them, and swept imperiously out of the room. Éowyn and Meghan waited a few beats until they were sure he was gone, then they traded glances.

"I understand now what you spoke of earlier," Éowyn said. "The Marchwarden is… is… is…" She left the sentence dangling. "Come. You should rejoin your companions."

"Yeah," Meghan said a little hoarsely. Truth be told, she didn't exactly want to face them again. Still, she followed Éowyn through the winding corridors, out into the morning sunshine. Fortunately they emerged at a place where there had been little fighting, so there were no mangled corpses for Meghan to contend with.

"I've got to find Idrys and the kids," Meghan said hurriedly, mostly just wanting to get away for a few minutes.

Éowyn studied her for a brief moment. "I believe that the women and children are still in the Caves. Do you know the way back?"

"I can find it. Thank you, Éowyn. I really appreciate… well, everything."

The blonde smiled faintly. "It is good that you came here, I think."

_Sometimes, I'm not so sure,_ Meghan sighed internally as she gave her a half-hearted grin and began to walk back into the shadowy recesses of the Keep. _Was Haldir right? Did I just passively kill people just to make myself feel better? Because I didn't want to be hurt, knowing Lalaith would die?_

The gloominess of the Caves' interior only served to darken her mood more. _Haldir was right. There are other wives out there who are going to die because Haldir didn't. Is that a fair trade? Since when do I get to decide who lives and who dies? Oh, badly done, Meghan!_

Still buried in this dismal load of guilt and self-reproach, Meghan came round a corner and bumped smack into Legolas. He opened his mouth to say something.

Meghan burst into tears.

* * *

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**The-Gothly-Emo - **Late nights! Haha, fanfiction is the bane of my education. I spend way too many nights on here, only to wake up the next day with a "hang-over", if you will. :)

**Kirika-Hime - **Cirque de Soleil music is AWESOME! Just wanted to throw that out there. :) Varekai has got to be my favorite, musically and just overall. Although...Dralion was the first I ever saw, so it has a special place in my heart. :)

**Kore-of-Myth - **Aw, you're too nice! Your review simultaneously gave me the warm fuzzies and the giggles. :)

**FreakyD45663 - **I -had- to bring in the monthly monster. I mean, gah, it just bugs me so much when authors conveniently forget it. Like in Twilight... SERIOUSLY... When they were first getting to know each other, did Edward just magically KNOW when it was Bella's cycle so he could stay away so he wouldn't eat her? Stephanie Meyer would have been MY hero if she could have worked that one in somehow. I dunno. So, churrah!

**silverrain1312 - **Girl, you seem like an old friend, you've been reviewing for so long! :-D Although, I remember you reviewed anonymously under mistanddust for awhile. You're totally awesome!

**whedonist19 - **Did you see Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog? AHAHAHAHAHA! -cries- That was funny and tragic at the same time.

**Berries-R-Blue - **Well, weren't YOU curious? ;)

**Mariano's-twins - **Ah, you two. (Or should I say three? What with Ivy making an appearance?) Your reviews never fail to leave my heart overflowing with joy. :) -luff you-

**Dragon260 - **The very idea of a mentally retarded Elf was so alien to me, I was twitching every time I thought about it. So, basically, Haldir is mentally unharmed because... I don't think I have the skills necessary to pull anything else off. :)

**PippinBaggins - **Yessss... the REAL Pippin Baggins reviews MY story!! Score one for FebSong! :D

**Ciunas - **Ah! The Dr. Who finale still leaves me speechless. I actually haven't worked up the guts to watch it again -- normally I would watch something like that twice, just to sort out how I feel about it, but I'm too chicken to face that kind of emotional epicness again. Anyway... thanks for the review! :)

**AnnabelleLee13194 - **Haha! See my above shout-out to Dragon260... I was so horrified by the prospect of Haldir being retarded, I almost choked on air when the thought first occurred to me. :) I know, I'm a dork.

**EchoingSilence - **Your review made me bust up laughing. It's true. You crack me up. :)

**bookworm97 - **I actually do not know how Meghan handles her monthly monster. She hasn't seen fit to tell me the answer to that question, and really, I'm not going to push it. Apparently she packs a mean punch (reference: Haldir's head). :)

**LOPE - **Churrah, still loving your username even though now I know where it comes from! :) I always think of gazelles when I see the word "lope"...

**Lemondrop xxx - **Haha, it's more like YOU (dramatic musical note). Are (dramatic musical note). Not (dramatic musical note). Alone (dramatic musical score). DRAMA!

**Queen Su - **Éowyn is quickly becoming one of my favorite characters to write! Which is funny, because when I first introduced her she was a pain to get right. Always wanted to say and do anything but what -I- wanted. But it seems we've reached an accord. :)

**Jousting Elf with a Sabre - **My hair-length goal is my finger tips... I can't remember if I said that already. My sis, who had blonde hair to her elbows, just cut it barely to above her shoulders and while it's really cute, she looks sooo different. Um... I don't really know where I was going with this. :-S

**ringbearingreasergal -** That is SOOO exciting that you're gonna be Jackie for Halloween!! I love it! :D That must be a pretty easy costume, too: matching tracksuit and lots of eyeliner! :) I couldn't pull off being anybody from Doctor Who -- I don't look a thing like any of them!

**ElvishKiwi - **Ah, Kiwi. You rock my world. Need I say more? :)

**JB ChicK - **Alright. I gotta ask. What's the "JB" in your username stand for? Am I sensing a little Jonas love going on? Because, if so... rock on, fellow fan. :) If not... rock on, nonetheless. :D

**shiftedsoul - **Yessss! Love and hugs are always a plus. :)

**crystalwings6 - **You are so nice! :) Thanks for the review!

**LixXxa - **Aw! Love it. Thanks!

**NajaMoonshadow -** Naja! I hope your time at that lovely camp is going (has gone?) beautifully. I myself am not very outdoorsy, but I always kinda half-wish I was... because nature is so gorgeous and I tend to just closet myself in my room, hunched over a compy all the time. :)

**Miami Rhapsody - **My vocabulary comes from being raised by two voracious readers! :) Although, I myself have more of a reader's vocabulary, so usually I know what a word -means-, just not how to -say- it. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that "facade" is pronounced "fah-SAHD", not "Fah-kade"!

**fennecfox03 - **Thanks for the review! :D

**PriestessHelene - **Glad to hear the last chapter made you laugh! I love hearing stuff like that. Thanks! :)

**HobbitSizeMe - **Thanks! :D

**Dunthonwen - **Ha, me too! Although, I don't even remember my supposed Elvish name. I think I had several, actually. Not sure how I pulled that off, but it's true. I also used to write Mary Sues. My favorite to read back over and laugh/cringe at is about a beautiful Elvish maiden who lost her first husband in a spider skirmish in Mirkwood, and OF COURSE she meets Legolas and he is "intrigued" and they eventually fall in love. And... I can't believe I just 'fessed to that in a public place. -hides head in shame- Actually, Lalaith (Haldir's wifey) is a bit of a nod to my previous Mary Sue stories. :D

**PowderMonkey - **S'okay, I sometimes read stories for weeks and have them on alert and everything and never get the gumption to review. You're super nice though, so I don't mind if you review every now and then. ;)

**ShadowDmn - **Here's that update... -sheepish laugh- Sorry it's so late. -runs away-

**MusicalSoul - **Rambles are THE BEST! You should see some of my reviews. I'll be all "I love THIS and THAT and Oh OH! That part made me laugh and you should write about THIS next time!!" It's kinda crazy. So, ramble on! :)

**KazeNoSasayaki2494 - **Your username took kinda a long time to write out, which is pretty cool if I may say so myself. Can I just ask... if this is the first LotR fanfic you've ever read, how'd you start reading it in the first place? I'm just curious, honest. :) Thanks for the review!

**SilentBone - **Thanks! :)

**Haeronwen - **Your guess is correct! (Kinda.) For that, I will give you... a box of Edward Cullen chocolates! I'm not sure how chocolate can be Edward Cullen, but... I'm sure somehow it could work. :)

**jada951 - **Don't worry, I'll finish this story if it's the very last thing I do! It just... might take me awhile. But honestly, I really -do- intend to update much more often than I have been. Because, real life should NEVER take over my life! (That sounded better in my head...)

* * *

**NEWS, NEWS!**

Be prepared, peeps, because I am hosting a new raffle! And… the prize is a cameo in this very story! I will contact the winner and we'll agree on a name and one line for the character to say that I -must- work into the chapter. The chapter featuring this cameo appearance will not be the next, but the one after that: Chapter 28. The way to enter this raffle? Simply review! :)


	27. In Which Italics Are Wildly Overused

**Author's Note:** Hey guys. I know… I know. It's been way too long. Shamefully long. I abase myself at your collective feet, begging for forgiveness. (And will you keep reading my story? Pretty please?) But the truth of the matter is, Meghan ran away and it's taken me this long to track her down.

**Disclaimer:** This chapter would have been horrible if not for the amazing and gracious ElvishKiwi.

**Super Brief Recap:** Haldir has recently woken up after Meghan saved his life via tea-intervention, and after being thoroughly scolded by the guys, Meghan is upset. She runs into Legolas and promptly bursts into tears.

* * *

_"A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that **you** got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke." –Jack Handy_

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN** – _In Which Italics Are Wildly Overused_

Meghan didn't know why she was crying.

She didn't regret saving Haldir and Lalaith. And really, no one's reaction had been _too_ harsh. (Éomer hadn't heard yet, though. She suspected he would either frown contemptuously or laugh contemptuously.) The only person who had really yelled at her was Haldir, and he'd had the right. Plus, he'd let up pretty quickly and settled for death glares.

_Maybe I'm crying because of stress?_ her analytical, logical half reasoned while her other half clung to Legolas' tunic and sobbed. _Maybe I finally cracked. I mean, I think I've handled all this pretty well so far, but a person can only take so much. Maybe I'm going crazy._

As her tears subsided, Meghan began to realize that Legolas had absolutely no experience with crying females. He was still as a stone with his hands cupped under her elbows, as if he was ready to catch her in case she tried to collapse into a puddle of tears on the floor. The mental image made Meghan giggle just a little, but it came out as more of a strangled hiccup.

"Meghan?" Legolas asked very, very tentatively.

"I'm sorry," she replied in a thick voice. "I didn't mean to bawl all over you like that."

She unexpectedly decided that it felt very natural, being in Legolas' arms like this. But as soon as she realized it, the comfortable feeling vanished and she felt like an intruder. Backing away, she hiccupped again and avoided his eyes.

"No, Meghan, _I_ am sorry," Legolas said. "I should not have judged you so severely before. You made a bold decision, and while I am not certain that I agree with you, it was a brave thing that you did. Your compassion for Lady Lalaith is… heartwarming."

Meghan considering crying again. _Bold? Heartwarming?_ That could be describing a _dog!_ Was that all he had to say? Where was the part where he dramatically swept her into his embrace and professed his undying love?

_Okay, maybe that's a little too far,_ she thought sourly. _It's more like profess his undying __toleration__._

"I have to go," she said, mainly because screaming was beginning to look like a very attractive option. "Right now."

Legolas looked confused.

"I have to _pee_," Meghan growled, "so don't you dare follow me. My cousin had a stalker once, and she taught me self-defense. If I catch you creeping after me, I'll—I'll—" she couldn't think of anything suitably horrid, so she settled for the classic, "I'll scream!"

With that, she stalked away.

She briefly hoped he _would_ follow, just so she could light into him more thoroughly this time. Heartwarming? She'd show him heartwarming. She'd turn him into _ashes_ if he so much as took the slightest step to come after her.

But he didn't. She didn't get the satisfaction of seeing his face as she stormed off, either. So she stomped in the direction of the Caves, hoping to find Idrys.

The Caves were in a flurry of activity. There was a palpable change in the atmosphere this time; the tense misery had given over to quiet relief. Nearly everyone had lost someone in the battle, so there was an air of mourning, as well.

Meghan spotted Idrys busily tying up several bundles amidst the hustle and bustle, and she made a straight beeline toward her.

"Good morrow, Lady Meghan," Idrys greeted her brightly before noticing Meghan's glower. "Are you well?"

"I'm _fine,_" Meghan hissed. She caught her own tone in her ears and winced. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't take out my frustration on you."

Idrys was a woman. She immediately picked up the thread that Meghan had dangled in front of her. "Oh? What has a pretty girl like you so frustrated?"

Meghan screwed up her face in disgust. "I'm _heartwarming_."

"That does not sound so bad."

"Oh Idrys," Meghan whined, sitting down and folding her legs up under her. "You don't understand."

"Help me understand," Idrys suggested companionably.

Meghan chewed on her thoughts for a moment. It had seemed like such a big deal, two minutes ago. But putting the situation into words made her offenses shrink to a more reasonable proportion. After all, she already knew that Legolas didn't always say the right thing at the right time.

The older woman sagely interpreted Meghan's silence. "I would lay a wager your troubles are related to that Elf warrior," she said.

"Yes," Meghan sighed. It felt like a twenty pound sack had lifted off of her – actually confessing that she had boy problems. Elvish boy problems. "I don't know where exactly we stand. Are we friends? Are we flirting in a weird, roundabout way? Does he even have any inkling that I'm interested? Is it _wrong_ for me to be interested? I'm so much younger than he is. It's like cradle-robbing on an epic scale. But then, sometimes he gives me this _look_, and it's like he wants to bottle me up and keep me forever, but he never _says_ anything, or _does_ anything, and I have to wonder if he's actually just giving me a weird look because I have a booger hanging out of my nose or something. And there's that whole _Lady Meghan_ thing—"

Like a peaceful blanket of clairvoyance, Meghan's thoughts finally registered Legolas' words from five minutes before.

_Meghan. He called me Meghan._

She went very still, the realization still dawning across her brain. She racked her memory for what he had said about the policy for prefixing a name with "Lady." _Express proper respect_. _Only close friends. –_ _I hope someday you'll just call me Meghan_. She surprised herself, how perfect her recall was. Their conversation had been so long ago, in the bowels of Moria.

"…Lady Meghan?" Idrys prompted.

"Idrys," Meghan said in a steady voice, "I have been rather hasty."

"Oh?" the older woman looked interested.

"…And I definitely need to go," Meghan decided. "_Definitely_. Right now."

Idrys' face was approving. "That is the first piece of sense you have spoken since you came."

"Thanks," Meghan said. She wasn't patient enough to decipher whether that was a compliment or not. _Close friends_. _I can handle that, for now. At least it means we're on good terms. Unless my little "stalker" outburst killed that._ A sense of urgency spread across her and she darted an apologetic look at Idrys. "Thanks for listening," she said right before taking off at a run toward the entrance. Apparently her reputation for knocking people out and dragging them into secluded storerooms was spreading ahead of her, because the crowd parted to make a passageway for her.

She burst out into the open air, and instead of being surrounded by blonde women, she was surrounded by blond men. They were sparser out here, and most of them were warriors striding determinedly in one direction or another. And they were _all_ blond. Still, only one head in that crowd could have golden tresses that glorious. He was walking away from her, toward the gate.

The men did not respond the same way to a running woman. They did not make room for her. They just gave her weird glances as she wove and pushed past them. She didn't care. She just wanted them to _move_ so she could get to Legolas faster.

Finally, after mazing her way to him, she stumbled up behind Legolas. He turned with a rather unreadable expression on his face, except for the quirk of his eyebrow that betrayed his uncertainty.

"Don't say anything," Meghan gasped between huffs and puffs. "Lemme talk first." She drew in several deep gulps of air, trying to regain her breath. "I'm sorry, Legolas, for yelling back there. You were being so nice and I kinda blew up in your face. I think you're right – I'm immature and reckless and I don't think things through well enough. My mouth runs faster than my brain. So… um… yeah. Sorry, again."

"Meghan…"

She didn't even bother suppressing the euphoric butterflies that exploded in her stomach when he didn't include the "Lady."

"…You are forgiven." There was something of a smile around Legolas' mouth; a soft smile that Meghan very possibly could have stared at for hours on end.

"So… friends?" she asked, sticking out her hand.

He turned her hand over and calmly pressed a kiss onto the inside of her wrist, his breath thrilling along her skin. Meghan struggled to keep her jaw connected to her face. She had certainly been kissed before, but this was very possibly the kinkiest thing a man had ever done to her, despite the simplicity of his actions. Goosebumps skittered up her arms. She was suddenly very aware that Legolas was a man and she was a woman.

And then he just walked away.

It could have been just five minutes that Meghan stood there. It could have been five hours. She wasn't really sure. She could have continued to stand there for five hours more if Éowyn hadn't appeared, looking concerned.

"Meghan? Is something amiss?"

"I think Legolas just tried to seduce me," Meghan said in a faint, dreamy voice.

Éowyn's eyes bugged out in a most unbecoming manner. "I– I beg your pardon?" she choked.

"Forget I said that," Meghan replied as a hot flush spread across her face.

Éowyn looked slightly scarred, but she plowed away with the conversation, nonetheless. "My uncle and your companions are preparing to depart. I thought that perhaps you would wish to bid them farewell."

"Where are they going?" Meghan demanded, a chill creeping into her bones.

"Isengard," Éowyn said somberly.

"Are we talking farewell _forever_ or just farewell for a day or two?"

"Gandalf is optimistic. The arrival of the… _Huorns_--" the way Éowyn tripped over the word told Meghan that she wasn't exactly sure if it was right, "-buoyed his spirits considerably."

"What are Huorns?" The name tasted strange in Meghan's mouth, too.

"I am not certain, but I believe that they are the ancient tree-shepherds from our lore."

"Tree… shepherds?" Meghan repeated. "Like hippies?"

"Is that the Elvish name for them?" Éowyn asked.

"N-no," Meghan stuttered. "I'm not sure we're even talking about the same thing. But why do I have to say goodbye? Why can't I just go with them?"

"In light of your recent activities," Éowyn began carefully, "perhaps it would be best if you volunteered to remain behind."

"You wanted to go, too," Meghan said with sudden understanding. Éowyn didn't say anything, but her eyes did all the talking. "I'm sorry, Éowyn. I've been very selfish. We'll stay behind together." She offered the blonde a smile.

"There is much yet to be done," Éowyn said, a glimmer of camaraderie in her eyes. "The citizens of Edoras make for the city soon. We must help prepare to leave."

Meghan couldn't help but grimace. "Ugh. Edoras is pretty fly, but the whole walking thing has got to go."

"I often wonder if we are speaking the same language," Éowyn sighed. "Perhaps when you learned the Common Tongue, your teachers were playing tricks on you."

"You're probably right," Meghan laughed, thinking of her English teachers in high school. "Come on. What exactly do we need to be doing?"

"Do you not wish to say farewell to your companions?" Éowyn asked.

Meghan hesitated. After her last encounter with Legolas, she was pretty sure that their relationship was progressing in a new direction. _And, I mean, rules of flirting seem to imply I ought to back off or whatever,_ she thought. _Why didn't I date more in high school! I should have all this figured out by now. But nooo, Meghan wanted to focus on her academics… Idiot._

"No," she said after a second. "They'll be fine. I'll see them soon. They're probably sick of me right now, anyway." _I hope not._

Éowyn nodded. "Come, then. We can begin in the storerooms."

The next two or three hours were spent companionably. Éowyn did most of the work, with Meghan tagging along and pitching in wherever she knew enough to be of any use. They supervised the food distribution between those returning to Edoras and those traveling back to their homes in the countryside; they organized those remaining at Helms Deep who would repair some of the damages; they inspected the few packhorses that would draw carts of supplies and people back to Edoras – and many more mundane tasks.

"Whew," Meghan said once they had finally collected everyone and everything and were beginning the arduous walk to Edoras. "This is crazy. I never knew how much went into taking care of a city. You're a beast."

"A… _beast_?" Éowyn's face squinched up in disgust.

"Oh, no no! It's a good thing. Er… like, you're _so_ good, you pwn whatever you do like a beast…" Meghan trailed away. "I'm not explaining this well."

"No," Éowyn agreed.

"Um… what I meant was that you're really good at what you do," Meghan said. "Ugh. You were right. My teachers were laughing up their sleeves."

The blonde cracked a faint smile. "I must speak with Fastred about making provisions for the refugees once we reach Edoras. Will you excuse me?"

"Of course," Meghan said. Éowyn smiled faintly and veered off to the left, heading toward one of the few armed men in the crowd.

Meghan sighed and wondered just exactly what Legolas was doing at that moment. Probably riding. Although, she had no idea how long it would take to reach Isengard. Maybe he and the rest of them were already there. She tried to imagine what he would do, only to realize that no one had told her _why_ they were going to Isengard. She grimaced.

_Good job, Meghan. You were so focused on the fact that he kissed your hand that you forgot to ask for details about a possibly deadly situation that he's walking into. Although, that was one heck of a kiss—_

_Oh good grief. He just kissed your hand and you're daydreaming about it? This is pathetic. What are you going to do when he actually _kisses_ you for real—_

With a physical effort, Meghan dragged her thoughts away from that very appealing rabbit trail. She could not afford to get distracted by something that hadn't even _happened_ yet.

_Hurry back to me, Legolas_.

* * *

**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will Legolas hurry back to Meghan? Will Meghan and Éowyn ever have a normal conversation with no slang? Will FebSong keep a hold on Meghan long enough to finish the story?

* * *

**SHOUT-OUTS! (I missed these so much! But I bet y'all can't remember what you said in your reviews...)**

**Lov3good** - Thanks! I can only hope that you'll keep reading after my insanely long sabbatical.

**Jousting Elf with a Sabre – **Gymnastics, aye? My mum and I used to watch that during the Olympics. Good times, good times. :)

**Kore-of-Myth – **TAAoMW is quite a long abbreviation… almost not worth it! Whenever I upload a new chapter I call it AA ch.27 or whatever. Because really, the title is too long. As for Legolas and Meghan… well, hopefully some of the interaction in this chapter was satisfying. :)

**MusicalSoul – **Someday, when I capture Legolas and keep him forever, I will tickle him until he gives up the secret of his perfect hair. Because frankly, I've been having a lot of bad hair days lately and I could use a little bit of mystical Elvish hair power.

**Max Rider – **Ah! I updated again. Just for you! :D

**Queen Su – **Oh, oh, oh. You said "No hard feelings on not updating." Please say it again? I would love you for life!!!

**Valinor's Twilight – **Thanks!

**fennecfox03 – **Here is the next chapter! I hope you enjoyed it as much as the last one. Thanks for the review!

**Berries-R-Blue –** I love sympathy for my characters! Your username still makes me smile.

**silverrain1312 – **You have been around for so long! -heart- I think you started reviewing just a few chapters into this story. Bless!

**Ringbearingreasergal – **You know, I saw _Grease_ for the first time the other day. I know it's not related to _The Outsiders_, but I still thought of you… now I think I'm in love with John Travolta. I'm such a cheesy musical lover. Twilight! Oh my! Have you seen the trailer for New Moon? Now I can say, "And THAT'S why I'm on Team Jacob!" when someone asks. :D

**Kirika-Hime – **I have never heard _Repo! The Genetic Opera_ but now I'm rather curious. I take it the music is similar to _Cirque de Soleil_ music?

**Mariono's-twins – **Oh, you two. (Or three? Is Ivy still three-eyed?) What am I going to do with you?

**pendragoness – **I'm rather afraid you will forget about this story again… but if you happen to be reading, thanks for the review!

**jadeprincess147 – **I… I am ashamed for making you wait this long. Truly I am. I hope this update was worth the wait!

**The-Gothly-Emo – **I have to ask. Are you really a bona-fide emo? Because I made one smile once and I wonder if I've ever made you smile. That way, I could say that I've made TWO emos smile. :)

**HitchHikersOfTheCaribbean** – I have removed the beach towel! Be strangled no more!

**Wild KS Phoenix – **What does the KS stand for? Thanks for the review!

**- **Well, I'm not sure who this is. There wasn't a username there! You were talking about Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog (which is epic, for those who have not seen it). Anyway, if you know who you're supposed to be, please let me know!!

**Simone Lecrae – **Thanks for the review!

**HobbitSizeMe –** Awkwardness…yes. I tend to generate awkwardness in my daily life, and that makes writing Meghan's so much easier.

**Lemondrop xxx – **Your username makes me think of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"… _Where troubles melt like lemondrops…_ Anyway. Your rambly review made me giggle. :)

**X23 Maximoff – **I don't mind if you've never reviewed, or if you never review again. (I mean, I would love it if you _did_ review, but I'm not going to beg and threaten and plead for it.) Thank you for your kind words, though!

**TheHouseOfTheGoldenFlower – **Let me just say that it is EPIC that you have a picture of Glorfindel as your icon. Seriously. I love it. And I thought about putting a spew warning on the story, but that seemed kinda narcissistic. Maybe I will anyway, though. :D

**BlackAngel-Cindy – **I am still alive. Barely.

**Kay – **Haha, your story about laughing at this fic while your grandparents were telling a morbid tale made me chortle.

**PippinBaggins – **I am almost glad you didn't win the raffle… I don't know how I would have worked BONSAI!Hobbit into the fic. ;)

**Me – **Haha, now this REALLY seems narcissistic. Thanks for reviewing!

**Ciunus – **Legolas is a river that runs a little more deeply than Meghan. I don't understand him half the time. My excuse for not writing is above… Meghan ran away.

**Echoing Silence – **It occurred! I awkwardly chuckled at your comment on my inspirational note at the beginning of the previous chapter because I pretty much stink at updating.

**Dunthonwen – **_Lost_!! AHH! I don't know what to think about _Lost_ right now. I still write Sues. I just don't publish them! :D

**InChrist-Billios – **Goodness, that was a lengthy review. (I love long reviews! Yay!) I hope your own stories updated a little more reasonably than mine. :) (Sidenote: Legolas does not like to be cried on.)

**AnnabelleLee13184 – **Angst! I can't write a line of it. But there is a heartfelt conversation coming up. Teehee.

**Sairalonde – **Hmm, real Elvish. I used to be able to translate it pretty well, but I've slacked off. I've kinda shied away from using in this story because Meghan doesn't speak a word of it, and she certainly doesn't understand it.

**Mikol – **Legolas is a mystery. I think I've only scratched his surface.

**Jaimie-Erin – **Thank you for reading the story straight through! You know, I'm the author, so you would think that I would actually be able to do the same thing, but every time I try to read it from beginning to end, I get bored and skip to my favorite parts. So… brava!!

**JB ChicK – **I gotta ask… what does the JB stand for?

**N. – **Bless you! This story WILL end. I have it all planned out, I just have to write it. You may be glad to know that I have the next two chapters already finished, I just have to send them off to ElvishKiwi. (I haven't actually spoken with her yet… she may shun me for life because of my tardiness and I can't say I'd blame her.) Anyway, thanks for checking in. :)

**PriestessHelene – **You cried? I love you!

**DarkeWolfe – **Oh my goodness, another one! I am amazed that y'all can stand to sit and read all the way through this fic. Thanks so much! (And yes… Legolas is a pretty-boy and I think he contributed rather the least to the storyline.) Sweet Eru, you did _not_ just include me with Tolkien and Lewis as a great author… I think I might die of happiness!

**Whedonist19 – **I watched Firefly a couple weeks ago and I thought of you! Thanks for persevering by reviewing twice when the first got eaten by the monster that is ff dot net.

**SuPeRsiLiSaRaH – **Whew! That's a tough username to spell out! (Now that I think about it, I should just copy-and-paste.) I promise, I'll start updating regularly again. Pinky promise!

**Kyrie Twilight – **Another Twilighter! And another read-all-the-way-througher! You're the best. Yay that Meghan isn't cliché! That's a huge relief. Thanks for the review!

**MeldaTavar – **You have ElvishKiwi to thank for the new take on saving Haldir… I was originally pretty set on a rather cliché method. Thanks for reviewing!

**Silvariell** – I've missed you, too! My email inbox has been tragically empty these last few months without any notifications in it! (Is that pathetic that I only get email from facebook and ff dot net?) I kinda see Haldir as immensely arrogant, so the thought of a bumbling girl saving his life is extremely distasteful to him. Maybe later, when the shock has worn off, he might be a bit more grateful.

**Meekah Greenleaf – **OMG don't kill Legolas! I need him!

**yuki san1 – **That tea… I'm so glad Galadriel gave it to Meghan. It's nifty in a pinch.

**Nach0MaN – **I think I might have already asked you this, but is your name a play on that song "Macho Man"? Because my family is friends with a Jewish family, and sometimes my Mom sings "matzo matzo man" to that tune.

**Kieranfoy – **One platonic Arwen plushie, coming right up! :D

**Lawlipop1031 – **Hey hey! Love the new username. It took me a second to figure out that it's lollipop spelling awesomely.

**Iriomote Yamaneko Nokomis – **Ah… Meghan's friends. Going back home. Deep questions you ask, my friend. Deep questions that cannot be answered. Yet.

**JACOBWEREWOLFLOVER – **I loved typing your name in caps because it made me feel POWERFUL! Yay Team Jacob!

**Calandie** – OMG. You're an opera singer? I think you're awesome.

**parkinson666 – **I'm not sure what to say… here's an update!! :D

**:) – **Your name is a smiley face! I love it.

**Liliesshadow –** I'm…ALIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!

**Insane Anarchist-aka Allie – **You just said some of the nicest things anybody can ever say to an author. Thank you so much!!

**Miss Danax – **Holy moly, so many people reading all in one sitting! You guys knock my socks off!!

**Marianne – **You are so welcome! Thanks for reviewing!

**Musical Soul (nli) – **Bless you, my friend, it was in part due to your kind review that got me kick-started into posting again! Thank you so much for checking in on me. You get a free plushie of your choosing!!


	28. In Which Meghan Displays Poor Judgment

**Author's Note:** This is really, genuinely, honestly the most re-written couple of chapters in the whole story. Seriously.

* * *

"_You know, there's not much difference between an octopus and a pile of snot." –Mike Rowe_

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT** – _In Which Meghan Displays Poor Judgment_

"And then Westley said to Buttercup that they must, absolutely, without a doubt enter the dreaded Swamp of Nastiness. Although Buttercup was very frightened of the Swamp of Nastiness, she trusted Westley with her entire heart and believed that he would get them through safely."

Meghan glanced around at her audience, gauging how involved they were. They were walking again, heading for Edoras this time. Idrys had suggested she tell another story, to ease the monotony. Now, most of the little ones were staring at her with rapt attention, and anyone else close by at least tilted their ears toward her. In fact, she had a bit of a crowd around her, listening to her story.

"And so, with great bravery from Westley, and no little fear from Buttercup, they ventured into the unforgiving, treacherous depths of the Swamp of Nastiness. There, as they made their way through the twisted trees, Westley told her the story of how he became the Dread Pirate Roberts. It turns out, that there were no less than four Dead Pirate Robertses before Westley himself."

She spun out the story as best she knew how, adding flourishes and sparkles wherever she could. Westley's "death" was received with somber gazes, so she hurried through that part and soon had them giggling over Mad Max and his wife. At the end, when Westley and Buttercup rode off into the sunset, the gathered listeners clapped. A few of the children capered about, battling ROUS's and staging dramatic rescues. One little girl, whose name Meghan remembered was Ana, threw her arms around Meghan's waist and squeezed tight, before running off to join the others in their imaginings.

Meghan smiled. She had never thought that she could be of any use with children – she only saw her three nieces and nephews once a year at Christmas, and even then it had always been a little bit of a 'you stay over there, I'll stay over here' sort of thing. But here, with these people, who had lost so much and still reached out to her, she could actually reciprocate by making their sons and daughters laugh.

They reached Edoras by midafternoon. It seemed like the crowd quietly melted away as soon as they entered the city wall; everyone was probably intent upon returning to their homes and shops. Granted, a fairly large group of people stayed with Éowyn, because they worked at Meduseld itself.

"Can I help with anything?" Meghan asked Éowyn as they climbed the stone steps to the front veranda. "I could put stuff away, or sweep something, or…"

"No, no," Éowyn said. "There is not much more to be done that cannot be handled by the servants. Please, settle into your room again. There is to be a celebration later, so you may want to rest."

"A party? I could decorate!" Meghan exclaimed.

Éowyn laughed. She actually laughed. "I appreciate your eagerness, but truly, the stewardess would be offended if I or anyone else robbed her of her duties. If it helps you be easy, know that I will soon repair to my room, as well."

Meghan suspected that Éowyn was lying, and she would probably spend the next several hours up to her elbows in work while Meghan herself took a nap. So she frowned doubtfully at the other woman, trying to telegraph her skepticism. But then, if Éowyn really didn't want her underfoot, it would be a help to just to stay out of their way.

"Alright," she sighed. "But I don't remember where my room is. And is there any chance of some water to sponge off with?"

"I will show you your room and send a basin of water for you," Éowyn said with a smile. Meghan had the distinct feeling that she was being babysat, which was not a pleasant sensation at all. Still, she obediently followed Éowyn through the halls to a familiar looking door (even though all the doors looked the same) and waited patiently for her basin of water to be brought.

She was just about to pull off her filthy tunic when there was a rapping on the door. It was a serving woman, about forty or fifty years old, bearing a dark green dress in the Rohirric style. "M'lady Éowyn sent this for you," she said, dipping into a faint curtsey. "She also said you may not know how to wear it. Will you need any assistance?"

"No, thank you," Meghan said. For one thing, she had worn similar costumes before. For another, she had never really gotten used to changing in front of someone else. "I'll manage. But thanks, really."

The woman gently transferred the dress over to Meghan, who suddenly felt as though she was holding a baby. "Thank you, again," she said. "The dress is lovely. Will you convey my thanks to Éowyn?"

"Yes, milady." And, dropping into another short curtsey, the maid went out and shut the door.

Meghan stripped down to her skin and then scrubbed off so thoroughly that she turned pink all over. Then she dunked her head in the remaining water and washed her hair as best she could. The dress did prove to be a bit complicated, but soon enough she had laced herself into it, and even found a comb to run through her hair.

Now that she was clean and warm, a massive wave of drowsiness swept intoxicatingly over her. She gazed at the bed, contemplating the pros and cons of drifting off right then and there. It didn't take long for her to curl onto the bed and drag her cloak around her like a makeshift blanket.

The next thing she knew, there was a gentle rapping on the door. Meghan blinked, momentarily disorientated. She had the feeling that she'd just been interrupted from a dream, but she couldn't remember what it was about. She wadded up her cloak at the foot of the bed and went to the door.

The next thing she knew, there was a gentle rapping on the door. Meghan blinked, momentarily disoriented. She had the feeling that she's just been interrupted from a dream, but she couldn't remember what it was about. She wadded up her cloak at the foot of the bed and went to the door.

"Aragorn!" she said, surprised by her visitor. "You're back!"

He didn't actually look her in the eyes. Instead, he seemed transfixed by her hair. She reached up to touch it and felt an explosion of frizz.

"Heh," she said, frantically running her fingers through it in an attempt to tame the beast. "So, how was the fieldtrip to Saruman's? Is everybody back?" _Alright, so I'm technically asking about Legolas. How can I help it?_

"It was productive," Aragorn said. Now that she thought about it, he looked tired. Then again, he always looked tired. "Everyone returned safely, and the two Hobbits joined our company."

Meghan finally gave up on her hair. "Are they safe? I mean, healthy and stuff? Can I go see them?"

"They are resting. But I hoped I might speak with you on a rather personal matter. May I come in?"

_Oh my god. He's going to tell me that Legolas died on the trip to Saruman's. He fell off his horse and broke his neck. He was hit by a stray arrow. He developed a tangle and died of shame._

"Yes, yes of course," Meghan replied, opening the door wider and willing herself not to cry. Aragorn took the chair at her desk, and she folded her legs under her on the bed, Indian-style. He looked like he was choosing the right words to say.

"I have noticed that there is an increasing relationship between you and Legolas," he began.

Meghan almost choked on her own saliva. On the one hand, this was validation that she hadn't interpreted Legolas' actions through wishful thinking on her part. On the other hand, this was completely mortifying. It felt like the dean had caught her making out with a boy.

"Yeah… kinda…" was all she could muster as a reply.

Aragorn didn't exactly look comfortable with the situation, either. "And you have no family in this world. You are effectively alone."

"Yes." It came out as a squeak.

"I believe that it would be wise for you to have some sort of protector."

Meghan was simultaneously touched and horrified. She liked and respected Aragorn, but he was so somber all the time that she usually felt like an annoying cousin that had to be put up with, but not necessarily liked. Was he just offering because he thought she was too out of control to hold her own in a relationship? He had so many responsibilities already. He didn't need this.

"Um." She fudged for time to think. How could she gracefully say no, just so he would feel like he'd done his best but escaped any commitment? "Do you mean like you'd be sort of… my brother? Or… uncle?" He was old enough to be her father, but that was just too weird even to consider.

"In a way. It is customary for a woman to have some watching over her, even in the most benign courtship."

"OH MY GOD," Meghan practically gagged on her words. "No one said anything about _courtship_!"

He gave her a puzzled look. "Than there is no understanding between you and Legolas?"

She shook her head, her heart rate picking up. "No. He kissed my wrist and it was _dreamy_…" She grimaced. "Sorry. TMI. But no, he hasn't asked or anything."

Aragorn thought about it for a minute. "Though you are strange at times, Meghan, it is easy to forget that you are not familiar with Elvish customs despite having the body of an Elf."

Meghan scrambled to understand what he meant. _Oh yeah. Way back when I first landed here, I told them I was from the future and the gods sent me to help out on the mission. Yeah. Fat lot of good I've done so far._

"The Elves are immortal, and therefore do not hurry in many aspects of their lives. Legolas has not taken me into his confidences regarding this matter, but you should understand that some Elvish courtships have taken decades."

_Decades._

"Oh," Meghan said, sinking on the inside. "Yes, Aragorn, I think I would like a friend watching out for me."

He inclined his head in acceptance of this new burden to shoulder.

Meghan glanced out the window, partially because the silence was awkward and partially to decide how many more minutes of sunlight she had. "Aragorn… when are we? It was early spring back home when I left, and it feels kinda springy here. What day is it?"

"The sixth day of Súlimë," he replied.

"In… common speak?"

"The sixth day of the third month."

"Holy crap."

"Is something wrong?"

"It's my birthday today."

"Congratulations," Aragorn offered.

Meghan realized that Aragorn wasn't very good at saying happy birthday. She didn't mind. "Thanks. Oh! I just remembered! When is the party tonight? Um, I mean, celebration. Éowyn mentioned it earlier."

"I believe that it will begin soon," Aragorn said.

"I'm going to find Éowyn and see if she needs any help yet," Meghan said, standing up. "How's my hair? Still fuzzy?"

A pained expression crossed Aragorn's face as he rose and surveyed her head.

"Sorry, I won't ask you for opinions on hair." She tried to feel it with her hands, and she could tell that it was much less huge than before. "Okay. Well, see you there." She hurried out the door, sensing that he followed but peeled off in a different direction down the hall.

She couldn't find Éowyn, so after a few minutes she headed toward the main hall. Théoden was already making a serious speech, but she spotted the two Hobbits sitting near the back, so she tiptoed over to them and sat down.

-------------------------------------

Meghan knew the minute the beer and ale started flowing that she was going to have a problem. For one thing, she didn't drink alcohol. For another, everyone else was drinking alcohol.

"You've never had a pint?" Pippin asked, not bothering to conceal his astonishment.

"Nope," Meghan shook her head.

"But you said it's your birthday today," Merry said.

"You should try a pint," Pippin insisted. "Just one. If you hate it, give the rest to me."

Meghan laughed. "Alright. Just one! I promise I won't like it. Beer is gross."

They brought her a flagon just the same, and then watched her expectantly as she took her first sip. The taste immediately surprised her; she had been expecting an oaty, pungent flavor, but this was rangy and exotic. It was disgusting in a delicious sort of way.

"This is actually… _good_," she had to concede, taking another swig. It burned down her throat in a lovely way.

"Of course it is!" Pippin crowed. "Have another?"

"What?" Meghan glanced down at her mug and realized to her boundless disbelief that it was already empty and her mouth tingled. "Yes! Gimme nuther round."

* * *

**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will Meghan handle her ale? Will Legolas and Meghan actually start a courtship? Will it last for _decades__?_

* * *

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**MusicalSoul – **Bill the Pony plushie is yours, with all my warm fuzzies. The actual reason that I kept Meghan with Éowyn instead of gallivanting off with the guys is because was I _dead tired_ of writing the Isengard scene. I find it a little boring to begin with, and I have honest to goodness written so many fanfics (which will NEVER be posted because they are TERRIBLE) with that scene that something inside of me shuddered at the thought of writing it again. So, yes. Laziness, not originality. :)

**Queen Su – **The friendship between Meghan and Éowyn surprised me – I had an awful time writing Éowyn at first, but as the chapters kept coming, she got easier ­_and_ she started to like Meghan a little more. I think it's maybe a _tiny_ bit cliché for the heroine to become buddies with Éowyn, but oh well. It works, I think. :)

**Kyrie Twilight – **It is pronounced "pone" as far as I know. Then again, I'm about as lame as possible, so it's likely that all this time I've been pronouncing it wrong in my head.

**freakishlyobsessedwithmovies – **Ah! You flatter me! Meghan says thanks. :)

**Mariano's-twins – **I do. I want the world to know that I love you unconditionally. Hopefully this chapter allayed your intentions to kill me. Besides, if you killed me, who would write about Meghan?

**Kirika-Hime – **KA, hmm, haven't heard that one. I think we talked about it way months ago before I lost Meghan, but I love Varekai best.

**– **Ah, that's alright if you're not a Goth. Or an Emo. Or a Geek. I have no idea what your current username means, but it has a nice cadence.

**whedonist19 – **I watched Firefly the other day. (Just so you know.) I must rewatch Lord of the Rings! For one thing, I can hardly remember the details of Return of the King! Good thing I'm working off the script, because if I _wasn't_ there would have been a considerable plot hole in the next chapter. Y'all would have laughed and pointed.

**Valinor's Twilight – **My friend, if Legolas kissed my wrist, I would have fainted dead away. Right then and there.

**Lawlipop1031 – **Yay! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :)

**this-charming-girl – **Here's more! Sorry this one was kinda a cliffy, too. :(

**Echoing-Silence –** Please, please believe my story that Meghan ran away. And for the future, I am bribing her with chocolate truffles and Johnny Depp sightings. She should stick around for awhile.

**Miss Danax – **Thanks! :D

**PippinBaggins – **Oh, thank goodness you are sympathetic to my tardiness! Sorry this update took a little longer than I planned, my internet went down and I had out-of-town guests for two weekends in a row, plus I helped with a play at my local theatre! It's been crazy, but here's a new chapter just for y'all!

**Ringbearingreasergal – **-blushes- Really, the way you guys flatter me… it's a wonder my head doesn't swell so much it explodes. Please convey my apologies to your family, who woke up at your laughter at my story. (P.S. Write that cross-over, girl! Rock on! Also, Robert Pattinson is a fruity creep.)

**AnnabelleLee13194 – **Oh yes, Legolas can _definitely_ pull off the wrist-kiss.

**quivering quill – **Haha yes, Meghan isn't quite as bipolar as some Mary-Sues tend to be. And I can say that because I have _written_ bipolar Mary-Sues!

**InChrist-Billios – **Churrah for finishing that fic! Teehee, Barbie-warrior made me chortle.

**Eavis – **I updated! Whoo hoo! I am definitely bribing Meghan with chocolate. I let her use my TV, too. She wanted to catch up on Heroes.

**Temla – **Haha, you're my hero for reviewing twice! Seriously, you get a plushie of your choice for that. Rock on!

**Jousting Elf with a Sabre – **Do you like your new shortened hair? I went to a discount hair cuttery place and asked for layers, paid thirteen dollars for the best haircut of my entire life. It took an hair, but it looks glorious. So, um, now that I've rambled about my hair, I hope you love yours. :) I can totally relate to hectic weeks.

**Nach0MaN – **Haha, we probably have had that conversation before. I swear I have short-term memory loss. And as for "fly"… I dunno. I don't personally use it, but I hear it used a lot. Maybe it was kinda nerdy. Oh well. :) Oh, and I meant to ask… (and maybe I've asked before, but…) Is that a zero or the letter O? 'Cause I used a zero.

**X23 Maximoff – **Ha! I, too, am computer challenged. My dad is the geek-master, so I'm just like, "Daaaaad…" whenever something goes wrong with my compy. Thanks for your kind comments… and trust me. I am dead set on finishing this story.

**CrecentMoon – **Frosted Flakes win! I love it. Yay SC! I don't actually live there, but I've been a couple times and it's beautiful. :)

**NajaMoonshadow – **NAJA! I still shout than whenever you review. Seriously, if you ever change your username I will cry. (Seriously. I'll cry. A lot.) Your rambly reviews always crack me up even if they are a little late, and besides, I have NO room to talk about being late! I hope you get Internet soon!

**Yeaaa. – **I love you more. I promise I will never leave.

**Cathycalamitous – **Holy crap, you guys always astound me… 2 hours? You must be a speed reader! :) I salute you!

**prplesockerstar ­– **I always read your username purplerockstar until I actually type it out, and then I'm like, "Oooooh, it's socker!"

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**Author's Note 2.0: **In case anybody still remembered, the cameo appearance was Ana, which was requested by **boomworm97**.


	29. I Am Not So Think As You Drunk I Am

**Author's Note:** I dyed my hair red, so now I have a spitfire personality.

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"_You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." -Dean Martin_

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE** – _I Am Not So Think As You Drunk I Am_

Meghan was drunk.

He could tell by the way she was brandishing her flagon and demanding a free refill. The fact that she couldn't stand up straight was another indication. He pushed his way through the raucous crowd, cursing his inattentiveness. He should have known that she wouldn't last long – it just didn't occur to him that she would be ragingly intoxicated after a few pints. He himself was practically immune to the weak Rohirric ale, but apparently she was not.

Legolas caught her elbow before she toppled over. She fell against him and clung woozily to his shoulder.

"Hah-loo, Leg'las," Meghan slurred, poking him in the chest. She stared at her finger for a moment, then poked again. "You're very musc'lar."

"And you are intoxicated," Legolas replied. He turned her toward the door and gently compelled her to walk. They made it as far as the hallway before Meghan batted him away and stumbled against the wall, holding herself up by a candle votive.

"Tha's because I find you… _intoxicating,_" she cooed.

"Meghan, please. You are—"

"I know, 'm drunk." She staggered a few steps away from him. "I jes'wanna go sleep now. Leg'las, where's m'room?"

"This way," he said, gesturing down the hall and feeling enormously relieved that he wouldn't have to argue with her.

She nodded with a very serious expression, and promptly crumpled to the floor.

With a pitying sigh, Legolas knelt beside her. Pushing herself up into a sitting position, Meghan blinked around as if assessing the damage. "I fell…" she said tragically, then her eyes narrowed and she glared at him. "You tripped me!"

"I was nowhere near you."

"Hmm." Meghan's face crinkled into a look of intense contemplation. "Okay. Oh no! I forgot to say g'night to Gimli!"

"I am certain that he will not be offended," Legolas said soothingly.

"Really?" Meghan pushed a lock of hair out of her face with a shaky hand. "I wanna sleep now; can't you hurry up an' take me home?"

"I am trying," he muttered. He helped her to her feet, Meghan giggling all the way. "Can you walk?" he asked her.

" 'Course I can walk," Meghan announced, fluttering her hand dismissively. "That is very fresh of you, young man, to suggest otherwise." Pushing away from him again, she took a very wobbly step. She would have fallen again if he had not caught her.

"Meghan, I do not believe that it is wise for you to continue—"

"You talk like Shakespeare," she commented, clinging to his shirt. "That's kinda smexy."

Legolas felt a laugh in his throat at her ridiculousness. "You are not yourself, Meghan."

She considered this for a moment, then yielded. "You're right. I feel warm and buzzie. Like a bee, or sumfin. Sumfin." She tasted the last word, rolling it on her tongue. "I can't say it right. _Sumfin_. Tha's weird."

"Perhaps you are ready to return to your room?"

"Yes, please. I'm so sleepy."

"May I carry you?" He knew she couldn't walk a straight line to save her life.

"Are you asking me to dance?"

Without waiting for any kind of resistance, Legolas hefted her into his arms and strode down the hall. She sagged, resting her head on his shoulder. It only took him a few moments to get to her door, where her set her back onto her feet. She sank to the floor as he fumbled with the door latch.

When he looked back down, he saw tears running down her cheeks. "Meghan, what is wrong?" he asked, sitting on his heels.

She shook her head at first. "You'll think it's silly."

"Please tell me," he pleaded. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm so young!" she wailed. "I'm twenty today. You're so old, and you think I'm young and stupid. And I _am_ stupid. You could never, never love me because I'm too young. You'll just despise me because I'm…" Her words trailed into garbled tears.

"Meghan, look at me."

Her glassy gaze flittered everywhere but him.

"Meghan, _look_ at me." He put his hands on either side of her face and she finally met his eyes. "You _are_ very young." Fresh tears welled over her red rims. "But you are not stupid. You have grown so much. You have become… dear to me. Please do not cry."

She sniffed and used her sleeve to wipe away her tears. "Are you going to kiss me now?"

"I do not believe that would be appropriate," Legolas replied. "You are drunk and I will not take advantage of you."

"Okay," she resigned. "I'm going to sleep now."

"Goodnight, Meghan."

"G'night, Legolas."

She didn't move.

"Are you going to sleep in your bed?" Legolas asked after a moment.

"I don't wanna get up," she sighed.

Once again he maneuvered her into his arms. By the time he was in the door, she had fallen asleep. Her hair pooled in a tousled mess on her pillow when he lay on the bed and arranged her cloak around her to pass as a blanket. He smiled, brushing a strand of hair from her face.

"Sleep well," he murmured before he slipped out of the room.

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Meghan snapped awake to the stomach-curling sensation of being watched. It felt like she was just out of the direct gaze of a very, very inquisitive glare. Her heart clawing at her ribcage, she quickly glanced around the room and saw no one. But the sickening sensation remained.

As soon as her feet touched the floor, she realized that her boots were still on and that she had a slight headache. It also occurred to her that she didn't remember going to bed that night. But her skin was crawling and all she wanted to do was find human company. The very moment she opened her door and peered into the dark hallway, two man-sized figures came tearing past her room. The silver-blond hair gave away at least one of them as Legolas, and sudden panic joined the first feeling of surveillance.

She didn't even bother to grab her cloak as she bolted after them. She found that she couldn't quite keep her balance, and she almost tripped before she skidded through the door of the men's chamber. The whole room was awake, tense, and staring at Gandalf, who hunched over something. Meghan leaned against the doorframe, panting partially from lightheadedness and partially from relief that the crushing weight of scrutiny had somehow lifted.

"The city was burning—" Meghan could hear Pippin's frantic voice, and realized that he was talking to Gandalf.

"Minas Tirith? Is that what you saw?" Gandalf sounded sharp.

Meghan saw Aragorn's shoulders tense, and she tried to remember what Minas Tirith might mean to him. She didn't even know where Minas Tirith was.

Pippin was still speaking. "I saw… I saw _him!_ I can hear his voice in my head!"

"And what did you tell him? _Speak!_" Gandalf growled.

"He asked me my name… I didn't answer. He hurt me."

_Who are we talking about? Who's "he"? Pippin doesn't look hurt…_

"What did you tell him about Frodo and the Ring?"

A pause, and finally Pippin blurted, "Nothing. Aragorn took it away before I told him anything."

Meghan was practically bursting with questions, like, _What are we talking about? Is everything going to be okay? How much did I drink last night?_ but it didn't seem like the appropriate time to ask them.

Gandalf glared at Pippin for a moment longer, then sighed. "To bed, everyone. There is much to be done at first light."

All the men hastily moved back to their blankets. Gandalf himself moved a few feet away to a roughly spherical shape buried under a blanket, and wrapped it even more securely, grumbling the whole way. Meghan took the opportunity to lay a hand on Aragorn's arm.

"Are you okay?" she asked in an undertone.

"Yes," he replied, although he looked very sleep-deprived. "And you?"

"Just a little spooked. What happened? I don't understand."

He hesitated, then gestured for them to go outside the chamber. Once they had begun walking down the hallway, he continued. "While we were treating with Saruman, Pippin discovered a palantír."

"What's a palantír?"

"It is a seeing stone. There were eight forged before this age began, but most are ruined or lost. It seems that Saruman was using this particular palantír to communicate with the Dark Lord. When Pippin touched it the first time, it planted an itch to gaze into it. Though Pippin did not understand the danger, he did just that. The Dark Lord saw Pippin, and questioned him."

_Like a crystal ball. Oh man, those stories always turned out badly._ "And that's bad."

"Yes."

"Oh, Aragorn? What's Minas Tirith?"

Again, that tension. "It is the capitol city of Gondor. My homeland."

"You have a homeland? That's great, Aragorn! For some reason I thought you were kinda, you know, a gypsy nomad or something. What's Gondor like?"

"That is a topic for daylight," Aragorn said. "You need to rest. Your eyes are bloodshot." They had reached her room. Meghan could only tell it was hers because the door was ajar.

She remembered the horror of waking up alone with that terrible feeling that she now knew was the most evil creature in the entire world staring at someone close to her. "Would it be weird if I slept in the boys' room?"

"I believe it would cause a minor sensation if an Elf maiden shared quarters with half of the King's guard," Aragorn replied with the faintest smile. "Perhaps you could sleep in Lady Éowyn's quarters?"

"That's alright," Meghan sighed. "I guess I'd have to sleep on the floor either way. I'll stick to my room."

"We are just a little ways down the hall," Aragorn said.

Meghan nodded with a grateful smile. "Thanks, Aragorn. You make a great older brother type person."

"Sleep," Aragorn said. "As Gandalf said, the morning will be busy."

"G'night."

"Goodnight."

Meghan did not sleep well that night. At first, she left the door open in case she had to make another hasty exit. But then it seemed like shadows were creeping around in the hall, so she scurried over and shut it, then leapt back into her bed from several feet away on the off chance that any cold, clammy hands would grab her feet.

After that, she sat at the head of the bed with her knees drawn up to her chest, trying to shake the uneasiness that had settled over her. At long last, she drifted off to a fitful sleep.

The quiet movements of a maid woke her. Meghan jerked up and immediately regretted it. Not only was her headache worse, but she also had a crick in her neck from the odd angle she had been sleeping in. The maid smiled and set down a basin of water on the table.

"Lady Éowyn says good morning, miss," she said with a curtsey. "Will you need any help to dress?"

"Oh, no thanks," Meghan said, putting a hand on her throbbing forehead. "I do have a headache."

"You might try feverfew leaves, miss," the maid suggested helpfully. "I brought a dress and laid it out on the chair. Will that be all?"

"Yes, thanks," Meghan said although she had no intentions of wearing a dress that day and no idea was feverfew looked like. The maid dropped another curtsey and left.

By the time Meghan had wiggled out of her dress, found enough clean clothes to put together a decent outfit, and braided back her hair, the sun was peeping through her window. Her stomach grumbled, so she headed toward the Golden Hall, where she hoped a breakfast buffet might be waiting.

Sure enough, breakfast and almost all the principle people were gathered in the main hall. Gandalf apparently was recapping the events in the middle of the night for Théoden, and everyone else was listening grimly. A smallish table of light food stood off to the side, and Meghan quietly put two biscuits and a slice of cheese into the shallow bowls provided.

Pippin and Merry were both seated a few paces away from everyone else, so Meghan skirted around the company to join them. She sat down next to Pippin and held out a biscuit. "Hungry?" she asked quietly.

"No," he replied in a disconsolate tone. "I already ate, thanks."

_Wow, he really must be unhappy if he's not eating,_ Meghan thought. Her memories of the party were very blotchy after the first pint of ale, and the midnight scare seemed a little hazy, too. "Did you sleep much?"

"A bit," he said, then gave her a sidelong glance that had a bit of mischief in it. "You were pretty soused last night."

"Was it really bad?" Meghan wrinkled up her nose and thought about eating her breakfast. Even though her stomach felt empty, the mental picture of putting food into her mouth seemed unappealing. She was ragingly thirsty, though.

He shrugged. "At least you didn't bring it all back up. Legolas had to take you back to your room, at any rate."

"_WHAT?_" Meghan screeched loudly enough for everyone to turn and look at her. "Oh hey guys," she grinned uncomfortably. "Sorry."

Once everyone had focused their attention back on the more serious subject at hand, Meghan turned to Pippin and hissed, "What do you mean, he took me to my room?"

"Well, I wasn't really paying it much mind," Pippin said. "He had been having a bit of a drinking game with Gimli, I think. Once that finished, he came over and guided you out of the room. He looked a bit grim. I do remember that."

Meghan felt all the blood draining from her face. She snuck a furtive glimpse at Legolas, but he didn't look at her. He seemed to be engrossed in the discussion taking place, which Meghan tuned into.

"I will go," Aragorn was saying, his voice quiet and determined.

"No!" Gandalf interjected.

"They must be warned!" Aragorn insisted.

"They will be," the wizard said, then lowered his voice. Although he was speaking very softly, Meghan could still hear him. "You must come to Minas Tirith by another road. Follow the river. Look to the black ships." He addressed the entire room again. "Understand this: Things are now in motion that cannot be undone. I ride for Minas Tirith. And I won't be going alone."

His eyes fell on the Hobbits.

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**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will Meghan remember her first drunk night? Will Legolas ever loosen up? Will FebSong be able to think of a third question for this section?

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**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**Kikika-Hime - **Yeah, upon re-reading the previous chapter, I realized how short it felt, even though the wordcount was right up there with what normal chapters are. I have never heard of Yoko Shimomura, I'll have to youtube her! I... I am not smart enough to use torrent. I actually don't even know what that is. :(

**Habristiel-Cloth-Cutter - **You know, I always read reviews right when they first come in, and then some time later I actually sit down and write these shout-outs. Well, the first time I read your Elvish name, I kinda chuckled. The SECOND time I read it, just now, I burst out laughing! I don't know why it was funnier the second time, but seriously. Wow. That really cracked me up. P.S. I had to spell your name with two hyphens instead of one hyphen and one period because FF was throwing a fit. I honestly tried everything but it kept deleting your entire name. I have no idea why...?

**jadeprincess147 - **No no, that's not lame at all. For goodness sake, I don't update on a regular basis, so I'm not going to cry foul if y'all happen to miss reviewing a chapter. China sounds like it was wonderful, but I too would be craving American food! Glad you're safe and home in the states! :)

**NajaMoonshadow - **Naja! You rock. And yeah, if I was courting Legolas, the timetable would be a lot shorter. Like, a couple weeks. And...Seriously? A two hour drive... for me? Oh come on, 'fess up... You're AWESOME!!!

**CrecentMoon - **Haha, it would ruin Legolas' mystique if he ever got a tangle. I don't think I could really think of him the same way if he ever did....

**AnnabelleLee13194 - **Well. I know in the movie, it appeared the Legolas did not get drunk. And I know that I'm technically following movie-verse. BUT, in The Hobbit, those woodelves got completely soused. I mean, COMPLETELY. And Meghan's meant to be a super-lightweight, because I've read one-too-many MarySues wherein MarySue thrashes all the men in a drinking contest. So... that's my defense. :) Anyway, enough with that trivial matter. KARL URBAN!! You know, I am a classic Trekkie, and I was initially very concerned about action-star-Kiwi Karl Urban playing my beloved Southern gentleman. But the minute he opened his mouth in the film, I melted.

**whedonist19 - **Yay! I love to hear that I've made people laugh. I used to think that I couldn't write comedy, but look at me now! :) Just out of curiosity, have you been watching Dollhouse? I haven't, but I'm intrigued mostly because Joss is the creative genius behind it. Anyway, just wondering. :)

**EchoingSilence - **Good! That scene was meant to be awkward. Actually, reading it over, it just makes me laugh. :)

**Queen Su - **Princess Bride is possibly one of my favorite movies of all time... so I had to include a bit of a shout-out to it. :) I mean come on... Westley? Yes.

**Dragonrider Novera - **You know, I blame FF dot net for that... because it's not in my original document! Oh wells, hopefully it didn't detract too much from the chapter. :)

**Yeaaa. - **Whoo hoo! I hope you finish the story. You rock!

**Lady Wednesday - **Yes, yes, that is the question that plagues us all! How SHALL Legolas begin this courtship? And don't worry in the least, I'm not very good at writing reviews, either!! :)

**quivering quill - **Hmm, maybe I'm not as well read as I thought, but I don't think I've ever come across a fic wherein the beautiful heroine get drunk. Sorry a thousand times over if this chapter was a bit tedious or cliche... :(

**Temla - **A Hobbit plushie is all yours! Do you have a particular Hobbit in mind? Or perhaps just a background Hobbit? They are all so darn cute, anyway. :) You know, I love Aragorn and I keep wanting to write him into more scenes, but he always seems so busy that I just can't get ahold of him. :|

**Cathycalamitous - **Yes, this IS something a Legomance, although very different from most of the ones you've read, I hope. :) And of course I will talk to anyone who reviews... even if you're down at the bottom! :)

**Valinor's Twilight - **My friend, I don't have the patience to write a courtship lasting decades. I mean, that would get SOOOOO boring. ;)

**Musical Soul - **You know, Lord of the Rings is the first fandom I ever wrote fanfiction in... actually, I was writing fanfiction before I even know it existed. Then I discovered TORc and my life was changed. I mean, literally. It changed my life. From there it was a quick step to FF dot net, and I've never looked back. :) Anyway, that was a kind of random footnote. Yes, happy birthday to Meghan! It's something that I always forget to write in stories... that my characters are actually getting older. -rolls eyes-

**Song in the woods - **Thanks!!

**Eavis - **My friend! It would be an honor to refrain, and please forgive me if I offended you in the first place. I want to keep this story friendly for anyone who wants to read it. :) Meghan, henceforth, will be clean-mouthed. ;)

**amberhathaway -** Haha, I do love the sleep-talking part. My sister used to sleep-talk, and it always made me laugh, so that was the inspiration! :)

**Miss Danax -** Ah, I understand what it's like to have an epic amount of catching up to do... I went out of town for several weeks and when I got back, I felt overwhelmed!

**Jousting Elf with a Sabre - **Haha, I love that cats are your excuse for tardiness. :) I hope nothing went amiss.

**Dunthonwen - **Thanks for the double review! Yes. Lost is wildly confusing. Honestly, although I love the show dearly, I am relieved that the next season will be the last. I still have my fingers crossed that SOMEHOW everybody that died will come back to life... specifically Charlie. Speaking of Charlie, what the heck happened to Claire? She completely disappeared from the storyline for like, the second half of the fifth season. Whatever.

**Crirawen - **Oh my, what many reviews you have! Seriously, thank you for reviewing so many chapters. By the looks of things, you're up to chapter 22, but maybe you've caught up by now! :) Just so you know, the Pirates quote in chapter 7 was "You smell funny!" which is what Jack says to Norrington in the second film. :)

**Araloth the Random - **Oh my! "These last few days" sounds so... dreary! Like, "I'm going to die next week, but at least I got to read that strange awkward fic before I left this cruel world!" Haha, just kidding. :) Thanks for stopping by! P.S. Your icon! It made me laugh. I haven't seen that cartoon in years, and it brought back a lot of good memories. :)

**HighflyinJeffHardy - **Wow, thanks! It always astonishes me when people say they couldn't stop reading. Whenever I try to read this story all the way through, I get bored and quit! Anyway, thanks so much for the review! :)

**bookworm97 - **I kind of did wonder where you had drifted off to, but I'm glad you're back. It's scary business, leaving email unanswered. I usually end up so overwhelmed that I just delete them all. Yeah, I'm kind of a whimp. :)

**Twit 1 - **I gotta say, your unique username made me chuckle. Sorry about the long wait, life got pretty thoroughly in the way! Next time I will endeavor to conquer life sooner. Thanks for the review! :) P.S. Thank you for thanking Kiwi! She is the best!

**Futureauthoroffanfiction - **Tell your friend thanks for referring me! I am honored. :)

**tearlessnight - **Well, I don't know about that! I'm not familiar with the fandoms you've written in, but I'm sure you're an excellent writer. Thanks for the review!

**dunedain - **Dude, awesome smileys. :D

**InChrist-Billios - **Yes yes, I know it's the Fire Swamp, but Meghan is a forgetful creature... ;) Aragorn IS fabulous, but in the best sense of the word... no sparkles. No sir. Ha!

**priestesshelene - **Oh my! I hope you weren't in the hospital for anything too serious. And I'm sad to say that I rarely know what I'm doing in this story... but hopefully it will all work out. Get well soon! :)

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**Author's Note 2.0:** Soooo. When I first wrote this chapter, I forgot about the palantír and stuff. As I was preparing to send the chapter to ElvishKiwi, I had a vague feeling that something was missing. So I looked at my RotK script and almost passed out.


	30. The L Word

**Author's Note: **Since updating last time, I have gone through a family medical crisis (we're okay now), dyed my hair another color (it's black), watched all three seasons of _Avatar: the Last Airbender _(one word: Zutara), doubled my hours at work (I'm already sick of my job), and helped my friend get married (they are a beautiful couple). Make of all that what you will. :)

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**Disclaimer: **ElvishKiwi had nothing to say about this chapter, so if anything sucks… I blame her. :D

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"_No one is listening until you fart." -Author Unknown_

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**CHAPTER THIRTY** – _The L Word_

"What do you mean, you're leaving?" Meghan asked, trotting along beside Gandalf and trying to block the intense sunlight from stabbing her eyeballs. Gandalf's stride was so long, it took two or three of her own steps to keep up. The Hobbits were a few paces behind them.

"We must," he replied grimly.

"But why? Pippin and Merry just _got_ here. _Ah, _it's bright out here."

"The Dark Lord believes that Peregrin is the Ringbearer. It is for his own protection that he must away to Minas Tirith."

Meghan felt a chill in her bones. "Does that mean Pippin is Public Enemy Number One? At least… Orcish Enemy Number One?"

"It would seem so," Gandalf said, entering the stable and heading straight for Shadowfax's stall.

"Are you guys going to be alright?" Meghan asked, relieved at the shade inside, although the noises from the horses seemed unnaturally loud.

"I can promise nothing, Melethriel. I will do everything in my power to protect Peregrin."

"How far is Minas Tirith?" Pippin said.

"Three days' ride, as the Nazgûl flies, and you better hope we don't have one of those on our tail," Gandalf grumbled as he mounted the white horse and helped Pippin up in front of him.

"Here, something for the road," Merry said, handing up a package to his friend.

"The last of the Longbottom Leaf?" Pippin looked appalled and immensely grateful at the same time.

"I know you've run out. You smoke too much, Pip."

"But—but we'll see each other soon… won't we?"

"I don't know," Merry whimpered. "I don't know what's going to happen."

_Neither do I,_ Meghan thought in despair. Gandalf urged Shadowfax into a canter, and the stallion shot out of the stable like a rocket. Merry stared after them for a moment, then took off running out the door.

Meghan sighed and trudged in the same direction. It felt like the weight of the world was closing around her.

"Are you alright?" She knew that voice. Glancing up, she saw Legolas and Gimli watching her. Everything that Pippin has said about the previous night came flooding back. _You were drunk. He took you to your room._ She gazed into Legolas' blue eyes for a split second, then bolted for the door.

She didn't run very far. Once she was back out in the fresh air and sunshine, the brightness forced her to shade her eyes and slow to a walk. She saw Aragorn seated several yards away, facing the mountains. She marched over to join him.

He said nothing when she sat next to him and pulled her knees up to her chest. She was thankful that he had chosen a shady spot, even though the surrounding scene practically reflected the sunlight. They sat together in silence for some time, as Meghan tried to build up the courage to speak and Aragorn stared pensively at the mountain ridges.

Finally, he asked, "Is there something on your mind, Meghan? You are not often this quiet."

She opened her mouth, then shut it. _I am kind of a chatterbox._ But she really felt like she ought to tell Aragorn what she was worried about. So she lowered her voice to murmur and just blurted it out. "I think I slept with Legolas last night."

Aragorn froze, his pipe no longer puffing. Meghan cautiously peered over at him, trying to gauge his reaction. For the moment, it seemed that he was in a state of shock. Until she saw his lips twitching.

"Are you laughing at me?" she demanded.

Aragorn shook his head and turned his face away, but by now his shoulders were shaking, too. There was no hiding the fact that he was desperately trying not to laugh.

"Why are you laughing?" Meghan was genuinely upset. Aragorn offered to be her protector, and then laughed at the first sign of trouble?

"Forgive me, Meghan," he said, still chuckling. "I am afraid that I have offended you."

"Well, I'm being very serious."

"I apologize." He still had a smile playing with the corners of his mouth, but he put his pipe back to his lips and tried to look serious. "What are you concerns?"

"Well…" She searched for the best way to explain it. "I kind of got drunk last night. And I've never gotten drunk before, because I don't really like the taste of beer and stuff. But whatever they were serving actually tasted good… and I guess I'm kind of a lightweight. So I got drunk really fast. And apparently… Legolas took me back to my room. I don't remember any of it, though."

Aragorn nodded, now completely composed. "And you infer by the second-hand knowledge that Legolas escorted you to your chamber, that he somehow took advantage of you?"

It sounded a little silly, put that way.

"Well. Maybe he didn't take advantage of me, per se. I have no idea what kind of drunk I am. Maybe I convinced him because I was out of my right mind."

"Are you…" Aragorn trailed off, obviously rephrasing what he was going to say. "Did you see any evidence this morning to support your suspicions?"

Now that it occurred to her, it was fairly impossible for anything untoward to have happened the night before. She was a virgin – there would have been changes. A deep, crimson flush spread over her cheeks. "Please don't tell Legolas about this discussion. I think I've been a little hasty in my assumptions."

"I will forget about it altogether."

"You can laugh at me again, if you like."

He chuckled. "Perhaps now you understand why I laughed in the beginning."

"Yes."

There was a pause, and then Meghan burst out laughing. She almost immediately stopped, because it upset her headache. "Gosh, that was really dumb," she still giggled. "I mean, Legolas isn't that type of guy, anyway. Do you think I'm still a little drunk?"

"I am not aware of how much you imbibed last night," Aragorn replied. "I cannot guess if you are still under its effects."

"I don't think I'll ever drink again," Meghan sighed. "I don't like that I can't remember half a night."

"That can be an unpleasant result," Aragorn agreed. Now that the serious discussion had fizzled into nothing, he seemed preoccupied with those mountains again.

"So what are we looking at?" Meghan asked, following his gaze. She couldn't see anything particularly important about the mountaintops.

"There is a string of beacons across the mountains that border both Gondor and Rohan. The first of these beacons is in Minas Tirith. If they call for aid, we will see the beacon lit on that ridgeline."

"Would it be good or bad if that happens?"

He paused. "I do not know. But Théoden will not ride to Gondor's aid unless he is prompted."

"So it would be a good thing if the beacons light up," Meghan said. "Except it would mean that Gondor is in trouble."

"Yes."

Meghan remembered what she had overheard Gandalf muttering to Aragorn earlier. "Aragorn? What did Gandalf mean, about black ships and another road and stuff?"

He didn't look at her. "Gandalf often speaks in riddles."

"True," Meghan said. Aragorn obviously didn't want to talk about it, but she got the sense that he was keeping a terrible secret. She just didn't know how to pry it out of him, mostly because Aragorn wasn't exactly easy to pry.

They sat that way for some time more, quietly watching the mountains. Meghan found that she actually liked the smell of Aragorn's pipe smoke, and the feel of the sunlight through her clothes was warm and comfortable. _If I didn't have this headache_, she thought, _this would be kinda nice._

"Aragorn," she said in a whispery voice, because she felt guilty about pestering him for a third time. "Do you have any water to drink? I'm really thirsty."

He silently reached to his left side and handed her a water skin. She drank the whole thing in a couple long draughts. As she wiped her lips with the back of her hand, Aragorn leaned toward the mountains with a stare even more intent than before. All of a sudden, he took off like a shot.

It took Meghan a few moments to realize that a small, reddish glow had cropped up on one of the mountain peaks. _A beacon!_ And she leapt to her feet, prepared to race after Aragorn.

Until a wave of nausea swept over her.

She stumbled against the lean-to that they had been sitting under, clutching her head. After a moment, the dizziness passed, so she took a few cautious steps and found that her feet were still attached to her ankles. _Never. Drinking. Again. This is miserable,_ she groaned mentally as she trudged toward Meduseld.

She arrived just in time to get out of the way of a torrent of burly men that poured out of the front double doors like bees from a hive. Meghan pushed past them until she reached the blessed dimness of the inner hall. She caught Éowyn's sleeve before the blonde rushed away.

"Éowyn? I saw that the beacon lit up. What's happening?"

"My uncle will muster the Rohirrim to ride to Gondor's aid," Éowyn replied. Her voice practically glowed.

"So that means we're leaving?" Meghan asked.

"The _éored_ will assemble at Dunharrow, and it is tradition for the women of the court to farewell the men. But if you wish to stay, no one will fault you."

"Éowyn." Meghan shot her a look. "Do you really think I'm going to stay here and play house while you go off and have all the fun? Um, no. If I actually have a plausible excuse to go with the boys, I'm taking advantage of it."

"It _is_ tradition," Éowyn said with a grin that shone with camaraderie.

Meghan grinned right back. "I'll go pack."

"I will make certain that a horse is secured for you."

The two parted ways, both in considerably high spirits. Meghan felt almost giddy, knowing that the Rohirrim would help Minas Tirith. She didn't know much about Gondor, but it seemed important to Aragorn.

As soon as she got to her room she hastily threw her belongings into her rucksack. For a moment, she fingered the beautiful green dress that Éowyn had lent to her, but it was much too heavy to pack. She would have to bum another one off Éowyn the next time there was a party.

Slinging her cloak over her shoulders, she swept out of the room for the last time. The harsh sunlight stung her eyes as she walked out the front doors and toward the stable, but she soon reached the shadows cast by the stable.

The stable itself was a hotbed of activity. Every stall buzzed with horsemen preparing their mounts. Even so, Meghan easily spotted the smooth, sure movements of Legolas as he saddled Arod. She reached his stall just as he was tightening the horse's girth.

"Hey," she said with a lame wave.

"Are you feeling well?" He glanced up with the faintest twinkle in his eyes.

"Yeah," Meghan lied, nodding for emphasis. "So… how did tacking up go?"

"It went well," Legolas replied evenly. "I prefer to ride bareback, but it is more convenient to have a saddle."

"Doesn't your butt get sweaty?"

"…Excuse me?"

"I mean, you know, it's kinda hot, and the horse is hot, and you're hot, and hot kind of makes sweat…" _Is there a way to resolve this statement without sounding perverted? No, not really._ "…And you know, you're in contact with the horse for hours… I would get sweaty."

They looked at each other for several seconds.

"You know, let's just pretend I never said that."

"As you wish, Lady Meghan."

_He said it. The L word. The wrong L word._ To mask her despair, Meghan changed the subject. "So… Gimli. I guess he's riding with you?"

"Yes. Although I will confess that I almost expected him to ask Lady Éowyn for the use of her horse again."

"He's one smooth talker. I think he prefers the blondes." A horrifying implication occurred to Meghan. "Oh no no no, but not you. I'm not saying he prefers _you_ or anything." She grimaced. "You know, let's just pretend I didn't say that, either. I think there might still be a little alcohol in my system because I normally don't say stupid things like this. Actually, I do, but not in such quick succession—"

"Your horse is over there," Legolas interrupted, nodding at a stall diagonally across from them. "Perhaps you would like to become acquainted with it before we begin the ride to Dunharrow."

"O-okay." Meghan nodded. _Please just kill me now._

Legolas led the way to the stall that he had nodded toward, and reached over the partition to lay a hand on the horse's withers. "Lady Éowyn did not have the time to tell me the name of your mount," he said. "If I understood correctly, he was, at one time, a training horse for her."

"Is it a he or a she?" Meghan was not about to bend down and check this horse out.

"A gelding."

Meghan looked the horse in the eye, trying to project her helpless pleading for mercy into its horsey mind. _Please don't hurt me. I haven't ridden very much, and usually when I ride I have shoulders to hold onto. It's just you and me, Seabiscuit._

The sorrel huffed a lazy sigh.

"Mmkay, thanks," Meghan said to Legolas. She still found it hard to meet his eyes, because she was certain that hers burned with questions. _What happened last night?_ "I think we're good from here."

"If you experience any difficulty, do not hesitate to ask," he said. He took her hand and kissed it, just the knuckles this time. Still, her breath snagged on her windpipes as he dropped her hand and strode away.

"Oh Seabiscuit," she breathed, hardly able to tear her eyes off Legolas' back. "I may never wash my hand again."

Seabiscuit snorted.

* * *

**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will Gimli actually say anything in this story? Will Meghan actually be able to ride without Legolas? Will she ever learn what happened last night?

* * *

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

**silverrain1312 - **Don't worry about not reviewing! :) I know life gets crazy. Sometimes it's all I can do to keep my head above the water. I would love to see Legolas in A Midsummer Night's Dream...

**MusicalSoul - **Ha, you saying "sumfin" cracked me up. I was really worried about the drunk scene with Meghan, because that's just not really my thing so I didn't know if it was really coming off right. Thanks for the kind words -- and sorry it took so long to update this time. Hope you're well! :)

**AnnabelleLee13194 - **I kind of wonder if being an Elf would help her not barf? Plus she pukes ALL THE TIME. I mean, I was getting tired of her constantly upchucking. :)

**Ringbearingreasergal - **She HAD to get drunk. I had planned that chapter right since the beginning -- it was literally what got me writing the rest of it. I mean, once I started, things pretty much got a life of their own, but I so badly wanted to have a character that would get totally soused in Rohan. Sad, but true. Meghan's origin's are very humble. :D

**PippinBaggins - **Aw, thanks so much!! :)

**Valinor's Twilight - **Thank you so much!

**Song in the woods - **That's right... you'll just have to keep reading. ;)

**EchoingSilence - **YOU. HAVE JUST. MADE. MY. LIFE. I don't know what book series you were reading, but fer realz. Meghan is more exciting than a published book? Can I get a whoot whoot!

**Liliesshadow - **Another reviewer mentioned that a lot of fanficcers make their OCs get drunk, but I've only ever read of one other instance. Of course, I haven't read scads and scads of fanfiction, so maybe I'm just uneducated. :)

**PriestessHelene - **Yay! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. :) Again, sorry it's taking me so long to update each time. :(

**Jousting Elf with a Sabre - **I hope you get your cat back soon! Although, -insert shame here- it's been so long since I updated that she's probably back from your sister's. And yes, Legolas is quite the gentleelf, which looks really hard to pronounce if you're not sure what it means. :S

**Araloth the Random - **I hope midterms went well! Although... are you across the seas? They call midterms something else over there, don't they? I am hopelessly American sometimes. Although I have slowly -- PAINFULLY -- learned to distinguish some of the various english accents from each other. Whenever I speak to a someone with an accent, I literally pounce on them and demand to know exactly where they are from... down to the county.

**Miss Danax - **Thanks much! :)

**Yeaaa. - **Here, here! :D

**Habristiel-Cloth-Cutter - **Meghan is lucky... except she is so clueless she has no idea. P.S. Let's see if FF lets me enter your name correctly this time... Nope. Still deletes it.

**propertyofjensenackles - **Okay... I have to ask. Who is Jensen Ackles? (Did I separate that correctly? For all I know it could be Jen Sen Ackles. Or Jense Nackles. Or something.)

**Eavis - **Wow. You have an epic Elvish name. I think it took me two or three solid minutes to figure out how to pronounce it. :D

**Mariano's-twins - **Oh, you two. I love you more.

**Kyrie Twilight - **Ha, your review made me laugh! I will NEVER abandon this story. I know it seems like I do sometimes -- you know, with the whole "Two months in between every chapter" thing, but I pinky promise that this story WILL END properly. Unless, you know, I die or something. As for the chapters, I have a fairly detailed idea of what I want the storyline to be, but I don't plan each chapter. I just tell the story for about 2,200ish words and then try to cap it off for the next chapter. :)

**whedonist19 - **Whoo! You caught the Kaylee quote in the last chapter. I secretly quote Firefly a lot in real life, but almost no one ever notices. Thanks for the review!! :D

**Queen Su - **Sorry if Meghan's drunk scene offended you. :( I try to keep this story clean and family-friendly. I hope you'll keep reading!

**Temla - **A Pippin plushie is all yours! Aragorn is becoming much more involved in this story... I was surprised and delighted that he did! I've always had an incredibly difficult time writing Aragorn, probably because he's one of my very favoritest characters in the trilogy and I'm afraid to mess him up. But he's coming a little more easily now. :)

**Tacos - **MeGHan (you know, with the gh) is simply the best way to spell the name. :) I've never actually met anyone that spells it that way -- but I think it's the prettiest. :)

**rachelalexandra - **I feel so honored that you wrote that amazing review for me!!! I love it. Let me try to respond to some of it. I'm going to number it, because I was homeschooled and I believe in organization: 1) I haven't seen True Blood. I keep thinking that I maybe ought to catch up on it, and maybe someday I will, but I'm so mind-numbingly busy at work right now it's all I can do to keep breathing. I am, however, watching Vampire Diaries -- which I'm partially ashamed about, because it's actually lamer than Twilight, but I watch it just for Damon. If you've never seen it, just check out an episode and you'll know what I'm talking about. ;) 2) Bologna: Basically imagine a huge hot dog, like five inches diameter, sliced thinly. That is bologna. And it is straight up delicious when pan fried. 3) I cannot figure out Brad Pitt's Army Mentality. Help? Also. I am actually secretly in love with Zac Efron. I just think Meghan would probably bash him. 4) Nineties music is nothing to be shifty about. I've had a crush on every single one of the Backstreet Boys. 5) Gimli will be making more appearances in the coming chapters. :) 6) Meghan has actually been becoming LESS knowledgeable as the series goes on. That's because she watched the first movie but fell asleep about half-way through, so obviously she missed a lot of the important action. And she hasn't seen the second two movies OR read the books at all, so anything that she knows came from her two psychotic friends arguing about whether Aragorn or Legolas is hotter. So she probably remembers some of the dramatic shots, like Legolas shield-surfing or Aragorn's coronation, because those are references that her friends would make. ("OMG Legolas was so hawt when he killed that Oliphaunt" or whatever.) By this point, she knows next to nothing about the plot, but she's so involved with the characters and the story that she doesn't notice how little she knows. 8) I think it's eight... maybe I lost count. :) Anyway, THANKS SUPER MUCH for the awesome review!! :D

**aries200 - **:( Sorry it took me this long. I hope you enjoyed!

**ButterflyArtist - **When I first read your new username, I thought it was "Butterfly Angst" and I thought... _Butterflies can angst? What would they angst about? "Aw man... no more pollen on that flower. I'm gonna go rub the velvet off my wings as my tears run like a river of blood."_ (See? This is why I don't write angst.) Then I realized how wrong I was and chortled at my lame eyesight. :D

**NajaMoonshadow - **NAJA! Yay for dormlife... gotta love it. Are you in a single or do you have a roommate?

**Xaja Silversheen - **Aw, yay! Thanks for reviewing. :D

**ChristinaAngel - **Whoo hoo! First LotR fanfic! Careful, you might get hooked to the fandom. :)

**Dunthonwen - **I think I will keel over and die of happiness if Lost brings back all their dead characters. FOR REAL. I will dance and holler and generally make a fool of myself in the living room. I watch Vamp Diaires, too! Like I said above, I pretty much stick around for Damon (the rest of the plot is just kind of... boring to me) because he is awesomeness. And don't worry about the late review... I am a late updater.

**Oshima zakura - **Sleeptalker!Meghan and drunk!Meghan are pretty similar! Here's an update. :)

**LOTRluver911 - **Thanks so much for reading through the whole thing! :D

* * *

**So… I'm curious. Where are y'all from? I'm not asking for an address (I understand the need of internet safety) but just a general idea. American Midwest? England? Botswana? Let me know in your review. Because… you know you want to review. :Dx1 (That is a thumbs up smiley.)**


	31. Boy Advice

**Author's Note:** What can I say? Life has been crazy. And truth be told, real life is much more important than fanfic life… although it's usually much more fun here. :) I could tell y'all everything that's happened to keep me away from this fic, but the description would end up longer than this chapter. I am honestly gobsmacked that anyone is still finding this story and reading! So… if you're still reading, this chapter is dedicated to you!

**Disclaimer:** ElvishKiwi is a MIA - I do believe she's busier than I am. So this chapter was not beta'ed! :(

* * *

"_The dictionary is a great book: it hasn't much plot, but the author's vocabulary is wonderful." -Bill Nye_

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE** – _Boy Advice_

Meghan was the last one in the stable.

She had delayed the inevitable until everyone else had gone out, and now she was in a panic that they had all ridden off without her. But the fact of the matter remained; she didn't know how to mount a horse. Legolas had always helped her up, and now she stared at the insurmountably tall hulk of horseflesh standing placidly in the stall.

"How did Éowyn ever get onto you?" Meghan whispered. "You're enormous."

"Meghan?"

She turned to see Merry standing in the doorway of the stable, wearing a quizzical expression.

"Are you coming? I think the King will leave in a few moments," he said.

"Oh _no_," Meghan groaned. "Are they all waiting for me? Maybe I _should_ just stay here."

Merry frowned. "You want to stay behind?" The way he said it made it sound like the worst idea Meghan ever had.

"_No_," Meghan huffed, crossing her arms. "I just don't want to mount this foothill."

"Is that all?" Merry's whole demeanor changed. Now, he stepped forward with an eager spring and surveyed the situation. "It can't be that bad. I will tell you a bit of secret," he leaned forward conspiratorially, "but there was a time when I wasn't too keen on riding, myself. Do you trust me?"

"Um. Yes?"

"Here, use the rail like a mounting post. Just climb up, and I'll keep your horse close enough to mount. Like this, come on."

Grudgingly, Meghan saw that his plan would work, provided that he kept the horse still. Which seemed impossible, considering the fact that he was about a tithe of Seabiscuit's size. But he nodded confidently at her, and there was nothing for it but to clamber up on the railing.

She took one breath to steady her nerves, and then blindly flung herself onto Seabiscuit's broad back. Immediately, she was surprised that he did not buck her off. Secondly, she realized that she was draped over the saddle instead of actually _sitting_ in it.

"That's a start," Merry said. He looked impossibly small from this angle.

With a grunt or two, Meghan wriggled around to a sitting position. "This is practically hopeless," she sighed, looking down at the reins. "I have no skills with a horse. I mean, I can't even get it to go the way I want it to."

"Don't worry," Merry dismissively waved at her fears. "Once a horse gets with other horses, it will just follow the herd. You don't even need to guide it."

"Oh. Well, that's a relief. Do you think you could pretend to be a horse so that Seabiscuit will follow you outside?"

He laughed. "I'll just lead him."

It was ridiculous, really. Merry was small enough to walk under Seabiscuit's belly if he ducked, and here he was leading the massive horse out of the stable. And once they got outside, he went to a small pony that could only have been a third of Seabiscuit's size, and calmly mounted it.

Meghan felt a pang of loneliness as she watched Merry walk away. She already missed Pippin's steadfast cheerfulness, and while Merry was much more serious, he was still quietly comforting just by being a Hobbit. Now she was alone in a crowd of men. Even Éowyn was out of sight.

She expected Théoden to give a rousing war speech and then majestically gallop off into to battle with his soldiers thundering after him, but instead there seemed to be an unspoken "let's go" and they all nudged their horses into a sedate walk.

Except Seabiscuit didn't move.

"Um," Meghan said as streams of Rohirrim flowed by her. "Go. Onward. _Away._ Yip yip!" She noticed Aragorn guiding his horse toward her, and she desperately lowered her voice to an urgent whisper. "Come on, Seabiscuit. Let's go. I'm trying _not_ to look helpless here."

"That is a training horse," Aragorn said. "They are taught not to move without the proper cues from the rider. Most horses will simply follow the herd."

"Oh," Meghan said. "What are the proper cues?"

"Squeeze with your knees."

Meghan tried it, and Seabiscuit heaved a sigh and began a lazy walk in the same general direction as everyone else. Aragorn brought his mount alongside Meghan.

"That's a stupid cue," she griped. "What if my horse is going too fast, and I'm trying to hold on, but my knees are just telling the horse to go faster!"

"Horsemanship is a complex study," Aragorn replied evenly. "Perhaps there will be time for you to learn more."

"Just like swordsmanship and archery, right? Because I was _sooo_ good at those," Meghan said.

"As I understand it, Legolas implied that you were improving with a bow."

"He was being nice," Meghan groaned. "He's always _nice_ about me. I wasn't improving, Aragorn – I was probably getting _worse_."

Meghan suddenly remembered her original misgivings about burdening Aragorn, and a wave of regret washed over her. She was just about to apologize for ranting, when he spoke.

"Do you feel inferior to Legolas?" he asked.

"Have you _seen_ the guy? He's gorgeous. He looks like a _model_, except not so weird… even though I practically said he was interested in _horses_ of all things. He's prettier and more graceful and nicer and smarter and just plain _more awesome_ at everything. He even has longer hair than I do!" She mournfully reached up and touched her short hair, once again cursing herself for cutting it. "I never say the right thing. I'm klutzy and immature and loud. It sometime feels like I'm Legolas' charity case. OH NO!"

Aragorn tensed. "What is it?"

"I wasn't going to unburden on you," Meghan said. "I'm sorry, Aragorn. You are so busy and preoccupied, and it's selfish of me to ramble about my pathetic insecurities."

His face softened. "Meghan, I assure you that I am willing to listen to your concerns. I knew when I offered my involvement that you may wish to talk, and now that Pippin is gone your number of confidantes has lessened. As to what you said regarding Legolas, do not be overly troubled. Granted, you are not very skilled in weaponry, but you have had very little time to learn. It takes years to become proficient. Truthfully, I did not immediately take to the sword. I nearly took off Elrohir's arm at the elbow when I was first learning."

Meghan chuckled. "Who's Elrohir?"

"Lord Elrond's younger son," Aragorn replied. "He has a twin, Elladan, who is not ten minutes his senior. And he will not let Elrohir forget it." He had a faraway look, but the kind that is quiet and happy.

"Did you grow up with them?"

"I grew up in their company, yes, but they were full-grown long before my birth. They were my mentors when I was a child; now they are my brothers."

"I guess you miss them a lot," Meghan said.

He gave her a wry look. "You were distressed about sharing your troubles, and now you have led me into talking about my youth. Do not think your crafty conversation escaped my notice."

"You're not the only one who can listen," Meghan smirked. "Almost everybody likes to talk about when they were kiddies."

"That was kind of you," Aragorn said, inclining his head. "I will return the favor and revisit the subject of Legolas. I do not claim to be particularly perceptive about relationships, but I will venture to say that you should speak with him honestly."

Meghan nodded. "You're probably right. Thanks, Aragorn. You're kind of like the Doctor Phil of this place."

"Who is Doctor Phil?"

"Lord Aragorn!" A horseman rode up, looking very official. "Théoden King bid me find you. He wishes to speak with you."

"Excuse me, Meghan," Aragorn said. "Perhaps you can tell me about this Doctor Phil some other time."

"Sure," Meghan nodded with absolutely no intention of explaining Dr. Phil. Aragorn nodded once and then guided his horse toward the front of the column.

Even though he had suggested that she talk to Legolas, Meghan did not feel like talking to _anyone_, let alone a gorgeous blond. So she settled in for a long, uncomfortable, boring ride.

By the time they arrived at the encampment, the sky had grayed over in chalky, sullen clouds. Meghan felt like it reflected her mood – dreary and ready to cry. She slid off Seabiscuit's back and rubbed her shoulders, sore after hours hunched in the saddle.

"My lady? I was told to bring your horse to the picket lines," a voice said. Meghan turned to see a scruffy, haggard-looking man standing several feet away from her, staring at the ground.

_Seriously, picket signs? _"What? Is there a protest or something?" she asked, baffled.

"N-no, my lady, but we are at war—" He was obviously getting more and more tense, the longer he had to talk with her. "Lady Éowyn instructed me to fetch your horse and bring it to the picket lines."

"Okay," Meghan nodded slowly, still not sure what was going on and why the man was so edgy. She obediently handed over her reins and watched the man hastily beat a retreat, almost dragging Seabiscuit behind him. He veered a wide path around Gimli, who was heading in Meghan's direction.

"Speaking to an Elf makes these Rohirrim uneasy," came the Dwarf's gruff greeting. "And rightly, too. A bewitching folk, Elves."

Meghan didn't know if he meant it as a compliment or an insult, but he didn't give her the time to decide.

"Come," he grunted. "The Halfling asked after you, and since your Princeling is fussing and coddling the horse, I came to find you. I'm hungry."

"Me too," Meghan realized.

Gimli didn't say anything more, just turned around and trudged back the way he came. Meghan followed, having nowhere else to go. She had no idea where she would sleep that night, or where Gimli expected to find any food, but he was a familiar face in a sea of strangers, and he was the closest thing to a friend she could see.

_If it really came down to it,_ she wondered, _would I get out of bed at three in the morning to help him change a flat tire? Well, no, because all the wheels here are wooden. But would I?_

The Dwarf gave her a sideways glance. "I noticed that you and the Elf are not speaking." He rumbled under his breath. "Ridiculous, the way you tiptoe around each other."

"Excuse me?" Meghan froze stock-still, too horrified to continue walking. First Aragorn and now _Gimli_? Would the ignominy never end?

"If you want my advice," Gimli turned around and leaned on his ax, as if he had been taking wayward Elvish couples under his wing for decades, "you should be more assertive. Dwarf women chose their own mates."

Meghan grasped at the straws of her sanity. "But I'm not a Dwarf…!" was all she could manage.

"True," Gimli grunted. "But that Elf has preposterous ideals about honor and virtue and twaddle like that. If you stand back and wait for him to initiate, he will kill you with kindness."

_Killing me softly with his song,_ Meghan thought, and batted the lyric away. "Aragorn said almost the same thing, just phrased way differently… did he put you up to this?"

"No," Gimli snorted. "I find your courtship dance with the Princeling to be tedious and exasperating. I am trying to speed things along for my own peace of mind." Here he leaned forward with a very foreboding look in his eyes. "Furthermore, I know that Aragorn has taken you under his protection. You should know that Legolas is under _mine._" And with that, he turned and continued to trudge toward the center of camp.

Meghan gaped after him. Did he just tell her to make the first move and then _threaten_ her? This was all too surreal. He did have a point, though. Legolas was _such_ a gentleman. The big first step in their relationship had been a dropping the formal "lady" from her name, which he promptly reinstated after a night that Meghan couldn't even remember.

_So the first move is up to me?_

* * *

**COMING NEXT TIME!**

Will Meghan make the first move? Will the courtship dance progress? Will Gimli attack Meghan?

* * *

**SHOUT-OUTS!**

Since it's been so long since I've updated, I decided to opt out of doing individual shout-outs. But I love you all very much! Thanks for telling me where y'all are from, it was so interesting! (Um… that sound of sounded stalkerish, rest assured that I am not coming after any of you!) Please humor me and give me an update about how you are all doing! I have genuinely missed you all. :)

* * *

**P.S…**

Brownie points to anybody that recognized the Appa reference…


	32. Li Li Liberty Walk

**Author's Note:** I am a wretched ficcer, I know. -dodges stones-

**Author's Note 2: **Ten thousand thanks to MusicalSoul who has agreed to become my new beta! -cheers-

**Trivia:** Sometimes I write bits and bobs of this story in my notebook, but I am so shy that I don't want people to know I write LotR fanfics. So JUST IN CASE someone creeps through my notebook, I have given everyone secret codenames. Leo, Greg, Erin, Aaron, Evan, and Theodore are the most popular right now. Bonus points to anyone who properly matches everybody up.

**Disclaimer: **I may or may not have written this chapter under the influence of Miley Cyrus.

* * *

_Super Brief Recap: They've all arrived at Dunharrow. Things are awkward, as usual._

_

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_

**CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO**_ – __Li-Li-Liberty Walk_

The sight of Éomer was enough to stop Meghan in her tracks. Gimli didn't seem phased in the least; he solidly thumped Éomer's arm and grunted a question about food. Éomer nodded toward a column of wispy, white smoke and walloped Gimli on the back, which was apparently man-code for extreme approval instead of hostility, because the dwarf didn't fight back.

Meghan was more than happy to give Éomer a wide berth, just in case he decided to approve of her, too. As they passed each other, he glowered and rumbled, "My sister inquired after you." He didn't even stop walking, just strode away without waiting for any reply.

_He is so scary,_ Meghan thought, rather awed. _I'm glad we're on the same side. Sort of_.

Gimli had already disappeared, presumably homing in on a hot meal. Meghan decided to head toward the smoke that Éomer had pointed at. _Maybe Éowyn is there. Maybe… _he's _there. _

Thinking about Legolas just made her stomach flip. _This is so dumb. Be a man, Legolas. If you want to talk to me, then talk to me!_ She scowled and kicked at a rock that was in her path.

"Are you well, Lady Meghan?"

She almost had a heart-attack, right then and there. He had appeared out of nowhere and fallen neatly into step beside her. "How long have you been walking with me?" she gasped, wishing she could regulate her heart rate.

"Just a few paces." He gave her a long look, but his face was so composed that she couldn't tell what he was thinking. "When Gimli returned alone, I decided to look for you myself. I thought you might be hungry. Has anyone prepared a tent for you?"

"I don't think so. I guess I'm rooming with Éowyn."

He nodded and said no more. Meghan desperately wanted to fill the silence, but couldn't find the words. They kept walking, his long steps setting the tempo. "Legolas," she finally blurted out. "Last night. After I drank so much." It seemed like eons ago after that dreadfully long ride, but it was all she could think about.

"You were disoriented," he said, looking straight ahead, something playing on the corners of his eyes.

_Is that a smile?_

"Yes. Um. I've never gotten drunk before."

He stopped and put a hand on her arm, asking with gentle pressure for her to stop. "Meghan. I can see that something is upsetting you. What is it?"

_Meghan?_ "Nothing," she lied. _Everything. You are so frickin confusing. Why can't you just be straightforward?_

"I am not so easily fooled," he said. "You are a woman, and therefore there is always _something_ wrong."

Meghan practically felt her blood pressure double. "Ex_cuse_ me?"

For the barest second, she thought she could see panic in his eyes. "I simply meant—" He looked confused, then resigned. "You are right. That was unkind of me. Of course there is nothing wrong." He started walking again.

"Legolas, wait," Meghan said, hurrying after him. He slowed down but did not stop. "Actually, _you_ were right," she said. "There is something wrong, sort of. It's just that I'm confused. You're kind of sending mixed messages. I can't tell if you l—"

She wasn't sure how it happened, but one second she was walking and the next she was flat on the ground, face squashed against a grimy shock of grass. She was so stunned that she helplessly gaped for words.

She felt a hand on her back. "Are you alright?" Legolas asked.

"How did that happen?" she said, still dazed.

"You tripped over that stone," he replied.

_Darn him, he's trying not to laugh!_ Meghan pushed herself up to sit on her knees. Legolas was kneeling next to her. "Stupid rock," she growled, and dusted herself off. He stood, offering her hand.

"Sorry," she said once she was on her feet again. "I can't believe I just face-planted."

"That is alright," he said in an even tone. "Many women have fallen at my feet." Again, there was that something of a smile around his eyes.

Meghan didn't have the faintest idea of how to react. She felt like her entire reality was crumbling down around her. First Gimli told her to make the first move, and now Legolas was making bad jokes. He was normally so composed and collected, not a bad joke teller. He hardly even _told_ jokes. It was like he had gone crazy.

_Or he's nervous?_

The thought was reassuring, in a way, and she cracked a smile. That seemed to break the sudden tension that had risen in the pause while she was thinking, and they continued to walk in silence.

"Meghan!"

She turned at the sound and saw Éowyn walking toward her. "Hey Éowyn."

"I have been looking for you." Éowyn always had an air of busyness about her, but it seemed like she was even more occupied than normal. "The messenger I sent was to show you the way to your tent, but he misunderstood his instructions. If you are not otherwise engaged…" She trailed off, suddenly noticing Legolas. "Westu hal, Legolas."

Meghan turned back to him and he inclined his head to both women. "Westu hal, Lady Éowyn," he said.

"I'm not otherwise engaged," Meghan said, torn. Éowyn looked like she could use a friend, but things were just getting comfortable with Legolas again! _Sisters before misters,_ Meghan consoled herself.

"I will take my leave," Legolas said. He took her hand in his and kissed her knuckles, then gently squeezed her fingers and walked away. Meghan stared after him. _How does he do that?_ She schooled her mind back to the task at hand: cheering up Éowyn.

"So how was the ride here?" she asked, forcing her voice to be upbeat.

Éowyn gestured for Meghan to walk with her. "Your tent is this way, beside mine. The ride seemed brief, but I have much on my mind." It sounded like Éowyn was pushing herself to be positive, too.

"Want to talk about any of it?" Meghan asked.

"I fear that I would bore you," Éowyn said with a weak laugh. She seemed relieved to change the subject by pointing to a smallish, unmarked tent. "Here is your tent. Mine is directly to the left. If you will excuse me, I have many matters to address." With that, she hurried away.

_It must be about Aragorn. She's probably just as confused as I am. But it's not fair because I know she doesn't end up with him. Whoever this Arwen is, she better be awesome because Aragorn is kind of dumb for turning Éowyn down._

Now that it occurred to her, she wondered if Aragorn even knew that Éowyn was interested. He was so concentrated on the war, on protecting and serving those around him, that he might be completely blind in that one place. Meghan wished she had dropped a few hints. Who said she couldn't be his protector, too?

Dusk was starting to fall. Even though Meghan was hungry, she decided to just nibble on some dried food from her pack and then try to sleep.

* * *

"Is it true that pompous Elf Lord is in the camp?"

"Keep your voice low, Gimli, unless you mean to wake half the company."

The voices of Gimli and Legolas floated into Meghan's dreamscape. Judging by the tromp of Gimli's boots, they were walking by her tent. It was harder to hear Legolas because he spoke much more quietly. "I believe Lord Elrond means for Aragorn to take the Paths of the Dead. He must not go alone."

"Are you not going to tell the girl?"

Legolas' voice was starting to fade into the distance. "The Paths are no place for her. She will be safe if she stays with Lady Éowyn…"

Meghan drifted awake. Paths of the Dead? That sounded awful, and gross. The sleep fog began to lift. Paths of the Dead. They were leaving. Even worse, they were leaving her behind.

She bolted out of the tent. The silvery moonlight lit up the camp, but she couldn't see Legolas and Gimli anywhere. In a panic, she swatted open the flap of Éowyn's tent.

"Éowyn!" Meghan hissed, and a pale shape sat up from the blanket roll.

"What is it?" she sounded tired, but alert.

"What are the Paths of the Dead? Where are they?"

Éowyn instantly became hyper-focused. She moved closer to Meghan. "Speak those words softly. Why do you ask of the Dimholt road?"

"Because Legolas and Gimli were talking about them, about Aragorn going there. What _are_ they?"

"A place of great evil." She looked shaken and grave. "This is foolishness. I must go." She darted away, and Meghan thought she could see tears beginning in Éowyn's eyes as she went.

Meghan felt like crying, too, except it was out of anger. _They can't just ditch me here,_ she thought. _I want to help!_

She heard a soft sound like hooves on dirt, and a horse's questioning whicker. Then Legolas himself appeared around the side of a tent, leading Arod.

"Legolas!" Meghan shouted in a whisper, trying to convey her exasperation without waking up everyone around. He actually looked startled, which for him was a raised eyebrow and slight downward turn of his mouth.

"Meghan," was all he got out before she interrupted him.

"You were going to leave me behind again," she growled. "After everything! I don't know what the Paths of the Dead are, but you do _not_ get to decide what I can and can't handle. You are acting like a complete _pig! _I am a woman, not a piece of glass. At least Gimli had the decency to suggest that you tell me!" Meghan huffed. "Where is Gimli, anyway?"

Legolas' face was impossible to read. "He went to apprehend Aragorn."

"Well, you can march straight back the way you came and apprehend _my_ horse, because I'm coming with you." Meghan pointed demonstratively in the general direction of the picket lines and pulled the most authoritative face she could manage.

"The Paths of the Dead are a place of unspeakable horror," Legolas said, his tone very, very even. "I do not think you should join us because you cannot understand what you would be riding into."

"I was in Moria," Meghan snapped. "I think I can handle myself. You can't treat me like a kid, Legolas. I'm coming with you, and you might as well get on my side because I'll just follow you guys if I have to. Will you please go get my horse now?"

She could see him weighing his options, his ingrained mindset to protect and serve women battling against her assertion of her own rights as a woman.

"Your horse will be too slow," he said at last. "We will have to double up, as we did when we rode across the plains of Rohan." It was his way of saying _I'm on your side,_ albeit reluctantly.

"Fine," Meghan said. "Let's go apprehend Aragorn."

They walked with Arod between them, his steady bulk a welcome buffer. Now that the confrontation was over, Meghan felt like her intestines were in knots. _Did I just ruin any chance I ever had with Legolas? Stop it, Meghan. So not productive._

"What took you so long, Princeling? –_Oh_." Gimli huffed out a surprised sound. Aragorn looked up from Brego's saddle tack.

"Meghan will be accompanying us," Legolas announced calmly. Meghan almost missed the significant look that passed between him and Gimli.

"Then let us go," Aragorn said. "Gimli, shall you ride with me?"

"No, I will," Meghan piped in. There was a pause, the three men obviously taken aback. "I've never ridden on Prego before," she said defensively.

"Very well." It seemed like Aragorn would not be deterred by social awkwardness. He mounted and held out a hand to Meghan.

It took some wriggling, but she finagled herself into the saddle behind Aragorn. By the time she was ready, Legolas and Gimli had also mounted, so Legolas and Aragorn turned their horses toward the mountain.

Men began to poke their heads out of tents, a whispered ripple of uncertainty running through the camp. Meghan could hear them murmuring questions to each other as they watched Aragorn, their greatest hope, riding away. Aragorn himself did not acknowledge them even when one called out to him.

The dark walls of the mountain entrance rose up around them, muffling the sounds of the camp behind. It immediately got even darker than before.

"So… the Paths of the Dead," Meghan mused. "Does that mean the Paths of the Actually Dead, or the Paths of the You Are Going to Be Dead, or the Paths of the Technically Undead?"

* * *

Once again, I am not doing personal shout-outs because :( I fail at updating and it's been sooo long. BUT! I'm super curious. What are some of y'alls favourite TV shows? I've almost caught up on Supernatural (omg omg so much eyecandy) and I want to find a new show to watch. So… let me know. :)


	33. Skull Mountain

**Author's Note:** You guys, seriously. I love you all, thank you so much for sticking with this story. :) I noticed that this has gotten over 1000 reviews, that's amazing! This chapter is dedicated to every one of you. Cookies for all!

**Disclaimer:** Microsoft Word told me that a fourth grader wrote this.

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_Super Brief Recap: Meghan threw a fit and got to go with the boys to the Paths of the Undead._

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE – **_Skull Mountain_

When Meghan woke up, it was day again, although it was a greyish, washed-out daylight. The last thing she remembered was wedging her arms between Aragorn's pack and Aragorn himself, then curling her upper body around his pack as best she could. Her back ached from hunching over, but she was surprised she hadn't fallen off.

She rubbed her eyes. "Are we there yet?"

"No, lassie, and I wager we have many hours to go." Gimli looked around as if he expected ghouls and goblins to leap out from behind the rocks. "What kind of army would linger in such a place?"

"One that is cursed. Long ago, the Men of the Mountain swore an oath to the last King of Gondor, to come to his aid, to fight. But when the time came, when Gondor's need was dire, they fled, vanishing into the darkness of the mountain. And so Isildur cursed them, never to rest until they had fulfilled their pledge. Who shall call them from the great twilight? The forgotten people. The heir of him to whom the oath they swore. From the north shall he come. Need shall drive him. He shall pass the door to the Paths of the Dead."

"Wait a second," Meghan whispered. "Are we talking about _ghosts?_"

"No one who has entered the Paths of the Dead has returned," Legolas said grimly.

Meghan felt a deep knot of hysteria forming in her stomach. "No no no. If there are R.O.U.S.'s, I quit. I can handle creepy dead guys and creepy monsters and creepy legends, but I DRAW THE LINE at giant rats."

She caught Legolas' pointed look, a look that came pretty close to saying _I told you so._ Meghan had the inexorable urge to stick her tongue out at him.

"There will be no giant rats," Aragorn said with an air of mingled patience and defeat.

That was the end of conversation for a while. Meghan wished they would talk, if only to interrupt the heavy stillness, but she didn't know what to say. She later remembered that long, silent ride as the loneliest time of the journey, because the deep, pallid air seemed to divide them. After what felt like days, they came into a narrower pass that soon funneled down to end in a grim archway.

"Those are… _skulls_," Meghan whispered. For the first time, she began to wonder if she should have stayed with Éowyn.

"The very warmth of my blood seems stolen away," Gimli agreed.

"The way is shut. It was made by those who are dead, and the Dead keep it. The way is shut," Legolas read the crudely drawn symbols.

Meghan could feel the tenseness in Aragorn's shoulders, the dogged resolve brewing in him, and she realized that this was a matter of life and death for him. _If he walks through that empty arch, he could die. If he doesn't, everyone else will _definitely_ die._

She slid off Brego's back. "So, um, let's get started," she said. In an instant, the other three were on the ground as well. The horses' hooves tattooed a skittery beat in the chalky soil.

A huge rush of wind that sounded more like a moan swept out of the doorway. Meghan shrieked and covered her face with her arms. An ice cold chill soaked into her bones. When she peeked out again, the horses were gone.

"I do not fear death," Aragorn growled and, squaring his shoulders, strode into the darkness. Legolas followed without looking back. Meghan and Gimli just stared at the grey archway.

"Gimli," Meghan said breathlessly, shaking her head. "I do not know if I can do this."

He harrumphed, then gave her a sidelong look. "Put your hand on my shoulder as you did with the Halfling."

"Thank you," she whispered, unclenching her fists long enough to clench one around Gimli's shoulder in a vise-like grip. She probably would have just stayed rooted to the ground had he not charged forward, practically dragging her inside.

It took a few minutes for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. Aragorn had lit a torch, but that did nothing to warm up the greenish-grey illumination that seemed to seep out of the rocks.

"It's not… _so_ bad in here," Meghan ventured, trying not to look too hard. _This looks almost the same as Moria, just… smaller._ She felt a little reassured, and dropped her hand from Gimli's shoulder.

Then she saw something, just out of the corner of her eye. It was wispy and grey-green and altogether wrong. She stiffened, sucking a breath in through her nose and clenching her fists in an automatic fight-or-flight instinct.

"What is it?" Gimli whispered breathlessly. "What do you see?"

"I see shapes of men, and of horses," Legolas replied, peering into the darkness as if he was trying to see more clearly.

Meghan did _not_ want to see more clearly. She forced herself to take another step forward and kept her eyes on the back of Legolas' head. She began to get that creepy-crawly feeling that something was about to grab her ankles. She walked a little faster.

"Where?" Gimli was saying, obviously trying not to step into a ghost.

"Pale banners like shreds of cloud." Legolas ignored Gimli's question. "Spears rise like winter-thickets through a shroud of mist. The Dead are following. They have been summoned."

"What does that even mean?" Meghan hissed. "Why are they following us? Why can't we just get this over with?"

They passed through another archway and Meghan sensed a change under her feet, the solid stone floors giving way to an uneven, rutted surface that somehow felt hollow. She didn't think much of it until Aragorn said, "Do not look down."

Meghan froze again. Absolute horror battled with morbid curiosity. She heard Gimli groan, then creak forward. Every step he took produced an echoing crackle. She screwed her eyes shut and took a wavering step. Her foot molded around something slightly rounded. Curiosity won, and she peeked down.

"SKULLS," she shrieked in a whisper. Every nerve in her body screamed for her to get away and she fought a wild urge to climb the walls. She blindly reached for Legolas, unable to drag her stare away from the ground.

She finally caught Legolas' hand into a death grip, but he gently pulled away. "We must move on," he said, coaxing her forward with a light pressure at her elbow.

Meghan just wanted to cry. _I am walking on skeletons and you won't even hold my hand?_ she sniffled mentally as she followed him and Aragorn. _I know I insisted on coming, but… it's just a little hand hold._ She actually felt tears prickling her eyes when she realized that Legolas needed his hands free in case he had to handle a weapon. _Oh. Well that's okay I guess. SKULLS._

Thankfully, they soon passed into a huge hall, this time with stone floors. The sheer enormity of the space again reminded Meghan of Moria. As she looked around, she saw that they were actually standing on a wide ledge that fell away into darkness. Across the chasm, the ruins of a city clung to the enclosed mountainside.

She turned away from the abyss just in time to see a wispy green specter drift into semi-solid form. A scream clotted in her throat and she swallowed fiercely.

"Who enters my domain?" the ghosty figure asked.

"One who will have your allegiance," Aragorn practically snarled.

"The Dead do not suffer the living to pass."

"You _will_ suffer me."

A horrible laugh echoed through the cold air. Suddenly, they were surrounded by gruesome copies of the first ghost, each one more leering and decomposed than the last. For the first time, Meghan was certain that she was about to die.

What followed was an agonizingly long battle of wits, to which Meghan hardly paid any attention. She was making rapid-fire calculations. _I am _not_ going to be killed by a ghost,_ she thought. _We could probably just run right through them, right? They're ghosts. Wait. Sam and Dean almost got killed by ghosts lots of times. If I just edge this way and set a torch to those skulls…_

A frigid wind snapped her back into the present. The misty green host was dissipating into nothing. At the same time, the ground began to rumble under their feet.

"You guys…" Meghan barely managed to keep her voice from rising to a wail.

"Out!" Aragorn shouted at the same moment the stone wall closest to them exploded into an avalanche of skulls.

"MORE SKULLS!" Meghan screeched.

This time Legolas grabbed her hand and yanked her forward, his grasp a welcome guide as the world crumbled past her. Meghan half-swam, half-slogged through the chaotic tidal wave. The skulls did not decrease; if anything, more poured over them.

The sunlight stung her eyes as they all burst into the open air. A faint, briny tang announced the ocean somewhere nearby, but even more nautical were the three dark ships crawling down the river.

"What are those?" Meghan said, turning just in time to see Aragorn sink to his knees.

"We are too late," Legolas murmured. "The Corsairs will pass unchallenged."

Meghan knelt beside Aragorn and grasped his arm. "Aragorn," she began, and then wondered what she could possibly say to comfort him. _Sorry the zombie apocalypse didn't work out for you today. Better luck next time._

A soft airy sound, and suddenly they were surrounded by green wisps. Meghan leapt to her feet and moved closer to Legolas. The Undead looked a little more real and a lot more ugly in the sunlight.

Aragorn stood and faced them.

"We fight," the King leered.

There was a silent pause.

"HURRAY!" Meghan whooped, throwing her hands up.

"Come," Aragorn gestured, "we must stop the ships. We will challenge them there, where the bank is flat." He turned to the Undead King. "Follow behind us when they have stilled their sails. We will ambush them and claim the ships."

"I do not take orders from a stinking fleshbag," the King snarled, but he jerked his head as a command to the army. Within a moment, they had melted back into the mountainside.

"Meghan, perhaps it would be wise for you to remain here," Legolas said. The way he wouldn't meet her eyes told her that he didn't exactly know how she would respond.

She drew herself up to her full height in an attempt to be imposing. "If I can handle Skull Mountain, then I can handle Pirates of the Caribbean."

"Stop badgering the lass, Princeling," Gimli grunted. "She's not yours."

"We have not the time," Aragorn called over his shoulder, already making his way down the hillside. "Meghan comes with us."

"Dwarves were not made for scaling mountains…" Gimli huffed as he began to arduously descend.

Legolas gave her a searching look. "Will you at least agree to stay behind me?"

"Deal." Meghan stuck out a hand to shake on it.

Instead, Legolas took her hand in his and kissed her knuckles in that particularly heart-melting way of his, then lightly followed the other two down.

_How does he do that?_

By the time she painstakingly crept down the mountainside without tumbling headfirst, the other three had planted themselves in a line facing the river. The ships were no more than a stone's throw away.

"You may go no further," Aragorn said in a quiet yet carrying voice. "You will not enter Gondor."

The men on the ships laughed raucously.

Meghan shifted a bit, staying behind Legolas as promised but not liking it very much. She wondered how the three men could be so calm. _These pirate guys could probably shoot all of us in like, five seconds._

"Who are _you_ to deny us passage?" scoffed one of the pirates.

"Legolas, fire a warning shot past the bosun's ear." Still, Aragorn was cool as a cucumber.

"Mind your aim," Gimli grunted as Legolas drew the bowstring back to his ear.

"Gimli, I feel like Legolas can probably—" Meghan began to say. Nevertheless, Gimli nudged the bottom curve of Legolas' bow just as he released his arrow, and the ugliest, hairiest man that she had ever seen toppled over with a strangled cry. Meghan couldn't see Legolas' face, but she guessed that he was rolling his eyes ever so slightly.

"That's it. Right. We warned you. Prepare to be boarded!" Gimli said.

"Boarded! By you and whose army?" the pirate captain guffawed.

Just at that moment things got a bit chaotic. There was a shrill, metallic sound that Meghan was beginning to associate with the Undead in motion, and then the ships turned into broccoli. Well, not actually broccoli, but the way the greenish shapes of the Undead swarmed the decks and the rigging really looked like shrubbery. There was much screaming and yelling and general commotion but luckily, much of the actual fighting was obscured by the green-grey haze.

Meghan hardly had time to get nauseous before the whole thing was over. The Undead slowed down, dissolving into the ships, and somehow the pirates were gone, either thrown overboard or… Meghan didn't dare think about any other means of disposal.

The King of the Undead wafted up to Aragorn and made a grand gesture toward to the ships. "My liege," he said in a mockingly deferential tone.

Aragorn ignored the farce. "Much time has been lost. We must make haste to aid Gondor before all hope is lost."

The Undead had already found a boat to ferry them onto the ships. Meghan grimaced as she practically crawled in. The thing was filthy, covered in river-slime and crusted sea spray. The last time she had been in a boat, the Fellowship was still together. For the first time, she wondered about Frodo and Sam. All she remembered was a long, dark journey for them.

_Stay safe, guys._

* * *

So in reading the reviews from last time – I realized that we ALL have the same taste in TV shows. :D

* * *

_Special thanks to my wonderful beta, MusicalSoul. _:)


	34. I'm On a Boat

**Author's Note:** Guys guys I'm back! I'm so sorry my updates have been months apart. Real Life has been an absolute monster. Since I last updated, I have basically been to heck and back. But I've learned that things _do_ get better. And I guess what I'm trying to say is that I went to heck but _I'm back_. :)

**Notice:** This chapter is dedicated to my magnificent beta, MusicalSoul, without whom I would have awkwardly stared at this chapter until I gave up. So give her a little love because she's awesome!

* * *

_**Super Brief Recap:**__ Meghan and Company have gotten through the Paths of the Dead and have boarded the Corsairs ships._

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR** – _I'm On a Boat_

It was a mystery to Meghan how _all_ the Undead fit onto the ships. It was like many of them melted into their surroundings, be it each other or the ship's timbers, but they could still physically interact at will with everything. They were, in fact, sailing all the ships. She could see their flickering shapes in the rigging.

Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli were below decks, planning and talking with the Undead King – or arguing with him. The King was so sour and ornery that Meghan had given up and come to the upper decks for fresh air. She had hoped that Legolas would follow her. _But he's too professional for that. There's a job to be done._

She glanced around the deck. It was empty except for a lone, greeny-grey figure standing at the starboard bow, gazing at the riverbank as it slid by. Meghan screwed up her courage and walked over, not entirely sure why she wanted to talk to a ghost.

"Hello," she squeaked, and steadied her voice. "I'm Meghan."

The Undead turned one eye to her. (His other eye socket was empty.) He said nothing.

"Do you have a name?" Meghan asked.

Silence.

"I guess you can't talk."

He stared at her, stony.

"I guess I'll call you Bob, then."

He turned back to the riverside.

"You're daydreaming, aren't you?" she said, suddenly struck by his air of melancholy. "You've been this way for a very long time and now you're remembering what it's like to be awake."

Nothing for a moment, then one slow nod.

"I'm sorry to have interrupted. I'll leave you to it." She began to go, but he reached out to stop her. He shook his head. "Oh, okay. Um, I'll stay."

She stood by him, just quietly watching the landscape pass by. After a while, she found herself talking, telling him her story. At first she thought he wasn't listening, until she noticed that he had tilted his head to her.

She was just beginning to detail her concerns about Éowyn when Bob unexpectedly turned around and bowed. She turned to see Legolas bowing in reply.

"Honor to Numenor," he said, saluting Bob in the Elvish fashion by folding one arm across his chest. Bob solemnly returned the gesture, then faced Meghan and repeated the same motion. Baffled, Meghan was just reaching up to do the same when he vanished.

"Bye, Bob," she said in case he could somehow still hear her.

"Bob?" Legolas said in a quizzical tone as he stepped forward to stand beside her.

"I just wanted to call him something," she said. "None of them seem to be able to talk. I don't know his real name."

"I believe that their muteness is part of the curse."

"Hmm." There was a pause, both of them looking at the shore slipping past. "Oh. How did discussions with Captain Undead go?"

Legolas seemed to be choosing his words thoughtfully. "I think the King of the Undead has gone mad. It made conversation… challenging."

"I suppose I would have gone crazy, too. Did you guys decide on anything?"

"To tell the truth, I grew weary of his ravings. Perhaps it was cowardly of me, but I abandoned Aragorn and Gimli to him so that I might come here and stand with you."

"Oh," Meghan said, not sure how to respond aloud, because inside she was jumping up and down. _He came to see me! He came to see ME!_ Trying to hide her elation, she looked squarely over the railings and studied to riverbank.

"Meghan," he said, and there was something in his voice that made her heart feel twice its natural size. He put his fingertips under her chin and drew her gaze back to him. "I know you lose patience with me when I ask this question, but I _must_ ask. When the ships dock in Osgiliath, will you remain aboard?"

Looking up at him, she realized that she'd been fighting him. She had been so determined to prove that she could handle anything, that she became blind to him. He knew her limits and had only been keeping her inside them while making it look like he was overprotective. Instead of calling out her weaknesses, he quietly and doggedly tried to protect her.

_How terribly unfair I've been to him,_ she thought with a sinking heart. _Yes, he says the wrong thing sometimes. But he is quite simply too good for you._ She noticed that she was staring at him, openmouthed. He seemed to be braced for a firestorm, for arguing her out of her own foolishness.

"Yes, of course, I'll stay, you're right," the words tumbled out in a rush, she was in such a hurry to agree. His face relaxed into something of a smile, although it was more relief than happiness.

"Thank you," he said, then quirked an eyebrow. "Perhaps, when this is past, we can resume your archery lessons."

Meghan had to laugh. "No matter how many lessons I take, I don't think you will ever let me near a battlefield."

"That is true."

And suddenly he was very serious, and his eyes got that certain look that made Meghan feel like jelly inside. She could feel her breath slowing down and her heart speeding up.

_Kiss me,_ she thought simply.

"Meghan…" he murmured as he moved toward her.

"Confounded ladders! A plague upon all shipbuilders!" Gimli's roar burst from the hatch.

Legolas took a step away from her, looking uncomfortable. Meghan's heart rate unceremoniously dropped back to its normal pace. The top of Gimli's head (or rather, his helmet) appeared and then slowly the rest of him crawled onto the deck.

"Blast that wretched unnatural ghoul. I am sick of this waiting." Gimli glowered at Legolas, who still looked a little uneasy. "I thought that I surely gave you enough time, Laddie."

"Time for what?" Meghan asked.

"No matter." Gimli waved a gloved hand and walked over to stand in between them. "Ah! I can see the smoke from the city. We are getting close."

Meghan looked overtop the Dwarf's head at Legolas. Was she imagining things, or were the tips of his pointy ears slightly pink?

"I should go below decks and inform Aragorn that we are nearing Minas Tirith," he said quickly, not meeting her eyes. And with an awkward bow to her, he disappeared down the hatch.

Gimli immediately turned a stern look on Meghan. "You will be relieved to know that I have spoken to the Princeling on your behalf."

"WHAT?" Meghan choked.

"It seems to me that I recall encouraging you to initiate more with the lad." Gimli sagely gazed into the middle distance. "I simply suggested the same thing to him."

Meghan helplessly opened and closed her mouth, unable to form a coherent sentence. "Gimli," she finally blurted out, "what—how—is that what you meant with 'enough time'?"

"You are most welcome." He bowed.

"I'm going to walk over there now," she said, pointing across the deck.

She didn't get far before Aragorn came up, followed by Legolas. The latter shot her an apologetic look and went to join Gimli, but Aragorn strode over to her.

"Legolas told me that you agreed to stay aboard," he said.

"Yes," she replied, not sure what else to say. _Oh yes. I had a major revelation that I've been kind of a jerk to him. No big deal._

"Good." He nodded and started to walk away.

"Aragorn," Meghan said. He turned back to her, but she couldn't find the words. "I– I know this is dangerous. But… but… Everyone's going to be alright… right?" She tried to keep her eyes on him instead of sliding over to Legolas.

She could see the compassion in his eyes and a part of her decided that he would be a wonderful father someday. He took a breath, weighing how to respond.

"Meghan, I do not have to gift of foresight. I can promise nothing. But it may bring you comfort to know that Legolas, Gimli, and I are brothers in arms. We are not often divided on the battlefield."

She liked that idea, that the three of them guarded and protected each other. "Thank you," she whispered.

Something like a smile creased the corners of Aragorn's eyes. He leaned toward her and dropped his voice lower. "Legolas has fought many battles. In all the long years I have known him, I have seen him injured thrice, and the worst of those no more than a graze."

"Really?" Meghan snuck a glance at him, then dropped into a whisper, too. "In all the long years you've known him, have you ever seen his hair mussed?"

It always surprised her when Aragorn laughed, but it also made her feel like laughing with him.

"I have," he chuckled. "But that is a tale for another time."

She could see out of the corner of her eye that Legolas and Gimli were coming over, and she smiled at Aragorn. "I hope you'll tell me someday, then."

"Well, laddie, did that stinking unnatural creature agree to your plan?" Gimli growled.

"Yes," Aragorn replied, slipping back into the role of somber leader. "The Undead King and his men will do my bidding."

Looking around, Meghan noticed that all the greenish figures on the rigging above had melted away, presumably into the woodwork of the ships. "How far away from the port are we?"

"If the wind holds, no more than a quarter of an hour, I wager," Aragorn said, looking down the river.

The next fifteen minutes were fairly quiet. Now that the long journey down the river was almost over, the gravity of the next few hours struck them. Meghan felt useless and uneasy. Despite Aragorn's reassuring words, she knew that they were heading into a horrific battlefield.

As they drew closer to the stone ruins that must have once been a beautiful port, Aragorn told them to crouch low so that the mob of Orcs couldn't see them. Meghan just caught a glimpse of what seemed like endless rows of the disgusting creatures before she ducked behind a barrel.

She wondered how the ship would stop with no one to man the sails, but somehow the Undead managed to stay unseen and still maneuver the ship. As it slowed alongside the port, a harsh voice called out,

"Late as usual, pirate scum! There's knife-work here that needs doing. Come on, ya sea rats! Get off your ships!"

Legolas caught her gaze and held it for a split second. _Come back to me!_ she tried to say with her eyes.

And then he was gone.

She could hear the rush of the Undead sweeping out of the ships and the screams of Orcs as they were massacred by an enemy they were absolutely terrified of. Meghan warred with panic for a moment, then stood up to see what was going on. Sure enough, a solid wall of Undead rushed away, taking down every goblin in its path. Somewhere amidst the greenish wisps, she could see the solid forms of her friends. There was little for them to do, until they cleared the solid knot of Undead and broke onto the real battlefield.

A black arrow thunked into the barrel she had been hiding behind, and she ducked down. But there were no more. Within a moment, even the screams of the Orcs faded into the distance. Meghan had to take one more look, but she only saw dark, filthy armor and twisted goblin faces in the piles of carcasses strewn across the dock. Even at a distance, the sight of so much gore brought on a wave of dizziness. She sat back down, hard.

_Great. Now to wait,_ she thought. At Helms Deep, she had been distracted by drugging and hiding Haldir, not to mention Éowyn's occasional check-ins. Meghan miserably twisted the corner of her cloak and choked back tears.

A guttural sound made her freeze.

_Did I imagine that?_

No, there it was again, a throaty grumble, now accompanied by ragged breathing. "Reeking ghouls," it hissed. Meghan could tell by the way the sounds carried that the speaker was moving.

Toward the ship.

A scream bubbled into her throat at the same moment that she realized there was no one to hear her. She clenched her teeth to keep it in. The Orc was probably just moving about to steal from his dead fellows. He probably didn't know she was still aboard. He would probably leave soon.

She tried to quiet her breathing so that she could listen better. The Orc didn't seem to be slowing down to pocket spoils. He was ten yards away from the ship. Five yards. Five feet.

_He's going to board the ship,_ Meghan quailed. She blinked the tears out of her eyes and looked around, assessing her resources. She was surprised when she remembered the sword buckled around her waist. She had gotten so used to carrying it that she forgot she had it.

The Orc was painstakingly crawling up the rope netting that draped over the side of the ship. She used the creaking of the ropes to slowly draw her sword and edge a little further around the barrel. It was big enough to completely conceal her, and she hoped to stay that way.

With a clatter, the Orc tumbled onto the deck, cursing in a strange, harsh language. "Where's that filthy she-elf, I wonder?" it snarled. "I'm gonna stick her with her own arrows."

Meghan felt like every muscle in her body had swollen to twice its size and frozen into place. Slow, heavy footsteps crept forward. _This is a terrible hiding place,_ she thought with a certain dreamlike clarity. _I really should have gone below decks and hidden in the captain's quarters._

And then the Orc was right in front of her, but peering hard in the other direction. She could see the shaft of one of Legolas' arrows protruding from its collarbone. For one fraction of second, she gripped her sword and prepared to sink it into the creature's back. She was one fraction of a second too late. The Orc whirled around and struck the sword out of her hands with a snarl.

"There you are, she-witch," it growled, a leer distorting its already grotesque face. "Your mate tried to kill me with this." It snapped off the arrow shaft and howled. Meghan wondered if it was physically possible for her eyes to pop out of her head. She was definitely going to have a heart attack soon.

"St-stop it," she quivered, holding her hands up a bit. "I surrender."

The Orc backhanded her powerfully across the jaw, sending her sprawling against the railing. Fireworks danced across her vision. _This isn't how it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to be safe on the ship._

"We're gonna have fun, you and me," the Orc taunted. "I reckon no one is coming this way for at least an hour. That's plenty of time." He grabbed a fistful of her hair and dragged her upright.

The full impact of what he meant struck Meghan worse than his actual blow. "LEGOLAS!" she screamed, clawing at the Orc's hand in her hair as the sobs started.

The Orc started to cackle. Meghan kicked at him, trying to twist out of his grasp. "You're not going anywh—" His sneer was cut short by a blade sticking out from his chest. He coughed up black blood, and a splatter of it went across Meghan's face as his grip relaxed and they both toppled to the ground. The warm, sticky blood on her face made Meghan's insides heave, and a crushing blackness swept over her.

The last thing she remembered was a familiar green blur rushing toward her.


	35. In Which the Author Feels Clever

**Author's Note: **The title of this chapter is probably the most appropriate and fitting title that I've ever titled anything with.

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_**Super Brief Recap:** Meghan stayed behind on the ships and was nearly eaten by a crazy Orc._

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**CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE** – _In Which the Author Feels Extremely Clever_

"Meghan!"

She couldn't understand why he was shouting.

"MEGHAN!"

Or why his hands seemed to be fluttering at her neck, then her wrist.

The only things that felt quite solid were the pounding in her head and the blackness that was starting to dissolve as the real world rushed back in. It took a great force of will to open her eyes, and an absolutely Herculean effort to focus her blurring vision.

"_Meghan_…" She was rewarded with a perfectly wonderful grin from Legolas, who looked like he might cry. He cupped her face between his hands and she could actually feel him trembling.

"Legolas?" she asked blearily, trying to shift her body into a more comfortable position and finding that her head throbbed more when she moved.

"I thought you were dead," he said, the grin on his face completely incongruous with his words. "Your friend – Bob – he came to me as the last of the Easterlings fell. He could not speak – he only pointed this way – when I saw the Orc – I thought you were dead."

All of a sudden, Meghan found herself crushed in his embrace. Her arms were pinned between her body and Legolas, so she couldn't even hug him back. Instead, she contented herself with being as still as possible in the hopes that he would simply never let go. _How does he still smell so good?_

For a moment it seemed like he really _would_ never let go. But sooner than Meghan wanted, he drew back. He still kept his hands clasped around her upper arms to help support her – and because it looked like he didn't quite believe that she was alive in one piece.

"What happened?" he asked. She started to look around, but he caught her chin before she could turn very far. "Not there," he said. "Not yet."

"Oh." She remembered the Orc's shocked face when a sword bloomed out of its chest, then the blood spattering across her face as it fell. She winced. "Is it… still on my face?"

There was a second where Meghan could see the debate in his eyes, whether to tell the truth and risk her getting sick, or to lie and hope for the best. Just knowing that the Orc's blood was on her made the bile rise into her throat. She reached up to scrub her face.

"No, you will just smear it," he said, catching her hands.

"I need it off," she choked, determined not to throw up on him.

"Close your eyes." It was an order, and for the first time, it occurred to Meghan that Legolas was a _prince_. He came across as quiet and sometimes awkward, but she realized that he was very comfortable with commanding an army – and a whole kingdom.

She closed her eyes.

After a moment he somehow managed to conjure up a damp cloth, and the cool fabric felt good against her skin. She struggled to master the shudders racking across her body, forcing herself to acknowledge that the blood wasn't on her anymore. As she could feel her muscles loosening, she noticed that Legolas wasn't really going near her left eye.

"The skin is torn above your eye," he said calmly, as if he read her thoughts. "And it is bruised. I think it is too late to stitch it."

Meghan knew that when Legolas got that calm, he was overcompensating to cover up his own emotions. She peeked her good eye open. "So you're saying I have a battle scar?"

He looked like he was holding himself in. The grin was gone. Instead, he wore an expression that may as well have been war paint. It startled her.

"What happened with the Orc?" he asked again.

"It's done." She laid a hand on his shoulder. "Please help me up."

He did, steadying her as she climbed to her feet. He hovered, not quite letting go of her elbow. "Meghan," he began. His expression faltered, then melted into guilt. "Please forgive me. I should not have left you unprotected—"

She cut him off. "It wasn't your fault. And the worst that happened was that I got a black eye. Wait, what happened to Bob?"

"Aragorn released the Undead. I do not know where the souls of men go when they pass from this world."

"So he's gone."

"Yes, he is gone."

"Oh." She looked up at the rigging above their heads, diligently keeping her eyes away from the dead Orc at their feet. She didn't know what to say, except that she wanted to go home. _But what is home?_ Her life before Middle earth felt like a dream. She didn't want to go back there. The best she could come up with was, "I'm very tired, Legolas."

"Of course," he said, beginning to move then pausing. "Meghan, it is a long walk to the city gates, and the battlefield is strewn with gore. Will you be alright?"

She shuddered in a breath. "I'll have to be, won't I."

They got about twenty yards onto the battlefield before Meghan doubled over and vomited. The pounding in her head felt like a hammer on an anvil. As she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, she decided not to cry.

Legolas looked completely lost. _What can I do?_ his eyes asked.

"I'm alright," Meghan rasped, her throat already a little raw.

"Give me your hand," he said, so she latticed her fingers between his. With gentle insistence, he began to guide her. She kept her eyes on the back of his head, trusting him. Still, the fetid smells cloyed around her. Soon the nausea rose up again, and she emptied what was left in her stomach.

"Meghan," Legolas said, the word balanced between a question and a decision. _A decision to do what?_ Meghan wondered from the haze of sickness.

"I can do this," she said. She realized that she was clenching his hand, clinging to something solid and real and warm as her world swam.

It took them three hours. By the time they got to the ruined city gates, the sky had darkened to a deep grey-blue. Meghan barely paid attention to her surroundings as he guided her through the streets. She was somewhat aware of many people hurrying around, and that she was slowly going uphill.

As the nausea began to pass, her head cleared a little. "Where are we going?"

"A city as large as this must have a place of healing," he replied. "The cut over your eye should be cleaned. And I need—" he cut himself off with an irritated expression.

Meghan's senses came into sharp focus as suspicion instantly blossomed in her mind. "You need what?"

"It is nothing." He didn't make eye contact, scanning upwards to the next city level instead.

"What is _it?_ You said _it._"

He didn't stop moving, just tightened his grip on her hand and pulled her in a somewhat diagonal path toward another gate up ahead. "I said it was nothing."

"Legolas, hold on," she said. When he ignored her, she simply stopped walking and put her other hand on his forearm. He froze, still facing away from her. She slid around him so that she could see his eyes. "Legolas, please tell me what's going on."

"You need a healer," he said firmly, finally looking at her. "You have taken a severe blow to the head, and you are beginning to experience dehydration."

She wondered how to get him to open up, to trust her. "I know why I need a healer. I don't know why do _you_ need one." _Please let me be your equal. Please let me in._

There was a pause.

"I do not think you should see it," he said at last, and she could hear the exhaustion in his voice.

"See. What."

He eyed her for a moment, and she eyed him right back. After a moment, he pushed his cloak behind his shoulder and lifted his arm to reveal a dark stain that spread down the side of his ribcage. His shirt was raggedly torn, gaping open enough for her to see a long, bloody gash beneath.

"_Legolas_," she choked, as if the air had been sucked from her lungs.

He quickly drew the cloak around himself again. "It is not as bad as it looks. Now will you come?"

Meghan had her hands clamped over her mouth, but she moved them long enough to say, "Does it hurt?" _Stupid! Of course it hurts! _

"No," he sighed as he stuck out his hand. "We should keep going."

Now that she knew Legolas had a fairly severe injury, she noticed that he was a little pale – even for him. And he looked bone-weary. _You've been hiding this from me for hours,_ she thought achingly. _And I was too lost in my own misery to notice._

She took his hand and they started walking again. "Where are we going?"

"The healing house."

"I mean _where_ are we going."

"It is likely on the upper levels, closer to where the nobility live."

"So you don't know exactly where it is."

"No."

It felt like a nightmare as they wove through the crowded streets. Her head still ached, and Legolas was unraveling little by little. A stumble here, a confused look there. She wondered how much blood he'd lost. After a while the lines blurred and then _she_ was the leader, except all she knew to do was go up.

"Legolas!"

Never in her life had Meghan been happier to hear Gimli's gruff voice. He appeared around a cluster of hurrying women, his face a mixture of relief and fury. Legolas roused a bit at the sight of him.

"Confound it all, you snot-nosed Princeling," the dwarf fumed as he stalked toward them. "Running off like that after that _reeking_ goblin stuck you. I thought you were dead! I just went to the Houses of Healing to find your body!"

"My friend," Legolas said with a ghost of a grin. "I will live to trouble you still."

Gimli peered hard at them. "The pair of you look like those Undead fellows, perhaps even greener. You'd better come along."

"Are we close to the healing thing?" Meghan said.

"The entrance is around that corner there," Gimli grunted, gesturing down the street. "Come along. Aragorn is there."

It was mercifully calm in the Houses of Healing. Gimli bustled off to collect Aragorn, leaving Meghan and Legolas just inside the entrance. They both leaned side by side against the cool stone wall.

"Are you alright?" Meghan asked. She tried to examine him out of the corner of her eye, because she knew he would fake it if he knew she was looking.

He managed a faint smile for her. "I am better here where it is quiet."

"How did it happen?" she whispered. She could feel tears starting in her eyes and she didn't want him to hear it in her voice.

"What?"

She nodded at his stomach. "_That_."

"I was distracted. For an instant I questioned if my arrow felled that Orc back at the harbor." He tilted his head to look at her, appraising her bruised eye. "It seems I was right to worry."

The laugh turned into a sob in her throat, which she tried to cover with a cough. She was saved from attempting any more bad acting by Gimli and Aragorn, who were flanked by an older, round woman with silver hair. Aragorn wasted no time in waving Legolas down an adjacent hallway, but he spared a wan smile for Meghan.

"Are you well?" he asked as the they entered a large hall that was lined with rows upon rows of white cots. Many were occupied by sleeping soldiers in various degrees of bandages. Some men were still being tended by women in grey smocks.

"Yes, just a black eye," Meghan said. "But Legolas– he's– "

"Gimli told me," Aragorn said. "Legolas, sit down there. Meghan, this is Ioreth. She is a healer." He gestured to the woman, who had followed them in.

"Um, hello," Meghan said, barely able to acknowledge her.

"Lassie, perhaps you should have your eye looked at," Gimli grunted. "Aragorn has the Princeling well in hand."

Cold tendrils of panic laced up her spine. Leave Legolas? She stared at him numbly. He was slowly easing his quiver off his shoulder, and Aragorn was crushing some leaves in a shallow bowl.

"Gimli is right," Legolas said. "Let Ioreth tend to you."

_They're giving me an out,_ she thought. _So that I don't get sick when I see Legolas' injury. _She nodded stupidly, turning towards the woman.

"Poor lamb," Ioreth tutted, putting a gentle arm around Meghan's shoulders and steering her out of the hall. "Come along. You look like you haven't slept or eaten in days."

Ioreth showed her into a small room, where she cleaned Meghan's cut and smoothed a cooling salve on the skin around it. "Now," she said, "I'm going to fetch you a crust to eat. While I'm about it, there's a washtub there and a comb beside it. Once you've washed and eaten, you'll need to have a good long sleep." And with that she bustled out of the room.

Meghan stripped out of her clothes and scrubbed all the filth of the day from her skin. She dug a somewhat fresh pair of trousers and a blouse from her pack and slid into them. Just as she was beginning to comb her hair, Ioreth reappeared.

"Here's your supper, dear," she said, and set down a tray with a slice of brown bread and a mug on it. "Drink that water slowly, now, else you'll bring it all back up."

She did as she was told, and carefully sipped a little in between each bite of the dry bread. She had had enough vomiting for a lifetime.

"Can I go back now?" she asked, swallowing the last drops of water.

"Well, I suppose so." Ioreth wore a perplexed look. "I am not entirely sure if it would be proper for you to pass the night in the—"

"I don't care," Meghan said, standing up. "Please show me back."

A smile stole over Ioreth's face. "I was going to say that even if it's not proper, I cannot blame you. If I had one with such a sweet face as his, I would not be parted from him, either. This way."

Meghan was too tired to blush. She followed Ioreth through the passageways, back the way they came. At the doorway to the hall, they met Aragorn. Ioreth inclined her head to him and left.

"Is he alright?" Meghan asked, the _what ifs_ rising up in her mind.

"He has two broken ribs, and the wound is deep. I have bound it, but the rest he must do on his own."

"But he'll be alright," Meghan insisted.

"Yes," Aragorn nodded. "Elves heal very quickly. He is sleeping now."

"Can I see him anyway?"

"The cot next to his is empty. You must rest, as well."

"Thank you, Aragorn." She took a shuddering breath. "I'm so glad you're alright. I'm just– I'm very tired."

"Rest," Aragorn said. "I will come to check Legolas in the morning."

"Thank you. Goodnight, Aragorn."

"Goodnight."

When she got to Legolas, she made herself lie down on the adjacent cot and take a deep breath. Once she got herself under control, she curled onto her side and looked at him.

He was asleep, stretched out on his side with a white linen bandage wrapped around his ribs. He looked vulnerable, and younger than she could have imagined him. She saw a few silvery ridges on his bare arms and realized they were scars.

For the first time that day, she allowed herself to cry.

* * *

You guys, how can I possibly thank you enough for sticking with this story? I love you all very much. Not long now. We're getting down to the last few chapters.

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2.8.12


	36. In Which the Author Can't Create a Title

**Author's Note:** I'm so sorry this story is taking literally years to finish. But! I promise that I WILL complete this story if it kills me!

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_**Super Brief Recap:** Legolas and Meghan stumble around the city for a while, until they finally get to the Houses of Healing and get patched up._

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**CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX** – _In Which the Author Cannot Think of a Title_

She dreamed about falling.

Then her dreams melted into nightmares of leering Orcs and blood and she was fighting and falling and losing and _losing him_ and she wanted to scream but couldn't so she cried instead—

She woke up.

"You talk in your sleep," Legolas said. He was sitting on the floor next to her cot, one hand clasped around her own. He wore a loose grey-blue shirt, but she could see the white bandages peeking from his unlaced collar.

"You okay?" Meghan asked groggily. She was a little below eye-level with him, so she didn't bother to sit up.

"I am better," he said. His thumb traced circles onto her palm. "Bad dreams?"

"_Ugh_," Meghan mumbled, curling up a little more. She rubbed her free hand over her eyes. "Are you really alright? You looked so… You were sleeping. I thought Elves didn't sleep?"

"Sometimes, to recover from great trauma or exhaustion, we will enter a state very much like sleep. Elves often heal much more quickly than other races." He smiled a little. "Your eye is nearly mended."

She reached up in surprise, but couldn't even remember which eye had been hurt. The ache of the bruises had melted away, and she finally remembered it was the left when she discovered a slight tenderness in her brow. "Oh," she said. "I don't even have a headache anymore."

"SSHH!"

The shush was much louder than their voices had been. Both turned to see Ioreth marching toward them, wearing an imperious face.

"This is a place of rest, not a social hall," she said in something that managed to be both a whisper and a shout. "There are wounded soldiers trying to _sleep_ in here, just as you two should be."

Meghan sat up, but didn't withdraw her hand from Legolas'. "What time is it?"

"Time for _rest_," Ioreth retorted, smoothing her skirts.

"Perhaps it would be beneficial to the patient if we took a turn in the open air?" Legolas suggested.

Ioreth folded her arms across her chest and fixed him with a look. "Do not venture to believe that you can fool me with your youthful face and pleasing manners, young man. I know you are a patient even more than your lady is."

He opened his mouth and then shut it.

"To sleep, both of you," Ioreth commanded, obviously satisfied that she was fully in control of the situation. "It is still hours before dawn. And do not let me catch you chattering away like children at a festival again."

Legolas meekly unfolded himself from the floor and stretched out on his cot while Meghan tried to disappear into hers. Ioreth swept a stern look across them and nodded, then strode away.

"I don't remember her being so scary last night," Meghan whispered.

"I have not felt this chastised since I was a schoolboy and my tutor caught me cheating," Legolas whispered back.

"You _cheated?_" Meghan choked in a loud voice.

"Hush!" Legolas hissed.

Footsteps echoed toward them. Meghan panicked and went completely limp, pretending to be asleep. Ioreth's footsteps slowed near them, paused for a moment, then receded away again. Meghan peeked one eye open, only to discover that Legolas was playing dead, too.

"Did you really cheat in school when you were little?" she murmured.

He smiled, but didn't open his eyes. Or say anything.

"Oh my god, you were a _cheater_."

"Shhh, I am sleeping," he said.

Meghan couldn't do anything but grin into the darkness.

When Meghan drifted awake again, it was to the quiet bustle of busyness in the room. She blinked her eyes to clear away the sticky feeling. About half of the cots were empty now, and almost all of the wounded men were awake in some measure or another. Grey-garbed woman flitted about the room, administering medicines and changing bandages and delivering meals. Pale sunlight seeped through the windows.

"Good morning."

She rolled over to see Legolas sitting cross-legged on his cot, examining the grip of one of his daggers. She could tell by the way he held his torso stiffly that he was still in pain, but despite that he had an air of… health? _No, not quite healthy,_ she thought. _He just looks ready to leave. I wonder if he feels uneasy in a sick house._

"G'morning," she slurred sleepily.

"Ioreth is not on duty this morning," he said without looking up from the dagger. There was something cryptic and mischievous about the way he said it.

_What is it about getting injured that turned him into a ten year old boy?_

"Are you suggesting that we make a run for it before she gets back?" she asked, sitting up.

He shot her a scandalized look. "I am suggesting that we repair to the courtyard for some fresh air."

_Is he flirting? Oh my god I can't tell anymore._ The one thing Meghan was sure of was that she felt… relaxed. Comfortable. Natural. _I don't know if Elves drink coffee but this somehow reminds me of a coffee date._ Thinking about coffee made her realize how hungry she was.

"I _am_ achin' for some bacon," she admitted with a casual shrug. "Do you think we could find food somewhere?"

"I cannot promise that there will be bacon," Legolas said.

She grabbed her sword and buckled the belt around her waist. "I could settle for toast and jam. And some fresh air."

He eased off his cot, not actually wincing but keeping such a straight face that she knew he was hiding it. But he smiled at her as he tucked the dagger into its sheath and then maneuvered his quiver over his shoulder. "Shall we?"

"Let's go." _Am I supposed to take his arm or...?_ Before she could decide, his hand was in hers and they were walking and it almost felt like everything was coming up roses.

As it turned out, there was a small commissary in the Houses of Healing, where Meghan had to make good on her promise to be satisfied with jam and toasted bread. They ate the simple meal in relative silence.

"Now what?" Meghan said when they finished up.

"Perhaps it is time to find the others," Legolas said.

She wasn't sure if she was quite ready to let him back into the swing of things, judging by how voraciously he had eaten their meager breakfast and the way he kept one arm casually folded over his torso. She wondered if he even realized that he was doing it. Still, she didn't know how to change his mind without directly challenging him, and she was enjoying their newfound easiness too much to risk it with an argument.

_Besides, Aragorn won't ask much from him,_ she consoled herself. _And my eyebrow did heal so quickly. He may still be feeling rough, but he'll probably be back to normal in a few days._

"That sounds good," she said. "Where do you think they are?"

"Aragorn visited this morning while you were still sleeping," Legolas said. "He mentioned that they would gather for a war council at midday. I believe they will be in the throne room."

"I've never been to a war council before." Meghan grinned, trying to look demure. "What should I wear?"

Legolas flashed a wry smile. "You will do very well as you are."

It took them a little while to navigate through the ruined streets to the uppermost level of the city, but the guards outside the throne room seemed to be expecting them and let them in without question. It was a long hall, echoing with Gimli's voice as he boomed,

"Let him stay there, let him rot! Why should we care?"

Aragorn, Gandalf, Gimli, and Éomer were scattered at the steps up to the throne. Aragorn acknowledged Legolas and Meghan's approach with a nod, but Gimli glowered at them as if to say, _What have the pair of you been up to all morning?_

"Because ten thousand Orcs now stand between Frodo and Mount Doom," Gandalf was saying. "I've sent him to his death."

"No," Aragorn said firmly. "There is still hope for Frodo. He needs time and safe passage across the Plains of Gorgoroth. We can give him that."

"How?" Gimli sounded dubious.

"Draw out Sauron's armies. Empty his lands. Then we gather our full strength and march on the Black Gate."

_What?_ "That sounds like a suicide mission," Meghan said. She knew that her fingers were curling around Legolas' hand more tightly than before but she couldn't bear to loosen them.

"We cannot achieve victory through strength of arms," Éomer agreed, giving her a sideways glance. She couldn't tell if it was distain or respect.

Aragorn looked tired, but determined. "Not for ourselves. But we can give Frodo his chance if we keep Sauron's Eye fixed upon us. Keep him blind to all else that moves."

_A suicide mission,_ she thought with a sinking heart.

"A diversion," Legolas said.

Gimli grunted. "Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?"

"It will take some time to gather the men and horses," Éomer said.

"We do not have the luxury of time. We will leave in the morning." Aragorn nodded curtly, and that seemed to dismiss the meeting.

_Why are we all agreeing to this so quickly? Aren't there other options here?_ Her heartbeat was scrabbling wildly in her chest. It was too soon. They couldn't throw their lives away like this. She knew Legolas would go, injured or not.

"I'm coming with you," she announced.

Éomer rounded on her, suddenly angry. "The battlefield is _no_ place for a woman," he snarled.

Her eyes started to sting as she searched for an advocate. Gandalf looked completely noncommittal, while Aragorn seemed to be struggling with what to say. Gimli, for once, was at a loss for words.

"Meghan, it is noble of you to offer," Aragorn said. Now he just looked sad. "But I cannot with clear conscience allow you to join our company."

"I'm coming," she said, dashing away the tears.

"She should be allowed to go," Legolas said. Meghan thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head.

"Really?" she asked.

Aragorn opened his mouth to say something, but Legolas shot him a look that changed his mind. "Very well," he said, inclining his head. "Be ready at first light."

_Thank you,_ Meghan thought. _Thank you for finally letting me make my own decisions about this._

"Legolas, perhaps you would accompany me to the Houses of Healing so that I may change your bandages," Aragorn continued.

"I'll come too," Meghan volunteered quickly. "I left my pack and cloak where we slept, I need to get them."

Legolas put a hand on her shoulder and looked very earnestly into her eyes. "The wound is still ugly. I will gather your things and bring them to you. Meanwhile, I think the Halflings would enjoy a visit."

"Merry and Pippin," Meghan said, remembering them for the first time since she stepped foot in the city.

"I will show you the way, lassie," Gimli grumbled. "Master Meriadoc is still in the western wing of the Houses, if I am not mistaken."

"I will meet you there," Legolas said.

"Okay," she relented. It felt wrong to let Legolas out of her sight, but she didn't have a much choice. He had stood up for her, insisting that she could join them in the morning. She couldn't very well repay him with a hissy fit.

She followed Gimli through the halls of the city. The dwarf didn't say anything, and she didn't either. Her mind was churning with thoughts about the next day. _How can they even consider such a desperate plan? Even _I_ know that nobody will survive a battle like this. But, if it's the only chance they have… if it means that everyone else lives…_ Meghan felt sick.

After a short while, Gimli led her into a large chamber much like the one she and Legolas had been in the night before. This one seemed to have several levels, with arches and tall plants to divide them. It was in one of these antechambers that they found Merry and Pippin, who seemed none the worse for the wear despite the bandages around Merry's forearm.

Even though the Hobbits chattered gaily about their turn as soldiers of Gondor and Rohan, Meghan couldn't shake the feeling of unease. She wanted to walk, to run, to do _something_ other than sit still.

"Are you alright, Meghan?" Pippin sounded concerned.

She realized she'd been staring into space, and hastily refocused her attention. "I just need a little fresh air, is all. I think I'll go for a walk…?"

"Of course," Merry said. "Maybe we will see you at supper later. Have a pleasant walk."

"Thanks," she said, rising from her seat on the floor.

She barely got a few steps into the larger hall when she saw Legolas wending through the rows of cots. The sight of him sent fresh surges of dread over her. _It's not fair,_ she cried to herself. _He was almost mine, and tomorrow we're going to march to our own graveyard._

He did not seem to share her fears as he came up. "This is for you," he said, holding out a tin cup. "Ioreth sent it. She claims it is an elixir to cure the last of your dehydration from yesterday."

Meghan took it and peered into it dubiously. The liquid inside was a muddy grey color, and she could tell by the temperature of the cup that it was cold. "Do you think it will taste gross?"

"She made me take a draught before I left. It was only a little oversweet."

"Oh. Okay." Meghan took a deep breath and knocked back the entire cup in one go. "That wasn't so bad."

A huge, crushing, inexorable wave of sleepiness flooded over her, followed immediately by realization. "You… _bastard!_" she hissed around a yawn that almost split her head open. She was dimly aware of Legolas catching her before she hit the floor.

Darkness rolled in.

* * *

06.12.12


	37. In Which Meghan Wakes Up

**Author's Note: **I'd just like to take a moment to acknowledge the fact that I started this story _five years ago._ I am not even the same person that started this story!

* * *

_**Super Brief Recap: **Legolas and Meghan convalesce in the Houses of Healing, until it is decided that the army must march on Mordor. Meghan intends to go with them but Legolas doses her up with the infamous tea._

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN** – _In Which Meghan Wakes Up_

Meghan's stomach growled.

Then she opened her eyes.

At first, all she could comprehend through the haze of grogginess was that she was so, _so_ hungry. She struggled upright, blearily pushing away the heavy blanket that somehow seemed to be more like a straitjacket. The chilly air soaked through her soft linen tunic and she could feel goosebumps rising on her skin.

_Where am I?_ she wondered, glancing around. A wan shaft of sunlight peeked through the windowslit to illuminate a small grey room with two cots and precious little else. _Where is… oh no._

She scrambled off the cot, hissing when her bare feet touched the cold stone floor. Her things were at the foot of the bed, so she stuffed her feet into her boots and grabbed her sword. The wooden door opened easily when she shoved against it. Beyond was a wide corridor, dancing with firelight. A grey-garbed girl with folded blankets in her arms was walking by.

"Wait," Meghan choked around the sudden ache in her throat. It felt like she had forgotten how to speak. "Are they gone– Did they–"

The girl just looked confused. "Who, m'lady?"

Insensible rage swept over Meghan. "Who do you _think_?" she shrieked. "Who could I _possibly_ be referring to? Oh I don't know, maybe _an army of men going to their death!_"

Another figure rounded a corner of the hallway and hurried over. "Go and fetch Lady Éowyn," she said to the girl as Meghan realized that it was Ioreth.

"YOU!" she screeched. "Did you help him brew that tea? Did you help him _drug me_?"

"_Now!_" Ioreth hissed, and the girl scampered away. "Lady Meghan, you must be famished. Perhaps you would like—"

"I would not 'perhaps like' to do anything! He _drugged _me with my own tea and I know _somebody_ helped him boil water. I trusted him! I—"

Ioreth put a hand up to interrupt her. "My lady, I understand that you are upset, but you mustn't shout. This is a house for the sick and wounded, and I expect quiet in this place."

"Did. You. Help. Him."

"I must insist that you return to your chamber until you regain your composure." Ioreth reached for her arm to pull her back into the bedchamber.

"I AM GOING TO _KILL_ HIM!" Meghan screamed, twisting away from the older woman.

By this point she heard footsteps echoing down the hall. A moment later Éowyn appeared, flanked by two guards and the girl from before.

"Meghan," Éowyn said in a firm voice. "This is no way to comport yourself."

"_Éowyn?_ What are you _doing_ here?" Meghan reeled, anger momentarily forgotten amidst her confusion.

"I rode as a man in my uncle's army," Éowyn replied brusquely. "I wish I could have done the same when the company rode for the Black Gate."

The ache and the fury flooded back in. "Are they too far gone? Couldn't we ride after them?"

"You have been asleep for nearly three days," Éowyn said.

"But I was going to stay with him!" Meghan could feel the hysteria creeping up her throat. "I was—I was going to—" _I was going to die with him…_

"I know," Éowyn murmured. She waved the guards and the healers away. "Come. Legolas left something for you."

Every fiber of Meghan's body felt raw. She helplessly followed Éowyn back into the small room and watched her rifle through a short chest of drawers.

"These are our quarters," the blonde explained. "There is a common hall down the corridor to the left where you may take your meals. Ah, here it is." She handed Meghan a folded square of heavy parchment. "Would you like to be alone?"

Meghan took the square and turned it over in her hands. _Is this a break up letter? It's going to be something about setting me free. Oh my god. He's going to set me free because he's going to die and he doesn't want me to stay faithful to his memory. Oh my god._

"Please don't go," she said, realizing that Éowyn had already started to slip out the door. "I don't know what this says, but I could use a friend."

Éowyn nodded and closed the door again. "Very well."

Willing herself to breathe, Meghan sat down on one of the cots and unfolded the paper. The most beautiful handwriting she had ever seen made just a few lines on the page.

_Meghan,_

_I love you. Please forgive me for giving you the tea._

_Legolas_

Meghan started to cry.

_I lost him!_ The thought twisted in her throat. _And he loves me! Oh Legolas, how could you? _She felt the pallet shift as Éowyn settled next to her, then one of Éowyn's calloused hands slid over her own. It occurred to her that Éowyn was a rare friend, the kind that knew when not to speak but offer comfort in silence.

After a time, Meghan spent all her tears. She sucked in a shuddery breath and scrubbed the salt from her eyes. At that moment her stomach grumbled and she tried to laugh a watery laugh.

Éowyn smiled. "I am hungry as well. Perhaps a bite to eat would put us both in better spirits."

The commissary was different than the one Legolas and Meghan had been to, but it still reminded her of their simple meal there. Éowyn did not seem to want to talk, so they ate in silence. Meghan spent the time regathering her frayed nerves. She felt like she had shattered. All she wanted to do was stitch herself back together, but she couldn't hang on to all the pieces at the same time.

"Éowyn," she burst out, "couldn't we follow them? Surely two people can travel faster than a whole army, even with a three day lead."

"There are no horses fit to ride," Éowyn replied. "Only unbroken yearlings and old carthorses."

_We could go on foot,_ Meghan thought, but she didn't say it.

Éowyn reached across the rough wooden table to put a hand over Meghan's again. "There is nothing to be done. We can only wait."

"Oh," Meghan said. They both went back to their food.

"Meghan," Éowyn said after a moment. "I hope you know that you will always have a home at Edoras."

_She means if they all die._

"Thank you," Meghan said, tears welling into her eyes. _No, I'm not going to cry anymore._

They spent the rest of the afternoon wandering the halls of the Houses of Healing. Neither particularly wanted to talk, and nobody spoke to them. Meghan decided to never become a ghost.

The next three days were much the same, except most of the time Meghan was alone. Even though she shared a chamber with Éowyn, the blonde always rose much earlier than she did. Meghan soon discovered that she was allowed to leave the Houses, so she sometimes roamed as far as the third level of the city. Hardly anyone even looked at her, let alone tried to talk. Everyone seemed too wrapped in their own grief to see anything else.

On the fourth day, Meghan drifted into the main hall of the Houses of Healing. It was something of a common room, courtyard, and family den all on one. Those that were not confined to their beds came there to read or dice or talk. Meghan had avoided it so far because she didn't like the crowd, but by then she wanted company.

When she got there she saw Éowyn talking with a tall, ginger-haired man. His back was to Meghan, so she could only just see the side of his face. She hung back to watch them. _Éowyn seems so… at ease_. A moment later, the blonde laughed quietly at something the man said.

Just then Ioreth bustled over and said something to him that made him nod and take his leave of Éowyn. As he turned away, Meghan got a glimpse of him. _He has kind eyes,_ she decided as she hurried over to Éowyn.

"Who was that?" Meghan asked, trying to be casual so as not to spook Éowyn.

"His name is Faramir," Éowyn replied. "He is the Steward of the city."

"Why is he here?"

"He did not say." She stared in the direction that he had walked, a far away look on her face – and perhaps just the faintest suggestion of a smile.

"Oh Éowyn," Meghan said with an involuntary little hop. "He's really cute. Did you get his number? Wait, how does that… do you have like carrier pigeons or something?"

"I hardly think he is _cute_," Éowyn said, looking startled.

"Handsome, I meant handsome." Meghan giggled. _She probably thinks "cute" is just meant for babies and kittens._

The next morning, Meghan found Faramir and Éowyn talking again. This time she just smiled and turned around, hoping they wouldn't be interrupted like the day before. Instead she hunted down Ioreth.

The older woman looked wary when Meghan cornered her. "Do you intend to throw another tantrum?" Ioreth asked with a sniff.

"No," Meghan said, the heat rising to her face. "I know you thought you were being kind when you helped him make the tea. I just… I can't…"

Ioreth took pity on her. "Come come, child. You have had plenty of rest, perhaps some hard work will turn your thoughts away from those things."

"Thank you," Meghan sighed in relief. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I'm no good with blood but there's got to be _something_ I can do to help."

"Oh, there is always work to be done in the Houses of Healing, so long as you do not mind roughening those dainty Elvish hands of yours."

Meghan decided that Gimli and Ioreth would get along like a house on fire, until she remembered that Gimli and the rest were not coming back. "No, I don't mind," she said.

From that point on, she became charwoman, dishwasher, sous chef, busboy, and handyman. There seemed to be no end to the jobs Ioreth could find for her. She scrubbed pots and ran errands and diced potatoes until her shoulders tightened into knots that would make a sailor proud. It felt so much better than aimlessly wandering.

On the eighth day, she was jarred awake by the blasting of trumpets. The sound was dimmed by the thick walls of her room, but even so, Meghan could hear at least a dozen individual horns.

_They're coming back!_ she thought with, a thrill racing up her back the same time as her stomach dropped.

Éowyn had already bolted halfway to the door. "So soon!" she said in a concerned voice.

Together, they hurried through the halls toward the main entrance. Meghan's heart was in her throat, in her toes, in the clouds – but her mind seemed to be stuck in a loop. _Is he alive is he alive is he alive?_ She couldn't get outside fast enough. The walls of the Houses of Healing were crushing her.

They finally made it out into the courtyard. It was chaos. Three impossibly huge eagles were screaming at over a dozen archers that circled warily around them, while Gandalf – _Gandalf?_ – shouted overtop the din.

"Stay, stay!" he bellowed. "Do not loose your arrows! These are Gwaihir's kin. Make way for the Ringbearers!"

The archers lowered their bows uncertainly. The eagles stopped screaming uncertainly. Meghan looked at Éowyn uncertainly. Then one of the eagles spread its wings, revealing two tiny, huddled shapes on the ground.

_Hobbits!_ Meghan surged forward, irrationally certain that one was Pippin and he was dead. She was cut off by an army of healers that suddenly gushed into the courtyard as soon as the eagles ceased to be an immediate threat. At least ten grey-garbed women swarmed around the Halflings, quickly moving them to roughspun stretchers. The charge was led by none other than Ioreth, shouting orders like a true soldier.

"Steady with them, now! Bring them to the northern wing. You, Calima! Fetch hot water and more of that athelas. What ails them?" This last was directed at Gandalf, who looked like he was a thousand years old.

"They walked from the Shire to Mount Doom, woman!" Gandalf exploded.

Ioreth was entirely unperturbed as she followed her two tiny patients. "Be that as it may, I shall require more specifics if I am to treat…" Her voice faded away as the entire procession disappeared into the Houses of Healing. After a moment, all the remained in the courtyard were the eagles, the archers, and Meghan and Éowyn.

"So the army isn't back," Meghan said.

"No, my lady," one of the archers said helpfully.

At that, the biggest eagle gave one great, echoing _caw_ and the three of them swept into the sky. Their wings churned the air into a windstorm, swirling Meghan's hair into her face. She didn't care. The army wasn't back.

It was two days until she could talk to Gandalf. Everyone seemed to need him, and she couldn't be selfish. Frodo was still unconscious, and Sam weak and malnourished. Everyone in the Houses tread softly and willed them to health. Meanwhile, the city rejoiced. Sauron had fallen! The darkness over! A new age for Middle earth!

Finally, Meghan saw an opportunity. It was late, past moonrise. She had been prowling the hallways, unable to sleep, when she tiptoed to Frodo's door. Hunched beside the Hobbit's bed was the old wizard, perhaps asleep, but likely not. She slipped in the door.

"Melethriel," he said in his deep growly voice. _I forgot all about that terrible Elvish name,_ she thought.

"Gandalf, I—" Now that it came down to it, she didn't know how to ask. _In all the pandemonium of the battle, did you happen to notice if Legolas was alright?_ It tasted silly.

"My dear," he said, turning toward her. His face was kind, and tired. "I am sorry. A wizard I may be, but I cannot tell you what befell any of our companions after the eagles arrived."

She could feel the tears forming in her eyes. "But he was alright," she whispered. "Before the eagles came."

"Who?" Gandalf's eyebrows drew together.

"Legolas." She snuffled.

"Ah," he said in a pleased, sing-song sigh. "So that tree _did_ take root. Yes, Melethriel, Legolas was quite well the last I saw him."

Meghan tried to grab her soaring spirits before they raced away from her. After all, Gandalf made no promises about the battle _after_ the eagles had flown him away to rescue the Hobbits. But _quite well!_ The words were a balm. She sucked in a deep breath.

Gandalf had turned back to Frodo, who looked like a small shadow against the white sheets. He still hadn't woken.

"Will Frodo be alright?" she asked.

"He is drawing back from the darkness," Gandalf said thoughtfully. "Though I do not know that he will ever be _alright_ again."

Meghan saw that the wizard was sinking into his contemplations again, so she crept back to her own room. Éowyn was asleep, something of a small smile on her face. Meghan wondered if a certain Steward of the Citadel had anything to do with that. The thought made her smile, too.

Six days later, the horns blew again.

* * *

07.23.12


	38. Is This a Kissing Book?

**Author's Note**: Happy holidays to all! I love each and every one of you. :)

* * *

_**Super Brief Recap:**__ The army is returning for real this time._

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT** – _Is This a Kissing Book?_

Meghan had the good sense not to simply drop the crock of butter in her hands. Instead, she threw it in the general direction of the countertop and then bolted out of the kitchens. She could just hear the crock shattering but what was butter when there were returning heroes at the gates?

She took the steps two at a time. It sounded like every horn in the city was blaring, from the great warhorns to the smallest child's toy. The immensity of the noise level grew as she emerged into the open air. The courtyard was filled with children, laughing and screaming and whooping at each other. Meghan hurried through the crowd of them. She realized that she didn't know where to go. The gates? Those were all the way on the bottommost level, and she was at the top.

"Melethriel!" There was Gandalf, his robes swishing imperiously about him. "Come this way. You will be amongst Faramir's party."

"I don't want to go to a party, Gandalf!" Meghan shouted over the noise.

"It is not a _party_," Gandalf replied, the eye-roll evident in his voice. "It is a place of honour in the delegation that will receive the King."

"WHAT KING?" _If this is another false alarm and it's not Legolas and the rest, I am going to scream._

"Do you care to discuss Gondor's line of succession here in the courtyard, or would it please you to _follow_ me so that we might make our way to the gates?"

A part of Meghan wanted to give Gandalf a piece of her mind regarding his unnecessary sass, but a much much bigger part needed to find Legolas as quickly as possible. So she huffed disdainfully and marched after him.

She followed him to the same great throne room that the Last Council had met in. There Meghan saw Éowyn and Faramir standing close together, talking in low, happy voices. Several other official-looking people were milling about, but Meghan didn't know who they were. She was so impatient to go that she felt like stamping her foot and screaming.

"Samwise did not wish to come," Gandalf said. "He will stay near Frodo until he wakes."

"Then we shall go," Faramir announced, and headed for the door. The group fell in behind him, and Meghan found herself next to Éowyn. They hadn't really seen much of each other the past few weeks, except for a few brief conversations before they went to sleep. Meghan had it on good authority (the healers gossiped most shockingly) that Éowyn and Faramir spent most of their time together, and she was quite content to let that progress without her interference.

Still, she was grateful that Éowyn chose to walk with her, even though neither said anything. Just having a friend nearby while her heart was leaping and bounding and sinking helped Meghan keep breathing as the procession wended through the city streets and finally down to the main gates at ground-level.

At first Meghan thought that only their party would go out, but she soon realized that anyone who could walk was pouring out behind them. The entire city was emptying to welcome their heroes home.

It wasn't long before she could make out the army returning across the field. At the front was a tall, dark-haired man in black and silver attire. _Wait, is that… Aragorn?_ He looked so different, even at that distance.

And there, beside him, was golden Legolas, still beautiful and perfect and very uninjured. She wanted to fly to him, to scream at him, to kiss him. He had already found her with his eyes, and there was something in them that sent a delicious shiver up her spine.

But there was a solemnity in the moment that she knew she couldn't break. Even now the two parties had gotten close enough that they stopped, facing each other. She realized that if she didn't distract herself with something, she would probably end up tearing Legolas off his horse and dissolving into tears. The twenty or so feet between them was simultaneously too far and too near. To be so close but unable to interact was torment.

She dragged her eyes away, forcing her attention to the scene at hand. Aragorn had dismounted, and Faramir stepped a little farther forward and knelt.

"The last Steward of Gondor begs leave to surrender his office," Faramir said.

Aragorn drew him to his feet. "That office is not ended, and it shall be yours and your heirs' as long as my line shall last."

Faramir turned to address the people of the city behind him. "Men of Gondor, hear now the Steward of this realm! Behold, one has come to claim the kingship again at last. Here is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. Shall he be king and enter into the city and dwell there?"

The crowd erupted in a roar of approval, and just like that the invisible barrier was lifted. The two sides melted into each other, husbands and wives and siblings and mothers and children finding each other to meet for the first time in a world free from the oppression of Sauron. It was chaos, and it was glorious.

Legolas had dismounted and was pushing through the masses toward her. Meghan felt her stomach drop away, then rush into her throat. _Why am I so nervous?_ she wondered, wishing that she had changed out of her grubby cleaning clothes. _Don't be ridiculous! You're supposed to be angry with him for leaving you!_

Now he was in front of her, and he grasped her shoulders, pulling her to him. Suddenly Meghan found herself being kissed so thoroughly that her rational thoughts skittered round and around in her head until she brushed them away and let the warm, melty thoughts take their place.

And then she sneezed.

It was the explosive sort of sneeze, too – the kind that comes out almost like a scream and makes your ribcage burn.

"I'm so sorry," she gasped, clamping both hands over her mouth just in case she sneezed again.

Legolas looked shaken. "Are you feeling quite well?"

"I think I might be allergic to you," Meghan replied.

"Impossible," was all he said before leaning in for another kiss.

It took her a long moment to come back to her senses, but presently she pushed him away. "Hang on a second, I am not just going to melt into your arms like a Disney princess," she said. "You drugged me and then ran off to a battle and left me back here to worry myself sick. I think you should apologize."

He looked sheepish and puzzled at the same time. "That _was_ my apology."

"Oh." Meghan thought about it and crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't forgive you."

"In that case…" He put his arms around her waist, drawing her flush to his body. "Will," he dropped a kiss on her forehead, "you..." Another on the tip of her nose. "Forgive," on her cheek, just at the corner of her mouth, "me?" and one last kiss on the other cheek.

Meghan wasn't sure if she was still breathing._ He is the cheesiest thing since Velveeta and it is all _working_ on me! Oh my god he knows it, too… he's practically laughing at me!_ And she had no other choice but to kiss the smirk right off his face.

"Have you two children had quite enough?" came Gimli's gruff voice.

Meghan was so startled that she instinctively jerked away. Gimli burst into hearty laughter.

"Pardon me," he chortled, stroking his beard. "It has taken the pair of you so long to get this far, I should not have interrupted."

Legolas muttered something under his breath that Meghan didn't understand, but she took it for some colourful Elvish because it just made Gimli laugh harder.

"Away with you, Dwarf," Legolas said, his good humor laced with real irritation. Gimli shook his head and, still chuckling, strode away. Legolas sighed. "He would not like to hear it, but Gimli reminds me of my brother from time to time."

Meghan laughed, then stared. "You have a brother?"

"And a sister—"

"Meghan!"

She turned to see Pippin pushing through the crowd toward her, beaming. He had a thin gash along his jaw, but otherwise seemed unhurt. He still wore his sable livery and mail.

"Pippin!" Meghan exclaimed, throwing her arms out to hug the Hobbit.

"I'm sorry about leaving you behind," Pippin said. "Merry and I were quite shocked to hear what Legolas had done."

She could hear Legolas huff a little bit behind her, and she laughed. "I was pretty shocked myself. I still haven't forgiven him."

"Oh?" Pippin said with a tilt of his head and a half smile. "So it's not all domestic bliss between you two, then?"

Legolas lightly laid his hands on her shoulders and dropped a kiss on her temple. "Perhaps if we got away from this crowd," he said in a low voice that only she could hear, his breath warm on her neck.

"Where are Frodo and Sam?" Pippin said, either totally unaware or deliberately ignoring the sudden flush in Meghan's cheeks.

She cleared her throat to get her thoughts back on track. "They're in the Houses of Healing. Frodo still hasn't woken, but Gandalf said he's nearly recovered."

"That's good," Pippin said. He quirked an eyebrow, giving them both a knowing grin. "I think I'll go find Captain Faramir. Or I should say the _Steward_ now!"

"See you later," Meghan said. Pippin sketched a bow and began to push his way back through the crowd.

The Hobbit had hardly taken a few steps away before Legolas wrapped his arms around Meghan's waist from behind and kissed the nape of her neck just behind her ear. "Am I forgiven yet?" he murmured.

She twisted around so that she faced him. "Do you solemnly swear to never drug me with sleeping potion ever again?"

"I swear it," he nodded.

"And you're genuinely sorry for drugging me in the first place?"

"I am."

"Well, in that case, I suppose—"

"Meghan!" That sharp voice could only belong to one person.

Legolas sighed, resting his forehead against Meghan's with another whispered profanity in Elvish as Ioreth bustled up.

"There you are, child," the healer said with her usual business-like air. "I see you have reunited with your young man. Well, there will be leisure for that later. Meanwhile we have much work to do."

"But Ioreth—" Meghan started.

Ioreth waved her hand impatiently. "No time for excuses. For every healthy man you see, there are two wounded in the rearguard. We have until nightfall at the latest before they begin to arrive."

Meghan was having a hard time letting go of Legolas. "Could I have five more minutes?" she faltered. "I've only just gotten him back."

"Do you suppose that you are the only woman that has _only just_ seen her beloved again? You have already had five more minutes than some. It is time for good work."

"Go," Legolas said. "I will come find you after."

"You look in need of a good wash," Ioreth interjected with a sniff. "Come along, Meghan."

One more kiss, and Meghan dragged herself away. By then some of the crowd was beginning to trickle back into the city. Most of those returning were workers like Meghan, women hastening to ready the city for the influx of survivors and wounded.

Despite a renewed workaday spirit, the overwhelming sense of festivity carried Meghan up the city streets and back into the Houses of Healing. As she set to making up fresh beds for the wounded, she heard some of the women singing while they worked.

She spent the rest of the morning flying from one job to the next. Each time she thought it was her last task, Ioreth seemed to find something new. "Roll these bandages," she would say, and then "Sweep up that mess in the kitchens, it seems that someone has broken a butter crock."

"If I had gone with the army, I wouldn't have to work under this dictatorship," Meghan muttered to herself after yet another assignment.

"If you had gone with the army, you would be dead," Ioreth called after her calmly.

Finally, as the sun started to melt into the horizon and Meghan started to melt into despair, Ioreth released her. "Go now, child. That is quite enough work for one day. I shall expect to see you at the usual time tomorrow morning."

"Morning?" Meghan quailed.

Ioreth gave her an appraising look. "You are a worker in the Houses of Healing now. If ever we are needed, it is in this hour."

"Of course," Meghan replied, resigning herself to the reality that she had accidentally become an indentured servant to a maniacal overlord.

"You'd best hurry to the common hall," Ioreth said. "I heard rumors of a young Elf prince asking after you there."

Meghan could literally feel the knots loosening in her shoulders as her troubles melted away. She crushed Ioreth in a sudden embrace, and then ran.

* * *

Just to clarify this is not the ending! There's probably two more chapters in this fic - and keep your eyes peeled for breaking news about the life and times of Meghan Whimblesby _after_ the end of this. ;)

11.23.12


	39. Long Walks and Lots of Talk

**Author's Note:** Here's a new chapter just in time for Valentine's Day! (Or slightly late for Valentine's Day if you live on the opposite side of the world.) Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful day filled with love. :)

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**Super Brief Recap:** _The army has returned and despite having to work in the Houses of Healing, Meghan has finally finished her shift and is going to meet Legolas. Yay!_

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE** – _Long Walks and Lots of Talk_

Their first order of business was, of course, a kiss. This kiss was short and sweet instead of the long and scorching one that she wanted, because they were in the common hall of the Houses of Healing. Then they just smiled at each other for a moment in the way that lovers do.

"How was your day?" Legolas asked, folding her hand into his own and leading her outside.

"Rather long," she replied with a thrill at his touch. "Ioreth runs a tight ship. What did you do today?"

"We spent much of the day in council. Aragorn, Mithrandir, Éomer, and Faramir had matters of state to address, and they requested that Gimli and I remain with them, perhaps as a courtesy to our own peoples. To be truthful, I do not believe that my presence was necessary. Gimli had many ideas for the restoration of the city, but I know little of masonry or stonework."

By then, they had walked outside the Houses and were now wandering the streets of Minas Tirith, hand in hand. Dusk had evaporated into a cool, clean evening. Meghan felt the crisp night air seep through her clothes and wondered if she could possibly be happier.

"I spoke with Faramir for a few moments," Legolas continued. "He had some remarkable thoughts about one of Gondor's provinces in the east, called Ithilien. It is close to the dark land but he tells me that it is very beautiful. He intends to take up residence there after the coronation."

"Coronation?" Meghan asked.

"Aragorn's. I believe he will wait until mid summer. There is much still to be done before he will deem the time ready."

"Legolas…" Meghan trailed off, unsure about how to phrase her question. "What are you going to do now? Are you going to stay here in Gondor, or are you going to back to your home?"

He stopped and drew her around to face him. "I will go where you go," he said, tangling a hand into her hair and pressing his forehead against hers. "Ever have I asked you to stay or to go or to wait for me. Now it is time that I follow you."

Meghan breathed in the scent of him, and decided that he smelled like autumn and spring at the same time. "Let's stay for Aragorn's coronation, then. I've never been to a coronation before. After that we can decide what's next."

"Anywhere you want to go," he said.

They were very close now, close enough for her to feel his warm breath ghosting across her face – close enough to feel the heat of his body radiating against her own. She tilted her head up _just so_, and that was enough. At first the kiss was a question – _may I?_ – but then, as she opened her lips to answer him, it turned into a sentence, a paragraph, a story.

His hands felt like butterfly wings against her cheek and in her hair, and through the gentleness of his touch Meghan was struck by the profundity of his love for her. There was a tension across his body that she knew was because of how much he wanted her, but at the same time she sensed his restraint and willingness to wait. Even though their kiss tasted of hunger, it was much more like a promise.

Legolas suddenly pulled away. "I should teach you Sindarin."

"_What?_" Meghan said, breathless.

"My family will wonder why you only speak the Common Tongue," he said.

She noticed that he was breathing a little heavily too, and she had to bite back a smile. The fact that he was _nervous_ and not entirely comfortable in the role of leading man made her want to grab his face and kiss him until her heart burst.

But he was still talking. "And since you are an Elf…" He reached up to trace the tipped point of her ear with his thumb. "You should know your own language."

"Legolas," she said, wrinkling up her nose in an attempt to offset the anxiety that crept into her voice, "that's actually been bothering me the last few weeks. I've had a lot of time for thinking. I guess you could say I was sort of _zapped_ here by a higher power but how can we be sure that I'm here to stay? What if I get zapped back?"

"Do you want to go home?" Legolas asked, and she saw a flicker of uneasiness in his eyes.

"I can't imagine going back," she said. "It's not really home anymore. I'm not a big believer in fate and destiny and stuff like that, but as crazy as it sounds _this_ feels like the natural progression that my life was supposed to take. Anything else would have been wrong."

He tucked her hand into the crook of his arm and began walking again. "Then the Valar may try to take you away, but I will not let them."

Meghan wasn't exactly sure if she was convinced. _It doesn't make sense. What if I'm only here for how long the movie lasted? What if I get sent back once the story is over?_ She couldn't shake the nagging fear. Still, there wasn't anything she could do about it, so she filed it away and resolved not to worry.

"Tell me about your family," she said to take her mind off it. "You said you have a brother and a sister."

"Gwaethir is my elder brother," Legolas said in the thoughtful way that storytellers sometimes begin with. "He is a very capable healer, much more than I ever learned. It takes great patience and diligence to study healing, and he has those qualities in abundance."

"He sounds…" Meghan tried to find an appropriately polite word for _boring_ but realized there wasn't one. "He sounds like fun."

"Forgive me," Legolas said, as if he had read her mind. "My description already makes him seem a tiresome bore, when in truth he is the reverse. He has plagued me with such pranks and mischief that you would hardly believe him to be an adult, let alone the heir of my father's kingdom. His humor is, at times, not unlike that of the Halflings."

"Oh," she said with much more interest. "He _does_ sound fun."

"My sister Alassëa is like quicksilver," he continued. "She is very young, hardly more than two hundred years old."

Meghan swallowed. _I'm hardly more than two decades old, you cradle robber._

"She is what is perhaps called high-tempered, but there is also a gentleness and tranquility in her that runs very deep. Even so, more than anything else she loves to laugh."

"Why didn't you ever mention them?" Meghan asked, slipping her free hand onto Legolas' arm so that she walk a little closer to him.

"I missed them too much," he replied quietly. "Even now it is difficult to speak of them. We were very rarely parted, even into our adulthood."

"What about your parents? What are they like?"

"My father is…" He trailed off, then quirked a half-smile at her. "Perhaps you should simply meet my father to form your own opinion."

"That's not fair! You can't just tease about your dad like that and then leave me in suspense!" Meghan said, poking Legolas in the side under his ribs and making the magnificent discovery that he was ticklish there.

He chuckled, partially because of the poking and partially at her tone. "I cannot do him justice," he said.

"Wait, are you _ticklish_?" Even though Meghan knew it was immature, a childlike curiosity swept over her and she poked him again.

"_No_," he laughed – but he twisted away a little, and the game was up. Meghan crowed with delight and attacked him in full force until they were both laughing breathlessly. Then the laughing dissolved into kissing and neither one said anything for a few minutes. But a moment later they were laughing again, because the night was beautiful and they were in love and the future couldn't be anything but golden.

They walked together for several hours, sometimes speaking in quiet voices and sometimes just enjoying each other's company in silence. Finally, as the moon rose in the sky and Meghan couldn't stifle her yawns anymore, she said, "I should go to bed. Ioreth has informed me that I am expected at the usual crack of dawn starting time."

"I am certain that you could be excused from these duties," Legolas said. "You are, after all, a boon companion to the king of this realm, and even more, you are a heroine in your own right."

Meghan flushed a little. "A heroine I certainly am not. I don't think I've done anything useful since I go here, except maybe make people laugh sometimes. And that's why I don't want to stop working in the Houses. It's not much, but I'm helping. Because I'm folding sheets or washing dishes, that frees someone up to do the real work of healing people."

Legolas lifted one of her hands to his lips and kissed her inner wrist in that bone-meltingly seductive way of his. "I cannot argue against your passion for this work, although I am jealous for your time."

"You could come," she said breathlessly. "I mean, when you're not helping Aragorn with reestablishing the government and stuff."

A slow smile spread across his face. "I meant to surprise you in the morning. I do not believe that my presence is of much help to Aragorn at this time, so perhaps I could slip away for a few hours to help you scrub chamber pots."

"I haven't scrubbed chamber pots yet," Meghan said with a grimace. "Mostly stew pots. I think Ioreth plans to slowly turn me into a cook, but apparently you have to pay your dues to work up the ladder."

He laughed and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. "I will help you scrub any pots that Ioreth puts before you. Consider it my recompense for giving you the tea."

"You have a _lot_ of pots to scrub to make up for that," Meghan said.

"All the better than I start in the morning, then," he replied.

Meghan saw that they had wended their way back to the Houses of Healing. It was very late, and she knew that she needed sleep to even have a prayer of waking up in time for the morning bell. Still, she didn't want the evening to end. "Let's make one more circuit around this level of the city," she said.

"One more circuit will turn into two," Legolas replied. "And then just one more, and then dawn. You may be able to stay up the entire night, but I need to rest. You forget that we have returned only this morning from a long journey and a hard battle."

"Wait, wait, I don't understand how this works. You said Elves only sleep if they are very sick."

"Elves do not often sleep in the sense that mortals understand it," he said. "We do, however, enter a sort of waking trance to rest the mind and body. It is difficult to explain. Perhaps it is most similar to a very deep daydream."

"Hmm," Meghan said. "I wonder if the reason why I still sleep like a human is because it's just a mental block. I don't know how to enter this 'trance' thing so my body forces me to rest in the only way I know how."

"Speaking of sleep…" he said with a grin.

She realized that all his talk of needing to rest himself was really just a way to make sure _she_ got enough sleep. "Fine, fine," she said. "Away I go. I will see you in the morning."

"Good night," he said, and cupped her face with his hands. This kiss was her favorite yet, because it somehow managed to say _good night_ and _good morning_ and _I will say these things to you every day for a thousand years_ all at once. She wondered if every kiss would be like this.

A few minutes later, she was padding through the hallways. Almost everyone was asleep, but there were still a few healers quietly making the rounds. One or two smiled at Meghan in passing; a gentle smile that meant, _Oh, to be young. Oh, to be in love._

Éowyn was already sleeping when Meghan crept in the door to their shared room, so she changed into her nightgown and hurried under the covers on her thin mattress. Now that she was actually in bed, though, she couldn't fall asleep. First, she went over the evening in her mind – replaying certain moments, of course. But inevitably her thoughts shifted back to her place in Middle-earth.

_If I stay here, I will never see my family again,_ she realized with a sudden pang.

Before, she had been too busy to get homesick. The constant danger and stress of war had kept her in survival mode, reacting to events. Now that things had settled into peaceful happiness, the reality of her situation struck her in full force.

_I have no family here. I can't imagine going back now, but… mom and dad._

She curled into herself as the first tears started to fall.

* * *

02.13.13


	40. The Fun Commenses

**Author's Note**: What what! This must be my quickest update in living memory. Whee!

* * *

**Super Brief Recap**: _Megs is starting to get a little bit home sick._

* * *

**CHAPTER FORTY** – _The Fun Commenses_

Meghan woke up in a pool of blood.

The first thing she did was roll over and vomit over the side of the bed. Then she started crying. Choking back tears and nausea, she peeled away the blankets to assess the carnage a little better. Her nightgown was ruined and the sheets had stained such a deep red that she felt flutters of panic in her stomach.

At the sound of her stifled sobs, Éowyn woke up with a start. "Meghan! Are you quite well?" she said, her eyes widening at the bloodbath that Meghan sat in.

"I started my period," she replied in a voice thick with misery.

"Oh my," Éowyn said evenly. She had already stood up and was now drawing a cloak around her shoulders. "I will fetch Ioreth. Meanwhile, take off that nightdress and wrap this around yourself." She stripped off the top sheet from her own bed and passed it to Meghan. "Ioreth will know best what to do. Are you going to be alright?"

"Yes," Meghan nodded, trying to keep the clean sheet off the sullied ones.

"Just a moment, then." With that, Éowyn swept out the door, just as imperious when dealing with feminine hygiene as when she defeated witch kings.

Meghan scrubbed the sleep and salt from her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. She really should have expected her period soon, but the volume and ferocity of this particular cycle shocked her. As she started to ease off the sticky bed, her lower back clenched in the most agonizing cramps that she had ever experienced. Fresh tears rose to her eyes and she had the sudden, profound urge to destroy something.

Slowly, painstakingly, and shuddering in disgust, she stripped off her nightgown and cleaned herself up the best she could. It felt like her uterus was attempting to crawl out of her body. She wanted to lay down and die, but instead she wrapped herself in the sheet and knotted it under her arms like a sarong to keep her hands free.

There was a rapping at the door, so she scooped up the long train of the sheet and trundled over to let Ioreth and Éowyn back in. _This is kind of humiliating,_ she thought as she turned the knob and swung the door open. _I feel like this is the first time I've – Legolas._

For one slow-motion moment, they stared at each other. It was just long enough for him to take in the bloodied bed, the room's general disorder, and the fact that Meghan was naked except for a sheet. In the next moment, she wordlessly screamed and slammed the door in his face.

There was a long silence on both sides.

Then, tentatively, "…Meghan?"

It took a lot of will-power, but she slowly managed to crack the door open and peek through the opening. She tried to fill the space with her body so that he couldn't see into the room again, forgetting that he was tall enough to look over her head.

"Good morning," she whispered, clutching the knot on the sheet tighter against her chest.

He looked completely unnerved, which for him meant a quirked brow and a downward turn on the corners of his lips. He kept his eyes very deliberately focused on her face. "Good morning."

"I'm afraid that I will be a little late to work today," Meghan said.

He opened his mouth and shut it a couple of times, like he was at a loss for words but scrambling to find them. Finally, with a slight clench of his jaw that told her he had formed a desperate resolution, he choked, "Do you need any assistance?"

Meghan gaped at him. "Did you just offer to help me clean up my menstrual blood?"

"Yes," he said, looking physically pained. "I know that you get sick. And, ah, blood in the general sense does not, well, for the most part it does not bother me so I thought that perhaps I could save you the trouble…" He trailed off, miserable.

She blinked a few times, then quietly shut the door in his face again. This time, she sank to the floor and leaned against the doorframe, torn between hysterical laughter and uncontrollable sobbing. _He offered to clean up my period blood. In a horrifying way, that is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. Oh my god. Oh my GOD._

She heard footsteps approaching down the hall, and then Ioreth's authoritative voice through the door. "Land preserve me, young man, if you cannot keep away from that girl for one blessed minute!"

"No wait," Meghan said, twisting around to stand up and throw the door back open as quickly as possible. "Ioreth, you don't understand—"

"Young lady!" Ioreth looked so scandalized that Meghan immediately wanted to sink into the ground for shame, although she wasn't sure why. "You cannot be gallivanting about in the presence of a _man_ in such a state of undress. And you!" Ioreth poked an accusing finger into Legolas' chest. "You should be ashamed! Sneaking about the Houses at this hour, when the sun is hardly up! Young people these days!" She threw her hands up in a gesture of despair and outrage.

Éowyn, who had been watching the scene with a carefully passive face, took this opportunity to pipe in. "My Lord Elf," she said, taking Legolas' arm. "Perhaps I might acquaint you with the Houses of Healing. I understand that you had very little time to find your bearings during your brief respite here before."

A spasm of relief washed over Legolas' face, followed immediately by guilt. Meghan wondered if his emotions were obvious to the other two women, or if she had just learned to read him after so much time together. Either way, she shot him a reassuring nod, trying to telegraph with her eyes that she didn't mind him leaving. Given Ioreth's present state of indignation, it was probably for the best if he _did_ remove himself from the situation.

"Thank you, Lady Éowyn," he said as she gently guided him down the corridor.

Ioreth, meanwhile, had bustled past Meghan into the bedroom and was surveying the damage. "Well, young lady, this is certainly quite a mess," she said matter-of-factly.

"Yes," Meghan cringed. "It seems a bit… excessive."

"Do you mean this is uncommon for you?" Ioreth had completely switched over to the crisp, businesslike mode that she reserved for patients. Meghan felt panicky again and avoided looking at the ruined bed.

"Well, this is a couple weeks late," she said, "and I never bleed so much. And my back is _killing_ me."

"Last night," Ioreth began, and paused for a moment. "Were you intimate with your lover?"

"_No_," Meghan spluttered. "We haven't even talked about that yet! I mean come _on_, I don't even know if we're formally _courting_ or whatever you people call it here. I'm not ready to start sleeping with him!"

Ioreth held up a hand for peace. "Do not think me indelicate when in truth I am only ignorant to the customs of Elves. Had you lain with him, perhaps this much bleeding would be cause for concern."

"Wait, concern? Is there something wrong with me?" Meghan put a hand on her stomach.

"No, child. You have been under such a weight of fear that your body slowed down to preserve your own strength. Now that the greatest of your worries is assuaged, your cycle is catching up. Do not fret yourself about it. Now, we must get this room cleaned up."

A half an hour later, the room was back to normal and Meghan was properly outfitted in the menstrual necessities of the time. Due to the bulky nature of the undergarments, Ioreth had brought a long grey dress for Meghan to wear. It fit a little too loose and the sleeves kept slipping down over her hands, but it reminded her of a baggy sweater so she didn't mind.

"Well then," Ioreth said. "I do not often allow this, but perhaps in your case an exception may be made. I suppose you may be absent from your duties today."

"I think I would rather be busy—" Meghan froze, a wave of cramps sweeping up her back and down through her abdomen. "Ehem, I would rather keep moving and stay busy. Just… just don't make me do anything with blood, please." She eyed the bundle of ruined sheets.

Ioreth gave her a slow, thoughtful smile. "Well done. You may turn out something more than a pampered Elvish princess, after all."

"Thank you, Ioreth, really." Meghan impulsively swept the older woman into a hug. "For this, and for letting me work here, and for not holding a grudge after I exploded in your face about the tea. You're only the third woman I've really met here and I'm so grateful that you've got my back."

"Well, to be truthful with you," Ioreth said, dusting off her skirt. "You put me in mind of my niece. I had no children, but I love her like my own. She has the same air about her that you do."

"Where is she now?" Meghan asked.

"She married a soldier of Dol Amroth two summers ago. It is difficult to travel that distance – or it was. I expect she will be here with her family for the coronation. But enough of this chatter; there is good work to be done. Let us go to the kitchens, I am certain there is plenty to begin with there."

"Actually, do you mind if I meet you in a little bit?" Meghan cleared her throat. "I may have, ah… _traumatized_ someone earlier and I should probably reassure him that everything is alright."

Ioreth sniffed disdainfully. "You tell that boy that it is a natural part of life and womanhood, not something to be ashamed of."

"Right," Meghan said, who had zero intention of spending any more time than necessary to discuss the finer points of menstrual acceptance with Legolas. "He's just a little more sheltered than you and I, that's all."

"I will give you a half an hour," Ioreth said. "Then I expect you to present yourself to the head cook. You have said that you wish to work, so you will not be coddled."

"I understand," Meghan said with a smile. "I'll see you later today. Thanks again."

Ioreth nodded and headed out the door. There was something immensely comforting about her, even though she could be intimidating when the mood struck. Meghan pushed her sleeves up to her elbows and followed her out the door.

She hadn't gotten more than a few paces into the hallway when Legolas appeared from a side passage. He looked like a kicked puppy and Meghan had the simultaneous urge to hug him and laugh at him – so she did both.

"Are you alright?" he asked, holding her like he thought she might break.

"Legolas," she laughed as she drew back a pace to look him in the eyes. "Bless your heart. I'm sorry you had to see that this morning."

The anxiety was starting to fade from his expression. "You look nice," he offered. "I have not seen you in a dress since Edoras."

"Thank you," Meghan replied, heart in her throat. _This must be love,_ she thought, _if he can make me this happy when I'm bleeding out of my vagina._

"So what sort of pots shall we be scrubbing today?" He took her hand and put it into the crook of his elbow.

"Stew pots, most likely," she sighed. "I saw a whole fleet of them last night after they served dinner."

When they got to the kitchens, it turned out that the chore of the morning was actually prepping more stew for later that day. Legolas fell to helping Meghan with a good will, even though nobody quite had the nerve to give him directions about what to do. The head cook was a seasoned veteran, not easily surprised by even the most outrageous spectacles, but the sight of a princely Elvish war hero peeling and dicing potatoes was enough to send her muttering into a corner.

The days spun out into weeks, and they fell into a comfortable, happy rhythm. Meghan spent most of her daylight hours working in the Houses and whenever Legolas could get away from "affairs of state" he joined her. And always at night they shared dinner with some or all of the Fellowship, and laughed and talked together well into the evening.

Afterward, Meghan remembered it as a time of deep contentment, despite the thread of uneasiness that she couldn't seem to shake. But as the weeks turned into a month, and then two months, and she still didn't wake up back in her old world, the disquiet faded into a dull ache that she knew was simple homesickness.

Late one morning, Meghan was steadily working through a colossal pile of sheets to be folded. She half-wondered where Legolas was, since he usually came by that time, but shrugged it away. _He's probably just busy with the coronation stuff,_ she thought. The spring was fading into a rich summer, and it felt like the entire city was buzzing to crown their new king. Still, Aragorn waited, and Meghan was beginning to suspect why.

_He's waiting for her._ She smiled, catching the corner of a sheet and tucking it neatly into the folds. _She must be wonderful, if they would wait so long for each other._

Thoughts of love and romance inevitably led to Legolas, and her smile shifted to a thoughtful half-frown. The past two months had been hardly short of magical, but she couldn't help but remember what Aragorn had said about Elvish courtships sometimes taking years. Legolas was simply _too much_ of a gentleman. There had been no discussion about their future together – or if they even _had_ a future.

_I suppose with all the kissing and such, we're practically engaged by these old-fashioned standards,_ she thought. _But I wish he would say where we're at._ And he always stopped it at just kissing. Once when she had reached up to unlace his jerkin, he smoothly caught her hands and continued to kiss her like nothing happened. He even put a limit on heavy petting. It was confusing and frustrating and it made Meghan feel a bit silly.

_I shall chalk this up to bad communication,_ she thought with a nod. _All couples have to learn how to communicate. Next time I see him, I'll just sit him down and discuss things frankly and openly._

This decision made, she retuned into her surroundings. A group of several teenaged healer acolytes were clustered at the end of the room, just within earshot. It seemed like they hadn't noticed Meghan, who was half-buried in the pile of sheets.

"They arrived last night?" one asked, grey eyes shining.

"No, early this morning," returned another, who was clearly the leader of their clique. "I heard the sound of their horns as I dressed."

"It is so marvelous that there are more Elves in the city," sighed the third. "I wonder if they are all as beautiful as the Elvish prince."

Meghan was a little stung. _So only the Elvish _prince_ is beautiful? What about the Elvish tagalong girl?_

"They should be," said the ringleader in the familiar, high school tones of superiority because she knew something the others didn't. "It is the delegation from Mirkwood, and the one of the company is Prince Legolas' older brother."

It suddenly felt like the air had been sucked out of Meghan's body in a devastating wave of anxiety. Her first, panicky thought was, _I'm going to meet part of his family already?_ She haphazardly tried to straighten her hair, then froze as the second thought bloomed.

_His brother has been here for hours and he didn't come to tell me?_

* * *

If anybody caught the silly pun in the title, I will give you a cookie. :)

03.10.13


	41. In Which the Author Is Lazy

**Author's Note:** Happy weekend, my lovelies! It's springtime here and the weather could not be better. I hope things are going wonderfully for all of you!

* * *

_**Super Brief Recap:**__ Megs was folding laundry when she learned that Legolas' brother has arrived in the city._

* * *

**CHAPTER FORTY-ONE** – _In Which the Author is Too Lazy to Come Up With a Title_

Meghan waited until the three girls giggled their way out of the room, because the last thing she wanted to deal with was their awkward courtesies. It perplexed most of the people in the Houses that she chose to work there, and she suspected that her pointed ears made them a little uncomfortable. The younger women especially treated her with a mixture of disdain and fascination that she didn't know how to handle. Just her association with the Fellowship gave her a reputation, and her relationship to Legolas was the subject of much whispering and looks.

"There you are!" Ioreth's voice interrupted Meghan's thoughts. "I have searched these Houses all morning, and here I find you hiding amidst the bedclothes. Come along, child. I believe your time here is at an end."

"What?" Meghan said stupidly. _Back to my old world? How can she know about that? Legolas said he wouldn't let them take me…_

Ioreth gestured impatiently. "The citadel sent for you just after dawn, but you had already started your duties and I could not find you until just now. Little did I know that you were buried down here with the laundering. Come along."

"I still don't understand," Meghan said, standing to follow Ioreth as she marched toward the main part of the Houses. "What do you mean my time here is ending?"

"I mean that you will no longer have time for your duties," Ioreth said. "Delegations are arriving for the coronation. You have spent long enough working as a scullery maid. It is time to act like the proper lady that you are."

Meghan glanced down at her grey dress, not feeling particularly ladylike. "Proper lady? Oh Ioreth, I'm just not getting this at all. Please tell me plainly what's going on?"

"Lands alive!" Ioreth sighed. "You are obtuse at times. Listen to me well, child, for I am not your mother and have no interest in explaining to you twice. You should have been up at the citadel hours ago, bathed and in a lovely dress, to meet your young man's delegation that arrived this morning."

"Oh," Meghan said as the tension started fading from her body. _So he did want me to meet his brother, he's just been tied up with official business and couldn't come himself._

"Well, come along then," Ioreth gestured impatiently. "I do not know how I became your lady's maid, but the least I can do is lace you into your gown. It is one of Lady Éowyn's, that dress, so mind that you do not spoil it."

Half an hour later, Meghan wore a pale green dress that was just a little too long for her. Despite her protestations to the contrary, Ioreth fussed and primped enough for any lady's maid, and even took the time to braid Meghan's hair up into the Gondorian style.

"I know it is the custom for Elves to wear their hair loose," she said as she pinned the last coil. "But your hair is not so long that it lays well without coaxing, and we have not time to wash and comb it afresh. There, child. You will not bring shame to the Houses of Healing now that you are presentable."

"Ioreth, I'm nervous," Meghan confessed. "It's easy to forget that Legolas is royalty, but that's his brother up there. _Two_ princes – I just—"

"What have you to fear?" Ioreth sniffed. "They will not bite. You are a charming girl when you keep your wits about you, and I am quite certain that your young man's brother will be glad to know you. Now away with you!"

She shooed Meghan out of the room and all the way to the uppermost level of the city, where she parted ways with a stern but reassuring nod. Meghan smoothed out the front of her dress even though there weren't any wrinkles in it, and swept into the council chamber.

The scene that greeted her was almost domestic in its simplicity, except for the otherworldly beauty of some of the players. Aragorn, Gandalf, Faramir, Éomer, Gimli, Legolas, and several unfamiliar Elves sat at a long, dark table, apparently deep in discussion. One of the Elves was talking, but Legolas turned at the sound of the door opening. As soon as he saw her, he left the table to join her.

"I'm sorry I'm late," she whispered.

"I wondered where you were," he replied in the same low tone. "My brother and his company have been telling us the news from the north. It seems that the war has gone ill with the Dwarves of Erebor."

"Where is that?"

"Northeast of my home. I believe it is where Gimli spent much of his adult life."

Meghan put a hand on Legolas' arm. "And how did the war go with _your_ people?"

"It went well." A relieved grin broke over his face. "A great shadow has been lifted from my homeland. Perhaps it will one day return to its former splendor."

"That's _wonderful_," Meghan smiled, going up on tiptoes to hug him.

Meanwhile, the gathering around the table had concluded and was starting to break up. A slightly taller, somehow older, and significantly darker-haired version of Legolas approached with a smile just as Meghan pulled away.

"Meghan," Legolas said. "This is my brother, Gwaethir."

"Lady Meghan," Gwaethir said, inclining his head in greeting.

"Hello," Meghan choked, suddenly nervous again. "I hope I didn't interrupt your, ah, your seminar." _Nooooo it's not called a seminar!_

"Not at all," Gwaethir replied easily. Either he was used to oddball girls, or Legolas had prepared him for Meghan's awkwardness. "To be honest, your entrance prompted us to conclude our discussion, but it was a welcome intrusion. We have talked long."

"I guess there was a lot of new information to exchange," Meghan said.

"Quite so." He quirked a mischievous smile at them. "Speaking of new information… this is a surprise, little brother. We heard distant rumors that an elleth traveled with the Fellowship, but little suspected that Mirkwood could claim _two_ heroes henceforth."

"Gwaethir—" Legolas began in a voice that sounded like an eye roll.

"I mean you no disrespect, Lady Meghan," Gwaethir said as he disengaged her from Legolas and looped her hand through his arm. He began to lead her out the door, talking easily all the while. "You are truly an amiable and beautiful woman, which only adds to my disbelief. You must understand that our family genuinely doubted that my little brother would ever find a spouse."

"Oh?" Meghan said, every minute feeling less anxious and more delighted.

"Oh, quite." Gwaethir nodded. "He has, since his adolescence, been rather… _clumsy_ around those of the fairer persuasion."

Legolas had fallen into step just behind them, and at these words she could hear him growl under his breath. Laughingly alarmed, she peeked over her shoulder only to see him rubbing his temples like his worst nightmare had come true.

"No doubt you have gotten a taste of his particular brand of charm during your courtship," Gwaethir continued, "but should you ever become curious about his irresistible social dexterity _before_ he somehow managed to win your favor, I can relate several truly humbling stories."

"Some other time, perhaps," Legolas cut in as he pushed between his brother and Meghan to reclaim her hand.

"I see that we must meet in secret council to discuss this further," Gwaethir said gravely. He sketched a courtly bow to Meghan. "Until this evening, then. I trust that you will be present at the banquet tonight? I rely upon making your better acquaintance there."

_Do I curtsey, or…?_ "I would be delighted," Meghan said, opting to bob into something that vaguely resembled an informal curtsey.

"Away with you," Legolas said, "before you trouble my lady any longer."

Gwaethir chuckled. "I must pay my respects to Mithrandir, and then I believe my room will be ready. It has been a fortnight at least since I had a proper wash. Lady Meghan, I look forward to speaking with you further." And with a quick kiss to the back of her hand, he whisked away.

Meghan and Legolas shared a look, hers more laughing and his exasperated. She lifted his arm to snuggle into him. "I think I'm going to like your family very much," she said with a smile.

"This is going to be much worse than I imagined," he groaned, but he was smiling, too. Then he started a bit. "You are wearing a new dress."

"Yes, I am officially off the books in the Houses. Ioreth said it's time I act like a _proper lady_. This is one of Éowyn's dresses."

"It becomes you. Any color looks well on you, but I will always prefer green."

"I don't care what your brother says…" Meghan stretched up to kiss his cheek. "I think you're very debonair." That finally got a laugh out of him.

She remembered her earlier resolution to work on their communication issues with him at the next opportunity. "Hey, are you free for awhile?" she asked. "I'd like to talk, if you're not engaged in official business."

"I am not busy. Shall we go somewhere more private?" He eyed his brother as if he half-suspected to be interrupted with more teasing.

"If you like. I just scored a new room up in the citadel, maybe you can help me find it."

* * *

She wasn't sure how it had gotten this far.

It was probably because she had her own room now. Before, she had shared a room with Éowyn in the Houses, but Meghan's possessions had been moved to a small suite in the uppermost circle of the city as a reflection of her official status as the king's friend. It was bright and tidy and just the right size for one person – or two, if they didn't mind sharing a bed.

However, at that particular moment, she wasn't thinking about the dimensions of her room. Somehow, "Let's go somewhere private to talk" so that she could pin down exactly where their relationship was headed had turned into her literally pinning Legolas down on her bed and kissing his surprised exclamation away. It hadn't taken him long to turn the tables.

Now the laces of her dress were perilously loose and she had managed to peel off his outer jerkin. His lips traced a hot line of kisses down her cheek, her neck, her collarbone.

_Are we really ready for this?_ the tiny, rational part of her brain whispered.

_We are really doing this!_ the other, much less coherent side of her brain exulted.

By then, his mouth had made it back up to hers, and she wasn't even sure if she was still breathing. His lips tasted like heat and hunger. This was a new side of him that he hadn't quite shown her yet – he had always been so restrained before, and seeing this raw passion from him was exhilarating. She interrupted their kiss for a moment to pull his silver tunic off over his head.

"We should stop," he panted, but he didn't stop shrugging his arms out of the sleeves, and went right back to plying her lips like he would die without her.

"What?" was all she managed to gasp between kisses. She _finally_ got him shirtless and he wanted to stop? The cords of muscle on his stomach almost made her forget her own name.

He groaned and rested his forehead against hers. "Yes, we should stop," he sighed.

"_What_?" Meghan repeated, except this time it was even more incredulous. They were still painfully close, their breath mingling, but he rolled off and reached for his tunic. "No, hold on, _wait a minute!_" She sat up in a panic, because she knew he was going to cover up his glorious torso again and she didn't know if she could handle that.

"I would not wed you in this way," he said simply as he shrugged into his shirt.

Meghan froze in the middle of pulling up the neckline of her dress from where it had slipped off one shoulder. "_Wed_?" she choked. "Are you trying to tell me that we just almost got married?"

"Does it not mean the same in your world's culture?" he asked, his face curious.

"Not, ah, not quite," she said. She felt like she was swimming in her dress because it was so loose, so she reached behind her to tighten the laces. "Um, actually, the act of intimacy can mean many things…" she trailed off, her concentration taken up with untangling the laces.

"Let me," Legolas said quietly.

Slowly, she stood and faced away from him. His hands were precise and gentle as he traveled down her spine, tightening the cords until he tied them off at the small of her back. Meghan had to wonder if he knew quite what he was doing – setting her body on fire, and then insisting they wait to put out the blaze.

He brushed her hair off one shoulder and pressed the lightest of kisses to her skin, the heat of his breath leaving more of an impression than his lips. _Oh, he knows exactly what he's doing,_ she thought with an inward, delicious groan. She twisted around and draped her arms across his shoulders.

"What if you take your shirt off again, and I'll just look," she said with a winsome smile.

He laughed and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "I do not believe that would be helpful."

"I think it would help me a lot," Meghan coaxed. "You can talk about Elvish marriage customs… and I can have a better visual of what you mean."

"It _would_ be profitable for us to have a discussion about our expectations," he replied earnestly, disentangling himself from her arms so that he could pull on his dark green jerkin. "But considering the subject matter, perhaps it would be best to remove as many temptations as possible."

Meghan plopped onto the bed with a sigh. "You are flawlessly logical, as ever," she said, trying not to pout. "So, Spock, what do Elves do about doing it?"

"In times of peace, it is the custom to exchange silver rings as a symbol of betrothal," he said as he sat down next to her. "The betrothal often lasts a year, at which time there is a public ceremony followed by a… _private_ ceremony." He smiled.

"What happens during war? I don't know if this could strictly be classified as a time of peace." Meghan did her best to look academic instead of just incredibly aroused.

"Elves are not married by the ceremony, but instead by bodily union," Legolas said. "So it naturally follows that when there is no opportunity for a traditional celebration, two lovers may wed by consummation."

"So…" She paused. "I just attempted to surprise-marry you, then."

"In a manner of speaking," he laughed, and stood. "I should leave your chambers soon, lest anyone believe that we truly are bound to each other now."

She caught the hem of his shirt between two fingers. "Don't go yet."

"I must," he said, leaning down to drop a kiss on the crown of her head. "You have probably observed that our Fellowship has gained no little notoriety. We cannot go unnoticed anywhere within the city walls, and people will talk. I would not have your virtue be the subject of idle gossip." He paused, the faintest glimmer of a smile on his lips. "To that end, perhaps it would be best if you wore your hair down for the next few days."

Meghan reached up to touch the soft spot on her neck just below her left ear, then gaped up at Legolas. "Are we twelve years old? Did you seriously give me a _hickey_?"

"I believe the term is love mark," he replied with a grin that somehow managed to be innocent and wicked at the same time.

"You _troll_!" She rushed to the looking glass in the corner to assess the damage. "Oh m– I'm going to need a _scarf!_ I can't believe you!" She spun around with every intention of payback, but he was already halfway into the hallway.

"I will see you this evening at the banquet!" he laughed as he shut the door.

* * *

05.10.13


	42. Legolas and the No Good Day

**Author's Note:** Oops I'm really tired right now and I can't think of anything to say except thank you so much to everyone who has helped and encouraged and reviewed and read. Love to you all!

* * *

**Super Brief Recap:** _Delegations from across Middle earth are arriving in Minas Tirith to celebrate, and Legolas and Meghan almost did the deed._

* * *

**CHAPTER FORTY-TWO** – _Legolas and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day_

As it happened, there were no scarves to be had, and without the modern conveniences of foundation and concealer, Meghan was at a loss to cover the quickly blossoming mark on her neck. Eventually she gathered all of her curls to one side and braided them loosely over her left shoulder. It made her look like a schoolgirl, but at least it hid the redness.

"I'm going to get him back," she muttered grimly to herself, tugging a little at the braid in an attempt to look _effortlessly tousled_ instead of _stuck a finger in an electrical current_. It didn't work.

She felt odd not to be working in the Houses, and for a little while, Meghan hardly knew what to do with her time. That didn't last long, though, because soon what seemed like an army of seamstresses streamed in her door and began attacking her with measuring tapes and fabric swatches.

"What's going on?" she asked as one musingly held up a purple square under her chin.

"We have received acres of fine fabrics from the east," replied the seamstress who was measuring Meghan's waist. "One of the first orders was several gowns for you. I think the blue suits her well, yes?" This last sentence was addressed to the other women.

"No, wait," Meghan blurted out. "Do you have any green?"

"Perhaps dark green for the coronation, then," the woman nodded, "though it is the colour of Rohan."

_The colour of Mirkwood, too,_ Meghan wanted to say, but they were already chattering animatedly amongst themselves about styles and seaming and satin.

It turned out that the dress-fitting took up much of the afternoon, and by the time the seamstresses packed up their samples and left, Meghan's stomach was growling. It seemed a little early to go to the banquet, but she reasoned that perhaps some of her friends would have the same idea and she could catch up with them.

The banquet hall was actually more occupied that she expected, and she glanced around the huge room in search of a familiar face. She didn't have to look for long, because after a moment Gwaethir appeared at her elbow.

"My Lady Meghan," he said with a courtly bow.

"Lord Gwaethir," Meghan replied, fumbling with the title. "What should I call you? Do I call you prince or lord or—"

"For my part, I would have you dispense with formalities and simply call me by my name," he said, smiling. "We are to be brother and sister one day…" Here his voice dropped to a mischievous whisper. "Unless, perhaps, we already are such."

Meghan's hand instinctively flew up to her neck, and she tried to make it seem natural by tugging her braid with a cough. "One day, yes. But not yet."

"Then please, call me only Gwaethir. Will you sit with me? There is much I would discuss with you."

"Of course." Meghan hardly knew what to expect from his conversation. He looked so like and yet so very unlike Legolas that it perplexed her, and his whole manner was different than what she had expected. _I wonder what they were like as children,_ she thought.

They sat at one of the tables. There was no food yet, only empty place settings, and Meghan suspected that they would actually be seated at a different table closer to Aragorn's. But for the moment, no one seemed to care.

Gwaethir fixed an inscrutable look on her. "My brother has spent much of the afternoon explaining your complex and extraordinary history to me. I must confess that I am still confused by the particulars."

"What can I clear up?" Meghan asked, tensing. She had left the decision up to Legolas regarding what they would tell his family about her. At first they had talked about her trying to assimilate as quietly as possible, perhaps giving a vague backstory of living in seclusion prior to joining the quest. But that had hardly seemed plausible, and she still couldn't even converse in Sindarin fluently. Still, she wondered if Legolas had actually gone for it and told Gwaethir the real story.

"Simply reassure me that my little brother spoke the truth," Gwaethir said with an arched brow. "I hardly believe him capable of enough imagination to concoct such a tale, but you must agree that it sounds too fantastical to be true. I would be gravely displeased to find that Legolas pulled an elaborate joke on me."

"He wasn't pranking you," Meghan said, although the image of Legolas as a prankster did not compute in her mind. "He told you the truth. I am from the future, but I don't know why I was sent here. I hope that I did well."

A slow smile spread across Gwaethir's face. "Perhaps both of you are laughing at my expense. The burden of being a trickster is that it is difficult to trust others when circumstances seem unbelievable. However, there is an earnestness in your countenance that I can hardly deny. I will believe you, and let a better judge of the Valar's whims decide the likeliness of your story."

"Thank you," Meghan said, uncertain of the proper response. _Why do I feel as if I've been weighed and measured?_

"Enough of this inquisition," Gwaethir said. "Legolas would have my head if he knew how keenly I interrogated you. Come; let us speak of other things. Surely you must have questions about your fair prince's past."

"There is one thing I've been wondering about," Meghan said slowly. "Legolas has told me a lot about you and your sister, and he mentioned your father a few times… but he never talks about your mother. I didn't want to pry, because I kept thinking he would tell me on his own. Maybe it's wrong of me to ask you."

Gwaethir's face was grave. "I do not wonder why he was loath to speak of it. Our mother passed over the Sea more than half a century ago."

Meghan had learned enough about the Elves to understand what that meant. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Was she… was she alright?"

"My mother loved our homeland very deeply," Gwaethir said, choosing his words thoughtfully. "I believe that her heart was given as much to the trees as to my father. When the Greenwood began to sicken, it affected her very much. By the time the spiders swarmed the northern borders, she had become so unwell that my father insisted she remove to Rivendell for her own health. Lord Elrond did all he could, but it did not take long for my mother to answer the call of the Sea."

"I'm sure you miss her very much," Meghan said with an ache as she thought of her own family.

"Every day," Gwaethir replied softly. "She was the best of mothers. Yet I do not despair, for I know that I will join her one day."

Meghan was just about to ask about the mysterious Thranduil when they were interrupted by Legolas' arrival in the banquet hall. His expression was serene when he entered the room, but when he saw Meghan and Gwaethir talking, an alarmed look flickered across his face and he hurried over.

"Ah, brother," Gwaethir said in a cheerful greeting. "I was just telling Meghan about the incident in Dorwinion two summers ago."

"_Ahh_," Legolas breathed out slowly, his face going completely neutral.

Gwaethir burst into laughter. "How quickly you are fooled, little brother! Be at ease. I have told none of your secrets about that journey to your lady fair, although I suspect that now _you_ will have to."

For a moment Meghan was going to take pity on him – until she remembered the hickey on her neck. "I think that would be wonderful," she said, smiling innocently. "I would love to hear more about your past."

"You must understand that Dorwinion wine is _very_ potent," Legolas began with a strained expression.

He was interrupted by the entrance of Aragorn and Gandalf, which signaled the beginning of the feast. Legolas sat down, and even though he wasn't breathing heavily, it looked like he had just woken up from his worst nightmare.

The banquet was wonderful. It began with toasts and speeches, but before long it segued into music and dancing. The younger hobbits spent half the evening teaching the Gondorians around them traditional folk songs – an endeavour more or less successful, considering how abundantly the ale flowed in the hall.

Meghan found herself carried from one group to the next; at first she stayed to talk and eat with Legolas and Gwaethir, until she laughed at Merry and Pippin for a little while, then whispered with Éowyn like schoolgirls at their first party, and later wound up consulting seriously with Faramir about the particular differences between wedding ceremonies in Edoras and Minas Tirith. At one point, Aragorn even taught her an old Gondorian dance.

By the time Legolas reclaimed her, she was sleepy and happy and ready to be quiet. He smiled at her in the midst of the party that still whirled joyfully on, and Meghan decided she would like to be smiled at like that every day of her life.

"Let's go somewhere a little quieter," she said over the general noise in the room.

Without a word, he clasped her hand and showed her to one of the beautiful outdoor recesses that was just outside the main banqueting hall. They could still hear the music and laughter, but it was muted now, distant against the sounds of nighttime.

For a few moments, they simply stood together, enjoying the cool midnight air and each other's company. The moon was full and low and cast a bright luminosity over the city.

"Legolas," she said after a while, "why didn't you ever tell me about your mother?"

He paused, his body going tense in that way that Meghan sensed rather than saw. "It seemed selfish," he finally said, although he couldn't quite meet her eyes. "I saw how deeply you miss your own family. I could not burden you with my own troubles."

"_Legolas_," Meghan chided, reaching up to turn his face toward her. "You can't shut me out like that. Part of being in a relationship is bearing each other's burdens. I want to support you and protect you, too."

"I knew that you would chasten me thus," he said with a rueful smile. "Forgive me, Meghan. Too often have I underestimated your strength and spirit."

"I hardly think that apology will suffice," she said seriously, because Legolas doing penance was one of her favourite things, and he grinned because he knew it.

"Wicked woman," he murmured against her lips just before he kissed her. As he did, Meghan noticed him loosening her braid and pushing the curls off her shoulder. She started to protest, but he insistently kept her mouth busy, so she let it alone. _I can re-braid it in a minute,_ she thought in a haze. It was he who pulled away first, and he seemed to be studying her neck. At first Meghan didn't understand.

"What is it?" she asked. "Wait – are you inspecting your handiwork?" Her hand flew up to the mark below her ear. "Is this the first time you've given someone a hickey or something?"

He laughed, looking every inch the teenage boy. "Well, I have never wanted to do so before," he said, playfully defensive.

"You…" She looped a hand into his belt and pulled him closer, so that their bodies were flush against each other. "You are a _total_ dork."

"You said once that meant a nice thing," he said as he brushed her hair back again, except this time it was so that he could twine his hands into her curls. "But I begin to believe that you are laughing at me when you say it."

"Oh my, how observant you are." Meghan reveled in his closeness, the wonderful and mysterious scent of him, the way his fingers sketched lazy circles at the nape of her neck.

He leaned down and gave her the lightest of kisses, just enough to make her go up on tiptoes to follow him as he pulled away. "I _have_ been told that I am a little imperceptive from time to time," he said with a very serious expression.

"I think you're a little imperceptive about how much I would like to kiss you right now," Meghan muttered at the ground, indignant that she was too short to reach him.

His eyes were dancing and his hands felt cool as he tilted her chin up. "My lady gives me no credit," he grinned. "I am _quite_ aware of how much you would like to kiss me." And he did just that, his lips gentle and unassuming. This time he let her take the lead, and she reached up to trace the outline of his jaw with her thumb.

"Come to bed with me," she blurted out, and quickly kept going to forestall his protestations. "Not like _that_. It's just… I haven't slept alone in a room for a long time. I don't know if I can fall sleep without the sound of someone breathing near me."

"Do you think it would be wise?" His eyes were uncertain.

Meghan laughed and pushed him back a half-step. "Contrary to popular belief, I _can_ actually keep my pants on."

"We will have to be discreet," Legolas said doubtfully. "If my brother heard even the vaguest rumour, we would never hear the end of it."

"Sounds like fun," Meghan said. "I never did any sneaking around when I was a teenager, so it's about time."

"We need rules," Legolas said. "I must insist that we do not kiss. If you attack me as you did this morning, I do not believe that my self-control will last."

"Don't tempt me," Meghan groaned, then quirked an earnest expression up at him. "Why do we have to wait? I understand that it's not _very_ normal to be married this way, but it can't be unprecedented."

"Were I but a common Elf with no expectations of honour upon me, I would ravish you this very night," Legolas said, sending a delicious shiver up Meghan's back. "But as a prince, I have certain responsibilities. If I brought you home as my wife, the people would be wary and question how quickly we acted. I want them to trust and love you as I do. I cannot bring doubt into their minds at your first meeting."

"Alright. That's fair enough, I guess, and I can live with it… for now. Are there any more rules tonight?" Meghan wasn't entirely sure how to take this declaration from him, so she decided to think it over later.

He grinned suddenly, a boyish delight for mischief clearly sparkling in his blue eyes. "There are no other rules. Go now, prepare for bed as you always do, and I will come to you when I can." And with that he planted a quick kiss on her forehead and vanished back into the banquet hall.

Stifling a yawn, Meghan hurried up to her room. It only took a few minutes to change into the soft linen shift she slept in, but by the time she crept into bed, she was yawning in earnest. _This mattress is so much softer than my old one,_ she thought drowsily. _I have to stay awake until Legolas comes._

It felt like hours passed as she fought sleep. _Should I go and find him?_ she wondered. But the bed was so comfortable, and it was so late… _We'll sort it out in the morning. Maybe Gwaethir caught him before he could get away. But I wish he could come…_

She was startled out of her half-slumber by a noise at the window, and she lifted her head from the pillow just in time to see Legolas slide into her room. He grinned at her as he shut the latch behind him.

"Did you just crawl up the wall outside to get into my room?" Meghan asked.

"I told you that we needed to be discreet," he said, blowing out the candle by the bedside.

"Hark, what Legolas through yonder window breaks, indeed," she murmured around another yawn.

He stretched out beside her on the bed, although he was on top of the sheets and she was under them. She rolled over to face him and burrowed against his chest, mindful not to press too close. She didn't want to torture him – much.

"Goodnight," she whispered.

"Goodnight, my Meghan," he replied, his chin brushing the top of her head.

And with that she fell asleep, possibly the happiest girl that ever lived.

* * *

I know I've said it before, but I don't think I can squeeze much more than two chapters out of this. Stay tuned!

07.01.13


	43. Does Anyone Actually Read Titles Anyway?

**Author's Note:** Many thanks to Amelia, who helped me work through most of my ideas, and without whom this chapter probably wouldn't have been written. As always, much gratitude to musicalsoul, who always knows what to say.

* * *

_**Super brief recap:**__ After a wonderful banquet in honor of the arrival of Gwaethir and the Mirkwood delegation, Legolas and Meghan slip away to her room and fall asleep in each other's arms._

* * *

**CHAPTER FORTY-THREE** – _Does Anyone Actually Read Chapter Titles Anyway?_

The weight of sleep clung to Meghan's bones as she slowly drifted back to consciousness. Somehow in the night she had kicked off her blankets, probably because of the balmy midsummer air – or perhaps it was the warm heaviness of Legolas' body stretched out next to her own. She had curled into his shadow, one hand splayed across his chest, and the other hand brushed against…

A puddle of her own drool?

Her eyes snapped open precisely the same millisecond that her mouth snapped shut. She stared up at him, frozen. He was watching her with a dreamy half-smile on his face, the kind of smile that a man wears when he is so profoundly captivated by a woman that he even thinks her saliva is endearing.

Meghan was unconvinced.

"How much did you see?" she whispered suspiciously.

"You are a very deep sleeper," he replied.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and lifted her head long enough the flip the pillow to its clean side. She couldn't resist that smile any longer, so she snuggled closer and hid her face against his chest. His fingers lightly found the curve of where her jaw met her throat.

"The mark on your neck has healed," he said.

Meghan reached up for confirmation. "Thank goodness," she said, peeking up to narrow her eyes at him. "It was a nightmare to keep hidden."

"I could give you another," he replied with that wicked grin she found so delicious.

"Maybe I'll give _you_ one," she muttered, toying with the laces at his collar and wondering if she could casually get him shirtless again.

He smirked. "You could try."

"You forget that I have one distinct advantage over you," Meghan said seriously.

"Oh?"

"I know where you're ticklish!"

Without giving him an opportunity to react, she attacked him under the ribs where he was most sensitive. He laughed and shuddered away, ineffectually trying to fend her off with his hands. Undeterred, Meghan rolled her body on top of his to straddle him, her knees on either side of his hips to better pin him down. He was laughing harder now, his breath coming in gasps, and she laughed, too.

Then she squealed and twisted away, because it turned out that he knew where she was ticklish too, and he ran his hands feather-light up the small of her back. "No, no stop!" she shrieked through laughter as she flopped back onto the bed, trying to get away. "Truce!"

They lay there for a moment in a tangle of limbs and giggles. As they fell silent, Meghan felt a swell of contented drowsiness wash over her. She was safe, and loved, and happy, and the sun coming through the window felt warm on her skin. But she wasn't ready to surrender the moment back to sleep, so she quirked a look up at Legolas.

"Why were you so late last night? Did you did run into Gwaethir?" she asked.

He stilled, radiating an alertness that made her think that he'd almost been waiting for her to ask that question. She shifted position a little bit to see his face better. _Is something wrong?_

"I had to track down a metalsmith," he replied.

"Oh?" she said, feeling thrown.

"A silversmith, in fact. I placed an order with him some weeks ago, but his shop was somewhat derelict due to the war, and it took him time to complete my request."

A flutter had taken up residence in Meghan's stomach. "And what did he make for you?"

"Perhaps you recall what I told you of exchanging silver rings," he said, producing two simple bands from an inner pocket of his tunic.

"I do," she whispered, then caught herself. "I mean, I remember."

His eyes were deep blue as he cradled the nape of her neck with his free hand, and there was a searching look on his face, like he wasn't sure what she would say. "Meghan… would you bind yourself to me?"

She tried not to make a silly face in her confusion. "What does that actually mean?"

"To be bound to another means…" He trailed off, looking a little lost himself. "It means – ai, that you spoke Sindarin more, for the meaning is clearer in that tongue… It is to be promised, to be betrothed."

"Oh! Yes, yes, of course!" she exclaimed, and then she laughed, because she had thought she'd been happy before but now she knew that _surely_ this was the happiest anyone could ever be.

His face broke into a grin. "It is customary for my people to exchange many words and vows along with the rings, but I fear that you would not understand the old tongues." He took her right hand to press his lips against the inside of her wrist, then slipped one of the silver rings onto her finger. "What is the custom from whence you came?"

"Well, _my_ people call it being engaged," she replied as she took the second ring from him and did the same on his index finger. "And it's traditional that the man got down on one knee for the proposal."

"Such strange expressions," he said. "A proposal for an engagement_._ I have been engaged for a dance, or for an evening of entertainment. The word is not enough – I would be bound to you, to have _gwidh uin melith_."

It still took time for her to mentally translate anything from Sindarin, but those words were familiar. "The bond of lovers?" she asked, a thrill of triumph sweeping over her even before he answered, because she knew it was right.

"You have learned more than I thought!" Legolas said in surprise.

Meghan shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. "I've been studying a little."

"I will not misjudge your abilities again," he said, then linked their hands together so that the rings were side by side. "And what comes after this proposal? Forgive me for not going to one knee."

"Well, what happens next…" She gave him a very serious look. "Lots and _lots_ of kissing."

He didn't answer in words, but instead slid one arm under her head to prop himself up. The morning sunlight spilled over his shoulders as she looked up at him, and not for the last time Meghan wondered how exactly his hair always looked so perfect. But a moment later, she was hardly conscious of his hair or the sunlight at all, because his mouth claimed all her attention.

_Knock, knock!_

They both completely froze, lips against lips, his hand tangled in her hair and her just starting to peel off his shirt. Meghan swallowed a knot of real irritation, and considered simply ripping his shirt off and pretending she hadn't heard the knock. But he was already pulling away with a worried look.

"My brother—" he began in a voice that might have been genuinely alarmed.

_Knock, knock, knock._

"It's not your brother," Meghan whispered. "He doesn't know where my room is. And listen, we're all adults. Nothing happened last night, and we're engaged now. Or… _gwidh uin melith_."

"Sindarin sounds beautiful in your mouth." Legolas grinned at her.

Meghan tried to remember the words for _let's open the door_, but she couldn't. "Come on, it's probably just one of the Hobbits, or maybe Ioreth because she misses bossing me around."

"Very well, we shall answer the door," he groaned, then swooped in for a sudden kiss. "One last kiss before our doom."

"You're such a drama queen," she laughed as she pushed him off her and stood.

"I think, perhaps, you will understand better when you are more familiar with Gwaethir's uncanny ability to tease in the most discomfiting way possible." Legolas had also risen, although he was taking pains to smooth the sheets.

_Knock, knock, knock._ "Meghan, are you awake?" The voice on the other side of the door was familiar, and Meghan pointed a triumphant finger at Legolas.

"See? Not your brother." She opened the door and smiled. "Good morning, Aragorn!"

"Good morning, Meghan," Aragorn replied with a slight bow of his head. His eyes looked beyond her and his brows rose the slightest bit. "Good morning, Legolas."

There was a pause.

"Good morning," Legolas finally replied, and he had a look in his eyes that Meghan could literally only interpret as that glance that guys exchange just before going up for a high five.

Meanwhile, Aragorn looked like he was struggling to suppress a smile. "Gwaethir is asking after you. It would seem that he could not find you in your room this morning and is now exploring the city in search of you."

The confidence faltered on Legolas' face. "Perhaps I should go to meet him," he said.

"Perhaps you should," Aragorn replied gravely.

"Pardon me for this indecorum, mellon nin," Legolas said just before sweeping Meghan into his arms and searing her lips with a quick but fervent kiss. "Until later, my love. I go to my ruin!" And with that, he disappeared out the window just as he had come in the night before.

"Is it me, or is he overreacting?" Meghan asked.

Aragorn looked out the window with a half smile quirked on his lips. "Indeed, I have watched Legolas face many foul things without flinching, yet he is reduced to a nervous child at the threat of mischief from his brother." He chuckled, turning back to her. "Tread watchfully in all your dealings with that family, Meghan. Perhaps your novelty will protect you for a time, but the day will come when you are drawn into the web of pranks and treason and tricks."

"Surely it's not so bad as that," she insisted.

"Do not underestimate their penchant for mischief," Aragorn said. "The Elvenking has been hard put at times to subdue the… shall we say, _exuberant_ pranks of his children, Legolas no less than the other two. I have known them since I reached my majority and I could tell you stories that you would scarce believe."

"You don't think anything will happen here, do you?" she asked, quailing a little at this warning.

"No, you are safe within my walls. Gwaethir has already given me assurances that he will do nothing while he is on Gondorian ground, although I suspect he does so purely for the pleasure of watching Legolas jump at shadows. Look, he forgot his boots."

"Oh," Meghan said. She grabbed them from the foot of her bed and went to the window, hoping that Legolas might still be below so she could give them back. But no, he was nowhere to be seen, and she turned back to Aragorn. "He's wandering around Minas Tirith… barefoot."

"Something must have distracted him even more than his brother to cause him such an oversight," Aragorn said with a crinkle at the corners of his eyes. "May I see your hand?" Suddenly shy, Meghan offered him her right hand. He smiled fully this time, examining the silver ring on her first finger. "It would seem that I have been remiss as your guardian," he said, "for you have been betrothed under my very nose!"

"Well, you have been very busy," Meghan said, trying to act mature until her giddiness won out and she squealed. "Oh, Aragorn, I'm so excited!"

He regarded her with old, kind eyes. "As you should be, my friend. You have earned the love of a good man, and he is most deserving of you. I believe that you both will be very happy."

"Thank you, Aragorn," she said as her eyes suddenly misted up.

A concerned look crossed his face. "Why these tears? Did you not say that you are well pleased?"

"Yes, I am," she laughed around the lump in her throat. "But I'm a little sad, too. I always imagined celebrating with my mom and dad when I got engaged. Now I don't know if I'll ever see them again."

"I am sorry," he replied gently, taking her hand and looping it through his arm. "Will you walk with me?"

She nodded and sucked in a gurgling sniffle. They left her room, shutting the door behind them, and walked through the hallways until they came to the open air of the courtyard at the pinnacle of the city. The four guards of the White Tree stood silently, and Aragorn nodded to them as he and Meghan passed. Despite her previous tears, Meghan was feeling peaceful again in Aragorn's reassuring presence. They stood at the lip of the stone overhang and looked across the fields of Pelennor.

"What will you do?" he asked after a while. "You are more than welcome in my household, but I sense that you are not of a mind to always remain in Minas Tirith."

"Legolas left it up to me," Meghan replied. "He would stay here, if I asked him. Part of me wants to stay, but I know that the Hobbits will leave soon, and Gimli will go once he's done helping with the city's reconstruction. I want to know Legolas' family, so I think we'll go to Mirkwood after your coronation."

"I have heard that much is changed in that realm with the defeat of Sauron," Aragorn said. "You will find it a wonderful place, if the stories are true."

"I hope so," Meghan said. "When Legolas talks about it, he lights up. I know that he can't wait to get back and see the difference in his home. I'm a little nervous, though… I guess it's just a lot of pressure, to basically go live with his family in a whole new place, all at once."

"You will do well," Aragorn said. "You have a great capacity to be adaptable. Think on how readily you found a place here, though it may have been simple employment in the Houses of Healing. Do not worry about how Legolas' family will receive you. And perhaps it would be wise to cultivate your own independence while in King Thranduil's house."

"Aragorn," Meghan said, the tears welling up again, "I've thought this before, but I want to tell you. You're going to make the _best _father someday."

"I hope so," he said. She was surprised that he looked sad. "The wait may be long, indeed."

Until that moment, it hadn't even occurred to her that Aragorn might not believe his love would come to him. "She _will_," Meghan whispered as a fierce, protective ache throbbed in her chest. "She has to."

"I cannot delay the coronation any longer," Aragorn replied with a heavy voice. "If she comes, she must come soon."

"When is the coronation?" Meghan asked.

"Two days hence. All the delegations have arrived but one, and I do not know if that party will come at all. The summer is already waning. It is time to receive my birthright."

"You've earned it," Meghan said. "I can't think of a better person to be king of these people."

They were interrupted just then by forceful footfalls made by heavy boots, accompanied by angry huffing. Both turned to see Gimli stomping towards them, his expression dour.

"My friend," Aragorn said, all mildness. "What has caused this prospect of calamity in your countenance?"

"A blight upon Elvish princelings," Gimli growled. "Making me his errand boy, of all things! It's preposterous! A plague take him and his tomfool forgetfulness…" Here he dissolved into Khuzdul, presumably of an unsavoury nature.

"What has Legolas sent you to do?" Aragorn prompted.

"Did he have a message for me?" Meghan asked, wondering if Legolas needed back-up because Gwaethir really _was_ flaying him alive.

"Hardly!" Gimli rumbled. "He all but begged me to come to you, Meghan, and retrieve his confounded _boots_!"

* * *

10.21.13


End file.
